How do you conquer the fear of gaining?
Replies
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The strongest tool you have is the habit of ‘logging’. The numbers don’t lie. Also, watch how your clothes fit, if there is a change with that, it is time to tighten up the calorie count. Fear is not irrational, it will help keep you slim. Congrats on your loss, that is magnificent!
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I think we have all been there. While losing, I developed a mindset of cutting calories everywhere I possibly could, and now I sometimes have to catch myself thinking that way and make myself stop. Sometimes I really could use a snack, have the calories for it, and still think I should skip it. I have to tell myself to just eat the kitten protein bar already.
The best way to do it is honestly just to do it. After you have been in maintenance for a while, you gradually come to trust your maintenance routine and the fear of gaining gets better. Remember that you are in control of your weight. Gaining is not just something that happens to you; it's something that happens or doesn't happen because of your routines. I'm a lot less afraid of things that I can control.4 -
You did a terrific job addressing your weight. I am finding that the work is never done because we eat every day. So I face facts every day.
CICO works for me. If I am going out for dinner, I assume hidden butters and oils and overestimate calories in my log. My phone step-counter is linked to MFP. Yes I log every day. It works for me. If I’m up to the top of my five pound range I go right back to the stricter routine that brought me to -175.
You will feel more intuitive over time. You have the ability to lose if needed. We all have to “watch it.” The fact that you posted is a sign that you are on top of the situation!2 -
You will feel more intuitive over time.
Interesting thing about that. I haven't gotten significantly better at it but I usually realize early in the day that my appetite and self control are pushing me toward some choices that won't be easy to counteract. That doesn't always stop me from continuing to make those sorts of choices (this is not an entirely rational thing) but it is an improvement over failed maintenance attempts in the past when I often didn't think there was a problem until I was up a few pounds.0 -
Just live one day at a time and log and weigh your food and weigh every day. Don’t lie on the log about what you are eating and don’t skip weighing yourself. All the data will tell you, that you are eating maintenance and you will not gain it back.
It takes some time after losing a lot of weight to feel normal. I’m 8 months into maintenance after a 75 lb loss. I do all I suggested above. I’m actually just now starting to feel normal at maintenance, not starving all the time or feeling weird or over skinny (which I’m not). I’m starting to feel like me, but I’m still surprised at how I look when I see my reflection. I hear after a year, your brain finally catches up to your body size. I’m waiting for that to happen, but it’s getting better every week.0 -
garystrickland357 wrote: »I'm new to maintenance. After all the work and dedication it has taken to lose 76 pounds I'm afraid of gaining. This is really a mindset issue I know.
The intellectual side of my brain knows to simply add in more calories and monitor my weight trend in the same way I did while losing. I know the scale will fluctuate and I need to maintain within a range. I'm familiar with water weight fluctuations due to exercise stress and increased carb/salt intake at times. I know all that...
But I still have an irrational fear. I don't want to return to that fat, former me. How have you maintainers managed the (irrational) mental aspect of maintenance? I'm sure many if not most of you have gone through what I'm describing. How do you cope?
I'm afraid too, but I don't think the fear is irrational. We worked hard and it's scary to think we could go back to our old weight. For me, the fear comes in waves. Some days are harder than others. The worst is when I start pacing back and forth in my kitchen. My heart literally beats faster, and I feel like the former, chubby me (and all of her bad eating habits) is fighting to get out. I cope by taking calm breaths. I take 3-5 calm breaths and while I'm taking those breaths I plant my feet firmly on the ground. I make a conscious effort to feel the ground beneath my feet and it helps to calm my mind and body. Sometimes I have to do a few rounds before feeling better. It doesn't seem like much, but it's very soothing and I feel more present and in control after a mini-meditation session.
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Gary, amazing job and welcome to maintenance. I’m just wrapping up year two and will tell you I white knuckled the entire first year. Year 2 has been a wee tad easier. My advice..... keep doing exactly what you did to lose the weight with a handful more calories. Keep your foot on the gas until you feel 100% solid (this coming from someone who gained back 75# the first time).
Do you realise you always say "a handful more calories" in posts like these?
That's perhaps a reflection of your personal struggles but isn't universal.
I immediately got to eat an extra 500, that soon became more like 600 as it seemed I had a little adaptive thermogenesis going on.
With increased exercise and activity following retirement I'm eating more like 1000 cals a day compared to my weight loss allowance, that's not a handful - my hands aren't that big!
And I always smile at the 'handful of calories' because MFP originally gave me 1200 to lose, and then 1200 to maintain my 30 lbs loss.
No handful for me. I am the petite, sedentary, (much) older woman though. I did eat back every one of my exercise cals.
With the above said, there was no white knuckling when I reached maintenance. I just carried on doing what I had been doing for the year I was losing and slowly dropped logging, and weighing both myself and my food on anything like a regular basis. No idea when it happened, it was just a natural process as my weight stayed stable (~5lbs).
Over my 9yr maintenance I have increased my cals to around 1600 (last 2 week curiosity log was a couple of year ago) through subtle NEAT increases.
All those years spent streamlining household tasks reversed
Cheers, h.12 -
Gary, amazing job and welcome to maintenance. I’m just wrapping up year two and will tell you I white knuckled the entire first year. Year 2 has been a wee tad easier. My advice..... keep doing exactly what you did to lose the weight with a handful more calories. Keep your foot on the gas until you feel 100% solid (this coming from someone who gained back 75# the first time).
Do you realise you always say "a handful more calories" in posts like these?
That's perhaps a reflection of your personal struggles but isn't universal.
I immediately got to eat an extra 500, that soon became more like 600 as it seemed I had a little adaptive thermogenesis going on.
With increased exercise and activity following retirement I'm eating more like 1000 cals a day compared to my weight loss allowance, that's not a handful - my hands aren't that big!
@sijomial yes, I DO realize and that the wording is quite intentional. The intent is to paint a picture for those that are new to our group. I coasted into maintenance from a 250 deficit, so for me it was “literally” a tiny handful of nuts I added at first.
Clearly, You’re special, but Upping calories to maintence — for most— adds 250 to 500 calories a day. And honestly, I think it’s irresponsible to suggest a newbie to jump directly up to maintainance calories.
We’re all on the same team here. Our job is to help each other and to bring the newbies along. And for the record, a single slice of PF Chang’s chocolate cake fits neatly in my hand, at 1734 calories.12 -
Gary, amazing job and welcome to maintenance. I’m just wrapping up year two and will tell you I white knuckled the entire first year. Year 2 has been a wee tad easier. My advice..... keep doing exactly what you did to lose the weight with a handful more calories. Keep your foot on the gas until you feel 100% solid (this coming from someone who gained back 75# the first time).
Do you realise you always say "a handful more calories" in posts like these?
That's perhaps a reflection of your personal struggles but isn't universal.
I immediately got to eat an extra 500, that soon became more like 600 as it seemed I had a little adaptive thermogenesis going on.
With increased exercise and activity following retirement I'm eating more like 1000 cals a day compared to my weight loss allowance, that's not a handful - my hands aren't that big!
@sijomial yes, I DO realize and that the wording is quite intentional. The intent is to paint a picture for those that are new to our group. I coasted into maintenance from a 250 deficit, so for me it was “literally” a tiny handful of nuts I added at first.
Clearly, You’re special, but Upping calories to maintence — for most— adds 250 to 500 calories a day. And honestly, I think it’s irresponsible to suggest a newbie to jump directly up to maintainance calories.
We’re all on the same team here. Our job is to help each other and to bring the newbies along. And for the record, a single slice of PF Chang’s chocolate cake fits neatly in my hand, at 1734 calories.
It's not "irresponsible" in the slightest to go straight from deficit to maintenance - if you understand the temporary possible impact on the scales what is the problem with it? Edging up slowly is perfectly fine but jumping up and then fine tuning if required is also fine.
Calorie counting is arithmetic when you strip away the emotion and many understand that and understand the data they see on a daily basis throughout their weight loss. There isn't one single right method to to lose weight, switch to maintenance or to maintain. If this forum is a team then it's important to share different ideas and experience not to put people in a straight jacket of one particular method is the only way.
1lb a week loss is extremely common - for the mythical average TDEE by gender that would be a 33% increase for a woman from deficit to maintenance (1500 -> 2000) or 25% increase for a man (2000 -> 2500). Personally I would call that significant not a handful of calories, could be an extra meal for example such as no breakfast to breakfast. You could choose a very high calorie but low volume food but possibly not the best choice if you feel restricted by your calorie allowance.
Am I special? My Mum thought so but she was a mad old bat so not a very reliable character reference.
In reality I'm an average sized middle aged man who enjoys exercise a lot and stays active - doesn't really sound that special. Maybe actually enjoying maintenance is special but I hope not - weight loss is a significant and rewarding achievement for many and should feel good.
I'm sorry you are struggling and hope you find a resolution to making long term maintenance easier and a lot more more enjoyable.14 -
First, congratulations on your loss. That's a hell of a number off the scale!
Second, I get the fear. It used to numb my brain when approaching maintenance. What if I gain? Everyone's witnessing a small bump in weight when they up their calories, what if I can't handle that?
So I gradually increased my calories. Slowly. Losing still. Losing another 5 comfortable lbs which would give me margin, while weight lifting.
And then my own personal solution to breach the mental barrier was to.. gain weight on purpose! Planned. Slow bulk. I'm doing it now and I have put around 8.5 lbs since this summer. Of course, fat gain is quite minimal, I'm doing it with the specific purpose of putting on muscle mass while weight training. But I wake up and tell myself to trust the process, stick to the plan, keep watching the trend, and get up there to another +3 lbs. And in the mirror there is someone looking back who is definitely more fit than she was 6 months ago, and it shows.
So I weigh in daily, I take the gain, I plan for more, and it repaired my relationship with the scale. I trust that I'll be able to cut after this - been there before, so what can go wrong, really? The body is an incredible machine. The mind as well - trust in them both!9 -
SabAteNine wrote: »First, congratulations on your loss. That's a hell of a number off the scale!
Second, I get the fear. It used to numb my brain when approaching maintenance. What if I gain? Everyone's witnessing a small bump in weight when they up their calories, what if I can't handle that?
So I gradually increased my calories. Slowly. Losing still. Losing another 5 comfortable lbs which would give me margin, while weight lifting.
And then my own personal solution to breach the mental barrier was to.. gain weight on purpose! Planned. Slow bulk. I'm doing it now and I have put around 8.5 lbs since this summer. Of course, fat gain is quite minimal, I'm doing it with the specific purpose of putting on muscle mass while weight training. But I wake up and tell myself to trust the process, stick to the plan, keep watching the trend, and get up there to another +3 lbs. And in the mirror there is someone looking back who is definitely more fit than she was 6 months ago, and it shows.
So I weigh in daily, I take the gain, I plan for more, and it repaired my relationship with the scale. I trust that I'll be able to cut after this - been there before, so what can go wrong, really? The body is an incredible machine. The mind as well - trust in them both!
Doing the same. Still hard to see that bf come back.2 -
I added 2-300 calories a day until I found my maintenance. Was surprised how many calories I got back. Was dropping 2#/ a week at 1800 cal. Maintenance was around 2700. I had learn to eat more. 5 8 160# male0
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I just accept the fact that my fear of gaining is just my survival instinct protecting me from the litany of obesity health issues.
I'm very happy I'm afraid of gaining.
It helps me continue logging all my food, and logging my weight in Happy Scale every day.
(Lost 80 lb, been maintaining 2 years 7 months.)10 -
I don't want to regain the weight I lost. I don't view it as fear of regaining (passive), as much as determination to not regain (active). Therefore, I take an active role in my maintenance. I choose to continue to weigh myself and track my food daily, just like I did while I was losing. I take breaks for vacations and some holidays where I don't log, but overall I remain consistent and aware so that my weight doesn't get out of control again.
The longer I let it go (i.e., stop logging & weighing), the easier it is for me to fall back into old habits and the weight to creep back on. This has happened to me in the past, but I'm determined to maintain my loss this time.4 -
Thanksgiving was a good test. Where I spend the holiday there is basically no connectivity so I was effectively prevented crom logging meals - there was no way to search the database. Also, there was no scale
I wasn’t able to step on the scale until this morning. Yep, it was up a few pounds but I know there was no way it was fat gain. Logging and the Happy Scale app had me back to doing what I know I need to do. I ate well but lightly today and enjoyed a nice long run. I know I’ll be back in my maintenance zone within a couple of days.9 -
I second the idea of a trending app. I use Happy Scale and it really helps. I am four years into maintenance and I want to add that the fear of regaining is something that is really intense at first, but as time goes on and your mind and body adjust to the fact that maintenance is, as someone said, having a range and bouncing around in it, and going back to loss calories when you go over that range, then the fear diminishes. For me, I want it still there, tucked somewhere in the back of my mind, so that I never feel like:"Well, I'm done and I'm thin and I don't ever have to worry again." That leads to a slippery slope. I bring that fear out again when I have gone over my range and have stayed at that weight for a week or more. Then I use that fear to bring me up short, have me look at what is going on honestly, curb my calories, work out more, and go back to where I need to be. So maybe fear is more about knowing what the reality could be if you allow it? Not sure. But, for me, it's always good to have to it somewhere where I can call it up, look at it, face it, and move on to healthier stuff.
First, thanks to whoever first recommended Happy Scale. I just got the app and I absolutely love it. And I set it up to sync automatically from the MFP weigh ins. Seeing the green and red visuals helps me to know I’m still on track despite a few added pounds over the holidays.
Second, thanks for the insights quoted above. I’m still working on my “all or nothing” mentality. Either I’m fairly obsessive about my weight or I’ve got my head buried in the sand. You are right that my weigh ins keep me from putting my head in the sand again.
Last, thanks very much for this thread. It helps to know I am not alone with the anxiety.
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my dad still logs on MFP every single day even though he has now been at maintenance for 8 years. he says it is his reassurance that he will never regain the 50 lbs he lost after he retired. seeing is believing - it has worked for him. and, i've regained half the weight i lost in 2017, and I stopped logging daily. so, i know that is only 2 data points, but they are real! congrats on your weight loss and i think if you keep up with MFP logging (at least most days) and Happy Scale, you'll conquer your mental demons in addition to your physical ones.3
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We fear what we don't understand.
There are two critical elements to this.
First - CICO and the importance of knowing your caloric intake and output.
Second - Your habits and behaviors that influence CICO.
You must first understand how this works to minimize the fear, then follow up with additional understanding that your weight is an output of your behavior. This requires more time and a more critical mind to evaluate the behaviors that led you to being overweight and those that led you to a healthy weight. These habits require continual evaluation through goal setting or other various means.
A common tactic is to develop a higher goal - one that ensures the success of a smaller variable such as weight. For many athletics becomes the goal, rather than exercise being a vehicle towards maintenance.
I intend to count calories for the rest of my life. I know at some point my activity will diminish and I will have to adjust my intake accordingly. Not tracking this is as absurd as not balancing my finances.
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I thought I'd pass along an update on my maintenance.
I've been doing ok. I've been in maintenance since the second week of November. That means I had the opportunity to work through the major holidays. The Happy Scale app has been a MARVELOUS tool for me in this process. I went over my upper goal limit by one pound over Thanksgiving. I learned from that - and I just rubbed up against my upper limit over Christmas.
I've been able to rationalize caloric intake as being analogous to pressing the gas pedal in an automobile. When my trend is down I eat a little more, when my trend goes up, I eat a little less. Experience is slowly teaching how to not over correct and yo-yo. I'm beginning to gain some confidence in the process.
I think the biggest take away for me is that I personally need to continue to log my intake. After 351 days on MFP it is now a habit and is not a burden. I'm also less emotionally attached to the data, if that makes sense... In the beginning going over my daily calorie goal caused an (irrational) self judgement - that somehow I was "bad" or "weak." Now I understand it for what it is - data. The data allows me to make better choices and learn as I move forward.
As an example, over the past week I've been eating a ridiculous number of calories per day - like 3,000 to 3,500. I'm in the big mileage weeks of training for a 1/2 marathon and I'm cycling a good bit. I was seeing a consistent trend downward in weight and I needed to arrest the fall. It worked magically - now I've backed off and seeing my trend level out. It's pretty cool to finally feel in control.
Thanks to all who have offered their advice and support.18 -
Great news brother!
I spend a good deal of time with reinforcing behaviors and speaking with like minded people.
A continual go to for me is Jocko Willink's podcast:
http://jockopodcast.com/
I listen to this daily:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdTMDpizis8 2 -
@CSARdiver Thanks!1
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This might not be everyone's cup of tea but consciously let yourself gain 5 pounds your first year in maintenance. Then take a few weeks and re-lose that weight. You might not believe it, but it will feel easier to lose weight than it does to maintain it.
Once you see that you can lose the weight if you ever need to, maintenance becomes not that big a deal.6 -
This might not be everyone's cup of tea but consciously let yourself gain 5 pounds your first year in maintenance. Then take a few weeks and re-lose that weight. You might not believe it, but it will feel easier to lose weight than it does to maintain it.
Once you see that you can lose the weight if you ever need to, maintenance becomes not that big a deal.
That may work for some.
But, those who are towards the lower end of the BMI scale and have few calories to play with may find it difficult.
Being petite, and older, it took me 5 month, maybe longer, to lose the last 5 lbs. No way would I have purposely put those last 5lbs on again and be able to drop them in a few weeks. It would have been a 9m experiment, minimum.
There is a big difference between losing 5lbs if you are over 150lbs and losing 5lbs if you are under 110lbs.
Maybe a reasonable theory, just not applicable to all.
Cheers, h.7 -
middlehaitch wrote: »That may work for some.
But, those who are towards the lower end of the BMI scale and have few calories to play with may find it difficult.
Being petite, and older, it took me 5 month, maybe longer, to lose the last 5 lbs. No way would I have purposely put those last 5lbs on again and be able to drop them in a few weeks. It would have been a 9m experiment, minimum.
There is a big difference between losing 5lbs if you are over 150lbs and losing 5lbs if you are under 110lbs.
Maybe a reasonable theory, just not applicable to all.
Cheers, h.
Sure - but if you're like most of us and define your maintenance range as target plus/minus 5 pounds or so and you spend 9 months losing that 5 pounds, then congratulations...you've just achieved 9 months at maintenance and you've either learned that you can still lose the weight if you ever need to, or you've learned that being at the high end of your maintenance range isn't all that different from being smack dab in the middle of it. Both learnings will help alleviate the normal newbie fear that going one pound over maintenance is the end of the world.7 -
I have gained 3 years in a row, around 7 #, during the holidays. It’s always because I stopped logging. 4 years ago I gained back 15 pounds- also because I stopped logging after a one meal overage that ended up lasting a few months.
You have the tools to lose weight, but you will have slip ups. What I’ve learned over the past 4 years is that the sooner I get back on here and log and contribute, the less weight I’ll gain and the sooner I’ll get it off.4 -
I lost 90lbs over 15 years ago and have managed to keep it off. There is a number that I won't let the scale go over, so whenever I get close I know it's time to figure out where I'm going wrong. Works well for me.6
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