Self Esteem & Confidence?
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lizalmp1234
Posts: 311 Member
Just curious, I know we are all doing this for better health but is anyone here also trying to lose weight so you can attract the opposite sex and possibly feel better about yourself as well. I’ve reached 30 😫 and I feel like nobody is hitting on me anymore Lol. Sorry for TMI
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If getting hit on is the only way you can feel good about your self I would suggest getting sone therapy.25
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TavistockToad wrote: »If getting hit on is the only way you can feel good about your self I would suggest getting sone therapy.
No i didn’t mean it like that and no that is not the only thing that makes me feel good. It was a general question if anyone else is doing it for the benefit of self esteem and confidence but thank you anyway for your Kind response
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I'm not really worried about attracting others these days but sure I'm interested in feeling better about myself. I hit the recommended weight range a while ago. I'm still trying to lose but it's vanity weight now really. I think I'll look better if I lose another five kilos so that's what I'm aiming for.2
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counting_kilojoules wrote: »I'm not really worried about attracting others these days but sure I'm interested in feeling better about myself. I hit the recommended weight range a while ago. I'm still trying to lose but it's vanity weight now really. I think I'll look better if I lose another five kilos so that's what I'm aiming for.
Thank you, and yes, this is what I meant. For feeling better about ourselves and a bit of confidence/self esteem. Congrats on reaching your weight range.
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People aren't attracted to people's size.
Confidence is much more attractive.17 -
My self-esteem and confidence doesn't depend on what the scale says, but I feel better about myself (as well as feeling better physically) when I can do things like squat down to pick up something and stand back up without needing to hold on to something, and those kinds of things do correlate somewhat with weight, at least for me.8
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Not so much to attract the opposite sex... But more so to help me be more comfortable in my own skin and hopefully reduce any anxiety I have about being intimate with someone.
Because in my current state there is no way I'm going to put myself out there like that.
It's obviously not my sole purpose for wanting to lose weight, but it's a contributing factor.12 -
For me, losing weight did not give me confidence or self-esteem.6
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TavistockToad wrote: »If getting hit on is the only way you can feel good about your self I would suggest getting sone therapy.
Oh c'mon Toad, cheer up a bit. Why are you always the first to strike any new post which is not "up to your standards"? Leave people be and may I suggest some therapy as well. Or just get a hobby (another one).
OP, I think being attractive to the opposite sex has more to do with your self esteem and confidence than your fitness. But since fitness can improve your confidence then it may indirectly affect your attractiveness I think.34 -
Losing weight hasn't gotten me more attention from men, but different types of men give me attention now. I get hit on more by both older and younger men. I also get hit on more by creepers. The average Joe doesn't talk to me as much now. That's just my experience though.2
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Making the assumption that you are a heterosexual lady: the man that wouldn't hit on you now but would hit on you 20lb lighter is giving you a huge hint he's a garbage person. That would also go for other genders sexualities I suppose.
Do it because it makes you feel good. If it doesn't make you feel good then don't do it. I'm 30 soon myself and have never in my life cared less what men found attractive about me, it's a beautiful time.17 -
Making the assumption that you are a heterosexual lady: the man that wouldn't hit on you now but would hit on you 20lb lighter is giving you a huge hint he's a garbage person. That would also go for other genders sexualities I suppose.
Do it because it makes you feel good. If it doesn't make you feel good then don't do it. I'm 30 soon myself and have never in my life cared less what men found attractive about me, it's a beautiful time.
Hm, why if someone likes slimmer people should be a garbage person? I'm personally put off by overweight and obese men. And I don't feel like I'm a garbage person. Am I?
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Losing weight did help me feel better about myself in the sense that I was able to buy cuter clothes that actually fit (I went from size 18/20 US to size 8/10 US), but it didn't fix my self esteem issues. I think that's a pretty common misconception. I'm over 30, too, and while guys aren't lining up around the block just for the chance to speak to me or anything, the interest from them is still there. Do you walk around looking at your phone a lot? I'm asking because maybe they ARE looking but you have been distracted and haven't noticed.2
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Hm, why if someone likes slimmer people should be a garbage person? I'm personally put off by overweight and obese men. And I don't feel like I'm a garbage person. Am I?
We're not talking obese. But anyway, I would be looking at what preconceptions I had about what I thought "slimmer" people had that went away as soon as they gain some body fat.
It's more that the mindset "if only I lost 20lb he would like me/ I would he happier/ I would be confident" etc etc etc is toxic af and stops people living their real lives. If you discard people who judge you for your bodyfat % first and everything else second you'll be a happier person imo.12 -
You know, you might be the town's hottest body, but if you hunch under the pressure of lack of self-worth, that isn't too attractive either. Regardless of weight. Chin up and don't keel over trying to please others before doing right by yourself first. It means a lot more than a catcall on the street.10
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You know, I get it. However so many games that could unfold just to catch someone’s eye, be careful if you’re working on self esteem. You may feel good for a bit, it will mess with your mind if you do this just to catch more attention.0
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Yup... i lost weight to bike faster up hill climbs and it's wonderful to race up hills fast, but i'd be a lying if i said i didn't change myself in hopes of getting hit on as well. There was and still is a small part of me that wants that attention for i was never the popular guy. In my early 30's now just like yourself and fitter than most people yet still no girls hitting on me. Also still getting rejected by the women i pursue. At this point i think im willing to accept ill be alone forever. On the bright side i can buy $15,000 bicycles without having to pay for dates or kids needs. There are ups and downs to being in a relationship as there are not being in one. Juat gotta accepted what life throws at you and make the best of it and be optimistic.3
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lizalmp1234 wrote: »Just curious, I know we are all doing this for better health but is anyone here also trying to lose weight so you can attract the opposite sex and possibly feel better about yourself as well. I’ve reached 30 😫 and I feel like nobody is hitting on me anymore Lol. Sorry for TMI
I got fitter for mostly my health, but also a little bit to look better for my husband lol! I also got him into running with me too, which is so much fun 😊. It’s great seeing him feel better and getting outside again to do things together! As far as confidence goes I’m more confident now that I’m exercising regularly because I feel like it has made my mind a little sharper, the running seems to wake me up and helps me think clearer. You’ll find the right person, just focus on being you and becoming a healthier individual !2 -
OP, do you want inappropriate DMs? Because this is the way you get inappropriate DMs...15
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To the OP: I have several times had in mind the idea that improving my fitness would increase the chance of meeting someone for a lifelong relationship.
It didn’t work. Well, ok once it sort of worked, and I will explain.
I looked great , worked out all the time, and had a wide social circle of friends who were always looking to match me up with someone. One day , that someone showed up at a party.
Sparks flew and an 18-month whirlwind ensued, during which I would occasionally wonder about the difference in our ages and his recent divorce.
My look back on the affair , later on, provided distance to see that I was so caught up in the positive attention (which I attributed to my state of fitness) that I ignored the realities of a “rebound relationship” for a guy who had been dumped by the woman he thought was the forever one.
I gained 60 pounds over the next 10 years after he broke it off.
My lesson learned, and shared - do it for yourself first, second, third and fourth. No one can do it for you.
Think about the people we are most attracted to - how much of that attraction is due to them being comfortable in their own “skin” .
Good luck to us all!6
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