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The 'mom guilt' therapy thread.



  • InspectorRedInspectorRed Posts: 307Member Member Posts: 307Member Member
    I tried to breastfeed both of my babies but with my first I did just breast, no formula and I cried and cried and cried and hated myself because I was absolutely positive I wasn’t producing enough but the doctor told me otherwise until about he was 3 months and I expressed my concerns because he was still really small and then they finally gave me permission to supplement with formula and the amount of guilt I felt because I couldn’t produce enough milk to feed him and he was pretty much starving. And with my second baby I knew better so I breastfed and bottle fed and I feel breastfeeding creates a very very close bond with your baby and I had to stop breastfeeding him because I was undergoing surgery and didn’t want him to get the nasty medicine in my milk and I dried up anyways and now I don’t have as close as a bond with him as I’d really really like too and it makes me feel so guilty.

    I am really disturbed by the aggressive push for women to breastfeed, I understand that breast milk is better for the baby, but breastfeeding is just simply not for everyone. I tried with my daughter, who is my firstborn, but it was stressful for both of us and my milk never came in. It stressed me out so bad that by the end of feeding time we would both be crying. I just decided that I would not go through that again with my other 2 children, I got my fair share of unsolicited opinions concerning the bad choice I was making by not breastfeeding but I had to do what I felt was right for my mental state and that of my babies. It is just as possible to bond with your babies when you bottle feed as it is when you breastfeed. Babies all have their own personalities even in the early days and some babies/toddlers are just more independent than others making it seem as if the bond isn't as strong....I have 3 kids, all adults now, and even though they were essentially raised in the same way, they are all completely different from each other and my relationship with each is different.
    Do your best to not feel guilty about the breastfeeding thing....I promise you that loving your littles has way more to do with bonding than where they get their milk.
  • JRsLateInLifeMomJRsLateInLifeMom Posts: 268Member Member Posts: 268Member Member
    I breastfed 3weeks But supplemented with formula.I dried up when they gave me antibiotics for a Csection infection. Nothin’ wrong with feeding a baby any way you like the Doctor can’t give you permission not to feed your baby! Ignore the moron find something that works for you! Buy breastmilk if available,friends/family helping each other with their extra supply, formula, both,anything out there that works! If the Doctor tells you anything tell him an old lady said he can shove it!
    I worried,guilt bashed myself, followed Doctors advice like it was law,etc when I was a young mom back in the day. Told my Adult Daughter when she adopts/has a kid or cats someday to ignore anything you don’t like go by your instincts! If their not gaining weight get some formula pop that breast milk through a pump or feed baby till you feel tapped switch to the bottle for the rest of the feeding. Can even pop your breast back in at the end if you feel ones still full. 20 some years ago the advice is 100% different then than they say now! None of it matches what my own Mom was told.It’s fads just fads! Couldn’t make breastmilk till I was old grey had my last pregnancy.
    Skip to the last pregnancy I’m old greying they called me geriatric so much during the damn pregnancy I told the doctors off! Told him he ain’t no spring chicken either! I now shake my head at Doctors telling me my 2yr olds obese. He’s tall with ribs showing they decided this nonsense with something called BMI which was supposed to be guidelines not the law of the land! I ignore the morons I’m old not going through the same crap I decided. My guilt was my emergency Csection was so bad had to have multiple surgeries to fix me so since my boys a Giant was told not to pick him up. Felt helpless had to have my elderly mother-in-law jump in to help us. Was glad when I could take charge pick him up without help! Gave myself a break decided well can’t help how a kid explodes into this world lol. I had a placental abruption deadly one so I actually exploded so I can make the explosive jokes now. I stopped caring what Doctors day they hate me.Too bad so sad after fighting with me about yanking my kid off the bottle before he’s ready the one Doc admitted her kid way way way older than my 2yr old was still on the bottle. When he was good y ready he grabbed a water 360* cup that was that . I was able to take the bottle away. He decided he no longer wants milk. Reached a dietitian they said give him vitamin D drops y food rich in Vitamin D.He’s a picky eater but loves cheese so was easy transition. Doctors gave multiple skin diagnoses so we took him to a dermatologist without a referral for a clear one plus a list of what to do. Doc had the nerve to tell me to change Dentists because she doesn’t like Mormon one I got not cutting my sons lip skin. Well no Thankyou I wrote it down left deleted the number. They have views on sleeping arrangements to your morning farts. Well do what works for you just shake your head yes when they drone on about the latest fad you should do. I got my boy a full bed with a twin for me next to it. Works for us He passed 3foot 2 before his 1st Birthday! He can reach door knobs so my instinct is he has to climb over me to get there.Got door knob covers lots of locks on the back/front doors. Neighbors have pools not about to have a escapee situation. The Doctor also was upset the Hubby shows our son love to helps out (jealousy) she admitted her husband doesn’t the kids y him don’t interact. The 3 other Doc in the office never had kids! Another had kids but their grown he’s going by his colleagues views. Only 1 likes what were doing she says do what your doing. I looked one in the eye told them I don’t got time for your opinions today due to no sleep from teething so write them down send it to Congress.
    Had my son Post Menopause now I’m restarting Perimenopause so I’m allowed to be this way lol I give you girls permission to be sassy too! Your good moms give them Hell!
    To media who tell you only breast is able to have closeness with your kid that’s nonsense watch that AdamRuins Everything he covers this lol.While family can hold y snuggle even shirtless with a bottle getting closeness in.
    Make baby priority everything falls in place.
    edited June 2
  • JRsLateInLifeMomJRsLateInLifeMom Posts: 268Member Member Posts: 268Member Member
    Got a messy house oh well pick it up at the end of the day.I start 7 or 8pm till bedtime cause picking up all day long doesn’t work. I spend the day worrying more about dishes,cooking,cleaning a bathroom or bath time.Set your mind on the kid friends can lump it if theirs a pile of toys in the living room. Picky relatives can well lump it ..not their kid. Just keep it clean as possible.Unless your a hoarder,big bug/rat issues like a kitchen on Chef Ramsey kitchen nightmares,or sticky floors well then get cleaning y get rid of your extra house guests who aren’t paying rent.
  • JRsLateInLifeMomJRsLateInLifeMom Posts: 268Member Member Posts: 268Member Member
    Those who say after baby you need to be instagrammed worthy you don’t. I gained weight this last one when I was ready dieting but will always have a pregnant looking belly nope no tummy tuck needed I’m normal mom body no need to go through unnecessary surgeries. Brushing teeth - sons easy sing a song he brushes away/Daughter decades ago to adulthood hated it. Bath- Sin hates it! Daughter lives in their. Potty training- started at 6months sit him on it after naps to give him the idea but kept the diapers. 2yrs no underwear just diaper y potty when he asks or we wake up. If he gets goofy with it oh well that’s what wipes are for to clean a spill when he decided backwards was better than forward for a week (phases) . Let it roll off like spring rain off a roof.Pick your battles let the rest go. Give yourself permission to make mistakes no ones perfect even the one who looks like it. Wipe potty seats down after every sit down- never know when they’ll become a hat. Baby gates love them didn’t need any baby proofing for my Daughter just the soft word no she had balance better than a goat! She could climb anything never fell off! She was a tiny thing he’s a giant . Picture a now adult Chihuahua next to a baby Great Dane Marmaduke.My son need everything! Clumsy,won’t listen ,blames the walk if he runs into it lol, talk enough to reach everything he shouldn’t!!!! My son falls off his shoes lol. He’s a cuddle bug who needs reassurance she was independent. Sleeping arrangements to more identical but their personality are not so got to tailor to each individuals differently.
  • JRsLateInLifeMomJRsLateInLifeMom Posts: 268Member Member Posts: 268Member Member
    I love this celebrity finally one who’s not pretending she shows it like it really is! This is what we need more of for supporting role models.
  • JRsLateInLifeMomJRsLateInLifeMom Posts: 268Member Member Posts: 268Member Member
    Remember gals anything can bring guilt especially nay-sayers who make you doubt yourself with their silver tongues!

    Thought it was just me all these decades until baby boy.Dad takes him to type park alone like I used to with our Daughter. He has met dun dun dun the Dreaded MOMMY Groups!!!! He gets it now the hateful stares as a 2yr old melts down! The can you believe it! He’s too big! (Ummm sorry our kids a future NBA player lol) ,the critiques about babies clothing,etc he just like us gets embarrassed to starts to self doubt! It’s not cause we’re over emotional or a giant construction man wouldn’t come home sounding like us gals. He’s been with me at events to doctors heard hurtful mom’s to Drs attack! Swear Women are other gals worst enemies. It’s a continuation of abuse against one another.Well I was told this hatefully so going to spread the poison to the next mom who looks like she has her *kitten* together or looks new/less confidence. In laws to family can be the worst! So close to your heart they let their opinions slip! Nurses,WIC,Breastfeeding to dieticians specialists,to Doctors starts the day you walk in for a checkup to see if your really pregnant to the day the kid goes to college! Teachers to friends ouch they sting. Lol the crazy lady at the supermarket who grabs your arm to spew hate. Yup you know what at the end of the day when your cleaning vomit to explosive poops or even the milk spill (exspensive formula or precious breast milk both make your heart sink just the same!) . Look around as your crying self doubting to feeling shame where are they? Even if it’s the baby father is he mopping it up too after he opens his mouth? Nope nope didn’t think so. So guess who’s opinion matters yours y the toothless grinning covered in mess mommy loving cutie your holding 10ft away in a mad dash to the tub lol. Unless your beating/hurting a kid to body shaming then or on purpose sabatoging their progress your doing fine. If your house isn’t filthy or dangerous your doing fine. In a few years when trust me they will potty train to speak well unless their disability doesn’t allow for it- try computers then it lets them speak when once their was no outlet for people like Hawkings! They all reach their milestones for their health abilities some pass the doctors expectations so remember Dr gloomy diagnosis isn’t always the end factors look at me Doctors say I can’t have kids ever ...yet they can’t explain how but God gave me 2 healthy ones who are wonderful!
  • SweetnsimpleblondSweetnsimpleblond Posts: 37Member Member Posts: 37Member Member
    I feel guilty for working so much. I have a great job that allows me to take an amazing amount of time off, but sometimes it just doesn’t feel like enough time with my kids.
    I feel guilty for not always cooking from scratch or letting the kids have cereal for breakfast. I wish I had more time to prepare better meals.
  • JRsLateInLifeMomJRsLateInLifeMom Posts: 268Member Member Posts: 268Member Member
    Oh hun don’t feel bad about that big hugs to you. Everyone feels this.I was a single Mom for a very long time with 1-3jobs at a time sometimes more.
    Working Mom guilts real- You feel like your not getting enough time together (my guilt was so high at 4am we were eating at Denny’s together if the movies were open I got off work before 4am we went to a $1.50 special. Then I felt bad she wasn’t sleeping for school. Took walks or school events but then I wasn’t taking a much needed rest or bath Of course would get called into work sigh*. But I was setting a good example for my now 20 yr old Daughter she saw hard work a strong woman standing on her own 2feet best I could not giving up putting food on the table ,which was good she saw when I was a stay at home mom too a few times. But that led to Stay at home mom guilt. A boy seeing mom work shows women are equal as possible. More money to let them take guitar classes etc. or a special trip .
    Stay at home mom guilts real- Feel like you should be contributing more money wise to example for the kids that Woman power working. But your happy to get more housework done to kid time being able to teach more for school to life. Less to no babysitter influence. Still struggle to find time for yourself because everyone relying on you too much.
    Working at home mom- feels great to be close to the kids but aggghhhh got to get work done! When your closed in a room working you feel like your not spending time on the kids. When your with the kids your thinking you should put more time into work. Plus side is with some your schedule more flexible for the kids. Other times you feel balanced.

    Cereals fine - can’t cook from scratch every meal. If you want it more healthy choose healthy cereal they like add a fruit in it y almond milk or regular milk. If you really want something freash for breakfast try some microwave sausage links in an air fryer add some eggs scrambled their the easiest a piece of toast. As long as their fed their fine even if they just eat an apple on the go! My Older Cousin when her kids were younger all 5 in different grades! She didn’t have time! She was here’s a box of cereal no milk,granola bar,apple,pop tart,anything car clean that was grab no assembly required then sit in line at the kindergarten hand off a kid,another car line hand off 2nd grader,another line middle school,another high school,y drive across town to another high school to hand off her adopted child later was dropped off at college! She tried stay at home,working,at home job none were easy all have pros/cons. So go easy on yourself cereals more than most kids get.
  • 4legsRbetterthan24legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 16,001Member Member Posts: 16,001Member Member
    Question: Do you give and would you like to receive supportive comments from strangers? There have been a few times I was out and saw another momma struggling (most recent example was in the grocery store - she had two kids that were just chattering like crazy and eventually she yelled at them that she couldn't think, then you could tell she was embarrassed about losing her cool in public). Sometimes I really want to say "hey, I know its tough, you're doing great". But I never know if it will be well received.
  • InspectorRedInspectorRed Posts: 307Member Member Posts: 307Member Member
    Question: Do you give and would you like to receive supportive comments from strangers? There have been a few times I was out and saw another momma struggling (most recent example was in the grocery store - she had two kids that were just chattering like crazy and eventually she yelled at them that she couldn't think, then you could tell she was embarrassed about losing her cool in public). Sometimes I really want to say "hey, I know its tough, you're doing great". But I never know if it will be well received.

    Many years ago, probably 20, I dropped my daughter off at preschool and her little brother who is 2 years younger than her did not understand that we were only leaving her for a bit. He started crying and there was nothing I could do to calm him down. We went to the grocery store as I still had to get our errands done while she was at school and he cried the whole time. Then at the register a young girl bagged our groceries but turned to the cashier and said, "I'm not carrying out because that's not my job"! Here I was holding a bawling toddler in one arm, feeling embarrassed about his incessant crying, and now trying to figure out how to get my groceries out by myself....I would have welcomed some encouraging words that day! Instead I grabbed the bag of groceries with my free arm and told the 2 girls, the bagger and the cashier, "Thanks for *kitten* nothing!" and hurried out to my car where I then joined my son in his crying.
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