I want to give up so bad (VENTING)
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JanetReyna
Posts: 291 Member
I just feel like venting since I've been reading a lot about losing weight, cutting, bulking recomp etc. For the past 5 years I have felt ashamed of my body and I am legit just tired of feeling this way. I do not know if I'm setting unrealistic goals for myself but i just feel so lost.
I am aware that I cannot spot reduce, but I think my goals are not made in the gym or kitchen rather than in a plastic surgeons bed.
My body type is apple shape, the worst one in my opinion.
I have so much fat in my upper body, but i want to be thicker from my lower and lose all the weight from my upper.
I know right now i need to be in a calorie deficit and follow a progressive lifting program, but if all my fat is in my upper then it will always be that way, being bigger from top than from the bottom so what is the point of working so hard if i will not be satisfied and whenever i want to bulk all the weight will began appearing in my upper body again. i just don't get all this cutting/bulking especially if i only gain weight from the top. what do i do with this body shape
I'm just so tired of feeling this way, I wanna give up.
What would you all do with this goal and this body shape, please help.
I am aware that I cannot spot reduce, but I think my goals are not made in the gym or kitchen rather than in a plastic surgeons bed.
My body type is apple shape, the worst one in my opinion.
I have so much fat in my upper body, but i want to be thicker from my lower and lose all the weight from my upper.
I know right now i need to be in a calorie deficit and follow a progressive lifting program, but if all my fat is in my upper then it will always be that way, being bigger from top than from the bottom so what is the point of working so hard if i will not be satisfied and whenever i want to bulk all the weight will began appearing in my upper body again. i just don't get all this cutting/bulking especially if i only gain weight from the top. what do i do with this body shape
I'm just so tired of feeling this way, I wanna give up.
What would you all do with this goal and this body shape, please help.
8
Replies
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Sometimes I have to remember than my brain is an organ and sometimes I need to stop attacking it and instead encourage it (i.e. encouraging the "self"). Taking care of yourself is a big part of losing weight, and it does take a long, long time. I feel like I only have the patience required if I encourage myself and get my success "high" from practicing good habits rather than focusing on the results that are caused by those good habits. I think a good friend would say, "you can do it, how can I help?" rather than say "your body sucks, you don't lose in the right places, why are you like this?". You have to live with yourself 24/7, and treating yourself as a friend rather than the enemy is a lot easier going. A good friend would not let you give up, either, so don't give up!15
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I speculate you are more critical than anyone else about your body, as most people are. I would aim for a 20-30% body fat. Personally 25% body fat looks pretty awesome to me. I would start lifting heavy (what feels heavy for you). Deadlifts, straight leg deadlifts, squats, lunges, abduction/addiction machine ect. You can make your hips, thighs and but bigger! I would also recommend planks just because having muscle under the fat smooths the fat out and it just looks better to me. I feel your dismay but if your body fat is lower, there simply won’t be so much in your middle. Eating a clean diet based on macros helps the mid section.
From your pic, I am not sure you actually are an apple shape. Were you an apple shape when you were younger?1 -
I feel like you're just going to keep posting this until someone says - you're right, the only way you will ever look right is with plastic surgery.
Your many previous threads all gave you wonderful, measured, and informative answers, and warned you that what you want takes time. Not 4 weeks, not 6 months, a lot of time. The bodies you see on IG and YT happen over years, and are often only possible to have looking perfect for the time it takes to get the photo.
Perhaps you need to work more on your self-image and relationship with your body. Whether it's self-help like reading books or watching motivational videos, or talk therapy with a professional. Putting this much worry, time, emotion, and negative self-talk into getting a specific body shape is not healthy. Or maybe find something else entirely to get inspired by, that isn't about you & what you see in the mirror. I'm not sure what else there is to say.29 -
Your many previous threads all gave you wonderful, measured, and informative answers, and warned you that what you want takes time. Not 4 weeks, not 6 months, a lot of time. The bodies you see on IG and YT happen over years, and are often only possible to have looking perfect for the time it takes to get the photo.
and often are the result of multiple photos taken, with particular lighting, with particular posing, with photo editing.
1 -
I feel like you're just going to keep posting this until someone says - you're right, the only way you will ever look right is with plastic surgery.
Your many previous threads all gave you wonderful, measured, and informative answers, and warned you that what you want takes time. Not 4 weeks, not 6 months, a lot of time. The bodies you see on IG and YT happen over years, and are often only possible to have looking perfect for the time it takes to get the photo.
Perhaps you need to work more on your self-image and relationship with your body. Whether it's self-help like reading books or watching motivational videos, or talk therapy with a professional. Putting this much worry, time, emotion, and negative self-talk into getting a specific body shape is not healthy. Or maybe find something else entirely to get inspired by, that isn't about you & what you see in the mirror. I'm not sure what else there is to say.
Going off what Kim said - I think for you especially, you have to find a place of acceptance first. You need to understand that this is the body you are going to live in for the rest of your life. Stop comparing yourself to other people and the shape that THEY were born with.
None of us look the same. We don't eat the same. We don't lose and gain weight the same. And every person with what you see as a "Dream body" is going to have a long list of what they consider flaws, things they wish they could change.
Every body type is beautiful in my opinion. Weight loss isn't attainable (in my personal experience) if you can't love yourself RIGHT NOW. In this body. At this weight. Once you accept yourself and you understand that weight loss is a long process, it will become a lot easier.
When I used to absolutely loathe how I looked, it didn't make weight loss easier. It seems counterproductive, but once I said.. you know what, I don't look that bad. And I started practicing more positive self-talk, suddenly weight loss became easier.
I also really like Kim's suggestion of thinking about things you love about yourself that have nothing to do with your body. You need to be kind to yourself!5 -
RelCanonical wrote: »Sometimes I have to remember than my brain is an organ and sometimes I need to stop attacking it and instead encourage it (i.e. encouraging the "self"). Taking care of yourself is a big part of losing weight, and it does take a long, long time. I feel like I only have the patience required if I encourage myself and get my success "high" from practicing good habits rather than focusing on the results that are caused by those good habits. I think a good friend would say, "you can do it, how can I help?" rather than say "your body sucks, you don't lose in the right places, why are you like this?". You have to live with yourself 24/7, and treating yourself as a friend rather than the enemy is a lot easier going. A good friend would not let you give up, either, so don't give up!
SO. MUCH. THIS.
Sometimes we need to be our own best friend. You deserve your own love and support as much as you would give to anyone else. Hang in there. You're not the only one.1 -
RelCanonical wrote: »Sometimes I have to remember than my brain is an organ and sometimes I need to stop attacking it and instead encourage it (i.e. encouraging the "self"). Taking care of yourself is a big part of losing weight, and it does take a long, long time. I feel like I only have the patience required if I encourage myself and get my success "high" from practicing good habits rather than focusing on the results that are caused by those good habits. I think a good friend would say, "you can do it, how can I help?" rather than say "your body sucks, you don't lose in the right places, why are you like this?". You have to live with yourself 24/7, and treating yourself as a friend rather than the enemy is a lot easier going. A good friend would not let you give up, either, so don't give up!
I understand, but I feel uncomfortable and unhappy with my body and that is why i am looking for a change. There’s just so many steps and so many rules and I’m tired of waisting my time. I’m so confused on how to do this to reach my physique goals.0 -
MichelleMcKeeRN wrote: »I speculate you are more critical than anyone else about your body, as most people are. I would aim for a 20-30% body fat. Personally 25% body fat looks pretty awesome to me. I would start lifting heavy (what feels heavy for you). Deadlifts, straight leg deadlifts, squats, lunges, abduction/addiction machine ect. You can make your hips, thighs and but bigger! I would also recommend planks just because having muscle under the fat smooths the fat out and it just looks better to me. I feel your dismay but if your body fat is lower, there simply won’t be so much in your middle. Eating a clean diet based on macros helps the mid section.
From your pic, I am not sure you actually are an apple shape. Were you an apple shape when you were younger?
On the first picture I was 18 years old and weighed around 170 lbs, the second picture I’m 23 and weighing around 200 but I think I have a decent amount of muscle and I’m 5’7. I did not lift weights when I was younger it was full on hard cardio.0 -
I feel like you're just going to keep posting this until someone says - you're right, the only way you will ever look right is with plastic surgery.
Your many previous threads all gave you wonderful, measured, and informative answers, and warned you that what you want takes time. Not 4 weeks, not 6 months, a lot of time. The bodies you see on IG and YT happen over years, and are often only possible to have looking perfect for the time it takes to get the photo.
Perhaps you need to work more on your self-image and relationship with your body. Whether it's self-help like reading books or watching motivational videos, or talk therapy with a professional. Putting this much worry, time, emotion, and negative self-talk into getting a specific body shape is not healthy. Or maybe find something else entirely to get inspired by, that isn't about you & what you see in the mirror. I'm not sure what else there is to say.
I know girl, I’ve been feeling this way for so long and I honestly feel my mind is not heathy but kris just the truth, that’s how I feel about myself I can’t even look at my body in the mirror because I want to cry automatically. I will purchase a self help book and try to be more positive but I guess I worry so much because I have never seen progress and I feel like a failure so that makes it worse. Thanks for the help!0 -
whatalazyidiot wrote: »I feel like you're just going to keep posting this until someone says - you're right, the only way you will ever look right is with plastic surgery.
Your many previous threads all gave you wonderful, measured, and informative answers, and warned you that what you want takes time. Not 4 weeks, not 6 months, a lot of time. The bodies you see on IG and YT happen over years, and are often only possible to have looking perfect for the time it takes to get the photo.
Perhaps you need to work more on your self-image and relationship with your body. Whether it's self-help like reading books or watching motivational videos, or talk therapy with a professional. Putting this much worry, time, emotion, and negative self-talk into getting a specific body shape is not healthy. Or maybe find something else entirely to get inspired by, that isn't about you & what you see in the mirror. I'm not sure what else there is to say.
Going off what Kim said - I think for you especially, you have to find a place of acceptance first. You need to understand that this is the body you are going to live in for the rest of your life. Stop comparing yourself to other people and the shape that THEY were born with.
None of us look the same. We don't eat the same. We don't lose and gain weight the same. And every person with what you see as a "Dream body" is going to have a long list of what they consider flaws, things they wish they could change.
Every body type is beautiful in my opinion. Weight loss isn't attainable (in my personal experience) if you can't love yourself RIGHT NOW. In this body. At this weight. Once you accept yourself and you understand that weight loss is a long process, it will become a lot easier.
When I used to absolutely loathe how I looked, it didn't make weight loss easier. It seems counterproductive, but once I said.. you know what, I don't look that bad. And I started practicing more positive self-talk, suddenly weight loss became easier.
I also really like Kim's suggestion of thinking about things you love about yourself that have nothing to do with your body. You need to be kind to yourself!
Thank you!!!!
1 -
JanetReyna wrote: »MichelleMcKeeRN wrote: »I speculate you are more critical than anyone else about your body, as most people are. I would aim for a 20-30% body fat. Personally 25% body fat looks pretty awesome to me. I would start lifting heavy (what feels heavy for you). Deadlifts, straight leg deadlifts, squats, lunges, abduction/addiction machine ect. You can make your hips, thighs and but bigger! I would also recommend planks just because having muscle under the fat smooths the fat out and it just looks better to me. I feel your dismay but if your body fat is lower, there simply won’t be so much in your middle. Eating a clean diet based on macros helps the mid section.
From your pic, I am not sure you actually are an apple shape. Were you an apple shape when you were younger?
On the first picture I was 18 years old and weighed around 170 lbs, the second picture I’m 23 and weighing around 200 but I think I have a decent amount of muscle and I’m 5’7. I did not lift weights when I was younger it was full on hard cardio.
@MichelleMcKeeRN0 -
JanetReyna wrote: »RelCanonical wrote: »Sometimes I have to remember than my brain is an organ and sometimes I need to stop attacking it and instead encourage it (i.e. encouraging the "self"). Taking care of yourself is a big part of losing weight, and it does take a long, long time. I feel like I only have the patience required if I encourage myself and get my success "high" from practicing good habits rather than focusing on the results that are caused by those good habits. I think a good friend would say, "you can do it, how can I help?" rather than say "your body sucks, you don't lose in the right places, why are you like this?". You have to live with yourself 24/7, and treating yourself as a friend rather than the enemy is a lot easier going. A good friend would not let you give up, either, so don't give up!
I understand, but I feel uncomfortable and unhappy with my body and that is why i am looking for a change. There’s just so many steps and so many rules and I’m tired of waisting my time. I’m so confused on how to do this to reach my physique goals.
What would YOU like to do. Would you LIKE to have plastic surgery? Is that the sort of CHANGE you are looking for?
Lee0 -
JanetReyna wrote: »JanetReyna wrote: »MichelleMcKeeRN wrote: »I speculate you are more critical than anyone else about your body, as most people are. I would aim for a 20-30% body fat. Personally 25% body fat looks pretty awesome to me. I would start lifting heavy (what feels heavy for you). Deadlifts, straight leg deadlifts, squats, lunges, abduction/addiction machine ect. You can make your hips, thighs and but bigger! I would also recommend planks just because having muscle under the fat smooths the fat out and it just looks better to me. I feel your dismay but if your body fat is lower, there simply won’t be so much in your middle. Eating a clean diet based on macros helps the mid section.
From your pic, I am not sure you actually are an apple shape. Were you an apple shape when you were younger?
On the first picture I was 18 years old and weighed around 170 lbs, the second picture I’m 23 and weighing around 200 but I think I have a decent amount of muscle and I’m 5’7. I did not lift weights when I was younger it was full on hard cardio.
@MichelleMcKeeRN
Sometimes, talking with a mental health professional may help us, It helped me when I felt a certain way about myself. I really had to learn to love myself. I dont want you to feel despondent.2 -
lleeann2001 wrote: »JanetReyna wrote: »RelCanonical wrote: »Sometimes I have to remember than my brain is an organ and sometimes I need to stop attacking it and instead encourage it (i.e. encouraging the "self"). Taking care of yourself is a big part of losing weight, and it does take a long, long time. I feel like I only have the patience required if I encourage myself and get my success "high" from practicing good habits rather than focusing on the results that are caused by those good habits. I think a good friend would say, "you can do it, how can I help?" rather than say "your body sucks, you don't lose in the right places, why are you like this?". You have to live with yourself 24/7, and treating yourself as a friend rather than the enemy is a lot easier going. A good friend would not let you give up, either, so don't give up!
I understand, but I feel uncomfortable and unhappy with my body and that is why i am looking for a change. There’s just so many steps and so many rules and I’m tired of waisting my time. I’m so confused on how to do this to reach my physique goals.
What would YOU like to do. Would you LIKE to have plastic surgery? Is that the sort of CHANGE you are looking for?
Lee
I wanna feel confident. And I really want more hips, the only way to that is surgery since we can’t change our body shape naturally.
@lleeann20010 -
You can change it to an extent depending on genetics with muscle building but it can take years and years. Surgery isn't cheap, it comes with very significant risks and in the end you may not look the way you want anyhow. It might help to talk to someone if you can if these feelings are starting to take over your life.3
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I had the most interesting conversation the other day with the lady that does my nails. She was telling me about a friend of hers who had done quite a bit of plastic surgery earlier in her life. Lots of liposuction apparently. Now she has aged and gained some weight. Sadly her body is quite misshapen now. She has so much fat in her back apparently it looks like she has breasts back there. I've not seen her, I'm only repeating what she told me. I tell you this to highlight that plastic surgery is not a cure all. If you need to lose weight you need to do it in a healthy manner. Having said this, I had plastic surgery to remove the excess skin after I lost 100 pounds. I think there are times and places where surgery is called for but we must realize that a surgeon's scalpel is not a substitute for losing weight and learning to maintain in a healthy way. It's ultimately your decision but keep in mind that there are always risks and possible side effects.6
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Sometimes people have to be in a good place mentally before they can lose weight. From your previous posts your body is an obsession. Your body is not the only thing you have. Happiness is not a great body--it comes from within. To understand this and change your life, you may have to try counseling. When you are accepting of who you are, you will have success. I wish you all the best.5
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cheryldumais wrote: »I had the most interesting conversation the other day with the lady that does my nails. She was telling me about a friend of hers who had done quite a bit of plastic surgery earlier in her life. Lots of liposuction apparently. Now she has aged and gained some weight. Sadly her body is quite misshapen now. She has so much fat in her back apparently it looks like she has breasts back there. I've not seen her, I'm only repeating what she told me. I tell you this to highlight that plastic surgery is not a cure all. If you need to lose weight you need to do it in a healthy manner. Having said this, I had plastic surgery to remove the excess skin after I lost 100 pounds. I think there are times and places where surgery is called for but we must realize that a surgeon's scalpel is not a substitute for losing weight and learning to maintain in a healthy way. It's ultimately your decision but keep in mind that there are always risks and possible side effects.
Yeah, I know that if you don’t maintain yourself you will gain weight but it’s just so hard accepting my body shape I just don’t want to look like this and I know a little help will help me up with my confidence. I will lose weight the healthy way and lower my BMI, and I just plan on getting a few lipo to sculpt a bit more my body. Thanks for the info tho! @Snowflake_940 -
You can change it to an extent depending on genetics with muscle building but it can take years and years. Surgery isn't cheap, it comes with very significant risks and in the end you may not look the way you want anyhow. It might help to talk to someone if you can if these feelings are starting to take over your life.
I have a doubt, how can you know so much about genetics. I’m not asking you personally just like in general, how do people know how their muscle will built up and how long it will take with “genetics”. My mom and dad have a different body shape and in their days they were skinny but now they’ve gained so much weight. So how will I know how much or to what extent I can add muscle to my hips since my grandma, aunt, they are all built differently. It’s confusing.2 -
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