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How to break up with him...?
paulaGetshealthy
Posts: 464
I'm evil for doing this on a website, but I need help (ideas) on how to break up with my boyfriend.
Now, before you go judging me, let me explain myself. He and I have only been a couple for 3 days. We've been dating for about a month prior. He's nice & funny - which I really like
HOWEVER:
1. he's a pothead (which I actually wouldn't mind at all except for the fact that he asked to borrow money from me to purchase it.)
2. he asked to borrow money from me. already.
3. he's my coworker...and he's constantly late to work (irresponsible?)
4. he hardly talks to me at work. I understand, because I wanted to keep this relationship on the DL for now, but he practically ignores me...
5. he is so obviously deeply scarred by all the women who have cheated and lied to him, and I'm afraid he's gonna make me pay for it
He's not a bad guy, he's just hurt. I knew all of this before I agreed to be his girlfriend but I have my own damn issues to work out. I know I should have said no. Shoulda Woulda Coulda. But...now what? How do I let him down easy? I don't want to hurt him anymore
Also, please don't be so mean to me. I made a mistake, and I feel terrible. I just need help. I really do care for him, but I'm just trying to avoid huge heartbreak because even now he has all the power to hurt me.
Now, before you go judging me, let me explain myself. He and I have only been a couple for 3 days. We've been dating for about a month prior. He's nice & funny - which I really like
HOWEVER:1. he's a pothead (which I actually wouldn't mind at all except for the fact that he asked to borrow money from me to purchase it.)
2. he asked to borrow money from me. already.
3. he's my coworker...and he's constantly late to work (irresponsible?)
4. he hardly talks to me at work. I understand, because I wanted to keep this relationship on the DL for now, but he practically ignores me...
5. he is so obviously deeply scarred by all the women who have cheated and lied to him, and I'm afraid he's gonna make me pay for it
He's not a bad guy, he's just hurt. I knew all of this before I agreed to be his girlfriend but I have my own damn issues to work out. I know I should have said no. Shoulda Woulda Coulda. But...now what? How do I let him down easy? I don't want to hurt him anymore
Also, please don't be so mean to me. I made a mistake, and I feel terrible. I just need help. I really do care for him, but I'm just trying to avoid huge heartbreak because even now he has all the power to hurt me.
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Replies
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bring all these issues up with him..be honest if you really care for him, but maybe agree to remain friends ?? good luck:flowerforyou:0
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Communication. Talk to him. Tell him everything you said here...but say it nicely. Don't get defensive, or angry. I will never understand why people are so scared to communicate with each other over stuff like this. It may be a hard thing to do, but it is the best way to do it. Relationships cannot survive (or end) without communication.0
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What she said!0
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Be honest with him. Tell him how much you care but what scares you about being with him. Be strong and firm, but be kind. But don't give him a line. Be honest. You both deserve that.0
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Tell him the time isn't right. Hope to remain friends and maybe down the line when he grows up (you dont say this part haha), you two can try again.0
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if you don't mind me asking, what attracted you to him in the first place? (no need to respond, just something to ask and answer for yourself).
as for 'how' to break up?
simple.
I don't want to go out with you anymore. I don't think we're a 'right' fit in this kind of relationship. Perhaps we'd be better off as friends.
If he isn't mature enough to deal with this, chances are he isn't mature to deal with much else you might have to say.0 -
Did you not know these facts while dating?????0
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I don't think we're a 'right' fit in this kind of relationship. Perhaps we'd be better off as friends.
That's perfect....
You really don't owe him much this early in the game. Especially not money *LOL* Can't believe he asked. Use it as a lesson and move along
And whatever you do - do not text or email a break-up for crumb sake!0 -
I don't think we're a 'right' fit in this kind of relationship. Perhaps we'd be better off as friends.
That's perfect....
You really don't owe him much this early in the game. Especially not money *LOL* Can't believe he asked. Use it as a lesson and move along
And whatever you do - do not text or email a break-up for crumb sake!
perfect I agree 100%0 -
Did you not know these facts while dating?????
I admit I'm really in no position to be in a relationship right now. I have my own issues to work out, but now I have to deal with what I've done.0 -
You're making the right choice by breaking it off with him, especially so early into the relationship before anymore attachments are made. Break-up with him on a day that you won't see each other at work for a few days. That way the initial sting will start to have worn off before you have to face each other for 8 hours straight. Like others have said, explain it all to him the way you just did us. Don't lie or leave any half-truths lingering just to spare his feelings. If you lie or give him reasons other than what you really feel, he will eventually find out and be even more hurt. Be prepared for him to be mean or try to make you feel guilty, but stand your ground.0
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It's not me it's you!0
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As to what attracted me to him? He's got the best sense of humor, cute smile, and...wait for it...he's a bad boy. Yep.0
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if you don't mind me asking, what attracted you to him in the first place? (no need to respond, just something to ask and answer for yourself).
as for 'how' to break up?
simple.
I don't want to go out with you anymore. I don't think we're a 'right' fit in this kind of relationship. Perhaps we'd be better off as friends.
If he isn't mature enough to deal with this, chances are he isn't mature to deal with much else you might have to say.
Totally agree. And if it's the right thing to do, it needs to be done... so you just gotta do it!0 -
Communications is the only way, Bring up everything you just posted. Sometimes ppl don't know they are doing something wrong until it's communicated to them. These sound like issues that can be worked out, if you want to work them out, and come to a compromise; but if your just not that into him, communicate that to him the sooner the better. Don't continue to drag it on.0
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Perhaps we'd be better off as friends.
Nothing drives a guy more to the point of killing someone than to hear this line.
I honestly try to work it out but if not. Be honest.
"Sorry, this isn't going to work. You come across to me as an irresponsible person and I don't want that in my life. It's better this way."
If you still remain friends well, then you are friends. It will save you a lot of drama down the road.0 -
Speaking as a guy...just be HONEST. It really is the best way to go.0
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send him a text message telling him you are allergic to him.0
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I can see it already. I break up with him, he calls me a ***** and a *kitten* behind my back. This is gonna be hard...0
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It's not me it's you!
this!!0 -
send him a text message telling him you are allergic to him.
hahahahahahahahaha, I wish that worked!0 -
OK no one is interested in channeling Steve Martin?
Say, "I break with thee. I break with thee. I break with thee." Then you throw dog poop on his shoes.0 -
Emotionally this is challenging, you may feel guilty, gutted, etc. But I split after 2 year relationship just couple weeks back. Nice girl, etc etc, but I wasn't happy... actually i was so stressed by the unhappiness of the relationship I was on a low does of blood pressure meds.
Thing is though, do it, get it over with, make it final, part ways, clean fast break. I told my ex how I felt, I honestly don't even miss her, I gave up a ton of comforts, and benefits that the relationship had to offer, and don't miss those either.
So now two weeks later, off bp meds, and blood pressure is normal, I am much better off, and she is fine to. No matter how scared you may be to do it, sticking with it or sicking in it longer, wastes more time, causes more pain etc.0 -
OK no one is interested in channeling Steve Martin?
Say, "I break with thee. I break with thee. I break with thee." Then you throw dog poop on his shoes.0 -
eek, you got involved with a co-worker?! =/0
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If you still like him maybe you could go back to the way things were when you were just seeing each other. Just tell him you aren't ready to be in a committed relationship because you have some things to work out. You should mention the money as well if it happens again, and refuse if it makes you uncomfortable. Since you work with him you'll want to be gentle regardless of how you end it because you don't want to have hard feelings with a co-worker.
I just think you should do what's right for you. If he cares about you he will understand.0 -
eek, you got involved with a co-worker?! =/
Yeah... don't do that again *LOL*0 -
Be straightforward and honest, but if you really want to end it, don't leave it with a dot dot for ending. I know all about bring attracted to the bad boy. Hell, I married mine. I hope he doesn't call you names or act like a douche at work.0
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I don't think we're a 'right' fit in this kind of relationship. Perhaps we'd be better off as friends.
That's perfect....
You really don't owe him much this early in the game. Especially not money *LOL* Can't believe he asked. Use it as a lesson and move along
And whatever you do - do not text or email a break-up for crumb sake!
Just let him know you're not feeling this relationship now. Don't get sucked into a debate over why you should stay or not. If you're not comfortable, make a clean break before it gets tougher to get out of.
Good luck! : )0 -
Talk to him....talk to him again....if he doesn't listen, or even attempt to change....sever contact...well, as much as you can. Be careful...you work with him..he could make things difficult...even tell people you buy "pot". Just be careful..and good luck.0
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