Working Mom and Unsupportive Husband - Gym Time vs Time with the Kids?

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  • Whey125
    Whey125 Posts: 189 Member
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    LZMiner wrote: »
    Coming at this from a different angle. It sounds like the hard part is WHEN you want to work out...That hour or so when you leave work/pick up kids/get home and try and do dinner/baths is ROUGH. It's also when kids are hungry and overstimulated and parents are at low-energy from working all day. What if you adjusted your workouts to be 2 or 3x a week in the morning, so one parent isn't dealing with the crazy hour at home? It won't be easy, because it's hard to get up early and work out, but it might take away the idea that you're not spending time with the kids and might make the evening routine smoother.

    This. Have you thought about switching the time or alternating? I work out early in the morning before anyone is awake. This works for me as I have my time to workout and it doesn't impact much with family / chores time.

    After work, DH and I will alternate or spending time with kids, chores, organising dinner or do it together. I can see my husband getting burnt out if he had to do that most days of the week.

    Each family dynamic is different. Have an open conversation with him and come up with a suitable compromise.
  • CharlotteAnneUK
    CharlotteAnneUK Posts: 186 Member
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    This is why I love my outdoor gym, they have family fitness sessions where parents bring their babies / young children, including the instructor. Everyone is friendly and supportive and all get a great workout. You should look for something like this near you.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
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    Have you spoken to him yet?
  • DjLap
    DjLap Posts: 43 Member
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    I've felt guilty for making time for myself to exercise. I have a honey gym, over time my wife has realized that I'm in a better place mentally after I exercise. Hopefully your husband comes around. Besides, who doesn't want a wife that looks good.?

  • Bellavita32
    Bellavita32 Posts: 868 Member
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    You do you!!! My husband get's on my case to and my girl's are grown... Just jelly that's all...
  • debrakgoogins
    debrakgoogins Posts: 2,034 Member
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    If you are healthy and happy, you are able to be a better mother and wife. Don't give that up but possibly be willing to compromise. Perhaps you could encourage the family as a whole to be more active. Can you incorporate some type of activity one day a week that is family oriented? Martial arts, indoor rock climbing, ice skating, bicycling, snow shoeing...there are many options that would allow you to still get a good workout but involve your family as well.
  • Honey5
    Honey5 Posts: 76 Member
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    Is there a gym near you that you can go an workout during lunch time? Spouses can be very unsupportive at times no matter what your goal is. Sometimes we just have to come up with creative work around a.
  • mom23mangos
    mom23mangos Posts: 3,070 Member
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    debrakgoogins wrote: »
    If you are healthy and happy, you are able to be a better mother and wife. Don't give that up but possibly be willing to compromise. Perhaps you could encourage the family as a whole to be more active. Can you incorporate some type of activity one day a week that is family oriented? Martial arts, indoor rock climbing, ice skating, bicycling, snow shoeing...there are many options that would allow you to still get a good workout but involve your family as well.

    I love these suggestions. You are definitely not a bad mom for wanting to take care of yourself and have some time for just you. It's just really hard when the kids are little to find that happy balance. We don't know you and your husband's situation, so it's hard for us strangers to give helpful advice. But the advice of communication and compromise is really good. Other than lifting, probably most exercise could be done at home. I used to do all my upper body work at home because that can easily be done with body weight and light weights/resistance bands. Then I would only need to go to the gym twice a week for lower body work. One of those days can be on the weekend. So that would only leave one day a week the kids would need to stay late. Doing fun fitness stuff with the kids is a great way to get extra movement in. Walks/runs/bike rides. A bike trailer and/or jogging stroller might be good investments. Have a pajama dance party for 30min every night to tire them out. ((Hugs mama.)) They won't be little forever and you'll start to have more time to yourself before long.
  • jonjaxmom
    jonjaxmom Posts: 77 Member
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    When my boys were younger, I picked a gym that is open 24 hours. I would make sure the boys were settled in for the night, and then would go workout and do my workout 9-10 or 9:30-10:30 pm. Home, showered in bed by 11pm. Has worked for our family. My boys are older now, so now I have managed to make that 9pm gym time be at 7:30-8:30, as my guys (including my husband) can handle themselves after dinner before bed. My husband, though is very supportive. He wont do it himself, but is OK if I choose to do it for me.
  • fittnessing64
    fittnessing64 Posts: 62 Member
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    Keep_on_cardio wrote: »
    ::coughs ((drop the husband))::

    I was going to say it... :lol:

    You're definitely not a bad mother! You both are parents of your kids and he should be prioritizing the kids just as much as he expects you to. The whole point of having more than one parent around is so that one can step up and ensure the children continue to have steady lives when the other needs to spend some time on something else, like you need to to get healthy. I hope you've talked with him and it went well <3
  • cariwaldick
    cariwaldick Posts: 189 Member
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    You are NOT a bad mom, and five hours a week is NOT unreasonable.

    I read a lot of good ideas on here, starting with a good talk with him about what working out means to you. I'd find out what's really eating him, since most husbands are thrilled when their wives shape up. In time, your kids will be able to work out with you, and making health a priority will be good for THEM too. Maybe you could add some family time where you go to a park and play some tag or kick ball, so everyone gets family time and exercise. Maybe family bike rides in the spring?

    I was a stay at home mom while my kids were growing up. I put on a lot of weight, and I'm only just now taking charge of my own health. I knew moms who integrated their families into a healthy, active lifestyle, and everyone benefited. Instead, I focused on being a mom, taking care of the house and kids, and putting myself last. My husband didn't criticize as the weight piled up, and it got to the point where I couldn't do much of anything with the kids.

    Don't do that to yourself! They'll only be little for a little while, but if you don't take care of their mother, you won't be around to see them grow up.

    Since you don't hear it enough at home, way to go taking care of you! Good job making the gym a priority! You can do it!
  • megleighd
    megleighd Posts: 53 Member
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    I just find activities with the kids. We walk a lot and I have a bike trailer for my toddler. I'm also lucky enough to be in a good spot to walk and pick up my three year old from school and across the street from the park and trails. It's important to have time for yourself, but these precious years will fly by so quickly so maybe a few nights at the gym and a few nights of activities with the kids? I'm bad at advice, but that's what I do 😊
  • dechowj
    dechowj Posts: 148 Member
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    Going to the gym after having my two boys was not an option for me. My husband and I both work full time and the closest gym is over a 45 min drive from my house. So now we are incorporating working out into play time with the boys and then having some me time scheduled in. I toss music on and we have "Mega Dance Parties" in the living room. And during bath time I do push ups and planks hanging onto the side of the tub while they play with toys in the bubbles. I use a step counter to to keep track of the pacing in the halls putting the baby to sleep. And then my husband and I have and understanding that we both need some kid free time for sanity. So every other night we take turns having one hour to do what we want, so he will have "free time" on Monday and the I get Tuesday ect. Some days I use my free time to do a work out video in the basement and sometimes I read or watch netflix. But he plays with the kids upstairs and lets me have my time and I return the favor on his nights. This has worked out for us so far. It can be hard with little ones, hang in there.
  • coderdan82
    coderdan82 Posts: 133 Member
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    There's a lot of advice here about changing the schedule and location so you can spend more time with the kids. While that might be necessary in the end, I think before you even start discussing logistics you need to talk to him about why you need gym time. You need to be in agreement that this is important. Only then would I start making compromises and adjustments - not because of some sense of pride but because you'll get much better results and a better relationship if you're both working towards the same goal as opposed to one person trying to work around the other's wishes.
  • MichaelK1007
    MichaelK1007 Posts: 136 Member
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    Both my wife and I work full time and we have 4 girls and very little time. I still get to the gym 4-5 times a week at 5:00am and sometimes 4:30. I can get the workout in shower and be home before kids wake up. Of course it’s not easy getting up that early but it’s the only way I get to the gym.
  • 7elizamae
    7elizamae Posts: 758 Member
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    Could you compromise and work out early (before work) two of the days?

    I don't think your wish to take an hour to exercise is unreasonable. But, marriage is all about compromise -- especially when the kids are young.

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