Other people's kids
LiftingSpirits
Posts: 2,207 Member
in Chit-Chat
Could you be in a serious relationship with someone whose kids annoy you?
Even the best parenting doesn't make perfect kids and most people are annoyed by their own kids, BUT.... could you open your heart and life up to kids that annoy you?
I have never been a step parent type in a relationship so I am truly curious as to other people's opinions on this.
Do you learn to love those kids? Do you ignore the fact that they drive you crazy and still carry on the relationship or is it a dealbreaker?
Be honest, don't just say what you think you should say or try to bash me for wondering about this. I haven't been in the situation so I do not know the answers.
Even the best parenting doesn't make perfect kids and most people are annoyed by their own kids, BUT.... could you open your heart and life up to kids that annoy you?
I have never been a step parent type in a relationship so I am truly curious as to other people's opinions on this.
Do you learn to love those kids? Do you ignore the fact that they drive you crazy and still carry on the relationship or is it a dealbreaker?
Be honest, don't just say what you think you should say or try to bash me for wondering about this. I haven't been in the situation so I do not know the answers.
2
Replies
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It's a deal breaker.4
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i've been in a long term relationship with a kid involved and she is pretty wonderful but if the kid is annoying i might question what sort of parenting might have lead to the behavior (nurture) or if it was just nature
nature yes
nurture no3 -
LiftingSpirits wrote: »Could you be in a serious relationship with someone whose kids annoy you?
Even the best parenting doesn't make perfect kids and most people are annoyed by their own kids, BUT.... could you open your heart and life up to kids that annoy you?
I have never been a step parent type in a relationship so I am truly curious as to other people's opinions on this.
Do you learn to love those kids? Do you ignore the fact that they drive you crazy and still carry on the relationship or is it a dealbreaker?
Be honest, don't just say what you think you should say or try to bash me for wondering about this. I haven't been in the situation so I do not know the answers.
Doubtful.
When I met my wife, she had two little girls. They were both very sweet and well-behaved. Once I got to know my wife, I came to appreciate what a great job she did as a Mother. It added to my attraction to her. When we decided to have children, I followed her example. Worked out very well.7 -
If you didn't eventually warm up to them, how long could you pretend they didn't annoy you? Might be an issue down the line...3
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RomaineCalm wrote: »If you didn't eventually warm up to them, how long could you pretend they didn't annoy you? Might be an issue down the line...
It's a tough call because generally someone probably shouldn't be introducing their kids to a potential mate on date 1 or 2 or maybe even for months. You never want kids to get attached to someone and pull that person out of their life. So I would say spending time with someone else's kids should be on a limited basis to prevent that. Then you don't know whether you ever will warm up to them.2 -
tinkerhellraiser wrote: »all kids are annoying tbh
I agree with this a lot. All kids have annoying moments, but some are just little jerks. That doesn't always result from a bad parent or maybe it is from the other parent.
If i ever find myself in this position I would want to love those kids as my own. They would deserve that as well as my partner, but what if I just couldn't? I feel like this is probably a bigger issue now than in the past as kids seem more influenced by society than their upbringing1 -
Raising annoying kids is one thing because you are slow indoctrinated into it but getting them all at once through a new relationship could be overwhelming.3
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I'd just beat them at their own game. I can reach a level of annoying that kids could only dream of.5
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Only if he was wealthy and could afford Swiss boarding school and summer camp in a remote location very far away.5
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Divorce or breakup of the kids "originals" can make kids behavior by no fault of their own a deal breaker.1
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If you don't like thier kids its definitely a deal breaker.
I have a blended family its a challenge but if i didn't love my non bio child like I love my own no way would it have worked out!
Also my oldest daughter's ex stepmom was so mean to my daughter. Why? Who knows! But my child didn't deserve to be treated awlful while they were married.
Just walk away you're doing everyone a favor!4 -
Caporegiem wrote: »I'd just beat them at their own game. I can reach a level of annoying that kids could only dream of.
You are the champion1 -
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I can't say, I'm a kid myself xD
But seriously if they annoy me, it's probably the parents parenting skills rather than the kid itself. Very hard to annoy me lol as I'm a pest myself
It would be a deal breaker. 0 -
Tankiscool wrote: »I can't say, I'm a kid myself xD
But seriously if they annoy me, it's probably the parents parenting skills rather than the kid itself. Very hard to annoy me lol as I'm a pest myself It would be a deal breaker.
I won't ask if your dad is single then 😝1 -
LiftingSpirits wrote: »Tankiscool wrote: »I can't say, I'm a kid myself xD
But seriously if they annoy me, it's probably the parents parenting skills rather than the kid itself. Very hard to annoy me lol as I'm a pest myself It would be a deal breaker.
I won't ask if your dad is single then 😝
He isn't, but I am 😉lemme sliiiddddeee in your dm! 😏😜0 -
TBD I suppose, but it is something I've thought about. Being biased as I am my kids are all pretty fkn cool, so the others need to be too. If I were to see that it were from the results of a different parenting styles then it would be a factor for consideration at least. I dont envision ever sharing a home again, at least not while my kids are still living with me, so I think that provides a bit more tolerance.3
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Tankiscool wrote: »LiftingSpirits wrote: »Tankiscool wrote: »I can't say, I'm a kid myself xD
But seriously if they annoy me, it's probably the parents parenting skills rather than the kid itself. Very hard to annoy me lol as I'm a pest myself It would be a deal breaker.
I won't ask if your dad is single then 😝
He isn't, but I am 😉lemme sliiiddddeee in your dm! 😏😜
😂
But you just told me you are an annoying kid2 -
If I were single I don’t know if I would want to date a man without children tbh. If I did, he would definitely have to be someone special. I feel a man without children wouldn’t be able to understand the complexities of parenting. Plus, I wouldn’t want more children. I wouldn’t want to be in a situation in which I fall in love with someone and later find out he suddenly wanted children of his own. Personally, I feel a relationship that starts off with a level playing field has a better chance of succeeding.3
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On a serious note, people are biologically programmed to prefer and more favorably treat their own DNA offspring. That doesn't excuse mistreating anyone else's offspring and I'm not suggesting it. But the expectation these days that sex partners should live with other peoples' children (draining their time and resources and patience) and be happy with that arrangement is unrealistic. I'm not saying it never happens that a step parent really loves a step kid or vice versa. But it's pretty rare.
I would avoid a sex partner who already has kids. If you don't have kids, definitely go with someone who also doesn't. I think that's natural and you owe it to yourself. People who already have kids are best suited for each other, blended families and some such.
And you should listen to Dr. Laura Schlessinger on Sirius/XM Stars (channel 109) and get her take on this whole thing because she doesn't mince words. I'd risk a ban just paraphrasing her to give you an idea where she stands on the issue.6 -
LiftingSpirits wrote: »Tankiscool wrote: »LiftingSpirits wrote: »Tankiscool wrote: »I can't say, I'm a kid myself xD
But seriously if they annoy me, it's probably the parents parenting skills rather than the kid itself. Very hard to annoy me lol as I'm a pest myself It would be a deal breaker.
I won't ask if your dad is single then 😝
He isn't, but I am 😉lemme sliiiddddeee in your dm! 😏😜
😂
But you just told me you are an annoying kid
Don't lie, you like it 😏😂1 -
On a serious note, people are biologically programmed to prefer and more favorably treat their own DNA offspring. That doesn't excuse mistreating anyone else's offspring and I'm not suggesting it. But the expectation these days that sex partners should live with other peoples' children (draining their time and resources and patience) and be happy with that arrangement is unrealistic. I'm not saying it never happens that a step parent really loves a step kid or vice versa. But it's pretty rare.
I would avoid a sex partner who already has kids. If you don't have kids, definitely go with someone who also doesn't. I think that's natural and you owe it to yourself. People who already have kids are best suited for each other, blended families and some such.
And you should listen to Dr. Laura Schlessinger on Sirius/XM Stars (channel 109) and get her take on this whole thing because she doesn't mince words. I'd risk a ban just paraphrasing her to give you an idea where she stands on the issue.
Damn - sucks for those of us that were adopted eh ? No love for us. I'd like to see some backup for this claim.3 -
On a serious note, people are biologically programmed to prefer and more favorably treat their own DNA offspring. That doesn't excuse mistreating anyone else's offspring and I'm not suggesting it. But the expectation these days that sex partners should live with other peoples' children (draining their time and resources and patience) and be happy with that arrangement is unrealistic. I'm not saying it never happens that a step parent really loves a step kid or vice versa. But it's pretty rare.
I would avoid a sex partner who already has kids. If you don't have kids, definitely go with someone who also doesn't. I think that's natural and you owe it to yourself. People who already have kids are best suited for each other, blended families and some such.
And you should listen to Dr. Laura Schlessinger on Sirius/XM Stars (channel 109) and get her take on this whole thing because she doesn't mince words. I'd risk a ban just paraphrasing her to give you an idea where she stands on the issue.
I will see if I can find where she talks about it. I am very inquisitive about these things and you never truly know until you are in the situation, but Dr. Laura knows her stuff so I imagine she has great advice on this2 -
On a serious note, people are biologically programmed to prefer and more favorably treat their own DNA offspring. That doesn't excuse mistreating anyone else's offspring and I'm not suggesting it. But the expectation these days that sex partners should live with other peoples' children (draining their time and resources and patience) and be happy with that arrangement is unrealistic. I'm not saying it never happens that a step parent really loves a step kid or vice versa. But it's pretty rare.
I would avoid a sex partner who already has kids. If you don't have kids, definitely go with someone who also doesn't. I think that's natural and you owe it to yourself. People who already have kids are best suited for each other, blended families and some such.
And you should listen to Dr. Laura Schlessinger on Sirius/XM Stars (channel 109) and get her take on this whole thing because she doesn't mince words. I'd risk a ban just paraphrasing her to give you an idea where she stands on the issue.
Damn - sucks for those of us that were adopted eh ? No love for us. I'd like to see some backup for this claim.
No research to backup what I am about to say, but... people who adopt generally see that child as their own in a way that stepparents may not. I think it is very different when you willingly bring a child into your world through adoption than acquiring on through a mate.6 -
On a serious note, people are biologically programmed to prefer and more favorably treat their own DNA offspring. That doesn't excuse mistreating anyone else's offspring and I'm not suggesting it. But the expectation these days that sex partners should live with other peoples' children (draining their time and resources and patience) and be happy with that arrangement is unrealistic. I'm not saying it never happens that a step parent really loves a step kid or vice versa. But it's pretty rare.
I would avoid a sex partner who already has kids. If you don't have kids, definitely go with someone who also doesn't. I think that's natural and you owe it to yourself. People who already have kids are best suited for each other, blended families and some such.
And you should listen to Dr. Laura Schlessinger on Sirius/XM Stars (channel 109) and get her take on this whole thing because she doesn't mince words. I'd risk a ban just paraphrasing her to give you an idea where she stands on the issue.
Damn - sucks for those of us that were adopted eh ? No love for us. I'd like to see some backup for this claim.
Yeah that's a completely different situation and a completely different decision making process that has nothing to do with inheriting steps by proxy by getting entangled in a romance.
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Tankiscool wrote: »LiftingSpirits wrote: »Tankiscool wrote: »LiftingSpirits wrote: »Tankiscool wrote: »I can't say, I'm a kid myself xD
But seriously if they annoy me, it's probably the parents parenting skills rather than the kid itself. Very hard to annoy me lol as I'm a pest myself It would be a deal breaker.
I won't ask if your dad is single then 😝
He isn't, but I am 😉lemme sliiiddddeee in your dm! 😏😜
😂
But you just told me you are an annoying kid
Don't lie, you like it 😏😂
Depends. Young at heart is cute. Unable to handle household chores and throwing fits is a big nope.1 -
I could only fake it so long.
1 -
Avocado_AS5 wrote: »I could only fake it so long.
Are you talking about liking his kids or......0
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