New Progress Pic: Down to 133lbs today! From 190lbs

My journey has been long, slow, and mentally challenging. I've put up a few before and after pics, and here is my most recent one -- photos on the right taken yesterday morning. Before and after photos are good therapy for me, because each one gets me closer to closure from my transformation and focused on smaller changes, maintenance goals, and mental health. Because that's the hardest step, and I feel like I'm always working on it. It's hard to experience such a change and not see a huge change every day--and just learn to be okay, finally, with what's in the mirror.

The photos on the left were from my heaviest, in 2011. I weighed 185-190 lbs on my 5'5" frame. On the right, taken yesterday morning, at 133 lbs. I've maintained that weight for a while now, and have been going through the hardest part of the journey: The mental part. Body image and confidence is not anything a scale has given me. The real struggle is acceptance of my body and who I really am, not who I think I should be. I'm still working on it.

I work with a nutritionist now, and my macros are 145c, 50f, and 113p. I've only been doing macros since February, and am happy to answer any questions about them. Macros always scared me because I'm not a math person and it sounded waaaaay too over my head and difficult (I always just did calories in, calories out) but after focusing on macronutrients, I have been more full, lost weight faster, and stopped demonizing food and meals. I come from a history of food abuse, and for me, the feeling of "full" is associated with the feeling of guilt, anger, and self-hate. Still today, I can eat a perfectly healthy meal, and if I'm full, I hate myself. I'm still struggling with those feelings, and staying accountable to eat a certain amount of carbs, fats, and proteins every day helps me in control and allows me to eat more fun meals (and even have cheat meals) when I want without feeling bad, because it fits the macros for the day. It's been a godsend.

For workouts, I was doing crossfit for many years and recently am doing more varied fitness activities, like running, skating, crossfit, and yoga.

For mental health (just as important as the others), I stay encouraged with my before and after photos, I work out, I see my therapist on a monthly basis, and I have removed toxic people and social accounts from my life. I've focused on surrounding myself with positive people who want the best for me, and I them. I listen to my therapist, who is the one who told me to post before and after photos as a way of closure. And I exercise, so that I can see improvements in ways other than the physical appearance, like running a bit faster, lifting a bit heavier, or achieving another fitness milestone.