Anyone noticed people are nicer when you’re skinnier?
gallicinvasion
Posts: 1,015 Member
Acquaintances seem to be friendlier towards me than they used to be when I was fatter. Anyone else experience this?
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Replies
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Yikes, not really. You don’t want to assume what people may be thinking.7
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It’s more like observing differences in behavior (more people initiating conversation, more smiling, etc), rather than assuming thoughts.10
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Sadly we do live in a society that is very focused on outward physical appearance. However it has been my experience that the people who are like that are people you wouldn't really want to associate with, regardless of weight.15
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Yes, after I lost 60 pounds, I definitely noticed a difference in how I was treated by others, especially those who I did not know well or at all.
However, I was also more confident, friendlier, and happier myself. So I believe if you are comfortable in your own skin, people pick up on that and are more drawn to you.25 -
I think it is more about our own attitude. When some of us are overweight we suffer low self esteem, low self confidence, we don't look people in the eye, we are gloomy etc...people respond to that in a fairly low key manner. When we have lost weight some of us have more self esteem, self confidence, we smile more, we are more engaging...people respond to that in a positive way.
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tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »I think it is more about our own attitude. When some of us are overweight we suffer low self esteem, low self confidence, we don't look people in the eye, we are gloomy etc...people respond to that in a fairly low key manner. When we have lost weight some of us have more self esteem, self confidence, we smile more, we are more engaging...people respond to that in a positive way.
This has been my experience. On the days I'm feeling more confident, I'm making more eye contact and people are more likely to engage me on those days. It happens regardless of my weight.8 -
I haven't noticed any difference in how people treat me. Either I'm not very observant or people don't treat me differently.2
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Yes I noticed this when I lost 60lbs. I also noticed getting looks from the opposite sex, something which would never have happened when I was fat.4
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Much so...really does pay to be fitter in terms of opening more opportunities with more favorable outcomes for school/job interviews.2
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I unintentionally lost 40 pounds several years ago and noticed this before I even noticed I had lost the weight. Although the biggest difference was with Sephora employees so not really a group I'm desperate for attention from.9
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OP, search for the thread Unexpected results of weight loss. You'll see lots of people saying the same thing2
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Absoultey YES. first thing I noticed was after losing 50 people stopped going sideways and avoiding eye contact passing me in the hall in my office building (I always walk straight forward). I am also no longer "invisible" in stores or in public like I used to be. People and staff will actually approach, talk to and help me. I also notice people actually looking at me in my periferal vision (again no longer invsible). I have always been very aware of people around me and I have always been very friendly. I tend to engage in conversation with complete strangers everywhere I go (even just standing in line at a store). There is a huge difference in the manner people react to me now as opposed to when I was heavier. I tend to stand out because I have no fear in openly engaging in conversation with strangers. Maybe it's cuz I'm Canadian eh 😉
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Absoultey YES. first thing I noticed was after losing 50 people stopped going sideways and avoiding eye contact passing me in the hall in my office building (I always walk straight forward). I am also no longer "invisible" in stores or in public like I used to be. People and staff will actually approach, talk to and help me. I also notice people actually looking at me in my periferal vision (again no longer invsible). I have always been very aware of people around me and I have always been very friendly.
Just curious : do you know at which weight you stopped being invisible? Were you normal weight? Overweight? Obese but not that much?1 -
Some of it may be your own increased confidence. Confidence and positive vibes will make anyone more approachable.3
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gallicinvasion wrote: »It’s more like observing differences in behavior (more people initiating conversation, more smiling, etc), rather than assuming thoughts.
And your behaviour hasn't changed at all since losing weight?0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »gallicinvasion wrote: »It’s more like observing differences in behavior (more people initiating conversation, more smiling, etc), rather than assuming thoughts.
And your behaviour hasn't changed at all since losing weight?
I know you weren't responding to me but I lost over 40 pounds quickly and completely unintentionally about 6 years ago. I noticed people treating me better before I even realized I looked different. The weight loss was due to a period of extremely bad anxiety so it definitely wasn't my sparkling personality making people treat me better.6 -
Yes, they do. Random people make me compliments. This did not happen 24lbs ago...I still have 70 to go, but the more weight I lose, the more attention I get. For me, the attention starts around BMI of 31 and peaks at BMI24...4
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long_for_me wrote: »Yes, they do. Random people make me compliments. This did not happen 24lbs ago...I still have 70 to go, but the more weight I lose, the more attention I get. For me, the attention starts around BMI of 31 and peaks at BMI24...
This is interesting. I've been between 20-22 BMI for most of my life, I'm fit and athletic, and I don't get compliments about my appearance. People are nice to me, and people do look at me, but they don't mention my looks at all when they speak to me. Some older guy a few weeks ago asked me how I trained my calf muscles because he was having no luck with his, but that's literally the only thing a random stranger has said to me about my appearance in years (at least that I can remember.) Well, that's not completely true. Doctors always use words like "fit" and "lean" and "active" when talking about me. But I wouldn't say those were random stranger compliments. I do get compliments on some of the witty crap I say in the moment. I amuse some people. So there's that.
I wonder why some people get compliments and others don't. Must be something about their demeanor that makes people feel comfortable (or not) doing it. I'm actually glad people don't compliment me on my appearance, because I think it would be awkward. How are you supposed to respond to it: "I know, right? I look amazing!" (so conceited even if it's true) or are you supposed to downplay or deny it (fake humility). I'm probably a little bit (or lot bit) socially awkward and people can sense that so they don't go there.
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Being in good shape + the appearance of health = higher status
Higher status = being treated better in general7 -
Yes, I have definitely noticed it, though mostly from people who I don't know or interact with on a regular basis, such as people I often pass on the street.2
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Oh, yes. I noticed this when I lost 70 lbs and spent a few years at goal some years ago (before regaining it all and then some).
It was most pronounced in my personally most dreaded social situation: parties where I know hardly anybody. (You want me to stand up in front of 150 people and do some public speaking, sure, no worries. You want me to stand next to those same people with a drink in my hand and mingle? ...My stomach gets tied into knots just thinking about it.)
I would go in with my usual hangdog attitude of: "Of course no one's going to like you and it's going to be a disaster as usual; but you're here and you're supposed to be chatting/networking/meeting people, and Dale Carnegie and everyone else say this is supposed to work, so go walk up to those people and introduce yourself already."
Fat Me at edge of conversation cluster: "Hi, I'm Evelyn."
Person next to me: "Hi."
Person on other side, to 3rd person: "So, you were saying that you can't decide which stain to use for your back deck?"
Person next to me: "I hear the thing to do is swatch the stains, so you can see them in all different types of lighting..."
Fat Me: (wanders off towards next conversational cluster)
At-Goal Me at edge of conversation cluster: "Hi, I'm Evelyn."
Person next to me: "Hi, I'm Steve. Nice to meet you." (to person on other of me) "Jane, this is Evelyn."
Jane: "Hi Evelyn, I'm Jane. This is my buddy Kevin," (indicating 3rd person) "...Whose life will not be complete until he decides which stain to use on his back deck."
Steve: "I hear the thing to do is swatch the stains, so you can see them in all different types of lighting..."
At-Goal Me: "Really? You mean like lipstick? Isn't it tricky painting those little swatching strips on the inside of your wrist?"
(Jane laughs politely. Steve and Kevin laugh more heartily than this rather lame joke deserves.)
Jane: "I guess the tough part is getting the stain to set up nicely in the lipstick tube."
(Laughter all around. Jokes continue and a Good Conversational Time is had by all.)
This was not just once. Scenarios just like both of the above were played out many, many times.
I was at goal weight during a difficult time in my life: I was living in a city I had always hated, I was being edged out and undermined at my job, my ex-boyfriend was stalking me and my current boyfriend was slowly escalating towards becoming abusive. Plus, my cat died. Pictures of me at goal weight show me looking sad and sort of gloomily pale. I suppose I could have been smiling more and projecting more self-confidence, etc., but I really don't think so.
Also, I noticed men being nicer to me in traffic: giving up their turns at 4-ways stops, yielding at merges, sometimes even smiling at me when I cut them off. How much self-confidence could I have been projecting during those infinitesimally brief interactions?
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Yes, people treat me better. I notice it moreso with medical professionals. They're not so off-put to touch me during exams. I get plenty of people telling me I must feel so much better after losing weight which is annoying af. My attitude has't changed for the better either. Weight loss didn't remove my low self esteem, anxiety, and depression.11
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Man... this makes me wonder if I'm seriously out of touch with what's happening around me or if it's just cultural.5
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amusedmonkey wrote: »Man... this makes me wonder if I'm seriously out of touch with what's happening around me or if it's just cultural.
Well, I'm currently living in Canada and lived in the U.S. for 32 years. I will say I notice how people react/treat me because of growing up fat and being bullied and abused for it.3 -
Is it maybe because you feel better about yourself you give out a more approachable vibe??2
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Hell, I'm nicer when I'm skinnier.6
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I didn't really notice this until I lost weight but I felt somewhat invisible before, if that makes sense. I was thin/healthy until around my early 30s. Spent over a decade obese. No one really notices you that much when you're obese. I felt it oddly uncomfortable to be looked at again, especially being married, by the opposite sex. I guess I do find it flattering now to at least be noticed and not ignored completely, though I'm very much happy that my wife notices the difference and that's, quite frankly, more important than anything else.
So by "nicer" meaning they notice you're even there, yes, that's true.4 -
Maybe they treat me better because I’m happier.5
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Yes. And no, I don't think it has anything to do with my attitude changing. I'm not and have never been outgoing, comfortable making small talk or eye contact or any of that other stuff, regardless of my weight. And yet I now regularly have offers of 'Can I help you find anything?' or 'Would you like some help with that?' at the grocery store, etc. Maybe I just look confused all the time now 5
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Yes, and not just out in public. Even people I work with regularly (clients and customers, not necessarily fellow employees) seemed to approach me differently after I'd lost 70 lbs than before. And I noticed it on the backswing too, after I'd gained some back.1
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