My Father Won't Stop Commenting On My Weight

jgnatca wrote: »

You want to totally freak him out? Tell him he’s been such a great model you are going to see men just like him. Men who will constantly criticize you and point out all your weak points. And you know what? You’ll just take it because the men are just being honest.

Just kidding.

You are a princess. You deserve the best. Enjoy your beautiful self now and celebrate the svelte woman you will become.

Share no food choices or dietary successes with good old dad. Save your money and move out when you can.

robertw486 wrote: »

witchgalraye wrote: »

Essentially, my father won't stop commenting on my body's weight gain over the past couple years. First off, it comes from a good place, I know that, but it's becoming ... mentally disheartening and overall hurtful.[/] I've actually gained weight almost to spite him at times which blows my mind. I'm only 19 years old, so maybe it's that rebellious teenager within me that also makes me feel weird losing weight because it's what he wants. I want to do it for me, but his comments are so frequent and hurtful in their wording that my head is so jumbled and confused by who I'm really losing weight for.

I want it to be for me. I want to feel good in my body, but do I think being thinner will make me feel good or am I just trying to shut up my father?

Whenever I try a new diet he always says it's the wrong one and tries to be my dietitian even though when I've done what he's wanted I've gained weight (despite his methods making him lose weight). I fear getting excited about this eating plan I'm currently on because I know hell guilt me out of doing it because it's not his way. I don't do unhealthy diets. I do research before I try something new. I've even seen a dietitian and he's told me what she requested I do was wrong.

Yes, we've had multiple interventions. He won't change. So I'm left to having a mental battle with myself and was wondering if anyone had any tips for easing this. I'll be happy when I can move out, that's all I can say right now.

I'm going to be the one that goes against the grain a bit here. But let me also say that I happen to be a father with a 19 year old daughter that I love and care about very much.

Gather your thoughts, think it through, and pick a time when he has not recently said anything hurtful about your diet. And then calmly and firmly explain to him how you feel about his comments, especially the bolded. If he is anything other than a miserable control freak, it's probably going to sting a bit. I honestly think most parents want to be good parents, it's just that the kids often won't be assertive at the appropriate time to help them with their mistakes. And make sure he knows you aren't going to try anything that might be dangerous or have long term health consequences, but that YOU have to figure it out YOURSELF and do it for YOU, since that is how most adults deal with their life issues.

Sometimes the most well intended things get screwed up, and parents try whatever pressure they think might work. But I can tell you I'd be absolutely devastated if my daughter ever told me that I was doing something that caused her mental stress on the level you are speaking of.

You're a young adult, and often "adulting" is a two way street. There is nothing wrong with being firm with your father if he is being hurtful. Foster the type of relationship you want to have with him.




If he is in fact just a miserable control freak, continue on with the ideas of distancing him from that type of information while you work on the long term plans of moving out.