Fiancé food issues

Ok so my fiancé knows I feel abit self conscious recently because I’ve gained afew lbs, not lots but enough for me to really watch what I’m eating recently.
Today he comes home from work with a “surprise” for me, I’m thinking ‘oh maybe a new piece of clothing or something’ but no instead he has brought me a huge salted caramel cheesecake 😕, I love the fact he’s thought about me but he knows I didn’t want crap in the house as I have no willpower. Now he is trying to say it’s not just for me but for him 9years being with him I know he HATES cheesecake so I know he won’t touch it. I’ve discussed the whole bringing crap home for me sooo many times, if it was for him fair enough I know not to touch it.
Each slice (8slices in total) is 384calories 😳😳😳 I can eat a whole tub of healthy icream for less then that!!!
I know I sound like a b***h and really ungrateful but I hate hate hate when he brings crap home for me cuz I’m really trying to watch my weight as we have a holiday in September and we are getting married in two years (yes I know two years is a long way away but I want to get my dress soon so I can use it as motivation to stay in shape).
I just want to hear from people who struggle with their other half’s and food issues


  • kathryn1391
    kathryn1391 Posts: 100 Member
    i feel your pain! my mum does exactly the same, im currently trying to slim down for my wedding and she gave me 3 TUBS of chocolate for Easter. Full on tubs of roses and quality street like you have at Christmas.
    Personally as its perishable if you want a small bit have it, but leave the rest, and if he complains its wasted then remind him you didnt want anything like that because it doesnt align with your goals.

    Failing that - take it to work or give it to a neighbour or friend!
  • twdlove89
    twdlove89 Posts: 95 Member
    I’ve decided I’m giving most of it too my father in law but keeping just 3slices to myself.
    My fiancé is adamant I’m allowed a treat but I want a reasonable treat not something that will use up most of daily calories after two bites.
    I’m a volume eater so a small piece is not something I can do lol hopefully I will just forget about it in the freezer 😂
  • missysippy930
    missysippy930 Posts: 2,547 Member
    Thank him for being thoughtful. He loves you and this is one way that he shows it. He may feel you are perfect the way you are.
    Since you have had conversations with him about this before, perhaps cut each piece in half and package and freeze individually, and work into your calories. Or take it to a family celebration (Easter is coming up) or to work to share with co-workers.
  • dechowj
    dechowj Posts: 140 Member
    My husband does the same thing for me sometimes sometimes. I'll vent to him during a bad day about how I miss drinking tons soda, but I can't because it kills my calorie count. And sure enough he comes home from work with a 2-litter of my favorite. I have just said thank you for being thoughtful and took only one serving or half a serving. Then I would put the rest out of sight. (Thank goodness I have a fridge in the basement, lol.) I would suggest taking a half slice of that cheese cake and eat it so you aren't feeling cheated and resentful for not having it. Then freeze the rest in single size portions. That way you don't have to eat it all at once and can plan when to eat them to fit your calories.

    I think you should also have a calm chat with your fiance. Maybe wait a few days so he doesn't feel like you are attacking him for doing something he thought was nice. But then tell him that those "treats" don't help with your fitness goals. Or maybe give him some ideas of treats he can bring home to surprise you that would work for you. Rave about a flavor of halo top ice cream you've been wanting to try, or something like that. Sometimes people who aren't tracking calories don't realize how hard the struggle is. An honest discussion can help a lot. Maybe he is feeling self concision himself because you are losing weight and he is not.
  • Scottgriesser
    Scottgriesser Posts: 172 Member
    I'm a pretty solid chef, my wife is a pretty solid baker. We have been together for 7 years and still have the same issue.

    I make something yummy for lunch/dinner and I want to share it with her. SHe bakes something delicious and wants to share it with me.

    You can't tell someone they are not allowed to love you in a way they enjoy doing so. You roll with it the best you can. Acknowledging the thought, keeping some, and giving the rest away is basically the best thing we've found and it appears you did so as well.
  • rachaelgifford
    rachaelgifford Posts: 320 Member
    My partner is amazing, but when drunk (if out without me) he will insist on bringing me back drunk takeaway. he means well by it, I just wish I didn't wake up and sober eat drunk takeaway.

    Perhaps cut in up into half portions and freeze it? You will think twice about getting it out then. ;-)
  • MikePTY
    MikePTY Posts: 3,819 Member
    I am sure he is just trying to be thoughtful, but I understand the frustration, especially if you have had this conversation with him before. It's not really "thoughtful" if he ignores what you have been communicating to him. My wife loves her sweets too, but she is also trying to lose weight so I know not to bring them home as surprises. I don't know if you feel like it's worth bringing up again, but if you do, you can tell him that you appreciate him thinking about you, and you know that he loves you the way you are, but that you are trying to work hard at this, and when he brings home sweets, it just makes it harder for you.

    And then you can subtly hint at him that you can't eat flowers :wink:
  • tuddy315
    tuddy315 Posts: 9,937 Member
    I have the same issues with my roommate. He does all the cooking. However, when I ask him what is in whatever he cooked, he plays the game of "you can figure it out". NO, I CAN'T! So I peek through the trash can when I do the dishes and figure it out the best I can. Then I leave the leftovers for his lunches.
  • Kimmotion5783
    Kimmotion5783 Posts: 417 Member
    You are not alone, I understand this scenario all too well. You don't know how grateful I am to have read this and found that someone understands what I'm dealing with. It can be a real struggle being a health-conscious person living with a "regular".

    I live with my grandmother to help her out and she does the same exact thing to me. She'll go to the drive thru to get fast food for lunch and bring me home one of those $1 sandwiches. Or she'll bring me a Carvel ice cream sundae. Or cookies and cakes. Believe me, I get it. While I appreciate her thoughtfulness, it drives me absolutely crazy. She knows I'm trying to lose weight, yet she insists on bringing all this crap into the house. I have to say no when she offers if only for my own wellbeing. The guilt is horrible; truly there are no words to describe the heavy guilt trip I get when I have to refuse it. I feel like the world's biggest a-hole when it happens and I know there'll come a day when she won't be around anymore and I'll be looking back on all this. But at the same time, I'm not turning it down to be mean. There's a good reason behind it: I'm trying to get myself back to healthy and fast food doesn't fit into my plan- ever. I even had to give up cookies for Lent because they became a problem partly due to her. Grandma brought home package after package of cookies and cakes saying they were "for both of us" and "surely you could have just one". Nope, that's not how ANY of this works! I have always a wicked sweet tooth, so of course it was damn near impossible to stop, especially being under a lot of stress (I had just lost my mother in February and binged on cookies due to the depression of the situation). Then Lent started and I thought "this is the best thing I can do for myself right now- give up cookies for Lent." So from February until Easter Sunday, I have not touched a single one. This killed off 99% of my sugar cravings and was truly the best thing I could have done. It's forced me to deal with the stress in other non-food ways and bonus- I actually have no desire to ever touch them again. I just don't even want to get started because it's really not worth sabotaging my goal. I'm finally getting back down to my lowest weight again, why ruin it all? Why stop now? Over one stupid cookie? It's really not worth it.

    So I know exactly how you feel. I know how frustrating it gets and how awful it makes us feel when we have to say no for our own good and wellbeing. It's hard and I don't expect anyone to understand the struggle if they're not . They don't understand because they're not in the same situation that we are. They can stop at "just one" serving. For us, it's a lot harder because our brains have been rewired to want more sugar. There are many studies and documentaries on sugar and food addiction ("Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" is a GREAT one, "Fed Up" and "Food Inc" are also good. The list goes on.)

    The best thing you can do is talk with your fiance about this issue in a calm manner, and if he is struggling to understand it, then maybe you could have a movie night and watch one of the above mentioned documentaries. My grandmother has dementia- even if I could get her to understand it for one day, it wouldn't stick for very long because she'll only forget and it's like hitting the reset button on her memory. But your fiance should definitely be a bit easier to deal with about this issue. The best thing you can do about it is address the issue head on in a calm but firm manner. There are other ways he can "treat" you that are either healthy foods (like picking up your favorite salad/healthy food or snack) or non-food things like buying you flowers.
  • Kimmotion5783
    Kimmotion5783 Posts: 417 Member
    I know how hard this is, but you have to do what's best for you and your health. Saying no is difficult because of the guilt, but the guilt will eventually subside. Stand your ground, eat healthy and keep your eyes on the prize.
  • irotmarie
    irotmarie Posts: 10 Member
    I’m with you on this. I have absolutely no willpower or self control. It’s a huge win for me if I can drive past Dairy Queen without stopping. My fiancé has said that he wants to lose weight too but he always brings crap home. In our 5 year relationship he’s gained 8 pounds while I’ve gained 80. Men honestly don’t see it the way we do. They don’t gain weight as quickly but they lose it quicker and the pressure to be thin isn’t as prevalent for them.
  • twdlove89
    twdlove89 Posts: 95 Member
    I’m sooooo grateful to everyone for posting! I felt like such a cow, so I’ve cut it up into slices and froze the lot so it’s there if I’m craving something sweet. Thank you again everyone!!
  • Kimmotion5783
    Kimmotion5783 Posts: 417 Member
    irotmarie wrote: »
    I’m with you on this. I have absolutely no willpower or self control. It’s a huge win for me if I can drive past Dairy Queen without stopping. My fiancé has said that he wants to lose weight too but he always brings crap home. In our 5 year relationship he’s gained 8 pounds while I’ve gained 80. Men honestly don’t see it the way we do. They don’t gain weight as quickly but they lose it quicker and the pressure to be thin isn’t as prevalent for them.

    I used to do the same thing! I'd drive past Dunkin Donuts and think "hrm, donuts sound great right about now!" and then the temptation would get to the point where I just had to have one. I'm so thankful it's not just me and I'm not alone in this. A friend used to tease me about it. She'd go "I have mind control- you are now thinking about (*insert whatever random bad food*)" and she was joking of course, but sadly I was THAT influenced with no willpower. Nowadays it's a much different story. Now I drive past these fast food places, go "NOPE!" and drive past them without a second thought.
  • Kimmotion5783
    Kimmotion5783 Posts: 417 Member
    twdlove89 wrote: »
    I’m sooooo grateful to everyone for posting! I felt like such a cow, so I’ve cut it up into slices and froze the lot so it’s there if I’m craving something sweet. Thank you again everyone!!

    You're very welcome, and no- it's not just you! You are definitely not alone on this one. We've all been there in one form or another: just trying to do our thing, doing our best to stay healthy and then something comes up to tempt and derail us. It definitely happens!
  • hixa30
    hixa30 Posts: 274 Member
    I give you two options:

    #1 Eat the cheesecake on a day you aren't working, plus maybe some fruit if you have the spare calories/kilojoules, then spend the rest of the day lazing around because you are too hungry to do anything, but you don't want to over do your intake.

    #2 Eat the cheesecake then say "we're going on a X hour walk" to burn off the energy you just ate. Take him along. It's probably 5-10 hours so wear good shoes.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 7,496 Member
    edited April 2019
    I've had the "talk" with my husband for over 30 yrs---no changes, I just get upset and he goes on his merry way. So, you have to deal with it as best you see fit. I decided my marriage was more important, and have adapted, as much of your advice says. My freezer is chock full though. :'(