"Be Kind to Yourself" Success stories...what does it mean and how do you do it regularly? Pls. share
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JoAnna4731 wrote: »For me, it's about not beating myself up when I want a cookie (or eight, lol). When I eat the eight and blow my calories for the day, I shrug my shoulders and move on. It doesn't mean that I don't recognize the fact that I may not lose weight as fast that week, but I no longer make it about my character flaws or lack of will power.
This, all of this. It's a cookie, or eight, not a moral failing.1 -
This is complicated, I think. I'll start off by saying something that sounds facile: To be kind to myself, I need to like myself, recognize myself as a multifaceted person with strengths and weaknesses for sure, but as a person who is OK, right now, today.
There have been threads where people have said they have to be unhappy about themselves (or at least some aspect of themselves) in order to make progress. I think I used to feel more than way, when I was younger: That dissatisfaction is a good motivator. (I'm 63, if that matters.)
Nowadays, I feel like I have to like myself in order to make progress, because I'm worth the investment of time and energy. That's being kind to myself: Making the investment.
For me, liking myself, and recognizing that I have both capabilities and limitations, goes hand in hand with recognizing that I have tools I can use to improve my life and happiness, and that I can use insights about weaknesses to avoid potholes, or sometimes even game them into an advantage in certain scenarios.
Thinking about it this way helps me see that I have both agency (ability to do things) and responsibility (I can focus on the parts I can control or influence, rather than blaming others and being stuck).
One of the most useful things I've learned (in a management education class, of all things!) was, when faced with an unpleasant situation, to ask myself "what have I done to create, promote, or allow this to happen?". Looking at things that way zeroes in on the points where I have power, where I can take action. It's productive. Looking at things in a way that's more likely to generate improvement is certainly part of being kind to myself . . . as is letting go of things that are completely outside my influence as much as feasible, since stress over unchangeables is completely unproductive, and deepens unhappiness.5 -
This is complicated, I think. I'll start off by saying something that sounds facile: To be kind to myself, I need to like myself, recognize myself as a multifaceted person with strengths and weaknesses for sure, but as a person who is OK, right now, today.
There have been threads where people have said they have to be unhappy about themselves (or at least some aspect of themselves) in order to make progress. I think I used to feel more than way, when I was younger: That dissatisfaction is a good motivator. (I'm 63, if that matters.)
Nowadays, I feel like I have to like myself in order to make progress, because I'm worth the investment of time and energy. That's being kind to myself: Making the investment.
For me, liking myself, and recognizing that I have both capabilities and limitations, goes hand in hand with recognizing that I have tools I can use to improve my life and happiness, and that I can use insights about weaknesses to avoid potholes, or sometimes even game them into an advantage in certain scenarios.
Thinking about it this way helps me see that I have both agency (ability to do things) and responsibility (I can focus on the parts I can control or influence, rather than blaming others and being stuck).
One of the most useful things I've learned (in a management education class, of all things!) was, when faced with an unpleasant situation, to ask myself "what have I done to create, promote, or allow this to happen?". Looking at things that way zeroes in on the points where I have power, where I can take action. It's productive. Looking at things in a way that's more likely to generate improvement is certainly part of being kind to myself . . . as is letting go of things that are completely outside my influence as much as feasible, since stress over unchangeables is completely unproductive, and deepens unhappiness.
I love the bolded in particular. Thanks for this and OP thanks for this thread!0 -
Reckoner67 wrote: »This is something I've struggled to do for the last few years, since it was brought up to me that I needed to "be kinder to myself." The question of "how?" was big for me, and a lot of your answers are cool to read. Thanks for everybody posting what works for them!
LOVE this post, thank you ever so much for posting this--isn't it, ummmmm, "comforting and encouraging" to know that one is NOT alone and there is so much power in learning from others--so much!0 -
gettinfitaus wrote: »For me being kind to myself is intrinsically linked to doing things for myself that I will appreciate later. Things like eating in moderation, I might want a hamburger but unless I REALLY REALLY want it I already know that it's not a great choice and is going to make me feel like rubbish, so instead most of the time I will choose the chicken for dinner instead or an option that is "in between" the two. Similarly I don't feel like doing yoga today, I am sore from leg day yesterday and I am tired for some reason today and dragging. But I also know that yoga makes my back feel MUCH better and that it will make the DOMS in my legs ease up a bit, it is self care to do the yoga because of the benefits (both immediate and long term) THAT is a kindness to myself.
Kindness to myself is also sometimes giving in. Like I said above I am dragging today and so I put myself back to bed this morning in order to feel better...
Honeyyyyyy...that "doing things for oneself" vs. needing or even wanting others approval, likes, etc. took me YEARS to "get". Being one's own cheerleader is the bombdotcom and filled with such "power" and hope and just plain, ummmmm...fabulosity I'm going to say.
Thank you ever so much for contributing to this thread--you're fabulous, period.1 -
For me, the phrase I use often is be gentle to yourself. Which is so much better for the inner me than (multiple choice). Wallowing in guilt over perceived faults, or shortcomings or even something failed. Oh the time that is wasted on this. That there is nothing wrong/bad with coming to the realization. LET IT GO! Does not matter is the extra serving or two of name your delight, said some unkind words that cannot be unsaid, failed to keep an appointment with the Dr, because did not want to hear the "you need to lose some weight for your health".
Oh the misery we cause ourselves by clinging to the past in one form or another. It is not worth it, no good will come out of it. So I have learned in 2018 Let it go. The past is gone, I can only make a difference for today and the future. I will try my best as it is all I have to give.
Now I take the time to get a massage every 6 weeks or so, it is my time of peace, quiet, relaxation. I also only live about 30 minutes away from the Gulf of Mexico. So every other week, unless it is raining. I go and walk along the water line, I find it so soothing, calming it my place to ruminate as I walk along. Also for me give me a good thriller book on my Nook a pot of hot tea, and I literally feel free.2 -
The worst critic I have ever experienced is me. It has taken me many years to realize that being kind to myself is simply finding ways to acknowledge I am a work in progress and rather than dwell on my shortcomings, I should focus on the positive changes I'm making in my life. Sometimes it's a matter of changing my perspective. Do I wish I didn't have loose skin or the wrinkles on my face were less noticeable? Sure. But am I happy I've lost and kept off enough weight to have those wrinkles appear from a far more contoured face? Yes, I am.
For me, I have to remind myself daily that where I am now mentally and physically is a much better place than I was in the past. Positive thinking begets positive results and success begets success.2 -
I love this thread, so inspiring!0
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I started my journey (again) on October 31st, and realized how nice it has been that I had not eaten junk so have not beaten myself up over failing.
Last night was not pretty for me and was giving myself the beat down.
Saw this thread and have refocused my thoughts, God has a funny way of putting others in my path to keep me on track. Thanks everyone.2 -
BEVERLYSTEEN wrote: »I started my journey (again) on October 31st, and realized how nice it has been that I had not eaten junk so have not beaten myself up over failing.
Last night was not pretty for me and was giving myself the beat down.
Saw this thread and have refocused my thoughts, God has a funny way of putting others in my path to keep me on track. Thanks everyone.
{{{{{
BEVERLY HUGS }}}}}} You are so NOT alone and I want to thank you ever so VERY much for contributing to this thread. I do so relate to your post and high fives for starting again, you ROCK, period. YAY YOU!!! {{{{Hugs again}}}}} 
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Keep_on_cardio wrote: »“Being kind to yourself”, for me would be placing my mental health and inner needs above people pleasing and people chasing.
Having an understanding and a plan intact, when placing myself into hard environments (family gatherings). Being kind to myself, is saying no. To not place myself around people who dimiss and invalidate who I am or why I am how I am. Being kind, would be not panicking over a day of bad eating choices or a missed workout. Being kind, is making that commitment of placing my mind at highest priority, dropping those who bring confusion.
Wow...just W W!!!! What you have written here is so VERY important to change, lifestyle change and invites so much hope, strength and power. You my dear ROCK, period. Cheering you on and thank you so much for contributing to this thread. YAY YOU!!! 0 -
Another way of being kind to yourself is making being "clean and cute" a priority. When I was obese/overweight, these things were not only NOT a priority to me, but I "talked myself and bought" the idea that wearing ill-fitting and oversized clothes and sweats and quite frankly ugly stuff was okay, because who cares! Doing things for your body (besides eating and drinking stuff as some kind of "reward" or "treat") instead, taking long hot baths filled with all kinds a good smelling oils/bath bombs/scented epsom bath salts and skin softening stuff (instead of taking showers--taking baths more often, no matter how much you've convinced yourself you don't like to take baths--preferring showers), just making it a "spa-like" experience using facial scrubs and masques/skincare on the regular is such a terrific way to treat yourself more kind. Making sure your environment is clean and pretty on the regular makes being kind to oneself so "rewarding" and good.3
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It means accepting that I'm human and human beings make mistakes and let themselves down all the time - but that's ok.
This sounds so simple...but for so so SO many people, it's mega not. It's taken me YEARS to get this thru my head and in my heart. I'm THRILLED that you "get this" YAY YOU and thanks so much for sharing!1 -
leanjogreen18 wrote: »It's taking on a new meaning for me lately...
I'm learning that I have to take care of myself. I've been a mother since 18 years old and now a grandmother and I always think in terms of taking care of everyone else first. I'm learning that being kind to myself means taking care of my body/mind. The way I think of myself, dress myself, feed and exersise it and how I treat others (important to me).
Within the confines of taking care of myself by "being kind to myself" it means not over complicating things, not stressing about how many calories something has, not freaking out going over occasionally, not worrying about the scale and how often or how much it goes down or up. It also means continuing to have an open mind and listening to other folks who are successful on the same weight & strengh training path I'm trying to stay on:).
It means focusing on making a habit out of logging food and exercising and enjoying my second half of life.
How utterly tremendous--YAY YOU and thank you ever so much for posting...BOOM!0 -
I’m adding in to all of these wonderful statements, setting realistic goals is a huge kindness I’ve learned to do for myself. Yes we’d all love to lose twenty lbs this month or fifty by Valentine’s Day but realistically my body’s speed is more like 5lbs a month or 15 in three.
When I’m realistic with my goals I don’t get into that self hating cycle of constantly failing to reach unattainable goals. Lol my realistic goal for December is 2lbs and to get in all my workouts. I can do that!
Love this..."being realistic with our goals" AND not allowing our "expectations" rule and reign over us too.
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I try to treat myself in the same way I would treat a small child.
I require a nutritious variety of food, that includes chocolate and cake. I need fresh air, exercise, regular sleep and play.
I also need the understanding that sometimes what I want isn't what I need, but that I'll do it anyway!
I also don't fail, I am always learning. Anything that doesn't work is in some way a learning experience, so you adapt and move on. No point stressing over what is past.2 -
for me, there are several ways, first when I get random negative thoughts about myself(for no apparent reason) like
you're no good", I counter act them with what God says, like I'm loved(I'm a believer) or get depressing thoughts, I work on renewing my mind. when I do something selfish, or just plain wrong, I do ask for forgiveness & apologize, on a practical level, I was a mom with 4 kids & now a grandma so I'm used to putting myself last, but I have learned to be kind to myself by, saying "no" when I'm tired or just need time to myself. Not wearing myself out by doing too much in one day or even not going out with a friend when i don't feel up to it. not doing things I really don't want to do just to please someone else. I've learned to value myself more & not put myself down & realize that being human, I'm never going to be perfect1 -
for me, there are several ways, first when I get random negative thoughts about myself(for no apparent reason) like you're no good", I counter act them with what God says, like I'm loved(I'm a believer) or get depressing thoughts, I work on renewing my mind. when I do something selfish, or just plain wrong, I do ask for forgiveness & apologize, on a practical level, I was a mom with 4 kids & now a grandma so I'm used to putting myself last, but I have learned to be kind to myself by, saying "no" when I'm tired or just need time to myself. Not wearing myself out by doing too much in one day or even not going out with a friend when i don't feel up to it. not doing things I really don't want to do just to please someone else. I've learned to value myself more & not put myself down & realize that being human, I'm never going to be perfect
{{{{{{{{{{ EVAMUTT }}}}}}}}}}}}}} Thank you beloved, ever so VERY much for posting this...it means more to me, what you've shared here, than you will ever know (and to a LOT of others that may not post/reply here too). I would highlight/bold some of the important things you've shared, but I'd wind up highlighting/bolding everything you've said b/c everything you've said means so VERY much to me. Thank you once more sister girl for contributing so VERY much to this thread--WOW! 0 -
littlegreenparrot1 wrote: »I try to treat myself in the same way I would treat a small child.
I require a nutritious variety of food, that includes chocolate and cake. I need fresh air, exercise, regular sleep and play.
I also need the understanding that sometimes what I want isn't what I need, but that I'll do it anyway!
I also don't fail, I am always learning. Anything that doesn't work is in some way a learning experience, so you adapt and move on. No point stressing over what is past.
This is just so excellent and doable littlegreenparrot--so very inspirational. Thank you ever so much for contributing to this thread! 0 -
Forsaking anger and wrath, period. I know it's HARD to do, but not impossible. Just MAKE yourself "get-it" that we simply can not change people, only ourselves and that in itself is a HUGE mountain to conquer, let alone climb. Anger and wrath simply does not work when "trying" to get people to do stuff or even understand us. It is being so KIND to y/ourselves replacing anger and wrath with patience and kindness...no matter how impossible it may seem to do/be. IF we do CHOOSE to be kind(er) to ourselves and "catch" ourselves (when not if) we're being wrathful about stuff, the more we practice this the more "self-control", stress free(er) and power over ourselves and the situation will be. Here's some stuff that may help:
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NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »Forsaking anger and wrath, period. I know it's HARD to do, but not impossible. Just MAKE yourself "get-it" that we simply can not change people, only ourselves and that in itself is a HUGE mountain to conquer, let alone climb.
Love this sentiment! Another quote I’ve found helpful is “Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”1
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