Dealing with jealous family

Options
2»

Replies

  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    Options
    My hope is that just posting about this to sympathetic people has already made you feel a little better. I'm sorry your family member feels worse because you look better. I have the same issue with my mom. All you can do is be the best you, and let her do her own thing.

    I don't think there's a need to explain #2. She's a grown person and probably already knows she was rude. She may or may not feel justified, but you talking about it doesn't seem likely to help.
  • ShayCarver89
    ShayCarver89 Posts: 239 Member
    Options
    I get it, its hard to ignore. I had a cousin, who has struggled with her weight her whole life, come up to me at Christmas dinner and scoff and say "You look like you've lost a lot of weight." to which I responded "I have." and she rolled her eyes and said "Well I'VE gained a lot." and I just shrugged and said "*kitten* happens." and walked away. I don't know where you have to be coming from mentally to think its ok to do that to someone. To think making those kinds of comments is ok. Is it productive? No. Is it kind? No. So why do it? Maybe they can't help it. Maybe it just slips out. Jealousy makes people do awful things, but all we can do is ignore it I suppose.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,951 Member
    Options
    merekins wrote: »
    Have lost 60lb over 2018. I still want lose another 40 so am obviously not skin and bones. A family member said something that really bothered me. Had mentioned that I was cold and she immediately snapped, in front of the rest of my family, that if I ate, I wouldn’t be cold. It wasn’t said kindly and it caught me off guard. There were only snarky comments as well. I know she has struggled her entire life with her weight and is morbidly obese. She has never been supportive about me losing weight and is constantly talking about how it is pointless to try, your body has a set point and obese people are that way because of their body composition not their choices or behavior. So...not going to get a pat on the back from her over the 60lbs but but BUT it still hurt. I know she is upset and probably feels judged for how much she has been eating at our house. I know she is insecure. I know the comment wasn’t accurate, I do eat and am not anorexic by any means. I know this is her issue but how do I not let it become mine? It’s not easy to commit to losing weight and it really hurts to have someone you love accuse you of harming yourself when you are doing your best to be healthy. I don’t see explaining how her comments are hurtful making difference. She is just too defensive and irrational on this issue. So how do I let go of her comments? Or otherwise deal with it?

    You may be entirely right that she was being a jerk when she said that.

    However, I am considerably larger than my mom, who struggles to stay above Underweight, and she is always cold when I have the temperature where I want it. I have told her many times she wouldn't be cold if she "had more insulation". We know that I am being light hearted and self-deprecating when I say this.
  • JohnnytotheB
    JohnnytotheB Posts: 361 Member
    Options
    If someone already said this, ignore me but always remember, "misery loves company". I know it sucks to hear it but people want others to share the crap in their life. Some people have the mentality that, "if I'm not happy, no one should be". Good luck and continue to kick butt!
  • lexxx9890
    lexxx9890 Posts: 6 Member
    Options
    this is the sucky part of losing weight, you won’t always get the support you want from those around you. although you’re aware of why they are not supportive or encouraging, it still hurts. i have lost 30 pounds and still have another 25 or so to lose, and i am by no means underweight; it is still a work in progress. the person i’ve been dating told me i was “too skinny” and i was taking my healthy lifestyle “too seriously”. but, similar to you, they are insecure and therefore not happy for my successes. i tried to defend myself saying they resent me because of their own insecurities, but it ended up causing an argument. so now i ignore the rude remarks even though it kills me i do not have the support i want. this is YOUR journey, and this is for YOU. you learn to fight your battles alone and motivate yourself to have a better life for yourself.

Categories