Less Alcohol - October 2018 - One Day at a Time

WinoGelato wrote: »

Here’s a long post from me - since I know there are some new participants and maybe trying to figure out how to navigate a world of moderation rather than excess and I haven’t posted in a while.

My approach is “mindful moderation”. Prior to starting in this group in January I was a daily drinker, and I didn’t think an excessive drinker at the time, but when I reflected I realized I was definitely drinking more than I should. And it was just too easy for 1 to turn into 2 to turn into 3 glasses of wine, whether it was a weeknight or weekend. The point when I realized I needed to go from being a lurker on this thread to an active participant on a journey to less alcohol was a night in mid-Jan when I was at a party with some parents from school with my husband and I just kept pouring drinks for myself - probably consumed more than a bottle on my own, and ended up the next morning with a headache, a fuzzy memory, and those all too familiar feelings of regret - what did I do, did I embarrass myself, why did I let myself go too far, no one else seems to have these problems. So I decided to take action.

At first I just said “I’m going to drink less, try not to drink so often” but I wasn’t very specific. And I was somewhat successful with the help of the supportive folks in this group back in January. It was a struggle on some days and I had internal debates between my drinking brain and my sober brain. I was tracking my drinking days, my AF days and my drinks (still am) on a tally sheet next to my bed. I wasn’t drinking every day but it definitely felt like a struggle for a lot of them.

Then something clicked for me, I think around March, and I started taking the same approach as I did with tracking my food when I first joined MFP about 5 years ago. I don’t have to cut out all the things I enjoy, I just can’t have as much as I want or as often as I want - I need to be mindful, work it in, and listen to my body cues as well as social cues. I started paying more attention to how others behaved in social drinking situations, realizing that I had always been the one pouring another glass, opening another bottle - that my friends were content to sit around a table talking, with one or two drinks for the whole evening, and that an open bottle of wine can be re-corked and not consumed. I started noticing that I could drink just one glass with my meal and look forward to tea before bed instead of more wine. That on nights when there wasn’t a social event or a special family meal that I was perfectly content with water for dinner, tea before bed and using the calories on dessert, or saving them up for weekend fun like donuts for breakfast and a big Sunday dinner too. I’ve had more tea and more desserts in the last 10 months than I’ve had in years!

Once the alcohol became just another thing that I worked into my regular approach to health, weight management and moderation, it became pretty simple. I’m definitely still drinking more than those who are really committed to going AF but I feel in control of the choices and the consumption and am mindfully moderating instead of mindlessly drinking.

The reason I decided to post today after a hiatus is that I was over at the same house with some of the same friends last night, after a school event (trunk or treat). In years past I would have put some baileys in my coffee cup for the event, and then continued with wine once we got home.

Last night - we did have a Mom gathering planned and joked about needing our flasks for the event and then hurrying up to get the kids situated with a movie so we could “wine and whine” with tasty food planned as well. So in preparation I thought - well, I do know I want to have some wine with the moms later, so it’s silly to pretend I need a drink to get through a school function - plus not the most responsible thing! I didn’t bring my baileys, and I made yummy appetizers and brought one nice bottle of wine to share after we got together. Over the course of the evening we consumed a total of 4 bottles of wine amongst 8 women. I was the first one to get a water glass and practiced one of my tricks to drink a full glass of water in between every wine refill. I realized I didn’t have to pour a full glass, it’s ok to just pour a half glass and then decide if you want more (sometimes I did, and then I didn’t). It was more about the socializing and we had some great empowering discussions about the challenges of being career focused and Mom focused in a way too busy life - and the answer wasn’t “drink more wine to get by” even though that’s what I had previously believed was necessary. We laughed and ate great food, and drank a little wine, no one drank a lot. I stayed after to help clean up, having stopped drinking more than an hour earlier, put a cork in an open bottle and left it for the hostess to enjoy later.

I texted my husband to say “on my way” before I left the friends house and he said “you sure you’re ok to drive do you want an Uber” and I could say with complete confidence that I was totally good. Came home, had a tea, logged my food and drinks, and though it was a late night I feel really good this morning AND I remember all the great conversations, the laughter, the empowering strong women, the yummy food, and the lovely 2.5 glasses of wine I had.

It seemed fitting to share the difference between one of the nights that started my experience here, and the same environment and outcome 10 months later. Some may feel like this mindful moderation thing is more work than just abstaining, but for me it works well. I no longer feel like I’m trying that hard, I don’t have the internal debates, don’t look ahead to when my next drink will be, don’t feel guilty if I decide that on a Tuesday night I do want one glass of wine even though it wasn’t my plan, I just adapt the plan.

Sorry for the long post... I’ve been reading along in this thread and the sober squad and I’m so glad that so many are doing well, no matter your approach toward achieving your goals.

Heading out for a day filled with kid activities and planning for a pumpkin beer and some chili later tonight now that fall weather is here. Happy Saturday all!