How do you conquer the fear of gaining?
Replies
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@nowine4me Thanks. A number of years ago I lost weight and like you gained it back. Yes, this time I have a much better understanding of what I need to do. It just helps to know others had the same fear of gaining it back.
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Gary, amazing job and welcome to maintenance. I’m just wrapping up year two and will tell you I white knuckled the entire first year. Year 2 has been a wee tad easier. My advice..... keep doing exactly what you did to lose the weight with a handful more calories. Keep your foot on the gas until you feel 100% solid (this coming from someone who gained back 75# the first time).
Do you realise you always say "a handful more calories" in posts like these?
That's perhaps a reflection of your personal struggles but isn't universal.
I immediately got to eat an extra 500, that soon became more like 600 as it seemed I had a little adaptive thermogenesis going on.
With increased exercise and activity following retirement I'm eating more like 1000 cals a day compared to my weight loss allowance, that's not a handful - my hands aren't that big!
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By understanding that it's just part of the struggle and if I'm serious about this, it's a part of the struggle I must overcome same as any other aspect...
If I want to keep it off, I have to be able to do it through holidays, through times where I can't workout, through anything life throws at me...
It's all part of it2 -
Congrats on losing 76lbs - terrfic job
It takes a long time for the head to catch up. Keep doing what you did to lose but now you get to enjoy extra calories. Step on the scale daily/weekly/monthly (whatever you've been used to), and use a trending app. After you have several weeks and then months of data you will start feeling confident in your ability to maintain that loss.
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I second the idea of a trending app. I use Happy Scale and it really helps. I am four years into maintenance and I want to add that the fear of regaining is something that is really intense at first, but as time goes on and your mind and body adjust to the fact that maintenance is, as someone said, having a range and bouncing around in it, and going back to loss calories when you go over that range, then the fear diminishes. For me, I want it still there, tucked somewhere in the back of my mind, so that I never feel like:"Well, I'm done and I'm thin and I don't ever have to worry again." That leads to a slippery slope. I bring that fear out again when I have gone over my range and have stayed at that weight for a week or more. Then I use that fear to bring me up short, have me look at what is going on honestly, curb my calories, work out more, and go back to where I need to be. So maybe fear is more about knowing what the reality could be if you allow it? Not sure. But, for me, it's always good to have to it somewhere where I can call it up, look at it, face it, and move on to healthier stuff.7
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Gary, amazing job and welcome to maintenance. I’m just wrapping up year two and will tell you I white knuckled the entire first year. Year 2 has been a wee tad easier. My advice..... keep doing exactly what you did to lose the weight with a handful more calories. Keep your foot on the gas until you feel 100% solid (this coming from someone who gained back 75# the first time).
Do you realise you always say "a handful more calories" in posts like these?
That's perhaps a reflection of your personal struggles but isn't universal.
I immediately got to eat an extra 500, that soon became more like 600 as it seemed I had a little adaptive thermogenesis going on.
With increased exercise and activity following retirement I'm eating more like 1000 cals a day compared to my weight loss allowance, that's not a handful - my hands aren't that big!
For me the extra calories have changed. When I went into Maintenance in 2008, I had to keep my calories artificially low due to AT, but in about 3-6 months I was able to eat at the predicted amount for my age/weight. I found that out by logging food and logging my body weight. Both are equally important I believe.
A few years on, I was able to eat a good 600 calories per day more than the calculators suggest.
Then I had an adjustment made to my thyroid meds (they had been a little higher than the dose I'm on now) and within three months I had to cut my calories back to the recommended level for my age and weight.
So Maintenance calories shifted for me quite dramatically. I've always used a digital food scale. I weigh myself daily. It's a moving target for me.8 -
I downloaded the Happy Scale app and I really like the way it works - simple and to the point. I appreciate the suggestion.
@sijomial Do you just eat more of what you normally eat for the increased calories, or did you add an extra snack/meal? I'm wondering because we share the same cycling interest. Did you add extra protein, or a high calorie recovery drink/meal after workouts?1 -
I have not posted in the maintainers forum that much recently. Lurking... Kinda like that neighbor ,the one you suspect of looking in your windows, but can never catch them. Lol. I have nothing to add really. I to fear regain, but am LEARNING, i never stop really, is that their is an ideal weight and one that is easier to maintain for each person. It took me a year of maintaining, talking to multiple professionals that have far more knowledge than me, and white knuckling almost every day to start LEARNING that fact. Of course, this is just N=1 here, not everyone has these issues. If I lost 220, and my body is just complety out of whack and after a year there is no help? Well... gaining back 20-30 lbs slowly is not the worst thing. If it makes life a little more bearable and my body a little better, I am of the mindset of it is what it is. I still struggle daily with the idea and get woo'd a lot. Generally not by the long term posters. Congrats on the loss and remember, IMHO, if you lose 75 and regain 5. You still win.9
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garystrickland357 wrote: »I downloaded the Happy Scale app and I really like the way it works - simple and to the point. I appreciate the suggestion.
@sijomial Do you just eat more of what you normally eat for the increased calories, or did you add an extra snack/meal? I'm wondering because we share the same cycling interest. Did you add extra protein, or a high calorie recovery drink/meal after workouts?
A bit of everything really, larger portions, a lot more snacks, different food choices, have breakfast more often (it's an optional meal for me).
I specifically fuel more rides than I used to (I don't need to fuel rides of up to 2hrs but get a slight performance benefit for the higher intensity ones, longer rides I've always fuelled for).
I keep protein in mind but I think in terms of grams rather than percentages and it's not difficult to get enough with a high calorie allowance. High protein is a bit less important when maintaining compared to when losing weight but my exercise and age makes it sensible to have a high'ish amount.
This time of year takes a little conscious adjustment as my cycling mileage drops dramatically and I have to remember to take that into account (snacks and alcohol are the first things to prune back).
I weigh daily to keep a rough idea of trends.4 -
I don't do the trending app thing. I have a range big enough that I consider even a spike over the limit to indicate I need to cut for a bit and drop a couple. It could be within a few days that I see it really was that big of a spike and I can chill again. I don't look back at my history much either. That kind of attention to detail over time would be unsustainable for me so I don't do it.2
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The strongest tool you have is the habit of ‘logging’. The numbers don’t lie. Also, watch how your clothes fit, if there is a change with that, it is time to tighten up the calorie count. Fear is not irrational, it will help keep you slim. Congrats on your loss, that is magnificent! 4
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I think we have all been there. While losing, I developed a mindset of cutting calories everywhere I possibly could, and now I sometimes have to catch myself thinking that way and make myself stop. Sometimes I really could use a snack, have the calories for it, and still think I should skip it. I have to tell myself to just eat the kitten protein bar already.
The best way to do it is honestly just to do it. After you have been in maintenance for a while, you gradually come to trust your maintenance routine and the fear of gaining gets better. Remember that you are in control of your weight. Gaining is not just something that happens to you; it's something that happens or doesn't happen because of your routines. I'm a lot less afraid of things that I can control.4 -
You did a terrific job addressing your weight. I am finding that the work is never done because we eat every day. So I face facts every day.
CICO works for me. If I am going out for dinner, I assume hidden butters and oils and overestimate calories in my log. My phone step-counter is linked to MFP. Yes I log every day. It works for me. If I’m up to the top of my five pound range I go right back to the stricter routine that brought me to -175.
You will feel more intuitive over time. You have the ability to lose if needed. We all have to “watch it.” The fact that you posted is a sign that you are on top of the situation!2 -
You will feel more intuitive over time.
Interesting thing about that. I haven't gotten significantly better at it but I usually realize early in the day that my appetite and self control are pushing me toward some choices that won't be easy to counteract. That doesn't always stop me from continuing to make those sorts of choices (this is not an entirely rational thing) but it is an improvement over failed maintenance attempts in the past when I often didn't think there was a problem until I was up a few pounds.0 -
Just live one day at a time and log and weigh your food and weigh every day. Don’t lie on the log about what you are eating and don’t skip weighing yourself. All the data will tell you, that you are eating maintenance and you will not gain it back.
It takes some time after losing a lot of weight to feel normal. I’m 8 months into maintenance after a 75 lb loss. I do all I suggested above. I’m actually just now starting to feel normal at maintenance, not starving all the time or feeling weird or over skinny (which I’m not). I’m starting to feel like me, but I’m still surprised at how I look when I see my reflection. I hear after a year, your brain finally catches up to your body size. I’m waiting for that to happen, but it’s getting better every week.0 -
garystrickland357 wrote: »I'm new to maintenance. After all the work and dedication it has taken to lose 76 pounds I'm afraid of gaining. This is really a mindset issue I know.
The intellectual side of my brain knows to simply add in more calories and monitor my weight trend in the same way I did while losing. I know the scale will fluctuate and I need to maintain within a range. I'm familiar with water weight fluctuations due to exercise stress and increased carb/salt intake at times. I know all that...
But I still have an irrational fear. I don't want to return to that fat, former me. How have you maintainers managed the (irrational) mental aspect of maintenance? I'm sure many if not most of you have gone through what I'm describing. How do you cope?
I'm afraid too, but I don't think the fear is irrational. We worked hard and it's scary to think we could go back to our old weight. For me, the fear comes in waves. Some days are harder than others. The worst is when I start pacing back and forth in my kitchen. My heart literally beats faster, and I feel like the former, chubby me (and all of her bad eating habits) is fighting to get out. I cope by taking calm breaths. I take 3-5 calm breaths and while I'm taking those breaths I plant my feet firmly on the ground. I make a conscious effort to feel the ground beneath my feet and it helps to calm my mind and body. Sometimes I have to do a few rounds before feeling better. It doesn't seem like much, but it's very soothing and I feel more present and in control after a mini-meditation session.
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Gary, amazing job and welcome to maintenance. I’m just wrapping up year two and will tell you I white knuckled the entire first year. Year 2 has been a wee tad easier. My advice..... keep doing exactly what you did to lose the weight with a handful more calories. Keep your foot on the gas until you feel 100% solid (this coming from someone who gained back 75# the first time).
Do you realise you always say "a handful more calories" in posts like these?
That's perhaps a reflection of your personal struggles but isn't universal.
I immediately got to eat an extra 500, that soon became more like 600 as it seemed I had a little adaptive thermogenesis going on.
With increased exercise and activity following retirement I'm eating more like 1000 cals a day compared to my weight loss allowance, that's not a handful - my hands aren't that big!
And I always smile at the 'handful of calories' because MFP originally gave me 1200 to lose, and then 1200 to maintain my 30 lbs loss.
No handful for me. I am the petite, sedentary, (much) older woman though. I did eat back every one of my exercise cals.
With the above said, there was no white knuckling when I reached maintenance. I just carried on doing what I had been doing for the year I was losing and slowly dropped logging, and weighing both myself and my food on anything like a regular basis. No idea when it happened, it was just a natural process as my weight stayed stable (~5lbs).
Over my 9yr maintenance I have increased my cals to around 1600 (last 2 week curiosity log was a couple of year ago) through subtle NEAT increases.
All those years spent streamlining household tasks reversed
Cheers, h.12 -
Gary, amazing job and welcome to maintenance. I’m just wrapping up year two and will tell you I white knuckled the entire first year. Year 2 has been a wee tad easier. My advice..... keep doing exactly what you did to lose the weight with a handful more calories. Keep your foot on the gas until you feel 100% solid (this coming from someone who gained back 75# the first time).
Do you realise you always say "a handful more calories" in posts like these?
That's perhaps a reflection of your personal struggles but isn't universal.
I immediately got to eat an extra 500, that soon became more like 600 as it seemed I had a little adaptive thermogenesis going on.
With increased exercise and activity following retirement I'm eating more like 1000 cals a day compared to my weight loss allowance, that's not a handful - my hands aren't that big!
@sijomial yes, I DO realize and that the wording is quite intentional. The intent is to paint a picture for those that are new to our group. I coasted into maintenance from a 250 deficit, so for me it was “literally” a tiny handful of nuts I added at first.
Clearly, You’re special, but Upping calories to maintence — for most— adds 250 to 500 calories a day. And honestly, I think it’s irresponsible to suggest a newbie to jump directly up to maintainance calories.
We’re all on the same team here. Our job is to help each other and to bring the newbies along. And for the record, a single slice of PF Chang’s chocolate cake fits neatly in my hand, at 1734 calories.12 -
Gary, amazing job and welcome to maintenance. I’m just wrapping up year two and will tell you I white knuckled the entire first year. Year 2 has been a wee tad easier. My advice..... keep doing exactly what you did to lose the weight with a handful more calories. Keep your foot on the gas until you feel 100% solid (this coming from someone who gained back 75# the first time).
Do you realise you always say "a handful more calories" in posts like these?
That's perhaps a reflection of your personal struggles but isn't universal.
I immediately got to eat an extra 500, that soon became more like 600 as it seemed I had a little adaptive thermogenesis going on.
With increased exercise and activity following retirement I'm eating more like 1000 cals a day compared to my weight loss allowance, that's not a handful - my hands aren't that big!
@sijomial yes, I DO realize and that the wording is quite intentional. The intent is to paint a picture for those that are new to our group. I coasted into maintenance from a 250 deficit, so for me it was “literally” a tiny handful of nuts I added at first.
Clearly, You’re special, but Upping calories to maintence — for most— adds 250 to 500 calories a day. And honestly, I think it’s irresponsible to suggest a newbie to jump directly up to maintainance calories.
We’re all on the same team here. Our job is to help each other and to bring the newbies along. And for the record, a single slice of PF Chang’s chocolate cake fits neatly in my hand, at 1734 calories.
It's not "irresponsible" in the slightest to go straight from deficit to maintenance - if you understand the temporary possible impact on the scales what is the problem with it? Edging up slowly is perfectly fine but jumping up and then fine tuning if required is also fine.
Calorie counting is arithmetic when you strip away the emotion and many understand that and understand the data they see on a daily basis throughout their weight loss. There isn't one single right method to to lose weight, switch to maintenance or to maintain. If this forum is a team then it's important to share different ideas and experience not to put people in a straight jacket of one particular method is the only way.
1lb a week loss is extremely common - for the mythical average TDEE by gender that would be a 33% increase for a woman from deficit to maintenance (1500 -> 2000) or 25% increase for a man (2000 -> 2500). Personally I would call that significant not a handful of calories, could be an extra meal for example such as no breakfast to breakfast. You could choose a very high calorie but low volume food but possibly not the best choice if you feel restricted by your calorie allowance.
Am I special? My Mum thought so but she was a mad old bat so not a very reliable character reference.
In reality I'm an average sized middle aged man who enjoys exercise a lot and stays active - doesn't really sound that special. Maybe actually enjoying maintenance is special but I hope not - weight loss is a significant and rewarding achievement for many and should feel good.
I'm sorry you are struggling and hope you find a resolution to making long term maintenance easier and a lot more more enjoyable.14 -
First, congratulations on your loss. That's a hell of a number off the scale!
Second, I get the fear. It used to numb my brain when approaching maintenance. What if I gain? Everyone's witnessing a small bump in weight when they up their calories, what if I can't handle that?
So I gradually increased my calories. Slowly. Losing still. Losing another 5 comfortable lbs which would give me margin, while weight lifting.
And then my own personal solution to breach the mental barrier was to.. gain weight on purpose! Planned. Slow bulk. I'm doing it now and I have put around 8.5 lbs since this summer. Of course, fat gain is quite minimal, I'm doing it with the specific purpose of putting on muscle mass while weight training. But I wake up and tell myself to trust the process, stick to the plan, keep watching the trend, and get up there to another +3 lbs. And in the mirror there is someone looking back who is definitely more fit than she was 6 months ago, and it shows.
So I weigh in daily, I take the gain, I plan for more, and it repaired my relationship with the scale. I trust that I'll be able to cut after this - been there before, so what can go wrong, really? The body is an incredible machine. The mind as well - trust in them both!9
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