My boss and others basically called me fat and it feels weird

HeyJudii · November 2018

Some people have no filter, they just say whatever comes in to their minds. As adults, you would think they would know better, but not everyone's life experiences teach them anything. It would be nice if everyone saw the poster I saw as a kid, "Before putting mouth in gear, engage brain."

That said, I feel for you OP. After a stressful year, where I too survived depression, I went home to visit my family. The first thing out of my mom's mouth when she saw me was, "God, you got fat!" Thanks. That helped my already low self-esteem. Not.

Be kind to yourself. Try to put their statements behind you and move forward with your health improvement efforts.

Silentpadna · November 2018

I've heard that stuff before. The reality is that we all have our "warts". People are jerks. But so am I at times - just ask my family. I just gave grace and let it go - because that's what I would hope for when I'm blind to my own insensitivities. That's the most freeing thing. Especially since in my case, like yours, there is an element of truth to it. I didn't consider it "bullying" even though it's tempting to do that.

Some of the same people were quick to give complements when they noticed the change in the other direction. Some people don't have filters, as mentioned above.

"Love your enemies and do good....". Easy to say - hard to do. But rewarding in practice.

Having said that, if it goes beyond a time or two, I might still consider doing something about it since it's your boss. But not in an isolated instance.

Lastly, as others have said, your identity and your worth is not at all based on what others think.

hesn92 · November 2018

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I don't understand how someone can be that rude? Especially in a work environment... It seems like your boss should be reported if this is a recurring thing. She's creating a hostile work environment. I don't know your work culture though.

timeforwork · November 2018

2t9nty you are my hero thinking of this! ( quote)
You can always pretend you thought it was a compliment, and respond with "Thank you so much for noticing! You have put on some weight too!"
Love this maybe it should be the standard response to those rude enough to think they get to comment on your life. Ignore them and do your thing X

dsboohead · November 2018

You work around idiots!
Comments on someones physical is outside of appropriate and you have permission to tell them so. HR would be horrified! Keep documents and dates of said comments then report.

melissafeagins · November 2018

Sometimes the boss is a jerk. My current manager is great, but her boss is passive aggressive. Two weeks ago, she sent out an email "reminder" that counseling is a covered benefit under our insurance. I am not sure whom it was directed at, but it was someone.
Once she thought the dress I had on was too short and told me that I have nice legs. My reply was, "thanks. I work hard on them," but I have never worn that dress to work again.

I did report my old manager to the passive aggressive boss because she asked me if I could wash my ashes off on Ash Wednesday. When I said, "I could, but what's the point of getting them if I do?" she actually moved my hair to cover them up. I put it right back behind my ear. And I had another coworker as a witness. I went straight to the boss and told her that if that manager ever touched me again, I would own the place. My ashes are my business and she wouldn't be allowed to do that to someone with a bindi.

You can report it to HR. Or you can let it go. To me, the dress wasn't worth the trouble, but my ashes were. You have decide where your line is. Good luck losing the weight and congrats on getting your mental health taken care of.

My boss and others basically called me fat and it feels weird

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