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Talking to a Loved One About Weight Loss



  • cathipa
    cathipa Posts: 2,992 Member
    Unfortunately most people have to be ready for change.
  • Amaris_89
    Amaris_89 Posts: 10 Member
    The only person in my immediate family that has a significant amount of weight to lose, if he wanted to, is my brother and he's been very successful at it before. When he decides to do it he can but he has to be the one in charge of that decision. There is no way to hint or shame him into it, which I feel is a good thing. He's the one that has to do the work after all, so it should be up to him when to start. I have less weight to lose myself, but know that if someone else had told me about it my first thought would have been "you really think I'm unaware? I live in my own body and I compare myself to the standards around me constantly". It would have harmed my relationship with that person more than anything. I doubt there are many overweight people out there that are oblivious to their problem, it's just that for some reason they're still unable to or unwilling, to take the steps necessary to change it.
  • squiffiegirl
    squiffiegirl Posts: 14 Member
    Good luck!

    No matter the concern...drinking, drugs, smoking, staying in an abusive relationship, gambling, out of control spending, unhealthy weight ( be it obesity or anorexia)...

    No one can motivate someone else to change. Any approach will be viewed as criticism. Save your breath.
  • SnifterPug
    SnifterPug Posts: 746 Member
    My mother made a big thing of weight when I was in my early teens and even had my school involved. At the time I was overweight but not obese. It did nothing except turn weight into a horrible issue, which it has been for most of my adult life. I can understand your concerns but voicing them is more likely than not to be counter-productive. If you yourself are slim and healthy the person will probably think you won't understand their situation. If you yourself have overcome weight issues the person will probably think they can never measure up to you. If you yourself have not overcome weight issues they will probably think you're not worth listening to.
  • steveko89
    steveko89 Posts: 2,183 Member
    I can only speak to my experience growing up as I don't have a situation where excess weight is significantly impacting an immediate family member. I was never egregiously overweight as a kid, maybe 15-20% over "healthy", but was a noticeable amount of extra fat until I finally lost to a healthy weight at age 17. It was certainly something I was aware of and it had an effect on my self esteem. Instead of trying to solve the problem my parents (mostly mom) took the same "everyone is built differently" approach others mentioned. I recognize that dealing with overweight children can be difficult and precarious, but I'd rather have been able to reach and maintain a healthy weight as an adolescent as there are psychological repercussions I still struggle with today; body dysmorphia, imposter syndrone, general social awkwardness, etc. I played sports growing up and was ok-to-good as most things but never really excelled athletically. At 30 I've stayed in the "healthy" weight range since that initial weight loss in high school, have taken up weight lifting, hit the 1000lb club, can roll out bed and run a 10k, and sit at approximately 12% body fat; most would consider me in good, if not great physical shape. I rarely feel or think about myself that way though. I still struggle with what I perceive is excess body fat, meticulously track my food and calories, and lift 4-6 times per week, all to look... ok, I guess?
  • samhennings
    samhennings Posts: 443 Member
    phx92 wrote: »
    I know it’s an old thread but I was the unhealthy family member, and probably the best example I had of family intervention was my aunt giving me a good example to follow and including me in her own healthier lifestyle. Not just “hints” or really any discussion about my weight, but she was making healthier choices and gave me the chance to participate in that w her.

    This is exactly where I was going to go with my reply.

    I think people need to be ready to lose weight, it takes time to get mentally in the right place. And, sometimes, it takes time even to realise the extent of the issues and to own up to them.

    I would suggest just living as a good example to someone, being inclusive - but not pushy - is really the best way to be.

    Eventually, when (or if) they are ready, they can join in. And they can start with baby steps.

    But even while they arent joining in, you can be sure they are paying attention, and your example could well be something helping them with that initial mental exercise.

  • CipherZero
    CipherZero Posts: 1,418 Member
    To be honest, it may have helped me NOT get up to 320 pounds. Everyone around me said I was "just fine" and "big boned". Except I was on a path to an early grave. Finally, when someone gave me real talk, it struck a nerve and I changed.

    God-damn it, this. If my spouse tells me one more time I look fine and I'm not overweight I'm going to scream. BMI 37 isn't a measure of health on anyone's scale.

    170cm and 98kg is not "fine" unless you're lifting weights like it's your job and/or have some serious chemical assistance.