All time High... not again!
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ellelit
Posts: 806 Member
ugggggggg. so, i'm at my all time high. 330 pounds. i feel gross, disgusting, terrible and just plain awful. i know exactly how i got here, as i have been in a downward spiral for nearly 3 weeks. i ate and ate and ate, bingeing liek a fool and not worrying about what i was putting into my mouth.
so, what is REALLY frustrating, is that i have been very happy over the last few weeks. work is going awesome, it has been gorgeous and sunny here for weeks, i'm getting alot of writing work an i'm up for a position as an associate editor at a local newspaper.
i'm happy, joyful, bounding up and down the sidewalks bursting with sunshine, rainbows and fuzzy bunnies, so what do i do to complement my fantastic moods? i gorge myself until i barf. ugggggggggg.
i eat all the time. alllllllllll the time. doesn't matter what emotion i'm feeling, if i'm feeling anything, i'm eating it.
so, this weekend i'm going to try to figure out how i can maintain my emotional happiness and work steadily on my physical happiness...
if i can just stop bingeing, the weight would fall off me. i know, it has before. so i'm going to set up a daily mini goal for myself not to binge, and if i can do that, i can start tackling some of the bigger goals.
:explode:
so, what is REALLY frustrating, is that i have been very happy over the last few weeks. work is going awesome, it has been gorgeous and sunny here for weeks, i'm getting alot of writing work an i'm up for a position as an associate editor at a local newspaper.
i'm happy, joyful, bounding up and down the sidewalks bursting with sunshine, rainbows and fuzzy bunnies, so what do i do to complement my fantastic moods? i gorge myself until i barf. ugggggggggg.
i eat all the time. alllllllllll the time. doesn't matter what emotion i'm feeling, if i'm feeling anything, i'm eating it.
so, this weekend i'm going to try to figure out how i can maintain my emotional happiness and work steadily on my physical happiness...
if i can just stop bingeing, the weight would fall off me. i know, it has before. so i'm going to set up a daily mini goal for myself not to binge, and if i can do that, i can start tackling some of the bigger goals.
:explode:
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Replies
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ugggggggg. so, i'm at my all time high. 330 pounds. i feel gross, disgusting, terrible and just plain awful. i know exactly how i got here, as i have been in a downward spiral for nearly 3 weeks. i ate and ate and ate, bingeing liek a fool and not worrying about what i was putting into my mouth.
so, what is REALLY frustrating, is that i have been very happy over the last few weeks. work is going awesome, it has been gorgeous and sunny here for weeks, i'm getting alot of writing work an i'm up for a position as an associate editor at a local newspaper.
i'm happy, joyful, bounding up and down the sidewalks bursting with sunshine, rainbows and fuzzy bunnies, so what do i do to complement my fantastic moods? i gorge myself until i barf. ugggggggggg.
i eat all the time. alllllllllll the time. doesn't matter what emotion i'm feeling, if i'm feeling anything, i'm eating it.
so, this weekend i'm going to try to figure out how i can maintain my emotional happiness and work steadily on my physical happiness...
if i can just stop bingeing, the weight would fall off me. i know, it has before. so i'm going to set up a daily mini goal for myself not to binge, and if i can do that, i can start tackling some of the bigger goals.
:explode:0 -
Goodluck to you! I know how difficult it can be especially when you feel like you are emotionally in a better place than you have been in a long time! Keep posting and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it! This community is one of the greatest advantages to the goals we set for ourselves!
I wish you the very best!
Jen0 -
I think you may find that if you are logging everything you put into your mouth, that you may resist it more.
I log my food in the morning for the entire day now but in the beginning, I just logged it ALL. When I saw I was reaching my allowed calories, I would ask myself if it was worth it.
I quit all fast foods and junk but allow myself a slice of pizza or two a week for what i call a "cheat day" but not too much!!!
Try to set up a reward day. Tell yourself you are going to be good from today, until next Friday .. and then next Friday night, treat yourself. I'm willing to bet once you get there, you'll find it will not be worth it because like you pointed out .. 1 week of really paying attention, and you should see a pretty good jump start result!!
GOOD LUCK!!!! Remember .. you are SO not alone .. we're all here doing it with ya!!!
Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Calorie Counter0 -
Purge your kitchen. Get rid of the junk and only buy healthy food. Get lots of fruits and veggies and some of your favourite low calorie snacks. Ditch the ice cream, cookies and chips.
If there is nothing to gorge on but healthy things, you can only be successful0 -
that sounds good, in theory... but there are grocerie store, fast food places, restaurants and conveneicne stores on every corner. i have no bad food in my house. i am a compulsive overeater. if there is bad food out there, no matter where it is... i will find it. thanks for the tips though
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Honestly, I think you need to get to the point where enough is enough. Where food just isn't worth it anymore. (Because it's really not).
Until you get to that point in your head, I don't think it will happen for you.
I know food brings you happiness and comfort. All I can say is being thin and healthy and having energy and confidence is SUCH a high. To know that food is no longer controlling me and that I can be out enjoying life with my family makes me so much happier and comforts me more than food ever has or ever will.
I truly hope you can get to that point too! Sometimes I wish I could somehow bottle it up for people because it took so much wasted time on my part to figure out how to do this right. I wish I could save everyone that time.
Good luck! :flowerforyou:
-Tami0 -
Ellelit - I know this is hard for you and I think you are doing wonderful! Facing why we overeat is probably the hardest thing. Sometimes we hide those "demons" so much from ourselves that it takes a lot to get to the root! We're rootin' for ya girlie!!
There is nothing more important to a compulsive overeater than answering the Why? It is impossible to lose the weight and keep it off until you start understanding that. I wish you success and happiness! 0 -
My heart goes out to you.
You might try getting a little spiral note book( Fit in pocket) or even your cell phone(most take voice notes) and start telling yourself how you feel emotionally and physically before and after every time you eat for a week.
Mirrors are hard and painful but they don't lie. The cell notes will get you to the root of it all very quickly.
I hope this helps and best of luck!0 -
This may help you because it has helped me. My friend and I in college gained a lot of weight our sophomore year. Like about 30lbs within a semester. We kept the extra weight on for about 2 years. Finally our senior year of college we couldn't take it anymore. We both cut out sugar foods and low carbs but mostly we stayed away from sugar. We dropped weight very fast. But we still had ice-cream (sugar free fat free panda paws from Edy's...still tastes the same ..LOL I like to eat the Murrarys sugar free chocolate 70 calorie packs. It helps with the cravings.
Also....if you just show up to the gym...u will loose calories....i know planet fitness has TV's and you can plug your head set in. Give yourself a goal....Tuesdays the biggest loser is on. I LOVE THAT SHOW...it always gives me hope. Go to the gym for those 2 hours while watching the show....you will be so motivated you won't even realize you are doing work. Just walking on the treadmill is good. Any type of movement is...LOL It is really hard to get the motivation sometimes. And if you cheat...OH WELL don't beat yourself up over it....because then you will eat more. I am sure everyone thinks...damn i cheated...well let me eat some more and i will start again tom....that's bad LOL i did that a lot
GOOD LUCK....also...try and find a buddy and tell each other what you ate throughout the day. My friend and i did that...and it kept us on track. It makes you realize what you are doing by saying it out loud!
Just changing a little thing will go a long way ...baby steps and it will come off!!0 -
Honestly, I think you need to get to the point where enough is enough. Where food just isn't worth it anymore. (Because it's really not).
Until you get to that point in your head, I don't think it will happen for you.
I know food brings you happiness and comfort. All I can say is being thin and healthy and having energy and confidence is SUCH a high. To know that food is no longer controlling me and that I can be out enjoying life with my family makes me so much happier and comforts me more than food ever has or ever will.
I truly hope you can get to that point too! Sometimes I wish I could somehow bottle it up for people because it took so much wasted time on my part to figure out how to do this right. I wish I could save everyone that time.
Good luck! :flowerforyou:
-Tami
I think Tam's right on this. It was the same for me with weight loss AND quitting smoking. I "quit" 5 or 6 times for different reasons (the cost, the smell, someone wanted me to, blah blah blah) but I quit FOR GOOD when I made the choice MYSELF. When I told myself "enough is enough."
I went on several diets in college, but they'd last for 3-5 days and then I'd give up - because I was miserable. I finally started losing the weight when I wanted to do it for ME. when I knew it was best. You won't be successful if your brain isn't ready.
As far as "everything else" going well in your life when you eat when and what you want, maybe that's just your perception. When you're eating less and feeling hungry, it can make you feel grumpy, grouchy, cranky, irritable (and when I say "you" I mean all of mankind...). Just like when we have other personal issues (death, divorce, fights, etc), it weighs heavily on our minds and hearts, making everything else in our lives much harder. Since the healthier lifestyle hasn't been easy for you, it's probably causing unwelcome stress in all the other areas of your life.
I hope you work things out. and I hope you continue coming here for support. we're all here to watch out for each other!0 -
So very off topic, but I love your new pic Ellelit! It's so pretty!0
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ugggggggg. so, i'm at my all time high. 330 pounds. i feel gross, disgusting, terrible and just plain awful. i know exactly how i got here, as i have been in a downward spiral for nearly 3 weeks. i ate and ate and ate, bingeing liek a fool and not worrying about what i was putting into my mouth.
so, what is REALLY frustrating, is that i have been very happy over the last few weeks. work is going awesome, it has been gorgeous and sunny here for weeks, i'm getting alot of writing work an i'm up for a position as an associate editor at a local newspaper.
i'm happy, joyful, bounding up and down the sidewalks bursting with sunshine, rainbows and fuzzy bunnies, so what do i do to complement my fantastic moods? i gorge myself until i barf. ugggggggggg.
i eat all the time. alllllllllll the time. doesn't matter what emotion i'm feeling, if i'm feeling anything, i'm eating it.
so, this weekend i'm going to try to figure out how i can maintain my emotional happiness and work steadily on my physical happiness...
if i can just stop bingeing, the weight would fall off me. i know, it has before. so i'm going to set up a daily mini goal for myself not to binge, and if i can do that, i can start tackling some of the bigger goals.
:explode:
Could possibly be time to reflect and make a plan...nothing gets done properly without a good set of blueprints....You could possibly be doing to much at once and its overwhelming...I suggest buying a notepad carry it with you and log everything you eat and what you feel when you are "finished" eating it. Then you have to ask yourself was it worth it...if so then thats probably something your not willing to give up...so you will have to budget for it within your calories...everything has limits and so do our bodies...consider your daily calories your limit and every day try better to get closer to it....slow steps but consistent ones...Once you have mastered that you could throw in 30minutes here and there of fitness...If your not totally committed to making the changes perhaps just hang on the boards and read and stick with MFP just to gain insight and tips ...you dont have to have a ticker and go all out just relax and join the fitness bus when your ready...Good Luck........0 -
Elleit-
I am soo sorry to hear about this. You were doing so well when you were blogging. I really enjoyed reading your blog, too! Do you think maybe you can start a new one and make it private so your boss can't read it? Just a suggestion. I wish you all the best!! Hang in there! You can conquer this!0 -
Lindsay, I've been wondering where you were. I'm with Kristineh86, you were doing good when you were blogging. If my memory is right you must have started your binging soon after you had to take it down.
Please keep posting here or maybe even blogging. It does seem to help you.
I hope you get the new job!0 -
it's one of those weird situations... i believe it's called insanity... where you do the same thing over and over xpecting different results.
i am totally ready for weightloss, but it never seems to work. i've never tried to lose weight for anyone else, and i'm never had any sucess other than about 40 pounds down... i always go back to bingeing and gain back the weight and thensome.
i'm sorry that it seems like i am just repeating all the same stuff from 2 years ago, 1 year ago, 6 months ago and a month ago, but i too feel like i'm banging my head against the wall. how is it possible, after being on this site for nearly 2 years can i still have no fricken idea how to lose weigh. lol. it's not funny, i'm just incredulous.
tomorrow i'm taking a me day and spending the weekend detoxing (should be interesting) and exploring why i REALLY eat. i now it's all emotional but i have no idea where that stems from or what triggers it. i cannot afford therapy, and it's not covered by my heathplan, so self-healp it is!
thank you all for listening...:flowerforyou:
wow, bad spelling, but i've written 4 editorials and a feature article this week, so i dont feel like changing it :P0 -
elle, I found a turn around in the book "8 Minutes in the Morning for Real Shapes Real Sizes by Jorge Cruz. I didn't get much from the exercise part but going through the soul searching part in the first half of the book really changed my way of thinking and made me realize some things I had never realized. I got it from my local library. Good luck and I'm here if you need me!:flowerforyou:
Amy:bigsmile:
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My favorite post for answers:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/23912-links-in-mfp-you-want-to-read-again-and-again0 -
after being on this site for nearly 2 years can i still have no fricken idea how to lose weigh. lol. it's not funny, i'm just incredulous.
That's not true, Lindsey, you do know how to lose weight, but for whatever reason, you won't let yourself. :flowerforyou: You've lost weight and have had many successes, but for whatever reason you sabotage yourself at ever turn.
I read on your blog how proud of yourself you were when you stayed within your calories or didn't give into the "binge monster" but for some reason that euphoria isn't enough to motivate you.
You have so many people here that are cheering for your success (I'm one of them) that I hope you finally do what needs to be done, for your health & happiness.
Good luck! 0 -
Love yourself no matter what. 0
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ellelit,
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling, I too have been rooting for you and want you to succeed.
Only you know what you need to do. No one else can do it for you. But the good news is, YOU will be the one who reaps the rewards.
You've probably seen this post by FC, but it is really a good one, worth re-reading. Maybe even worht buying Geneen Roth's book.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/31501-why-am-i-eating-this-by-geneen-roth
Good luck.
~cmr0 -
Lindsay, trust me....I know what a struggle this is. I know how comforting food can be. It is always there for you and does make you feel good even if it's for a minute.
And, like I said..I am turning 35 in August and have struggled with my weight pretty much since I hit puberty. I am more confident than ever before, mostly because I figured out for me that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. I still enjoy food and flavors and the whole dining experience. I just do it in a different way now and don't "splurge" all the time. And I make healthy eating interesting. My mom was an excellent cook and I grew up appreciating a huge variety of flavors. So, I can't be bored or eat disgusting foods.
There has got to be a trigger or something inside you that will allow you to have that light bulb moment as I did.
And you can ease into this as well. Maybe make it a goal to not eat at a certain place more than a specified time. Instead of eating there, make it a ritual to try a new healthier food instead. Someone else said that every time they go to the grocery store, they make it a point to try a new fruit or veggie. I myself tried that "lemon plum" this last week. (interesting!! LOL!)
Baby steps can help make this transition easier for you. Cold turkey isn't going to cut it, I don't think.
You know you have the knowledge to lose weight. You have done it. It's more about being able to stick to this. What will it take for you to stick to this. That is what you need to ask yourself.
Take care!!! :flowerforyou:0
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