Working Mom and Unsupportive Husband - Gym Time vs Time with the Kids?

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  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    edited December 2018
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    I agree that shifting some schedules might make your exercise time easier to fit in, but strongly disagree with your husband's idea that it should not be a priority. Not to be melodramatic here, but does he want you to die? Seriously, does he dislike you so much he wants you dead? Because daily physical activity is a life saver. It's not optional, it's literally the one thing you can do for yourself which has the highest impact on your health and the greatest likelihood of preventing the most common causes of death in our society. You may be young and healthy now, but you won't stay that way for many years if you can't find even an hour a day to be active.

    Being active some of the time should be a given. This is a thing that needs to happen. Given that, how do you make it happen without being unfair to your husband, and while meeting your children's needs?
  • rainykatie
    rainykatie Posts: 91 Member
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    Hi, another working mom here. Your gym time is absolutely not unreasonable and I'm sorry your husband isn't being more supportive.

    I struggle too with having my kids in daycare all day and then going to the gym. I feel guilty. For me the inescapable "mom guilt" is not fun even though my husband is really supportive. For my family it's about balance- so I try to fit in exercise during times when I'm not with the kids anyway. My husband and I split drop off/pick up duties everyday. So, on the days that he does pick up I have the flexibility to hit the gym after work. For me though, I usually like to get home, so if I can I will exercise on my lunch break. On the weekends I'll head out for a run at least one day early in the morning before kids are really awake. So I kind of mix it up during the week so I can in 4-5 workouts, but only 2 really cut into family time.

    Another idea- is it possible to get workouts in with them a day or two a week? how old are your kids? Mine are 6 and 3 and when the weather isn't too bad we go to the track at the high school. They ride their bikes (my 3 year old has a tricycle) while I jog. We race and it ends up being super fun! I also take my 6 year old son running with me in the park sometimes. It ends up being a great workout because 6 year olds are more into sprinting than steady pace, so it mixes it up for me and I am always so sore the next day.

    I'm not suggesting that you have to change your workout plan or need to rationalize the important time you spend in the gym in the evenings. But if it's not working, then maybe you can get creative with ways to fit in exercise.

    The husband thing I can't help with- I don't know how to change your husband but clearly something could be changed there.

    Good luck!
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,325 Member
    edited December 2018
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    this is nonsense - put it out of your head. do what you need to be healthy..and stay healthy and then be with your kids knowing you could never give them a better example of how to live healthy and well...if you stopped taking care of yourself. as for husbands/fathers who do this...think of them as the 2 yr old throwing a tantrum and step over them on the way to the gym. IN ADDITION - if husbands/fathers refuse to help...HIRE SOMEONE TO HELP.
  • 33gail33
    33gail33 Posts: 1,155 Member
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    I guess it depends how long your kids are at daycare. If they are already there for 10 hours and you are adding 1.5 more that is a pretty long day at daycare. My kids are grown now but personally when we did daycare our rule was they were only there when we were both working. If one of us was off work our priority was to get them picked up and home. I would just work out at home before they were up or after they were asleep.
  • cathipa
    cathipa Posts: 2,991 Member
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    jonjaxmom wrote: »
    When my boys were younger, I picked a gym that is open 24 hours. I would make sure the boys were settled in for the night, and then would go workout and do my workout 9-10 or 9:30-10:30 pm. Home, showered in bed by 11pm. Has worked for our family. My boys are older now, so now I have managed to make that 9pm gym time be at 7:30-8:30, as my guys (including my husband) can handle themselves after dinner before bed. My husband, though is very supportive. He wont do it himself, but is OK if I choose to do it for me.

    This^^

    I used to work out at home when my kids were very little, but when I started to outgrow my home gym I joined the 24 hour gym 5 minutes from my house. I go at 430/5am 4-5 days a week. This time is my time and only affects me. My husband doesn't share in my love of the gym and when I look back we had the same arguments you are currently having. Its not worth it. I found leaving my kids and husband so I could "do me" was not beneficial because it just lead to drama at home. It also meant time away from my kids who I didn't see during the day because I was at work. Maybe finding an alternative that meets the whole family's needs is better than just telling your husband you need your time and deal with it. As you stated when you spoke to him he said he would like to have time like that to do what he wants to do. Compromise.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
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    I wish OP would come back and give an update.
  • ftmfrank73
    ftmfrank73 Posts: 21 Member
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    Hang in there. It's hard with a family but you'll figure time to do it
  • kbmnurse1
    kbmnurse1 Posts: 316 Member
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    Hmmm, he does not sound like a partner. See ya.
  • bikecheryl
    bikecheryl Posts: 1,432 Member
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    I'm hoping op will give us an update too!! It would help alot of other moms experiencing the same or similar!
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,325 Member
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    urloved33 wrote: »
    this is nonsense - put it out of your head. do what you need to be healthy..and stay healthy and then be with your kids knowing you could never give them a better example of how to live healthy and well...if you stopped taking care of yourself. as for husbands/fathers who do this...think of them as the 2 yr old throwing a tantrum and step over them on the way to the gym. IN ADDITION - if husbands/fathers refuse to help...HIRE SOMEONE TO HELP.

    I really would like to add that for years and years my kids came to the gym with me - swimming lessons - swim meets - taekwondo - taekwondo demonstrations - and of course fun time in the kids area - from 3.5 years old on...they loved the gym, It was my "village"

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