Living with my boyfriend is making me fat!

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So I've been living with my boyfriend for 2 years, and it's been taking a toll on my weight. He has NO weight issues by the way, he even wants to gain some weight and says that he's lost about 20 lbs since we've been together (from 180 to 160).
The big issues are:
Eating gives us something to do when we're bored
We eat the same food
And about the same ammount of food (usually i eat a bit less, and I'm trying to eat even less than I already am, giving him the bigger portions)
He's a bit picky
He needs to gain, I need to lose.

So basically, I don't know if I should cook my own meals and let him cook his own (he is capable, but he wouldn't like this one bit and might cause fights), or if I should try to make meals that we could both have, maybe I'll have more salad before dinner and he can have more of the dinner part? what are my options here? The best part is he's the biggest reason I want to lose some weight is to give him a hottie for a girlfriend :p

I also don't know when to incorporate excersise, we have about the same work schedules and excersising has just never been a part of our daily routine, we usually end up snuggling on the couch.. I don't expect him to work out with me, but I guess it's up to me to find when works best for our schedules..

UGH this is not easy......but NO PAIN NO GAIN right???
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Replies

  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
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    My husband is not actively trying to lose weight. I am and I've also been trying to cut some carbs out of my diet. My husband does at least half of the cooking. Dinner at my house usually consists of a protein (chicken, beef, fish), a starchy side dish and a vegetable and/or a salad. What I've been doing is to take my portion of the protein, a very small amount of the side dish and load up on the veggies and/or salad. It looks like I'm eating the same meal but I'm eating a lot less calories.

    ETA: Since my husband doesn't like it when I eat "weird" (ie. low carb), this has helped to keep the peace at home while I still see results on the scale.

    Talk him into going for a walk with you a few nights each week. It doesn't have to be fast paced and you can hold hands while you do.
  • michelegrayson
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    I can relate girlfriend! I eat so much better when my bf is not around. He is a junk food eater (I mean he eats like a 12 year old). I USE to be a junk food eater but now I keep the crap out of my house because I don't want the temptation. However, when he is here eating licorice or chips or cookies I find myself having one (or two!). It makes me crazy.

    One thing I do around our meals that we share is that I make healthy dinners but I give him twice as much or I sometimes skip the carbs/starch part that I have made for him. So I will grill a protein, have some veggies and then make some pasta, rice or potatos for him. I also pass salads off as meals but I can't do that too often or he starts to rebel:>)

    Good luck!
  • Sherie13
    Sherie13 Posts: 250 Member
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    Definitely don't make two separate meals for both of you! When my boyfriend and I started living together, I gained a ton of weight too. Now it's better. Do not eat when you are bored. Instead, ask him to go for a walk with you. Definitely give him the bigger portions. When we go to a restaurant, he eats half his food and I get through about a third of mine. Then we swap plates. He finishes my plate and I get through about a quarter to a half of what's left. Then he finishes that off! I try to eat slowly that way he has more than I do.

    Also, exercise together! If he wants to gain weight, suggest that the two of you join a gym together. He can lift weights and try to bulk up, while you do cardio and light weights to tone. If you both get up and go in the morning or go after work, then you are still doing stuff together.

    You can do this!
  • allysabee
    allysabee Posts: 123
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    I have the same problem! My boyfriend & I have been together for 7 years and we looove to eat! It's become our favorite thing to do. He has a really picky family so all he ever ate before he met me was junk, but I got him to try many different styles of cuisine (japanese, indian, mexican, etc.) so trying out different restaurants and foods has just become something we love to do together! I always find that I end up sacrificing "being good" to dine out because he really enjoys it (just like I do), and I don't want to give that up! However, since I've joined this site, we still go out to eat but I'll always look online for a menu of the restaurant and choose something reasonable and within my calorie range.

    Another thing my boyfriend & I love to do is make food at home! Nachos, tuna melts, ceasar salad, shrimp spaghetti - lots of yummy stuff! We don't do it as often now, but when we do make something, we choose healthier ingredients (for example, when we do nachos - we'll get low fat cheese, extra lean ground beef or even chicken, non-fat sour cream, LOTS of veggies, etc). He is very supportive of me wanting to lose weight and he is totally game for making healthier choices! One thing that is different though is that he is trying to get more fit (he is by no means overweight but he wants to build muscle and tone his body) so we have an exercise bike and a weight bench in the basement and we work out together. That's a good way to keep me motivated knowing that he is trying to get in shape too - I would suggest, since ur boyfriend isn't working out, maybe just come up with a few activities that are a bit more active. If it's nice weather out, ask him to take a walk with you (even to go get ice cream, and then just get frozen yogurt or something healthy when u get there!) Go to the zoo, if you have a dog, take him/her to the park on the weekend and play ball or frisbee. There are a lot of great ways to incorporate activity into your life that are fun and not boring!

    I know this is very long but I feel your pain and hopefully this helps a bit :)
  • whateverr120
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    What I've been doing is to take my portion of the protein, a very small amount of the side dish and load up on the veggies and/or salad. It looks like I'm eating the same meal but I'm eating a lot less calories.

    ETA: Since my husband doesn't like it when I eat "weird" (ie. low carb), this has helped to keep the peace at home while I still see results on the scale.

    Talk him into going for a walk with you a few nights each week. It doesn't have to be fast paced and you can hold hands while you do.

    This was so great thanks! I'm definately comming to realize I CAN lose weight and keep the boyfriend too lol!
  • kimmae17
    kimmae17 Posts: 64 Member
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    I dont live with my bf, but we eat together alot! what i do is make some kind of meat dish for dinner, chicken, steak, fish. He and i both have that and a salad, and i usually make a vegetable which i also eat. Then for him I add garlic bread (the texas toast frozen kind) maybe some instant mashed pototoes, stuff like that. and i just resist those things!
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    A lot of people gain weight when they start living with a partner. I was discussing this a friend at work who was married recently and we both agreed that for us it was dinners. When we were single we didn't always have "dinner". If we weren't very hungry or just didn't feel like cooking we'd just have some cereal, maybe some popcorn and fruit or chips and salsa. But now there is a meal every night and those calories add up even if the dinners are healthy. And when there is someone around that you really enjoy being with, it is hard to take time out to exercise.

    My suggestion would be to fix a dinner you both can enjoy, but simply give him bigger portions. If you buy fish or steak, try to buy one small for you and one larger for him. If buying chicken breasts, chops or small fish buy 2 for him. Just because he doesn't need to lose weight does not need mean that he doesn't need to eat healthy or exercise.

    Also, try to think of exercise you can do together. Hiking, biking, canoeing, or join a gym together. Strength training together could help accomplish your goal of losing weight and his of gaining.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
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    Definitely work on cooking healthy meals you can share, but you can vary each of your portions. Never had this problem, but I'm assuming controlled weight gain needs to be done with healthy foods too, right?

    I'm pretty lucky in this area since my husband wants to eat healthy and is trying to drop a few lbs too...but one thing we've done is take after-dinner bike rides instead of vegging on the couch, but after a long day of work, I usually do have to prod him to get up and go....
  • whateverr120
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    When we go to a restaurant, he eats half his food and I get through about a third of mine. Then we swap plates. He finishes my plate and I get through about a quarter to a half of what's left. Then he finishes that off! I try to eat slowly that way he has more than I do.

    Also, exercise together! If he wants to gain weight, suggest that the two of you join a gym together. He can lift weights and try to bulk up, while you do cardio and light weights to tone. If you both get up and go in the morning or go after work, then you are still doing stuff together.

    You can do this!

    The restaurant idea is AWESOME I never even thought to do this! And thats a great point, if we go to the gym together he can do his thing and I can do mine. Sacrificing time together is a definately something I want to avoid. Thank you!!
  • bearsfan2334
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    I have a somewhat similar situation... My boyfriend is fabulous but when we first started dating, I gained 25 lbs in the first 6 months. :grumble: I was eating the same things and quanitites he was! It was getting a little ridiculous so now I am here. He is very supportive of me and has grown accustomed to our more healthy lifestyle. :smooched:

    Here is what we do:

    I make a menu plan every week. This way, we never fight about what we are going to eat. He is a very picky eater so he won't eat vegetables. I usually buy the steamer bags or individual servings (frozen) of the vegetables and make them for myself. If I make a big bag, I munch off it all week. Our menu always has variety but I tweek some of the things we used to eat... Instead of spaghetti with beef, I make turkey meatballs and I have a salad with low fat dressing before the meal. He knows to give me smaller serving sizes now as well. I think the best thing for us is in the menu and before I make it, I ask him what he wants for dinner. That way, he has an input. I also have a "cheat day" once a week, nothing like 3,000 calories or anything but if I want Pizza Hut, we get Pizza Hut. Some weeks for my cheat day, I put "Greg's choice" on that day and he can pick whatever or we go out to eat. This way, he can get his fix and I can usually find something decent on the menu.

    If you want to make this a habit, exercise will have to be incorporated some how. I usually go early in the morning. That way, I can still get my snuggling on the couch fix. I do Zumba twice a week, Tuesdays and Wednesdays so that is his night to make supper. By the time I get home and showered, supper is all ready :smile:

    Lastly, if this is something you want to do - you will need to sit down with him and explain your plans. If he loves you, he will be supportive. You have to tell him that you need his support, don't just expect him to understand by assumptions. Good Luck!
  • chefswife67
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    I have been married for 5 years now and when i first met hubby i was 180 pounds..
    After we got married i started to gain weight due to us going out to eat plus he is a chef cook, so he can make home cheese cakes witch i love !! So you can say that i went from 180 to 240 in the time that we have been married.. He is all so on MFP to lose his weight as well cause we both gained together..
    This is what i did, i had to make the change for myself to get healthier and get my weight under control.. If whe wanted to make the chande with me then im happy for him and i will support him ..
    As for you if you fill that you need to lose weight then do it ! Just because he needs to gain weight doesn't mean that you have to gain it also.. Yes make your own meals and let him make his .. this way you know what you need to eat to lose..
    Hope i have helped...
  • jimmychoo2shoes
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    I have had pretty much the same problem and will just kinda ditto what other folks have been saying. My boyfriend likes to eat meat and potatoes kind of stuff, so he could care less if we have salad or veggies with dinner. I make them anyway and just eat more of the salad/veggies and eat a smaller portion of meat and may not even eat any starches we have or will just eat a smaller portion, depending on what I have decided is within my calorie budget for that meal.
    In terms of snacks, I like to make sure I have plenty of healthy snacks on hand, because my bf loves to snack on cookies at night and I can't resist eating when he's eating cookies. So, I try to eat something healthy that stil seems like a bit of a treat and I just budget for that in my daily calories.
    My bf actually has no interest in regular gym workouts but does like to hike, so we will sometimes do this together. But three nights a week I am taking a boot camp class and he just does whatever he normally does at home during that time. I've tried working out at home and I've found it impossible to motivate myself to workout when he just wants to sit and watch tv, so I joined a scheduled workout class and have found it much easier to stick with.
  • maserati185
    maserati185 Posts: 263 Member
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    I'd say make a game plan as to how you want to go about losing weight. Educate yourself well on nutrition (library,book store,MFP). Your boyfriend doesn't need to stop eating the way he is for you to lose weight... and you say he wants to gain anyhow.

    My husband and I were both overweight and not eating great. I changed things for myself. When he brings ben&jerry's in the house, I'll have him grab me a low-sugar, smaller portion ice cream. When he brings around chips to snack on, I'll eat peanuts or apples. You get the idea. Cut your sugars first - empty, addictive foods that will only pack on lbs. Make a plan. Stick with it. It wouldn't hurt to have a sit-down talk with your boyfriend about how much it means to you and how you don't need for him to change himself, but would appreciate his encouragement/support... that kinda thing. As far as the fixing the meals, continue to cook but make healthy meals. Healthy doesn't mean tasteless and he won't shrivel up into nothing from eating healthy. :) He can still put on weight by eating bigger portions and/or more snacks.
  • JDRBT
    JDRBT Posts: 264 Member
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    Hi there! I can understand your situation. I put on about 8 lbs when My Sailor moved up! I FINALLY have almost lost them.
    Don't be afraid of conflict. Losing weight is all about making your health your number 1 priority. Anyone who loves you is going to want to support you in this (besides, he gets a super hot girlfriend out of it, right?! ;) ).

    Here's what worked for me:

    1) EAT AT THE DINING ROOM TABLE - if you currently eat in front of the television or with a screen on, you're not making the meal or spending time together as a focus. This means you're probably overeating and not realizing it, and you're robbing yourselves of quality time together. Limit eating in front of a screen to once a week. Then it turns into a "fun" event, rather than the "norm." (It'll also help you not want to eat out of bordem every time the TV is on. ;) ). My Sailor and I ALWAYS eat breakfast together and we're making a real effort to eat without the TV on several times a week. Having some music playing sets the mood pretty well and makes for less silence, if you're worried about having enough to talk about. : ) Add a candle or two and you have romance right there!

    2) COOK TOGETHER. Make a BIG salad together that will last for a day or two. You can make it together to get more of that "quality time" I referenced above. Cooking together can be fun and it keeps you both on the same page as far as what's in your food prep. You both can munch on it during meals, and if you make it in a big bowl, rather than plate by plate, you'll be able to control your portion size, and he can control his.
    Focus on LEAN meats and LEAN meat prep. In my experience, guys are MORE than happy to man the grill! :) Again, YOU control your portion size. if you're done before him, then you're done before him. Sip at your drink and chat.

    3) OFFER TO TAKE OVER COOKING ONE MEAL PER DAY. I'm lucky. My Sailor is a GREAT cook and he's really learned some healthy, quick meal tricks! So I usually cook breakfast and he handles dinner. We're usually both at work for lunch, so lunch we handle on our own. This has worked really well for me, because I can make sure we have a good breakfast together while he's getting his uniform on, boots polished, and all that military stuff. I focus on a protein, a fruit, and a fiber. A couple of quick examples: A glass of OJ (not from concentrate), a greek yogurt, a single serving of special K cereal w/ unsweetened vanilla almond milk, Or 2 scrambled eggs, 1 peice of double fiber toast with honey, a tall glass of water, and a piece of fruit. It only takes about 15 minutes to prepare (sometimes less) and gives us just a few more minutes of quality time together, even though he starts work about an hour before I do.

    4) KEEP YOUR HANDS BUSY! So you're bored and you're trying to lose weight. Why not go for a walk together around the block? Or grab a book? Or a puzzle book? Or make a cup of tea? Fill the time with something other than food.

    5) REALLY TAKE A DEEP LOOK AT WHY YOU'RE EATING. I find that when I'm "bored eating", I'm not really "bored" - because, let's face it, eating because your bored doesn't exactly qualify as "doing something." Doing housework, reading a book, going for a walk, petting the dog, or enjoying My partner - THAT is doing something. Chewing and swallowing doesn't count. Usually it's because I've got something else emotionally going on that I'm trying to ignore - or quite literally "stuff". I may be seeking comfort from some issue I don't want to face (like this up coming deployment that will last over the holidays...) or maybe there is a topic I'm nervous about bringing up with him because I feel like it might cause conflict. Try to figure it out and talk about it, if not with your boyfriend, than with a good friend - or even throw it up up here if you like! There is a lot of comfort to be had in feeding your soul, rather than feeding your face. ;) And if it's something that might bring up conflict between you and your boyfriend, try not to shy away from it. Just say whatever you need to say in a loving way and work it out. You might find you're not hungry anymore. ;) If it's not "hunger" it's not something food will fix - even being bored. (I'm learning that conflict is OKAY too, so you're not alone! Sounds like you might be afraid to put your HEALTH first because changing might cause conflict, but conflict is okay - it helps our relationships grow stronger! Sort of like weight lifting hurts the muscles in your body, but doesn't "harm" them. It helps them grow stronger - conflict, when presented in a loving manner, does the same thing! Maybe discuss how you're feeling regarding your weight with him and share with him that you're afraid making big changes will cause conflict, so you want his help in making some changes you can both live with - because you BOTH deserve to be the HEALTHIEST you can be for one another - and for yourselves!)

    6) DEVELOP ACTIVE HOBBIES. In my case, I LOVE theater. So I audition for community theater whenever I can. I'm currently in a production of INTO THE WOODS. I worked it out, and I burn about 900 calories on a "show day". Even more during rehearsal. It's my time to make more friends, have fun, and hone my skills. I've also been invited to play on a Women's Volleyball team and I plan to go for it! My Sailor is really supportive (did I mention how lucky I am? lol). He doesn't love being apart from me, but he understands its for my health and peace of mind. So he's been to my show TWICE (took family once and friends once). I'm sure I'll see him cheering me on during Volleyball games. We pride ourselves on being each other's #`1 fan! I'm hoping to complete a 1/2 marathon next year, if not the following year, and I KNOW without a doubt that he'll be there cheering me on (if not running it with me). Doing some things together and some things apart is completely healthy. It gives you more to talk about, and gives you each a chance to continue to grow!

    7) PICK ACTIVE DATES! Instead of just going out to eat - why not couple it with a long walk around a mall to window shop? We're a pretty active couple, so we recently went Rock Climbing at an indoor gym. It was only an hour, but it was a GREAT hour! I was so scared to do it (it was his pick). I was BY FAR the heaviest woman in the gym, but I've learned it's FUN to do things that YOU DON'T THINK YOU CAN DO! You'd be surprised what you're capable of, and sharing that discovery experience with one you love is amazing as well! (I blogged about it here: http://www.jsjourneybook.com/2011/07/my-climbing-adventure.html)

    Hang in there! :) Control what you can and let the rest go. :)
  • 6Janelle13
    6Janelle13 Posts: 353 Member
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    My husband and I are in a similar boat but recently turned a corner. I started by buying my healthy stuff and his more fattening things. we would do ground turkey tacos and i would use my low carb low cal tortillas and he would use the regular stuff he loved. I would then cut back to my protein over salad and he could do what he loved and it didn't matter because it was still in the house. It cost us more but i would buy the single serving mac and cheese for him so he wasn't missing anything while i tried to work on my goals.

    Fast forward- My hubby had a small health scare recently and now he is pushing us both back into working out. he eats 80% identical to me but since he still wants to gain muscle and weight he either eats more or he has a protein shake. we snack when bored so we have both lock out times for the kitchen (breakfast 6 to 8, snack at 10, lunch 11-1, snack if needed 3, dinner 5-7 then we close the kitchen) all our snack foods we know the portions off. we keep fruit, peanut butter, triscuit and reduced fat string cheese for easy pre portioned snacking. we make ourselves drink water first before eating anything. if it is because we are bored we will go for a walk with the dogs twice a day to try and keep it fresh. we also started cooking together which is fun and good for our relationship. My Hubby struggles with portions and i have been using a food scale forever so often i make both plates while keeping goals and limits in line. now that he wants to be healthier it is way easier on me but still I keep stuff for him in the house for his weak days. If it is healthier food i make sure it is still familiar to him(ie thin crust pizza instead of regular) and if it is one we need portion control for I will tell him and package it in a serving size or half a serving size to keep us both on track.
  • shelbygeorge29
    shelbygeorge29 Posts: 263 Member
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    . He can lift weights and try to bulk up, while you do cardio and light weights to tone.

    I respectfully point out that information is plain wrong. Lifting weights will not bulk you up, they will lean you out. Ladies, don't be afraid of lifting weights!
  • sherisaid
    sherisaid Posts: 9 Member
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    I have the same problem, and tackle it by making a meal I can live with and then adding a loaded baked potato or a can of baked beans for him. Sometimes make a big container of mashed potatoes and just scoop some out on his plate and microwave it. I freeze bread -rolls or garlic bread-and heat only one piece for him. That way, we can eat the same thing for dinner, but I have a 3 oz portion of protein and low-starch veggies for about 250-350 calories, and he has a gigantic gorgefest. As long as I avoid processed carbs, I have no cravings and no binges. Don't know if that's just me.
  • jgic2009
    jgic2009 Posts: 531 Member
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    bump
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,669 Member
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    So I've been living with my boyfriend for 2 years, and it's been taking a toll on my weight. He has NO weight issues by the way, he even wants to gain some weight and says that he's lost about 20 lbs since we've been together (from 180 to 160).
    The big issues are:
    Eating gives us something to do when we're bored
    We eat the same food
    And about the same ammount of food (usually i eat a bit less, and I'm trying to eat even less than I already am, giving him the bigger portions)
    He's a bit picky
    He needs to gain, I need to lose.

    So basically, I don't know if I should cook my own meals and let him cook his own (he is capable, but he wouldn't like this one bit and might cause fights), or if I should try to make meals that we could both have, maybe I'll have more salad before dinner and he can have more of the dinner part? what are my options here? The best part is he's the biggest reason I want to lose some weight is to give him a hottie for a girlfriend :p

    I also don't know when to incorporate excersise, we have about the same work schedules and excersising has just never been a part of our daily routine, we usually end up snuggling on the couch.. I don't expect him to work out with me, but I guess it's up to me to find when works best for our schedules..

    UGH this is not easy......but NO PAIN NO GAIN right???
    Straight up...............there's no guarantee that you may marry him. You need to do what's right for you first. That's part of compromise.
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
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    When you're bored you should have sex. Everybody wins in this scenario - your scale, his muscles, your grocery bill and your relationship.

    Aaaaand GO!