Side by side photos hurt your fat friends?

JuliaJitterbug · February 2019

https://www.google.com/amp/s/fatgirlshiking.com/2019/02/01/weight-loss-comparison-photos-hurt-your-fat-friends/amp/

I posted this in general health but wanted people who are at the part of their journey where they may be proud of their success and doing side by sides. What are your thoughts?

JuliaJitterbug · February 2019

My thoughts, being fat shamed my whole life by people close to me, total strangers walking down a street. Never once did I feel the need to loose weight because someone else said I should. Being healthy is something I want to do. This article is telling me I have to now deal with someone else getting offended because I want to get healthy. You can bet your A** I will be proud of it and share it when I feel like it. If I post a side by side I am not telling another person they don't matter. I am telling myself I do. My happiness, my success, my journey even if posted publicly, is still mine. I may let you watch it, I may talk to you about it, but what I do still only affects me. If I lost friends while losing weight then they didn't care for me to begin with. "Oh you're happy that's great, but im not, so I want you to be unhappy with yourself too." I will not let people try to lower me because they can't raise themselves.

Unknown · February 2019

This content has been removed.

tinak33 · February 2019

I stopped reading the article after she said side by side photos hurt the feelings of fat people. That made me angry.

This culture of tiptoeing around the world because you might hurt someone's feelings who saw you, overheard you, read something you posted, doesn't like the way you walk, what you wear, or how you look.... is exhausting! And it is in direct contrast to being an "individual". This whole "be yourself and be proud of who you are" comes with a disclaimer of "just make sure it doesn't offend anyone else on this planet."

It's a bunch of B.S. Someone got mad about a fat person getting skinny and calling it "getting healthy", cuz it made her feel bad for being fat. Well, lets face it, when we are very heavy, it causes strain on our joints, muscles, organs, etc.... I had a lot of issues with my knees and back until I lost weight.
You know what, if she is fat and proud of it, fine. But she doesn't need to shame other people who work hard on their health, just because she doesn't feel the need to.

I didn't read the rest of the article. Just sounded like someone whining that others were hurting her self esteem.

ccrdragon · February 2019

There is a very long discussion about this over in the debate forum:

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10376680/fat-acceptance-movement#latest

seltzermint555 · February 2019

Interesting. I have lost (and maintained) a major loss (over 130 lb) and have only shared side by side on social media one time. I took it down after only one day because several people were messaging me things like workout tips and it deeply hurt my feelings. I wasn't asking for their critical feedback, I was celebrating my progress. I chalked that up to me being overly sensitive and didn't do that again.

When I was at my heaviest though (over 300 lb), others' side by side photos were interesting and inspiring to me, not offensive.

However, I did have VERY strong feelings about workplace contests regarding weight loss (the "Biggest Loser" type). I think they are extremely inappropriate and invade employees' privacy. I also think even for those who opt out and do not participate, it creates a terrible atmosphere for anyone who is even slightly overweight and/or uncomfortable with their body for any reason. I really think it's a poor choice for almost any employer to do such a thing. I still feel the same way now as a person who has successfully lost a lot. It's just not appropriate for the workplace!

rosiorama · February 2019

This article angered me (as someone who works really hard to stay fit) and, like tinak33, I did not finish.

I know several people now who are very overweight - and they have gotten jobs they should not have. They are too fat/out of shape to fulfill the job requirements. All of them have gotten injured on the job, and one has refused to do certain parts of their job because they can’t. It bugs me. One is a co-worker (who I personally like) and her coworkers (including me) pick up the slack. So, when the article writer says that overweight people don’t get jobs because of their weight? I don’t feel bad about that. If a person’s fat gets in the way of fulfilling job duties - they shouldn’t get to have that job.

I think the culture of supersizing fast food orders is the problem, because now a lot of people think that’s what the norm should be.

OP asked for our thoughts; I’ve tried to do that respectfully while explaining my reaction.

No, I didn’t finish the article. I’ve done a few side-by-side progress photos, but they are for myself. I posted one on IG a few years ago but took it down, because I’m a pretty private person. The photo got more attention than I wanted. ☺️

snickerscharlie · February 2019

I would never post before-and-after pictures, and not because I think my 'fat friends' would be triggered or angered by them.

I took them for me. I took them so that on days when I wasn't feeling motivated or wanted to give up, I could visually remind myself of how far I'd come.

The other thing to consider is that before-and-after pics posted anywhere on the internet - including here - can be 'borrowed' and then show up on some other website as false testimonials to how great that sites' fat-burning supplement, diet plan, or <insert any other bs weight loss product or scheme here> works. It happens. More frequently than you'd imagine.

pinuplove · February 2019

If my friends are anything but happy to see progress on my part, how great are they, really?

ETA I don't plaster photos all over FB and don't even have an IG or Twitter account, so it's pretty much moot for me personally. Thanks for the reminder of just how toxic social media can be.

rosiorama · February 2019

snickerscharlie wrote: »

The other thing to consider is that before-and-after pics posted anywhere on the internet - including here - can be 'borrowed' and then show up on some other website as false testimonials to how great that sites' fat-burning supplement, diet plan, or <insert any other bs weight loss product or scheme here> works. It happens. More frequently than you'd imagine.

Yup. This happens. Some “snake oil” fitness “guru” who is self-employed but calls their scheme a weight-loss academy and then posts others’s photos while taking credit for the weight loss.

I may be exaggerating a little. But I’ve seen it and I follow people on IG whose photos have been used without their permission.

dsboohead · February 2019

I had never thought of photos being stolen for others benefit.....that sucks! I will not do that!

robertw486 · February 2019

The entire social media thing is turning much like the news media. Everyone wants to be upset about something, and they need to find someone to offend them.

**Disclaimer: I may or may not be in shape and healthy. No details involving work status, wealth or lack of, IQ, marital status, fatherhood status, sexual identity, favorite color, sports, hair color, height, addictions, food preferences, internet speeds or computer types will be discussed or implied. I don't want to offend anyone**

NOT!

People really just need to get over it and deal with the important things in life. I'm so tired of everyone trying to be offended.

Opalescent_Topaz · February 2019

Lol. That is an absurd article. I mean, far be it for people to be proud of their successes because someone might get their little feelings hurt over it. What a time to be alive.

To be clear, I avoid cameras like the plague even after losing 40 pounds, so you can imagine what it was like before my weight loss. I don't have very good "before" pictures nor "after" pictures, and I don't use social media (unless you count this or the once a month I use LinkedIn).

foxtrot1965 · February 2019

Total shame induction. Her post and opinion is far more hurtful than the success of someone else! Everyone does not have the same goals or achievements, and everyone can't all possibly end up with the same results. This goes FAR beyond being fat. What about people proud of their grades? Don't post your kickass exam marks because some poor kid studies their *kitten* off and failed. What about people proud of their babies? Don't post because that oppresses people who have experienced miscarriage. What about people proud of their relationships? Don't post because it oppresses those who are domestically abused.
These posts aren't so much about being prideful, as about the gratitude, excitement, and accomplishment of a wonderful experience to that specific person who wants to share in that with others, because connection is important. If anyone was hurt by your success, that is something far greater they need to work on in themselves that goes far beyond their caloric intake. This is just honestly so effing crazy.

GemimaFitzTed · February 2019

foxtrot1965 wrote: »

Total shame induction. Her post and opinion is far more hurtful than the success of someone else! Everyone does not have the same goals or achievements, and everyone can't all possibly end up with the same results. This goes FAR beyond being fat. What about people proud of their grades? Don't post your kickass exam marks because some poor kid studies their *kitten* off and failed. What about people proud of their babies? Don't post because that oppresses people who have experienced miscarriage. What about people proud of their relationships? Don't post because it oppresses those who are domestically abused.
These posts aren't so much about being prideful, as about the gratitude, excitement, and accomplishment of a wonderful experience to that specific person who wants to share in that with others, because connection is important. If anyone was hurt by your success, that is something far greater they need to work on in themselves that goes far beyond their caloric intake. This is just honestly so effing crazy.

You hit the nail on the head. That is exactly how I felt reading that article.

I personally don't do progress pics, but I LOVE seeing them here. Why? Because of a little thing call INSPIRATION. This is what I love about this community - we celebrate success and we rally around/encourage those who are struggling.

What this author wrote is toxic and harmful. She needs to sort out some deep-rooted problems.

rheddmobile · February 2019

I can't even begin to count the ways in which this article is toxic. Maybe I'll swallow my bile and make a longer post later.

For starters, being denied love because no one finds you attractive is not oppression. No one is entitled to have someone else love them. If this post were about ugly men who feel they are denied love, we have a name for that, because forcing someone else to "love" you is illegal.

No one has a right to be offended because someone else exists. My photo of my very own self does not and cannot be something you have a right to get offended by.

I'm not posting under the "guise" of being healthier. Being obese gave me diabetes and almost killed me. I will always be sick because I was fat in the past, but I do feel much better now.

And, lastly, if you feel so kitten delighted about your obese self, how come you are bothered by photos of others who aren't obese? Shouldn't you regard the before and after as photos of someone going from perfectly fine to also perfectly fine? The proof that you are really not fine with being obese is that you feel shame and anger at someone else's weight loss.

Susieq_1994 · February 2019

That article was so ridiculous that it made my brain hurt. I couldn't bring myself to read the whole thing!

ETA: And just in case this needs to be qualified somehow... I'm fat. And when I see someone else's progress photos, there might be a little jealousy (which I think is fairly normal), and there's a thought of, "You really need to get on top of your calories and eating habits, so you can achieve that too!". There's definitely NOT hurt or offense or anger. If you feel any of those emotions when you look at someone else's progress in any area of their life, not just weight loss, you very likely need professional help to work through those issues.

neugebauer52 · February 2019

For me those before / after pictures are inspiring and give me an excellent idea what can be done, what is possible long term. As far as my own pictures are concerned: I seem to be the last stone - age survivor, don't even know how to put my picture next to my name on the MFP site. Never mind things like "selfies" - totally lost.

rosiorama · February 2019

rheddmobile wrote: »

And, lastly, if you feel so kitten delighted about your obese self, how come you are bothered by photos of others who aren't obese? Shouldn't you regard the before and after as photos of someone going from perfectly fine to also perfectly fine? The proof that you are really not fine with being obese is that you feel shame and anger at someone else's weight loss.

Wow. THIS IS SO TRUE. I’d never thought of it that way.

mbaker566 · February 2019

if my fat friends are hurt by my side by side, they aren't my friends.

SoaringOccamy · February 2019

I think it is always nice to see people looking out for the feelings of those who might be going through a rough time right now, but at the same time you can't live your life walking on eggshells.

I have been morbidly obese as long as I can remember but I am so miserable in my own state that when I see other people succeed I feel happy for them and it inspires me.

That having been said, I think there is a lot of shaming, belittling, ignoring, and even exploitation of fat people in this world and it really can affect peoples' sense of self-worth. And I think in a lot of ways it can make people who are overweight feel extra sensitive to any possible perceived devaluing of the state of being fat.

I know that people who are discouraging of your weight loss can be difficult to deal with, but I think that if I were to succeed in my own weight loss and post a pic, and if that pic was commented upon by a friend or family member who felt shamed by it, I would simply tell them of my own struggles (with disability and health issues due to my weight) and make sure they knew that mattered to me no matter their size, shape, or health.

whatalazyidiot · February 2019

seltzermint555 wrote: »

Interesting. I have lost (and maintained) a major loss (over 130 lb) and have only shared side by side on social media one time. I took it down after only one day because several people were messaging me things like workout tips and it deeply hurt my feelings. I wasn't asking for their critical feedback, I was celebrating my progress. I chalked that up to me being overly sensitive and didn't do that again.

When I was at my heaviest though (over 300 lb), others' side by side photos were interesting and inspiring to me, not offensive.

However, I did have VERY strong feelings about workplace contests regarding weight loss (the "Biggest Loser" type). I think they are extremely inappropriate and invade employees' privacy. I also think even for those who opt out and do not participate, it creates a terrible atmosphere for anyone who is even slightly overweight and/or uncomfortable with their body for any reason. I really think it's a poor choice for almost any employer to do such a thing. I still feel the same way now as a person who has successfully lost a lot. It's just not appropriate for the workplace!

That's kind of what I'm personally afraid of, and why I refuse to tell anyone on social media that I am losing weight. I will also never post a progress picture (on social media). I will post selfies and if people notice, ok cool, but not making it a thing. I don't need people's constant comments and suggestions.

But to the OP, I have never been offended by someone else's progress or success. I also haven't seen it personally from any of my friends who post that sort of thing. The ONLY thing even remotely close I have personally seen is one person who is very anti-diet who will unfollow/unfriend anyone that talks about their diet/weight loss openly.

suziecue25 · February 2019

I am so grateful that I am of an age where it is acceptable not to have a social media account of any kind and therefore not be open to the toxic effects of same.

tinkerbellang83 · February 2019

I started sharing my pictures after about a year of starting MFP seriously, not all of my progress pictures show improvement, in fact, some of them show times when my weight has gone up or my composition has changed for the worse, particularly after taking a break from training for rowing events, when I have been less active with strength training.

It was quite liberating to post them online, it is on a separate IG account than my regular one, so if people are looking at it, it's because they have chosen to follow my weight loss focused account and I have had some lovely messages from my friends on MFP/Instagram followers, including one or two who have been inspired to keep at their food logging when the scale doesn't meet their expectations.

To think that someone could twist people's pride in their hard work and effort towards seeking a healthier lifestyle is pretty sad. I wonder if they would consider it equally offensive to post pictures at the top of a mountain trail, would that not in their way of thinking upset people who aren't yet fit enough to make it that far?

urloved33 · February 2019

this tip toeing around people is really chipping away at some of our civil liberties and freedom laws. especially those that are designed to offer freedoms to women that historically we had to fight for. its insanity.

NextPage · February 2019

I loved the last line - "You have the right to be who you are, in the body you have right now, free from shame." However, shaming someone for posting a side by side weight loss photo isn't exactly walking the walk. I do understand that fat people endure hurtful comments on a daily basis and that this is unacceptable, but being accepted doesn't mean restricting everyone else from expressing themselves. I wish I was blessed with a beautiful singing voice and children but when friends post baby pictures or clips of them singing karaoke like a boss, I sometimes feel a tad jealous but I am also happy that they are living their best lives, as I am in my own way.

hesn92 · February 2019

I didn't get very far into the article because it was one of the dumbest things I have ever read. It's just insane to me. There are a variety of reasons as to why being overweight or obese is damaging to your health. If someone is fat and wants to remain fat, then by all means, that is their decision and I have no issues with that. It's not much different than someone smoking cigarettes and not wanting to quit. Has no affect on my life whatsoever. But the rest of us are not going to hide our accomplishments to protect their feelings. The author of this article needs to grow up.

ExistingFish · February 2019

In all honesty, I didn't read the article.

Can't post weight loss success because it might offend overweight people.
Can't post pictures of pregnancy and children because it might offend infertile people.
Can't post pictures of your success (house, car, vacation, etc) because it might offend people who aren't as well off.

It isn't my job to protect the feelings of others. I will not intentionally hurt other people. I would never call someone fat or insult their appearance. I'd never taunt someone for their body. But my success is not an insult to someone else. My hard work is not there to hurt others, it is something I have done on my own.

Tsartele · February 2019

Have we seriously become that weak as people ?? Sad.. just sad.

ccrdragon · February 2019

Tsartele wrote: »

Have we seriously become that weak as people ?? Sad.. just sad.

The problem of an entire generation raised on the 'participation trophy' mentality...

MsBaz2018 · February 2019

rosiorama wrote: »

This article angered me (as someone who works really hard to stay fit) and, like tinak33, I did not finish.

I know several people now who are very overweight - and they have gotten jobs they should not have. They are too fat/out of shape to fulfill the job requirements. All of them have gotten injured on the job, and one has refused to do certain parts of their job because they can’t. It bugs me. One is a co-worker (who I personally like) and her coworkers (including me) pick up the slack. So, when the article writer says that overweight people don’t get jobs because of their weight? I don’t feel bad about that. If a person’s fat gets in the way of fulfilling job duties - they shouldn’t get to have that job.

I think the culture of supersizing fast food orders is the problem, because now a lot of people think that’s what the norm should be.

OP asked for our thoughts; I’ve tried to do that respectfully while explaining my reaction.

No, I didn’t finish the article. I’ve done a few side-by-side progress photos, but they are for myself. I posted one on IG a few years ago but took it down, because I’m a pretty private person. The photo got more attention than I wanted. ☺️

I followed a TED Talk where a guy in the military was talking about how people getting fat is a national security issue. There will be a point when the country can't get enough fit people to keep it secure.

I think you are even nice to call your co-worker "overweight" when they are more than likely obese or maybe even morbidly obese. We are always tip-toeing around the issue so that other people don't get offended. (and I say that as an obese person)

Side by side photos hurt your fat friends?

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