Why can't I take my own advice?
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I would hope by Christmas/my next birthday I'll be at goal I've set my goal date for 30th November which is my daughter's birthday other than that I don't have social events
Could this be part of your problem? You have set yourself and deadline and you are worried about meeting it rather than focusing on this as a lifelong change that will take time to achieve and work to maintain.
I'm not worried about the deadline I don't think 46lbs by 30th November is overly aggressive I'm mainly worried about sticking to it as I have floated in and out of mfp for 2 years now0 -
tinkerbellang83 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »The thing is I know that one day won't make that much difference and I really want to be able to enjoy my birthday but it's like I'm torn between having my birthday treat and keeping on track my brain won't let me think I can have it both ways I'm actually averaging over 2500 calories out per day as per my Fitbit crunched the numbers from the 27th January to 5th February Fitbit calculated loss of 3.6lbs actual loss of 3.4lbs so pretty accurate but once I've calculated my 3 meals for the day my brain goes right that's it even yesterday when I did 19k steps and got slot of calories extra I had eaten 1498 so my brain said nope you've had your 3 meals and it's after 5pm so you'll just end up binging (even though there isn't any "bad" food for me to binge on)
you're aware the mindset isn't healthy, and i would suggest that if your brain is giving you such a hard time then you need more support than the forums here can offer.
you don't need telling that 3.4lbs in 10 days is crash diet territory
That's probably true but not a option for me so guess I just gotta keep strong
This is an option.. manipulating calories during this one week will work, you can either PLAN to enjoy your birthday or not. Everything is about choices.
If you are back at weight loss, then something you did prior did not work, changing your mindset takes time and looking at the future you as in how you handle weight loss way into maintenance is something you should work on during this next round of weight loss.
I meant getting help isn't a option for me right now and what didn't work before is I was over restrictive I stopped logging when I had "bad" days I had and still have a all or nothing mentality but as I said in my OP I'm failing into same traps as before only slightly better eg I'm set to lightly active not sedentary as before I didn't except the 1200 mfp threw at me Ive set it to 1500 but I'm not eating my exercise calories and I'm burning on average as per my Fitbit over 2600 cals a day. However I am still 2 stone down from my starting weight in 2016 do I'm desperately hanging onto that small victory
But you have very high anxiety just over your birthday coming up. You will have many more birthdays and holidays and other social events as well. How you handle weight loss mentally and emotionally is part of the physical weight loss. I think maybe (and this is just my observation from your threads) you focus on the right now and not looking far enough into long term success with your weight loss.
Working on the brain takes time, if you cannot get help right now, you do the best you can with what you have. Maybe look for online resources that are free. I would definitely stop participating in online forums that are feeding into my brain negatively.
I would hope by Christmas/my next birthday I'll be at goal I've set my goal date for 30th November which is my daughter's birthday other than that I don't have social events
Yes but it's not just about getting to goal it's about maintaining it too, are you not going to have the same anxiety when you're trying to maintain the loss too? To keep the weight off you can't just get to goal then go back to what you were doing before, so you're going to have years of birthdays/Christmas etc.
No because I know how I put the weight on I had dessert every night I stopped exercising and was eating the same portions as my partner which obviously I can't do since he is make and 6ft 8 so as long as I don't do that again I'll be ok
So then can you work out why you're so anxious over eating a high calorie meal on your birthday which it seems you're saying you'd only do 2-3 times per year and work on a coping mechanism for it, if you can't/won't seek professional help.
https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/coping-skills-anxiety.pdf
https://www.openfit.com/what-is-food-guilt
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tinkerbellang83 wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »The thing is I know that one day won't make that much difference and I really want to be able to enjoy my birthday but it's like I'm torn between having my birthday treat and keeping on track my brain won't let me think I can have it both ways I'm actually averaging over 2500 calories out per day as per my Fitbit crunched the numbers from the 27th January to 5th February Fitbit calculated loss of 3.6lbs actual loss of 3.4lbs so pretty accurate but once I've calculated my 3 meals for the day my brain goes right that's it even yesterday when I did 19k steps and got slot of calories extra I had eaten 1498 so my brain said nope you've had your 3 meals and it's after 5pm so you'll just end up binging (even though there isn't any "bad" food for me to binge on)
you're aware the mindset isn't healthy, and i would suggest that if your brain is giving you such a hard time then you need more support than the forums here can offer.
you don't need telling that 3.4lbs in 10 days is crash diet territory
That's probably true but not a option for me so guess I just gotta keep strong
This is an option.. manipulating calories during this one week will work, you can either PLAN to enjoy your birthday or not. Everything is about choices.
If you are back at weight loss, then something you did prior did not work, changing your mindset takes time and looking at the future you as in how you handle weight loss way into maintenance is something you should work on during this next round of weight loss.
I meant getting help isn't a option for me right now and what didn't work before is I was over restrictive I stopped logging when I had "bad" days I had and still have a all or nothing mentality but as I said in my OP I'm failing into same traps as before only slightly better eg I'm set to lightly active not sedentary as before I didn't except the 1200 mfp threw at me Ive set it to 1500 but I'm not eating my exercise calories and I'm burning on average as per my Fitbit over 2600 cals a day. However I am still 2 stone down from my starting weight in 2016 do I'm desperately hanging onto that small victory
But you have very high anxiety just over your birthday coming up. You will have many more birthdays and holidays and other social events as well. How you handle weight loss mentally and emotionally is part of the physical weight loss. I think maybe (and this is just my observation from your threads) you focus on the right now and not looking far enough into long term success with your weight loss.
Working on the brain takes time, if you cannot get help right now, you do the best you can with what you have. Maybe look for online resources that are free. I would definitely stop participating in online forums that are feeding into my brain negatively.
I would hope by Christmas/my next birthday I'll be at goal I've set my goal date for 30th November which is my daughter's birthday other than that I don't have social events
Yes but it's not just about getting to goal it's about maintaining it too, are you not going to have the same anxiety when you're trying to maintain the loss too? To keep the weight off you can't just get to goal then go back to what you were doing before, so you're going to have years of birthdays/Christmas etc.
No because I know how I put the weight on I had dessert every night I stopped exercising and was eating the same portions as my partner which obviously I can't do since he is make and 6ft 8 so as long as I don't do that again I'll be ok
So then can you work out why you're so anxious over eating a high calorie meal on your birthday which it seems you're saying you'd only do 2-3 times per year and work on a coping mechanism for it.
Anxiety doesn't have a ryme or reason to it so no I can't work out why I'm so anxious. I guess I'm just worried it will send me spiralling into not logging/binging etc then I'll be back at square 1 again even though I know one day won't set me back that much but that's if I keep it at just one day0 -
tinkerbellang83 wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »The thing is I know that one day won't make that much difference and I really want to be able to enjoy my birthday but it's like I'm torn between having my birthday treat and keeping on track my brain won't let me think I can have it both ways I'm actually averaging over 2500 calories out per day as per my Fitbit crunched the numbers from the 27th January to 5th February Fitbit calculated loss of 3.6lbs actual loss of 3.4lbs so pretty accurate but once I've calculated my 3 meals for the day my brain goes right that's it even yesterday when I did 19k steps and got slot of calories extra I had eaten 1498 so my brain said nope you've had your 3 meals and it's after 5pm so you'll just end up binging (even though there isn't any "bad" food for me to binge on)
you're aware the mindset isn't healthy, and i would suggest that if your brain is giving you such a hard time then you need more support than the forums here can offer.
you don't need telling that 3.4lbs in 10 days is crash diet territory
That's probably true but not a option for me so guess I just gotta keep strong
This is an option.. manipulating calories during this one week will work, you can either PLAN to enjoy your birthday or not. Everything is about choices.
If you are back at weight loss, then something you did prior did not work, changing your mindset takes time and looking at the future you as in how you handle weight loss way into maintenance is something you should work on during this next round of weight loss.
I meant getting help isn't a option for me right now and what didn't work before is I was over restrictive I stopped logging when I had "bad" days I had and still have a all or nothing mentality but as I said in my OP I'm failing into same traps as before only slightly better eg I'm set to lightly active not sedentary as before I didn't except the 1200 mfp threw at me Ive set it to 1500 but I'm not eating my exercise calories and I'm burning on average as per my Fitbit over 2600 cals a day. However I am still 2 stone down from my starting weight in 2016 do I'm desperately hanging onto that small victory
But you have very high anxiety just over your birthday coming up. You will have many more birthdays and holidays and other social events as well. How you handle weight loss mentally and emotionally is part of the physical weight loss. I think maybe (and this is just my observation from your threads) you focus on the right now and not looking far enough into long term success with your weight loss.
Working on the brain takes time, if you cannot get help right now, you do the best you can with what you have. Maybe look for online resources that are free. I would definitely stop participating in online forums that are feeding into my brain negatively.
I would hope by Christmas/my next birthday I'll be at goal I've set my goal date for 30th November which is my daughter's birthday other than that I don't have social events
Yes but it's not just about getting to goal it's about maintaining it too, are you not going to have the same anxiety when you're trying to maintain the loss too? To keep the weight off you can't just get to goal then go back to what you were doing before, so you're going to have years of birthdays/Christmas etc.
No because I know how I put the weight on I had dessert every night I stopped exercising and was eating the same portions as my partner which obviously I can't do since he is make and 6ft 8 so as long as I don't do that again I'll be ok
So then can you work out why you're so anxious over eating a high calorie meal on your birthday which it seems you're saying you'd only do 2-3 times per year and work on a coping mechanism for it.
Anxiety doesn't have a ryme or reason to it so no I can't work out why I'm so anxious. I guess I'm just worried it will send me spiralling into not logging/binging etc then I'll be back at square 1 again even though I know one day won't set me back that much but that's if I keep it at just one day
I would disagree with that somewhat as you have identified the issue, and can put the work in to change the outcome.
Thete are plenty of online resources available for dealing with anxiety, and everyone in this thread has given you ideas for dealing with the actual calories.1 -
tinkerbellang83 wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »The thing is I know that one day won't make that much difference and I really want to be able to enjoy my birthday but it's like I'm torn between having my birthday treat and keeping on track my brain won't let me think I can have it both ways I'm actually averaging over 2500 calories out per day as per my Fitbit crunched the numbers from the 27th January to 5th February Fitbit calculated loss of 3.6lbs actual loss of 3.4lbs so pretty accurate but once I've calculated my 3 meals for the day my brain goes right that's it even yesterday when I did 19k steps and got slot of calories extra I had eaten 1498 so my brain said nope you've had your 3 meals and it's after 5pm so you'll just end up binging (even though there isn't any "bad" food for me to binge on)
you're aware the mindset isn't healthy, and i would suggest that if your brain is giving you such a hard time then you need more support than the forums here can offer.
you don't need telling that 3.4lbs in 10 days is crash diet territory
That's probably true but not a option for me so guess I just gotta keep strong
This is an option.. manipulating calories during this one week will work, you can either PLAN to enjoy your birthday or not. Everything is about choices.
If you are back at weight loss, then something you did prior did not work, changing your mindset takes time and looking at the future you as in how you handle weight loss way into maintenance is something you should work on during this next round of weight loss.
I meant getting help isn't a option for me right now and what didn't work before is I was over restrictive I stopped logging when I had "bad" days I had and still have a all or nothing mentality but as I said in my OP I'm failing into same traps as before only slightly better eg I'm set to lightly active not sedentary as before I didn't except the 1200 mfp threw at me Ive set it to 1500 but I'm not eating my exercise calories and I'm burning on average as per my Fitbit over 2600 cals a day. However I am still 2 stone down from my starting weight in 2016 do I'm desperately hanging onto that small victory
But you have very high anxiety just over your birthday coming up. You will have many more birthdays and holidays and other social events as well. How you handle weight loss mentally and emotionally is part of the physical weight loss. I think maybe (and this is just my observation from your threads) you focus on the right now and not looking far enough into long term success with your weight loss.
Working on the brain takes time, if you cannot get help right now, you do the best you can with what you have. Maybe look for online resources that are free. I would definitely stop participating in online forums that are feeding into my brain negatively.
I would hope by Christmas/my next birthday I'll be at goal I've set my goal date for 30th November which is my daughter's birthday other than that I don't have social events
Yes but it's not just about getting to goal it's about maintaining it too, are you not going to have the same anxiety when you're trying to maintain the loss too? To keep the weight off you can't just get to goal then go back to what you were doing before, so you're going to have years of birthdays/Christmas etc.
No because I know how I put the weight on I had dessert every night I stopped exercising and was eating the same portions as my partner which obviously I can't do since he is make and 6ft 8 so as long as I don't do that again I'll be ok
So then can you work out why you're so anxious over eating a high calorie meal on your birthday which it seems you're saying you'd only do 2-3 times per year and work on a coping mechanism for it.
Anxiety doesn't have a ryme or reason to it so no I can't work out why I'm so anxious. I guess I'm just worried it will send me spiralling into not logging/binging etc then I'll be back at square 1 again even though I know one day won't set me back that much but that's if I keep it at just one day
I would also disagree, I have anxiety myself along with OCD and can work out what is triggering me and challenge my illogical thoughts now, but that's because I sought help, not professional help as such but I have worked on having a more positive mindset with the help of others who have suffered and free online resources.
For example, have you considered writing yourself a response to your question as if it was someone else that had posted? Quite often if I am stressing about something irrationally, I ask myself what I would advice I would give to a friend or relative (think this was also mentioned further upthread). Be your own best friend.2 -
tinkerbellang83 wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »The thing is I know that one day won't make that much difference and I really want to be able to enjoy my birthday but it's like I'm torn between having my birthday treat and keeping on track my brain won't let me think I can have it both ways I'm actually averaging over 2500 calories out per day as per my Fitbit crunched the numbers from the 27th January to 5th February Fitbit calculated loss of 3.6lbs actual loss of 3.4lbs so pretty accurate but once I've calculated my 3 meals for the day my brain goes right that's it even yesterday when I did 19k steps and got slot of calories extra I had eaten 1498 so my brain said nope you've had your 3 meals and it's after 5pm so you'll just end up binging (even though there isn't any "bad" food for me to binge on)
you're aware the mindset isn't healthy, and i would suggest that if your brain is giving you such a hard time then you need more support than the forums here can offer.
you don't need telling that 3.4lbs in 10 days is crash diet territory
That's probably true but not a option for me so guess I just gotta keep strong
This is an option.. manipulating calories during this one week will work, you can either PLAN to enjoy your birthday or not. Everything is about choices.
If you are back at weight loss, then something you did prior did not work, changing your mindset takes time and looking at the future you as in how you handle weight loss way into maintenance is something you should work on during this next round of weight loss.
I meant getting help isn't a option for me right now and what didn't work before is I was over restrictive I stopped logging when I had "bad" days I had and still have a all or nothing mentality but as I said in my OP I'm failing into same traps as before only slightly better eg I'm set to lightly active not sedentary as before I didn't except the 1200 mfp threw at me Ive set it to 1500 but I'm not eating my exercise calories and I'm burning on average as per my Fitbit over 2600 cals a day. However I am still 2 stone down from my starting weight in 2016 do I'm desperately hanging onto that small victory
But you have very high anxiety just over your birthday coming up. You will have many more birthdays and holidays and other social events as well. How you handle weight loss mentally and emotionally is part of the physical weight loss. I think maybe (and this is just my observation from your threads) you focus on the right now and not looking far enough into long term success with your weight loss.
Working on the brain takes time, if you cannot get help right now, you do the best you can with what you have. Maybe look for online resources that are free. I would definitely stop participating in online forums that are feeding into my brain negatively.
I would hope by Christmas/my next birthday I'll be at goal I've set my goal date for 30th November which is my daughter's birthday other than that I don't have social events
Yes but it's not just about getting to goal it's about maintaining it too, are you not going to have the same anxiety when you're trying to maintain the loss too? To keep the weight off you can't just get to goal then go back to what you were doing before, so you're going to have years of birthdays/Christmas etc.
No because I know how I put the weight on I had dessert every night I stopped exercising and was eating the same portions as my partner which obviously I can't do since he is make and 6ft 8 so as long as I don't do that again I'll be ok
So then can you work out why you're so anxious over eating a high calorie meal on your birthday which it seems you're saying you'd only do 2-3 times per year and work on a coping mechanism for it.
Anxiety doesn't have a ryme or reason to it so no I can't work out why I'm so anxious. I guess I'm just worried it will send me spiralling into not logging/binging etc then I'll be back at square 1 again even though I know one day won't set me back that much but that's if I keep it at just one day
There is stuff you can do for anxiety though. I'm not saying it's a quick process or that it will be reliable 100% of the time, but you don't have to accept this is just the way you are and things can't be different. I'm living proof of that, working with a professional and using some coping techniques regularly has really improved the intensity and frequency of my anxiety.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »The thing is I know that one day won't make that much difference and I really want to be able to enjoy my birthday but it's like I'm torn between having my birthday treat and keeping on track my brain won't let me think I can have it both ways I'm actually averaging over 2500 calories out per day as per my Fitbit crunched the numbers from the 27th January to 5th February Fitbit calculated loss of 3.6lbs actual loss of 3.4lbs so pretty accurate but once I've calculated my 3 meals for the day my brain goes right that's it even yesterday when I did 19k steps and got slot of calories extra I had eaten 1498 so my brain said nope you've had your 3 meals and it's after 5pm so you'll just end up binging (even though there isn't any "bad" food for me to binge on)
you're aware the mindset isn't healthy, and i would suggest that if your brain is giving you such a hard time then you need more support than the forums here can offer.
you don't need telling that 3.4lbs in 10 days is crash diet territory
That's probably true but not a option for me so guess I just gotta keep strong
This is an option.. manipulating calories during this one week will work, you can either PLAN to enjoy your birthday or not. Everything is about choices.
If you are back at weight loss, then something you did prior did not work, changing your mindset takes time and looking at the future you as in how you handle weight loss way into maintenance is something you should work on during this next round of weight loss.
I meant getting help isn't a option for me right now and what didn't work before is I was over restrictive I stopped logging when I had "bad" days I had and still have a all or nothing mentality but as I said in my OP I'm failing into same traps as before only slightly better eg I'm set to lightly active not sedentary as before I didn't except the 1200 mfp threw at me Ive set it to 1500 but I'm not eating my exercise calories and I'm burning on average as per my Fitbit over 2600 cals a day. However I am still 2 stone down from my starting weight in 2016 do I'm desperately hanging onto that small victory
But you have very high anxiety just over your birthday coming up. You will have many more birthdays and holidays and other social events as well. How you handle weight loss mentally and emotionally is part of the physical weight loss. I think maybe (and this is just my observation from your threads) you focus on the right now and not looking far enough into long term success with your weight loss.
Working on the brain takes time, if you cannot get help right now, you do the best you can with what you have. Maybe look for online resources that are free. I would definitely stop participating in online forums that are feeding into my brain negatively.
I would hope by Christmas/my next birthday I'll be at goal I've set my goal date for 30th November which is my daughter's birthday other than that I don't have social events
Yes but it's not just about getting to goal it's about maintaining it too, are you not going to have the same anxiety when you're trying to maintain the loss too? To keep the weight off you can't just get to goal then go back to what you were doing before, so you're going to have years of birthdays/Christmas etc.
No because I know how I put the weight on I had dessert every night I stopped exercising and was eating the same portions as my partner which obviously I can't do since he is make and 6ft 8 so as long as I don't do that again I'll be ok
So then can you work out why you're so anxious over eating a high calorie meal on your birthday which it seems you're saying you'd only do 2-3 times per year and work on a coping mechanism for it.
Anxiety doesn't have a ryme or reason to it so no I can't work out why I'm so anxious. I guess I'm just worried it will send me spiralling into not logging/binging etc then I'll be back at square 1 again even though I know one day won't set me back that much but that's if I keep it at just one day
There is stuff you can do for anxiety though. I'm not saying it's a quick process or that it will be reliable 100% of the time, but you don't have to accept this is just the way you are and things can't be different. I'm living proof of that, working with a professional and using some coping techniques regularly has really improved the intensity and frequency of my anxiety.
Yes there is but my home/family life dictates that I have to be the strong one I cannot fail/fall apart I am the glue that's holding this family together so if I breakdown it all falls apart but thanks everyone for your advice1 -
janejellyroll wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »The thing is I know that one day won't make that much difference and I really want to be able to enjoy my birthday but it's like I'm torn between having my birthday treat and keeping on track my brain won't let me think I can have it both ways I'm actually averaging over 2500 calories out per day as per my Fitbit crunched the numbers from the 27th January to 5th February Fitbit calculated loss of 3.6lbs actual loss of 3.4lbs so pretty accurate but once I've calculated my 3 meals for the day my brain goes right that's it even yesterday when I did 19k steps and got slot of calories extra I had eaten 1498 so my brain said nope you've had your 3 meals and it's after 5pm so you'll just end up binging (even though there isn't any "bad" food for me to binge on)
you're aware the mindset isn't healthy, and i would suggest that if your brain is giving you such a hard time then you need more support than the forums here can offer.
you don't need telling that 3.4lbs in 10 days is crash diet territory
That's probably true but not a option for me so guess I just gotta keep strong
This is an option.. manipulating calories during this one week will work, you can either PLAN to enjoy your birthday or not. Everything is about choices.
If you are back at weight loss, then something you did prior did not work, changing your mindset takes time and looking at the future you as in how you handle weight loss way into maintenance is something you should work on during this next round of weight loss.
I meant getting help isn't a option for me right now and what didn't work before is I was over restrictive I stopped logging when I had "bad" days I had and still have a all or nothing mentality but as I said in my OP I'm failing into same traps as before only slightly better eg I'm set to lightly active not sedentary as before I didn't except the 1200 mfp threw at me Ive set it to 1500 but I'm not eating my exercise calories and I'm burning on average as per my Fitbit over 2600 cals a day. However I am still 2 stone down from my starting weight in 2016 do I'm desperately hanging onto that small victory
But you have very high anxiety just over your birthday coming up. You will have many more birthdays and holidays and other social events as well. How you handle weight loss mentally and emotionally is part of the physical weight loss. I think maybe (and this is just my observation from your threads) you focus on the right now and not looking far enough into long term success with your weight loss.
Working on the brain takes time, if you cannot get help right now, you do the best you can with what you have. Maybe look for online resources that are free. I would definitely stop participating in online forums that are feeding into my brain negatively.
I would hope by Christmas/my next birthday I'll be at goal I've set my goal date for 30th November which is my daughter's birthday other than that I don't have social events
Yes but it's not just about getting to goal it's about maintaining it too, are you not going to have the same anxiety when you're trying to maintain the loss too? To keep the weight off you can't just get to goal then go back to what you were doing before, so you're going to have years of birthdays/Christmas etc.
No because I know how I put the weight on I had dessert every night I stopped exercising and was eating the same portions as my partner which obviously I can't do since he is make and 6ft 8 so as long as I don't do that again I'll be ok
So then can you work out why you're so anxious over eating a high calorie meal on your birthday which it seems you're saying you'd only do 2-3 times per year and work on a coping mechanism for it.
Anxiety doesn't have a ryme or reason to it so no I can't work out why I'm so anxious. I guess I'm just worried it will send me spiralling into not logging/binging etc then I'll be back at square 1 again even though I know one day won't set me back that much but that's if I keep it at just one day
There is stuff you can do for anxiety though. I'm not saying it's a quick process or that it will be reliable 100% of the time, but you don't have to accept this is just the way you are and things can't be different. I'm living proof of that, working with a professional and using some coping techniques regularly has really improved the intensity and frequency of my anxiety.
Yes there is but my home/family life dictates that I have to be the strong one I cannot fail/fall apart I am the glue that's holding this family together so if I breakdown it all falls apart but thanks everyone for your advice
You can't be the strong one if you don't look after yourself first and foremost, if you don't look after yourself you will suffer for it eventually and then you won't be any use to anyone, then where does that leave the rest of the family?
Taking a little time to yourself when you feel overwhelmed to work out why and try to combat it doesn't make you weak and if it helps you in the long term then you're more likely to succeed.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »The thing is I know that one day won't make that much difference and I really want to be able to enjoy my birthday but it's like I'm torn between having my birthday treat and keeping on track my brain won't let me think I can have it both ways I'm actually averaging over 2500 calories out per day as per my Fitbit crunched the numbers from the 27th January to 5th February Fitbit calculated loss of 3.6lbs actual loss of 3.4lbs so pretty accurate but once I've calculated my 3 meals for the day my brain goes right that's it even yesterday when I did 19k steps and got slot of calories extra I had eaten 1498 so my brain said nope you've had your 3 meals and it's after 5pm so you'll just end up binging (even though there isn't any "bad" food for me to binge on)
you're aware the mindset isn't healthy, and i would suggest that if your brain is giving you such a hard time then you need more support than the forums here can offer.
you don't need telling that 3.4lbs in 10 days is crash diet territory
That's probably true but not a option for me so guess I just gotta keep strong
This is an option.. manipulating calories during this one week will work, you can either PLAN to enjoy your birthday or not. Everything is about choices.
If you are back at weight loss, then something you did prior did not work, changing your mindset takes time and looking at the future you as in how you handle weight loss way into maintenance is something you should work on during this next round of weight loss.
I meant getting help isn't a option for me right now and what didn't work before is I was over restrictive I stopped logging when I had "bad" days I had and still have a all or nothing mentality but as I said in my OP I'm failing into same traps as before only slightly better eg I'm set to lightly active not sedentary as before I didn't except the 1200 mfp threw at me Ive set it to 1500 but I'm not eating my exercise calories and I'm burning on average as per my Fitbit over 2600 cals a day. However I am still 2 stone down from my starting weight in 2016 do I'm desperately hanging onto that small victory
But you have very high anxiety just over your birthday coming up. You will have many more birthdays and holidays and other social events as well. How you handle weight loss mentally and emotionally is part of the physical weight loss. I think maybe (and this is just my observation from your threads) you focus on the right now and not looking far enough into long term success with your weight loss.
Working on the brain takes time, if you cannot get help right now, you do the best you can with what you have. Maybe look for online resources that are free. I would definitely stop participating in online forums that are feeding into my brain negatively.
I would hope by Christmas/my next birthday I'll be at goal I've set my goal date for 30th November which is my daughter's birthday other than that I don't have social events
Yes but it's not just about getting to goal it's about maintaining it too, are you not going to have the same anxiety when you're trying to maintain the loss too? To keep the weight off you can't just get to goal then go back to what you were doing before, so you're going to have years of birthdays/Christmas etc.
No because I know how I put the weight on I had dessert every night I stopped exercising and was eating the same portions as my partner which obviously I can't do since he is make and 6ft 8 so as long as I don't do that again I'll be ok
So then can you work out why you're so anxious over eating a high calorie meal on your birthday which it seems you're saying you'd only do 2-3 times per year and work on a coping mechanism for it.
Anxiety doesn't have a ryme or reason to it so no I can't work out why I'm so anxious. I guess I'm just worried it will send me spiralling into not logging/binging etc then I'll be back at square 1 again even though I know one day won't set me back that much but that's if I keep it at just one day
There is stuff you can do for anxiety though. I'm not saying it's a quick process or that it will be reliable 100% of the time, but you don't have to accept this is just the way you are and things can't be different. I'm living proof of that, working with a professional and using some coping techniques regularly has really improved the intensity and frequency of my anxiety.
Yes there is but my home/family life dictates that I have to be the strong one I cannot fail/fall apart I am the glue that's holding this family together so if I breakdown it all falls apart but thanks everyone for your advice
I'm not recommending you breakdown . . . the opposite actually. Getting help (which, again, is very different from a breakdown) has the potential to make you stronger, which makes your whole family better off.
You can't build a fantastic house on a shaky foundation (I'm not saying you're a shaky foundation, just a general principle of building that can somewhat apply to families as well).
Controlling my anxiety has made me *better* in stressful situations. When my husband was suddenly hospitalized last year, I was able to be more present for him and take care of all the details more efficiently. When our dog died recently, I was able to be more fully present for her in her last hours and support my husband in his grief better. When we have unexpected financial or logistical issues, I find that I think clearer and make better decisions than I may have made in the past. It touches so many parts of our lives and makes things more stable.
It's a myth that high-functioning people don't ever need help. Sometimes we do and the help can make things even better for us and our families.5 -
janejellyroll wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »The thing is I know that one day won't make that much difference and I really want to be able to enjoy my birthday but it's like I'm torn between having my birthday treat and keeping on track my brain won't let me think I can have it both ways I'm actually averaging over 2500 calories out per day as per my Fitbit crunched the numbers from the 27th January to 5th February Fitbit calculated loss of 3.6lbs actual loss of 3.4lbs so pretty accurate but once I've calculated my 3 meals for the day my brain goes right that's it even yesterday when I did 19k steps and got slot of calories extra I had eaten 1498 so my brain said nope you've had your 3 meals and it's after 5pm so you'll just end up binging (even though there isn't any "bad" food for me to binge on)
you're aware the mindset isn't healthy, and i would suggest that if your brain is giving you such a hard time then you need more support than the forums here can offer.
you don't need telling that 3.4lbs in 10 days is crash diet territory
That's probably true but not a option for me so guess I just gotta keep strong
This is an option.. manipulating calories during this one week will work, you can either PLAN to enjoy your birthday or not. Everything is about choices.
If you are back at weight loss, then something you did prior did not work, changing your mindset takes time and looking at the future you as in how you handle weight loss way into maintenance is something you should work on during this next round of weight loss.
I meant getting help isn't a option for me right now and what didn't work before is I was over restrictive I stopped logging when I had "bad" days I had and still have a all or nothing mentality but as I said in my OP I'm failing into same traps as before only slightly better eg I'm set to lightly active not sedentary as before I didn't except the 1200 mfp threw at me Ive set it to 1500 but I'm not eating my exercise calories and I'm burning on average as per my Fitbit over 2600 cals a day. However I am still 2 stone down from my starting weight in 2016 do I'm desperately hanging onto that small victory
But you have very high anxiety just over your birthday coming up. You will have many more birthdays and holidays and other social events as well. How you handle weight loss mentally and emotionally is part of the physical weight loss. I think maybe (and this is just my observation from your threads) you focus on the right now and not looking far enough into long term success with your weight loss.
Working on the brain takes time, if you cannot get help right now, you do the best you can with what you have. Maybe look for online resources that are free. I would definitely stop participating in online forums that are feeding into my brain negatively.
I would hope by Christmas/my next birthday I'll be at goal I've set my goal date for 30th November which is my daughter's birthday other than that I don't have social events
Yes but it's not just about getting to goal it's about maintaining it too, are you not going to have the same anxiety when you're trying to maintain the loss too? To keep the weight off you can't just get to goal then go back to what you were doing before, so you're going to have years of birthdays/Christmas etc.
No because I know how I put the weight on I had dessert every night I stopped exercising and was eating the same portions as my partner which obviously I can't do since he is make and 6ft 8 so as long as I don't do that again I'll be ok
So then can you work out why you're so anxious over eating a high calorie meal on your birthday which it seems you're saying you'd only do 2-3 times per year and work on a coping mechanism for it.
Anxiety doesn't have a ryme or reason to it so no I can't work out why I'm so anxious. I guess I'm just worried it will send me spiralling into not logging/binging etc then I'll be back at square 1 again even though I know one day won't set me back that much but that's if I keep it at just one day
There is stuff you can do for anxiety though. I'm not saying it's a quick process or that it will be reliable 100% of the time, but you don't have to accept this is just the way you are and things can't be different. I'm living proof of that, working with a professional and using some coping techniques regularly has really improved the intensity and frequency of my anxiety.
Yes there is but my home/family life dictates that I have to be the strong one I cannot fail/fall apart I am the glue that's holding this family together so if I breakdown it all falls apart but thanks everyone for your advice
Nope, sorry, but that's not how it works in a happy healthy relationship.
I can guarantee that it will come crashing down if you don't get the support that YOU need.1 -
janejellyroll wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »The thing is I know that one day won't make that much difference and I really want to be able to enjoy my birthday but it's like I'm torn between having my birthday treat and keeping on track my brain won't let me think I can have it both ways I'm actually averaging over 2500 calories out per day as per my Fitbit crunched the numbers from the 27th January to 5th February Fitbit calculated loss of 3.6lbs actual loss of 3.4lbs so pretty accurate but once I've calculated my 3 meals for the day my brain goes right that's it even yesterday when I did 19k steps and got slot of calories extra I had eaten 1498 so my brain said nope you've had your 3 meals and it's after 5pm so you'll just end up binging (even though there isn't any "bad" food for me to binge on)
you're aware the mindset isn't healthy, and i would suggest that if your brain is giving you such a hard time then you need more support than the forums here can offer.
you don't need telling that 3.4lbs in 10 days is crash diet territory
That's probably true but not a option for me so guess I just gotta keep strong
This is an option.. manipulating calories during this one week will work, you can either PLAN to enjoy your birthday or not. Everything is about choices.
If you are back at weight loss, then something you did prior did not work, changing your mindset takes time and looking at the future you as in how you handle weight loss way into maintenance is something you should work on during this next round of weight loss.
I meant getting help isn't a option for me right now and what didn't work before is I was over restrictive I stopped logging when I had "bad" days I had and still have a all or nothing mentality but as I said in my OP I'm failing into same traps as before only slightly better eg I'm set to lightly active not sedentary as before I didn't except the 1200 mfp threw at me Ive set it to 1500 but I'm not eating my exercise calories and I'm burning on average as per my Fitbit over 2600 cals a day. However I am still 2 stone down from my starting weight in 2016 do I'm desperately hanging onto that small victory
But you have very high anxiety just over your birthday coming up. You will have many more birthdays and holidays and other social events as well. How you handle weight loss mentally and emotionally is part of the physical weight loss. I think maybe (and this is just my observation from your threads) you focus on the right now and not looking far enough into long term success with your weight loss.
Working on the brain takes time, if you cannot get help right now, you do the best you can with what you have. Maybe look for online resources that are free. I would definitely stop participating in online forums that are feeding into my brain negatively.
I would hope by Christmas/my next birthday I'll be at goal I've set my goal date for 30th November which is my daughter's birthday other than that I don't have social events
Yes but it's not just about getting to goal it's about maintaining it too, are you not going to have the same anxiety when you're trying to maintain the loss too? To keep the weight off you can't just get to goal then go back to what you were doing before, so you're going to have years of birthdays/Christmas etc.
No because I know how I put the weight on I had dessert every night I stopped exercising and was eating the same portions as my partner which obviously I can't do since he is make and 6ft 8 so as long as I don't do that again I'll be ok
So then can you work out why you're so anxious over eating a high calorie meal on your birthday which it seems you're saying you'd only do 2-3 times per year and work on a coping mechanism for it.
Anxiety doesn't have a ryme or reason to it so no I can't work out why I'm so anxious. I guess I'm just worried it will send me spiralling into not logging/binging etc then I'll be back at square 1 again even though I know one day won't set me back that much but that's if I keep it at just one day
There is stuff you can do for anxiety though. I'm not saying it's a quick process or that it will be reliable 100% of the time, but you don't have to accept this is just the way you are and things can't be different. I'm living proof of that, working with a professional and using some coping techniques regularly has really improved the intensity and frequency of my anxiety.
Yes there is but my home/family life dictates that I have to be the strong one I cannot fail/fall apart I am the glue that's holding this family together so if I breakdown it all falls apart but thanks everyone for your advice
I'm not recommending you breakdown . . . the opposite actually. Getting help (which, again, is very different from a breakdown) has the potential to make you stronger, which makes your whole family better off.
You can't build a fantastic house on a shaky foundation (I'm not saying you're a shaky foundation, just a general principle of building that can somewhat apply to families as well).
Controlling my anxiety has made me *better* in stressful situations. When my husband was suddenly hospitalized last year, I was able to be more present for him and take care of all the details more efficiently. When our dog died recently, I was able to be more fully present for her in her last hours and support my husband in his grief better. When we have unexpected financial or logistical issues, I find that I think clearer and make better decisions than I may have made in the past. It touches so many parts of our lives and makes things more stable.
It's a myth that high-functioning people don't ever need help. Sometimes we do and the help can make things even better for us and our families.
If I ask for help it's like admitting I've failed my mum raised me all by myself while battling depression my partner has anxiety and depression my daughter is recently diagnosed ADHD/ASD my weight is the only thing that stresses me out but maybe all the other stuff is stressing me out and it's manifesting in other ways I don't know. I just feel like I can't stick with this calorie counting for the required time it's going to take to lose the weight I want to and workout for the rest of my life to make sure I don't gain if I do lose it it seems so daunting0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »The thing is I know that one day won't make that much difference and I really want to be able to enjoy my birthday but it's like I'm torn between having my birthday treat and keeping on track my brain won't let me think I can have it both ways I'm actually averaging over 2500 calories out per day as per my Fitbit crunched the numbers from the 27th January to 5th February Fitbit calculated loss of 3.6lbs actual loss of 3.4lbs so pretty accurate but once I've calculated my 3 meals for the day my brain goes right that's it even yesterday when I did 19k steps and got slot of calories extra I had eaten 1498 so my brain said nope you've had your 3 meals and it's after 5pm so you'll just end up binging (even though there isn't any "bad" food for me to binge on)
you're aware the mindset isn't healthy, and i would suggest that if your brain is giving you such a hard time then you need more support than the forums here can offer.
you don't need telling that 3.4lbs in 10 days is crash diet territory
That's probably true but not a option for me so guess I just gotta keep strong
This is an option.. manipulating calories during this one week will work, you can either PLAN to enjoy your birthday or not. Everything is about choices.
If you are back at weight loss, then something you did prior did not work, changing your mindset takes time and looking at the future you as in how you handle weight loss way into maintenance is something you should work on during this next round of weight loss.
I meant getting help isn't a option for me right now and what didn't work before is I was over restrictive I stopped logging when I had "bad" days I had and still have a all or nothing mentality but as I said in my OP I'm failing into same traps as before only slightly better eg I'm set to lightly active not sedentary as before I didn't except the 1200 mfp threw at me Ive set it to 1500 but I'm not eating my exercise calories and I'm burning on average as per my Fitbit over 2600 cals a day. However I am still 2 stone down from my starting weight in 2016 do I'm desperately hanging onto that small victory
But you have very high anxiety just over your birthday coming up. You will have many more birthdays and holidays and other social events as well. How you handle weight loss mentally and emotionally is part of the physical weight loss. I think maybe (and this is just my observation from your threads) you focus on the right now and not looking far enough into long term success with your weight loss.
Working on the brain takes time, if you cannot get help right now, you do the best you can with what you have. Maybe look for online resources that are free. I would definitely stop participating in online forums that are feeding into my brain negatively.
I would hope by Christmas/my next birthday I'll be at goal I've set my goal date for 30th November which is my daughter's birthday other than that I don't have social events
Yes but it's not just about getting to goal it's about maintaining it too, are you not going to have the same anxiety when you're trying to maintain the loss too? To keep the weight off you can't just get to goal then go back to what you were doing before, so you're going to have years of birthdays/Christmas etc.
No because I know how I put the weight on I had dessert every night I stopped exercising and was eating the same portions as my partner which obviously I can't do since he is make and 6ft 8 so as long as I don't do that again I'll be ok
So then can you work out why you're so anxious over eating a high calorie meal on your birthday which it seems you're saying you'd only do 2-3 times per year and work on a coping mechanism for it.
Anxiety doesn't have a ryme or reason to it so no I can't work out why I'm so anxious. I guess I'm just worried it will send me spiralling into not logging/binging etc then I'll be back at square 1 again even though I know one day won't set me back that much but that's if I keep it at just one day
There is stuff you can do for anxiety though. I'm not saying it's a quick process or that it will be reliable 100% of the time, but you don't have to accept this is just the way you are and things can't be different. I'm living proof of that, working with a professional and using some coping techniques regularly has really improved the intensity and frequency of my anxiety.
Yes there is but my home/family life dictates that I have to be the strong one I cannot fail/fall apart I am the glue that's holding this family together so if I breakdown it all falls apart but thanks everyone for your advice
I'm not recommending you breakdown . . . the opposite actually. Getting help (which, again, is very different from a breakdown) has the potential to make you stronger, which makes your whole family better off.
You can't build a fantastic house on a shaky foundation (I'm not saying you're a shaky foundation, just a general principle of building that can somewhat apply to families as well).
Controlling my anxiety has made me *better* in stressful situations. When my husband was suddenly hospitalized last year, I was able to be more present for him and take care of all the details more efficiently. When our dog died recently, I was able to be more fully present for her in her last hours and support my husband in his grief better. When we have unexpected financial or logistical issues, I find that I think clearer and make better decisions than I may have made in the past. It touches so many parts of our lives and makes things more stable.
It's a myth that high-functioning people don't ever need help. Sometimes we do and the help can make things even better for us and our families.
If I ask for help it's like admitting I've failed my mum raised me all by myself while battling depression my partner has anxiety and depression my daughter is recently diagnosed ADHD/ASD my weight is the only thing that stresses me out but maybe all the other stuff is stressing me out and it's manifesting in other ways I don't know. I just feel like I can't stick with this calorie counting for the required time it's going to take to lose the weight I want to and workout for the rest of my life to make sure I don't gain if I do lose it it seems so daunting
If you had a broken leg would you be 'strong' and tough it out? No, you'd get help to get it fixed.
This is no different.4 -
TavistockToad wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »The thing is I know that one day won't make that much difference and I really want to be able to enjoy my birthday but it's like I'm torn between having my birthday treat and keeping on track my brain won't let me think I can have it both ways I'm actually averaging over 2500 calories out per day as per my Fitbit crunched the numbers from the 27th January to 5th February Fitbit calculated loss of 3.6lbs actual loss of 3.4lbs so pretty accurate but once I've calculated my 3 meals for the day my brain goes right that's it even yesterday when I did 19k steps and got slot of calories extra I had eaten 1498 so my brain said nope you've had your 3 meals and it's after 5pm so you'll just end up binging (even though there isn't any "bad" food for me to binge on)
you're aware the mindset isn't healthy, and i would suggest that if your brain is giving you such a hard time then you need more support than the forums here can offer.
you don't need telling that 3.4lbs in 10 days is crash diet territory
That's probably true but not a option for me so guess I just gotta keep strong
This is an option.. manipulating calories during this one week will work, you can either PLAN to enjoy your birthday or not. Everything is about choices.
If you are back at weight loss, then something you did prior did not work, changing your mindset takes time and looking at the future you as in how you handle weight loss way into maintenance is something you should work on during this next round of weight loss.
I meant getting help isn't a option for me right now and what didn't work before is I was over restrictive I stopped logging when I had "bad" days I had and still have a all or nothing mentality but as I said in my OP I'm failing into same traps as before only slightly better eg I'm set to lightly active not sedentary as before I didn't except the 1200 mfp threw at me Ive set it to 1500 but I'm not eating my exercise calories and I'm burning on average as per my Fitbit over 2600 cals a day. However I am still 2 stone down from my starting weight in 2016 do I'm desperately hanging onto that small victory
But you have very high anxiety just over your birthday coming up. You will have many more birthdays and holidays and other social events as well. How you handle weight loss mentally and emotionally is part of the physical weight loss. I think maybe (and this is just my observation from your threads) you focus on the right now and not looking far enough into long term success with your weight loss.
Working on the brain takes time, if you cannot get help right now, you do the best you can with what you have. Maybe look for online resources that are free. I would definitely stop participating in online forums that are feeding into my brain negatively.
I would hope by Christmas/my next birthday I'll be at goal I've set my goal date for 30th November which is my daughter's birthday other than that I don't have social events
Yes but it's not just about getting to goal it's about maintaining it too, are you not going to have the same anxiety when you're trying to maintain the loss too? To keep the weight off you can't just get to goal then go back to what you were doing before, so you're going to have years of birthdays/Christmas etc.
No because I know how I put the weight on I had dessert every night I stopped exercising and was eating the same portions as my partner which obviously I can't do since he is make and 6ft 8 so as long as I don't do that again I'll be ok
So then can you work out why you're so anxious over eating a high calorie meal on your birthday which it seems you're saying you'd only do 2-3 times per year and work on a coping mechanism for it.
Anxiety doesn't have a ryme or reason to it so no I can't work out why I'm so anxious. I guess I'm just worried it will send me spiralling into not logging/binging etc then I'll be back at square 1 again even though I know one day won't set me back that much but that's if I keep it at just one day
There is stuff you can do for anxiety though. I'm not saying it's a quick process or that it will be reliable 100% of the time, but you don't have to accept this is just the way you are and things can't be different. I'm living proof of that, working with a professional and using some coping techniques regularly has really improved the intensity and frequency of my anxiety.
Yes there is but my home/family life dictates that I have to be the strong one I cannot fail/fall apart I am the glue that's holding this family together so if I breakdown it all falls apart but thanks everyone for your advice
I'm not recommending you breakdown . . . the opposite actually. Getting help (which, again, is very different from a breakdown) has the potential to make you stronger, which makes your whole family better off.
You can't build a fantastic house on a shaky foundation (I'm not saying you're a shaky foundation, just a general principle of building that can somewhat apply to families as well).
Controlling my anxiety has made me *better* in stressful situations. When my husband was suddenly hospitalized last year, I was able to be more present for him and take care of all the details more efficiently. When our dog died recently, I was able to be more fully present for her in her last hours and support my husband in his grief better. When we have unexpected financial or logistical issues, I find that I think clearer and make better decisions than I may have made in the past. It touches so many parts of our lives and makes things more stable.
It's a myth that high-functioning people don't ever need help. Sometimes we do and the help can make things even better for us and our families.
If I ask for help it's like admitting I've failed my mum raised me all by myself while battling depression my partner has anxiety and depression my daughter is recently diagnosed ADHD/ASD my weight is the only thing that stresses me out but maybe all the other stuff is stressing me out and it's manifesting in other ways I don't know. I just feel like I can't stick with this calorie counting for the required time it's going to take to lose the weight I want to and workout for the rest of my life to make sure I don't gain if I do lose it it seems so daunting
If you had a broken leg would you be 'strong' and tough it out? No, you'd get help to get it fixed.
This is no different.
Of course it is if I broke my leg I would be taken to hospital and seen to pretty quickly where I live there is a waiting list for mental health help and when you do get it all you do is 1 get tablets given to you or 2 get talking therapy where you fill in a questionnaire every week and once your "in the green" the discharge you so you could just fudge the questionnaire to be discharged0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »The thing is I know that one day won't make that much difference and I really want to be able to enjoy my birthday but it's like I'm torn between having my birthday treat and keeping on track my brain won't let me think I can have it both ways I'm actually averaging over 2500 calories out per day as per my Fitbit crunched the numbers from the 27th January to 5th February Fitbit calculated loss of 3.6lbs actual loss of 3.4lbs so pretty accurate but once I've calculated my 3 meals for the day my brain goes right that's it even yesterday when I did 19k steps and got slot of calories extra I had eaten 1498 so my brain said nope you've had your 3 meals and it's after 5pm so you'll just end up binging (even though there isn't any "bad" food for me to binge on)
you're aware the mindset isn't healthy, and i would suggest that if your brain is giving you such a hard time then you need more support than the forums here can offer.
you don't need telling that 3.4lbs in 10 days is crash diet territory
That's probably true but not a option for me so guess I just gotta keep strong
This is an option.. manipulating calories during this one week will work, you can either PLAN to enjoy your birthday or not. Everything is about choices.
If you are back at weight loss, then something you did prior did not work, changing your mindset takes time and looking at the future you as in how you handle weight loss way into maintenance is something you should work on during this next round of weight loss.
I meant getting help isn't a option for me right now and what didn't work before is I was over restrictive I stopped logging when I had "bad" days I had and still have a all or nothing mentality but as I said in my OP I'm failing into same traps as before only slightly better eg I'm set to lightly active not sedentary as before I didn't except the 1200 mfp threw at me Ive set it to 1500 but I'm not eating my exercise calories and I'm burning on average as per my Fitbit over 2600 cals a day. However I am still 2 stone down from my starting weight in 2016 do I'm desperately hanging onto that small victory
But you have very high anxiety just over your birthday coming up. You will have many more birthdays and holidays and other social events as well. How you handle weight loss mentally and emotionally is part of the physical weight loss. I think maybe (and this is just my observation from your threads) you focus on the right now and not looking far enough into long term success with your weight loss.
Working on the brain takes time, if you cannot get help right now, you do the best you can with what you have. Maybe look for online resources that are free. I would definitely stop participating in online forums that are feeding into my brain negatively.
I would hope by Christmas/my next birthday I'll be at goal I've set my goal date for 30th November which is my daughter's birthday other than that I don't have social events
Yes but it's not just about getting to goal it's about maintaining it too, are you not going to have the same anxiety when you're trying to maintain the loss too? To keep the weight off you can't just get to goal then go back to what you were doing before, so you're going to have years of birthdays/Christmas etc.
No because I know how I put the weight on I had dessert every night I stopped exercising and was eating the same portions as my partner which obviously I can't do since he is make and 6ft 8 so as long as I don't do that again I'll be ok
So then can you work out why you're so anxious over eating a high calorie meal on your birthday which it seems you're saying you'd only do 2-3 times per year and work on a coping mechanism for it.
Anxiety doesn't have a ryme or reason to it so no I can't work out why I'm so anxious. I guess I'm just worried it will send me spiralling into not logging/binging etc then I'll be back at square 1 again even though I know one day won't set me back that much but that's if I keep it at just one day
There is stuff you can do for anxiety though. I'm not saying it's a quick process or that it will be reliable 100% of the time, but you don't have to accept this is just the way you are and things can't be different. I'm living proof of that, working with a professional and using some coping techniques regularly has really improved the intensity and frequency of my anxiety.
Yes there is but my home/family life dictates that I have to be the strong one I cannot fail/fall apart I am the glue that's holding this family together so if I breakdown it all falls apart but thanks everyone for your advice
I'm not recommending you breakdown . . . the opposite actually. Getting help (which, again, is very different from a breakdown) has the potential to make you stronger, which makes your whole family better off.
You can't build a fantastic house on a shaky foundation (I'm not saying you're a shaky foundation, just a general principle of building that can somewhat apply to families as well).
Controlling my anxiety has made me *better* in stressful situations. When my husband was suddenly hospitalized last year, I was able to be more present for him and take care of all the details more efficiently. When our dog died recently, I was able to be more fully present for her in her last hours and support my husband in his grief better. When we have unexpected financial or logistical issues, I find that I think clearer and make better decisions than I may have made in the past. It touches so many parts of our lives and makes things more stable.
It's a myth that high-functioning people don't ever need help. Sometimes we do and the help can make things even better for us and our families.
If I ask for help it's like admitting I've failed my mum raised me all by myself while battling depression my partner has anxiety and depression my daughter is recently diagnosed ADHD/ASD my weight is the only thing that stresses me out but maybe all the other stuff is stressing me out and it's manifesting in other ways I don't know. I just feel like I can't stick with this calorie counting for the required time it's going to take to lose the weight I want to and workout for the rest of my life to make sure I don't gain if I do lose it it seems so daunting
If you had a broken leg would you be 'strong' and tough it out? No, you'd get help to get it fixed.
This is no different.
Of course it is if I broke my leg I would be taken to hospital and seen to pretty quickly where I live there is a waiting list for mental health help and when you do get it all you do is 1 get tablets given to you or 2 get talking therapy where you fill in a questionnaire every week and once your "in the green" the discharge you so you could just fudge the questionnaire to be discharged
As I said upthread, there are other resources available, but you need to be willing to put the work in.
2 -
janejellyroll wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »The thing is I know that one day won't make that much difference and I really want to be able to enjoy my birthday but it's like I'm torn between having my birthday treat and keeping on track my brain won't let me think I can have it both ways I'm actually averaging over 2500 calories out per day as per my Fitbit crunched the numbers from the 27th January to 5th February Fitbit calculated loss of 3.6lbs actual loss of 3.4lbs so pretty accurate but once I've calculated my 3 meals for the day my brain goes right that's it even yesterday when I did 19k steps and got slot of calories extra I had eaten 1498 so my brain said nope you've had your 3 meals and it's after 5pm so you'll just end up binging (even though there isn't any "bad" food for me to binge on)
you're aware the mindset isn't healthy, and i would suggest that if your brain is giving you such a hard time then you need more support than the forums here can offer.
you don't need telling that 3.4lbs in 10 days is crash diet territory
That's probably true but not a option for me so guess I just gotta keep strong
This is an option.. manipulating calories during this one week will work, you can either PLAN to enjoy your birthday or not. Everything is about choices.
If you are back at weight loss, then something you did prior did not work, changing your mindset takes time and looking at the future you as in how you handle weight loss way into maintenance is something you should work on during this next round of weight loss.
I meant getting help isn't a option for me right now and what didn't work before is I was over restrictive I stopped logging when I had "bad" days I had and still have a all or nothing mentality but as I said in my OP I'm failing into same traps as before only slightly better eg I'm set to lightly active not sedentary as before I didn't except the 1200 mfp threw at me Ive set it to 1500 but I'm not eating my exercise calories and I'm burning on average as per my Fitbit over 2600 cals a day. However I am still 2 stone down from my starting weight in 2016 do I'm desperately hanging onto that small victory
But you have very high anxiety just over your birthday coming up. You will have many more birthdays and holidays and other social events as well. How you handle weight loss mentally and emotionally is part of the physical weight loss. I think maybe (and this is just my observation from your threads) you focus on the right now and not looking far enough into long term success with your weight loss.
Working on the brain takes time, if you cannot get help right now, you do the best you can with what you have. Maybe look for online resources that are free. I would definitely stop participating in online forums that are feeding into my brain negatively.
I would hope by Christmas/my next birthday I'll be at goal I've set my goal date for 30th November which is my daughter's birthday other than that I don't have social events
Yes but it's not just about getting to goal it's about maintaining it too, are you not going to have the same anxiety when you're trying to maintain the loss too? To keep the weight off you can't just get to goal then go back to what you were doing before, so you're going to have years of birthdays/Christmas etc.
No because I know how I put the weight on I had dessert every night I stopped exercising and was eating the same portions as my partner which obviously I can't do since he is make and 6ft 8 so as long as I don't do that again I'll be ok
So then can you work out why you're so anxious over eating a high calorie meal on your birthday which it seems you're saying you'd only do 2-3 times per year and work on a coping mechanism for it.
Anxiety doesn't have a ryme or reason to it so no I can't work out why I'm so anxious. I guess I'm just worried it will send me spiralling into not logging/binging etc then I'll be back at square 1 again even though I know one day won't set me back that much but that's if I keep it at just one day
There is stuff you can do for anxiety though. I'm not saying it's a quick process or that it will be reliable 100% of the time, but you don't have to accept this is just the way you are and things can't be different. I'm living proof of that, working with a professional and using some coping techniques regularly has really improved the intensity and frequency of my anxiety.
Yes there is but my home/family life dictates that I have to be the strong one I cannot fail/fall apart I am the glue that's holding this family together so if I breakdown it all falls apart but thanks everyone for your advice
I'm not recommending you breakdown . . . the opposite actually. Getting help (which, again, is very different from a breakdown) has the potential to make you stronger, which makes your whole family better off.
You can't build a fantastic house on a shaky foundation (I'm not saying you're a shaky foundation, just a general principle of building that can somewhat apply to families as well).
Controlling my anxiety has made me *better* in stressful situations. When my husband was suddenly hospitalized last year, I was able to be more present for him and take care of all the details more efficiently. When our dog died recently, I was able to be more fully present for her in her last hours and support my husband in his grief better. When we have unexpected financial or logistical issues, I find that I think clearer and make better decisions than I may have made in the past. It touches so many parts of our lives and makes things more stable.
It's a myth that high-functioning people don't ever need help. Sometimes we do and the help can make things even better for us and our families.
If I ask for help it's like admitting I've failed my mum raised me all by myself while battling depression my partner has anxiety and depression my daughter is recently diagnosed ADHD/ASD my weight is the only thing that stresses me out but maybe all the other stuff is stressing me out and it's manifesting in other ways I don't know. I just feel like I can't stick with this calorie counting for the required time it's going to take to lose the weight I want to and workout for the rest of my life to make sure I don't gain if I do lose it it seems so daunting
I don't think your mom failed just because you might need help now and then any more than I think you failed because your daughter might sometimes needs help with ADHD. We're humans, even when we have great and loving parents, sometimes we need help!
My mom is a great mom. One thing that helped make her great was that she sought out help to make herself stronger. She knew parenting is hard and it's not a failure for parents to sometimes need advice or support. I'm grateful she took some time for herself because it meant ultimately there was more "her" to go around for all of us (and, of course, she was happier apart from her role as my mom, which is no tiny thing).
Right now it sounds like your anxiety is keeping you from meeting some goals that you have for yourself. At the end of the day, it's up to you if you want to try to do something that that. Good luck.1 -
janejellyroll wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »The thing is I know that one day won't make that much difference and I really want to be able to enjoy my birthday but it's like I'm torn between having my birthday treat and keeping on track my brain won't let me think I can have it both ways I'm actually averaging over 2500 calories out per day as per my Fitbit crunched the numbers from the 27th January to 5th February Fitbit calculated loss of 3.6lbs actual loss of 3.4lbs so pretty accurate but once I've calculated my 3 meals for the day my brain goes right that's it even yesterday when I did 19k steps and got slot of calories extra I had eaten 1498 so my brain said nope you've had your 3 meals and it's after 5pm so you'll just end up binging (even though there isn't any "bad" food for me to binge on)
you're aware the mindset isn't healthy, and i would suggest that if your brain is giving you such a hard time then you need more support than the forums here can offer.
you don't need telling that 3.4lbs in 10 days is crash diet territory
That's probably true but not a option for me so guess I just gotta keep strong
This is an option.. manipulating calories during this one week will work, you can either PLAN to enjoy your birthday or not. Everything is about choices.
If you are back at weight loss, then something you did prior did not work, changing your mindset takes time and looking at the future you as in how you handle weight loss way into maintenance is something you should work on during this next round of weight loss.
I meant getting help isn't a option for me right now and what didn't work before is I was over restrictive I stopped logging when I had "bad" days I had and still have a all or nothing mentality but as I said in my OP I'm failing into same traps as before only slightly better eg I'm set to lightly active not sedentary as before I didn't except the 1200 mfp threw at me Ive set it to 1500 but I'm not eating my exercise calories and I'm burning on average as per my Fitbit over 2600 cals a day. However I am still 2 stone down from my starting weight in 2016 do I'm desperately hanging onto that small victory
But you have very high anxiety just over your birthday coming up. You will have many more birthdays and holidays and other social events as well. How you handle weight loss mentally and emotionally is part of the physical weight loss. I think maybe (and this is just my observation from your threads) you focus on the right now and not looking far enough into long term success with your weight loss.
Working on the brain takes time, if you cannot get help right now, you do the best you can with what you have. Maybe look for online resources that are free. I would definitely stop participating in online forums that are feeding into my brain negatively.
I would hope by Christmas/my next birthday I'll be at goal I've set my goal date for 30th November which is my daughter's birthday other than that I don't have social events
Yes but it's not just about getting to goal it's about maintaining it too, are you not going to have the same anxiety when you're trying to maintain the loss too? To keep the weight off you can't just get to goal then go back to what you were doing before, so you're going to have years of birthdays/Christmas etc.
No because I know how I put the weight on I had dessert every night I stopped exercising and was eating the same portions as my partner which obviously I can't do since he is make and 6ft 8 so as long as I don't do that again I'll be ok
So then can you work out why you're so anxious over eating a high calorie meal on your birthday which it seems you're saying you'd only do 2-3 times per year and work on a coping mechanism for it.
Anxiety doesn't have a ryme or reason to it so no I can't work out why I'm so anxious. I guess I'm just worried it will send me spiralling into not logging/binging etc then I'll be back at square 1 again even though I know one day won't set me back that much but that's if I keep it at just one day
There is stuff you can do for anxiety though. I'm not saying it's a quick process or that it will be reliable 100% of the time, but you don't have to accept this is just the way you are and things can't be different. I'm living proof of that, working with a professional and using some coping techniques regularly has really improved the intensity and frequency of my anxiety.
Yes there is but my home/family life dictates that I have to be the strong one I cannot fail/fall apart I am the glue that's holding this family together so if I breakdown it all falls apart but thanks everyone for your advice
I'm not recommending you breakdown . . . the opposite actually. Getting help (which, again, is very different from a breakdown) has the potential to make you stronger, which makes your whole family better off.
You can't build a fantastic house on a shaky foundation (I'm not saying you're a shaky foundation, just a general principle of building that can somewhat apply to families as well).
Controlling my anxiety has made me *better* in stressful situations. When my husband was suddenly hospitalized last year, I was able to be more present for him and take care of all the details more efficiently. When our dog died recently, I was able to be more fully present for her in her last hours and support my husband in his grief better. When we have unexpected financial or logistical issues, I find that I think clearer and make better decisions than I may have made in the past. It touches so many parts of our lives and makes things more stable.
It's a myth that high-functioning people don't ever need help. Sometimes we do and the help can make things even better for us and our families.
If I ask for help it's like admitting I've failed my mum raised me all by myself while battling depression my partner has anxiety and depression my daughter is recently diagnosed ADHD/ASD my weight is the only thing that stresses me out but maybe all the other stuff is stressing me out and it's manifesting in other ways I don't know. I just feel like I can't stick with this calorie counting for the required time it's going to take to lose the weight I want to and workout for the rest of my life to make sure I don't gain if I do lose it it seems so daunting
You find no enjoyment in the exercise you do? I might find something I enjoy as exercise can help with anxiety. On the other side of the coin, if I don't want to exercise while maintaining (which exercise is great for overall health) why not just do low impact activities you enjoy to keep moving and some what active? I can attest that being inactive as you get older does have an impact as you age.
You may very well be a person where calorie counting is not for you. Might want to think about this as well, maybe you are harboring in a journey that is not sustainable and need help finding a way or method that is.0 -
The human experience and human emotions are a huge spectrum. A breakdown usually isn't a switch that just gets flipped from holding strong to broken. It is usually stressor upon stressor upon stressor over time eroding at your resiliency. Your original post sounds like someone asking for help, support, and advice. But you have very quickly rejected every suggestion provided. Your posts increasingly seem frantic and defensive to me. This makes me wonder if you are already breaking down but unwillingly to admit so because you think it makes you seem weak and will devastate your family. But like @janejellyroll said, sometimes strength comes in admitting our weaknesses and struggles, and seeking help for those. Admitting you need help is not failing yourself, your family, or your mom. It demonstrates that you are human and doing your very best.
You know the answer. You know you are eating too little. You know that you can go out for one day of celebration and eating a lot of calories and still be fine. I have seen other posts of yours and you give good advice. You know what to do, but this seems to have become the focus or outlet for your stress and anxiety.
As a wife and mother who experiences anxiety and depression, I recognize and appreciate that my husband is often my rock. But that doesn't excuse me from wifely and motherly duties. It isn't his job to hold our entire family together. You should be able to take a little time and/or energy to care for yourself without guilt. And you should still reasonably be able to expect support from your husband.
Finally - I saw you blow off anxiety meds. They aren't for everybody and it is fine if that is a route you have no interest in taking. But I will tell you that I take an SSRI for my anxiety and depression and it has completely changed everything. I feel like myself again. I'm not "cured". But I have my resiliency back and am better able to cope. I also have the ability to find better coping mechanisms for myself now that I'm not so wrapped up in life being unmanageable.6
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