‘‘Tis the season for rude comments

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Replies

  • witchaywoman81
    witchaywoman81 Posts: 280 Member
    born_of_fire74 wrote: »
    Perhaps also consider that there are likely things you do or say that your mother finds hurtful but you don’t realize and/or don’t intend. Not to say that any of your mother’s actions or statements here are your responsibility or that you deserved it in any way, just that sometimes some perspective can help—she made a mistake or else gifted you the opportunity to be a better person by treating it as a mistake, even if it wasn’t.

    I think you’re absolutely right, thanks! I do think it came from a place of genuine concern, but it was a blow after not holding back at all yesterday and feeling sluggish from the food on top of being overweight.

  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    witchaywoman81 wrote: »
    lynn_glenmont wrote: »

    And, a little bit tangential here, but when some major bad thing happens to someone, comfort and support is supposed to flow inward toward those most immediately affected. Family and friends support the person who is actually suffering the bad thing, such as major illness; they don't ask that person to support them.

    There is no manual for any of this stuff. Cancer sucks. And it sucks when your “person” is in the vulnerable position when you’re used to them being there for you. But I am trying REALLY *kitten* hard not to burden her, which is why I’m such a hot mess (again, I am in NO WAY saying this is her fault). I drove to the hospital to sit with her all day multiple times a week. I told her over and over again that it’s ok for her to feel whatever she’s feeling. I bit my tongue when she made fun of my scarf and said my boots looked sloppy. I got her whatever she needed, regardless of how ridiculous the request. I came here to vent. I didn’t tell her she was wrong, but I DID tell her that my weight is not a topic of discussion.

    Parents being ill is hard. I thought my mom and I were going to straight up murder each other when we were splitting duties caretaking for my dad after his stroke. He wasn't a problem - he barely knew who we were half the time - but she was stressed and unreasonable, and it seems like the harder I tried to be sweet and understanding the more she threw at me - sometimes literally, she threw a roll of medical tape at me when she said we were out and I showed her we still had some. But we got through it. You will get through this too.
  • lemurcat2
    lemurcat2 Posts: 7,885 Member
    witchaywoman81 wrote: »
    lynn_glenmont wrote: »

    And, a little bit tangential here, but when some major bad thing happens to someone, comfort and support is supposed to flow inward toward those most immediately affected. Family and friends support the person who is actually suffering the bad thing, such as major illness; they don't ask that person to support them.

    There is no manual for any of this stuff. Cancer sucks. And it sucks when your “person” is in the vulnerable position when you’re used to them being there for you. But I am trying REALLY *kitten* hard not to burden her, which is why I’m such a hot mess (again, I am in NO WAY saying this is her fault). I drove to the hospital to sit with her all day multiple times a week. I told her over and over again that it’s ok for her to feel whatever she’s feeling. I bit my tongue when she made fun of my scarf and said my boots looked sloppy. I got her whatever she needed, regardless of how ridiculous the request. I came here to vent. I didn’t tell her she was wrong, but I DID tell her that my weight is not a topic of discussion.

    It's really hard, yeah. I get needing to vent. I was lucky that my sister and I had each other to vent to (although we didn't always agree on everything we were pretty supportive of each other and understood).
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,861 Member
    " I know I’m fat. I’d have to be an idiot not to know that."
    From time to time I've seen people ask how they can tell a relative that they are concerned about their weight and every time I tell them "just don't. They already know and your telling them will only add to their feeling bad. " Sorry you are having to deal with a mother who doesn't get that.
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