The 'mom guilt' therapy thread.
LiftingSpirits
Posts: 2,207 Member
in Chit-Chat
Moms. I know a lot of you feel guilty that you're not doing enough to be a "good mom".
I bet that most of that guilt is unwarranted. Moms, can you come together here and offer some support and encouragement to someone who's feeling guilty when they're actually doing a pretty good job?
If you want to share something you're feeling guilty about, I'm sure other moms are feeling the same, and others still have gotten past it and can share how they got through it.
I bet that most of that guilt is unwarranted. Moms, can you come together here and offer some support and encouragement to someone who's feeling guilty when they're actually doing a pretty good job?
If you want to share something you're feeling guilty about, I'm sure other moms are feeling the same, and others still have gotten past it and can share how they got through it.
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Replies
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Should i be concerned.
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Good Lord, please don't show this thread to my wife.
I'd be sleeping under a freeway overpass starting tonight.4 -
mustacheU2Lift wrote: »
Should i be concerned.
Only if you can't run faster than them.1 -
Mom guilt is real.5
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mustacheU2Lift wrote: »
Should i be concerned.
Only if you can't run faster than them.
Im screwed.2 -
Always feel guilty when I don’t feel good and can’t take my kids outside to play!3
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My child has been struggling with various things. She is in therapy and on medication and struggles to leave the house much less do things other kids her age are doing. Maybe I did something wrong when I was pregnant to mess her up. Maybe I was wrong to have only one child. Maybe I was wrong to homeschool her. Maybe we shouldn't have moved here. Maybe I should have put her in therapy years ago. Maybe I spent too much time with her. Maybe someone else could have done better as her parent.
In my brain, I know that I have tried really hard to be a good mom but still feel the guilt that I should've been better.28 -
this is pretty sweet of you @denny_mac1
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My child has been struggling with various things. She is in therapy and on medication and struggles to leave the house much less do things other kids her age are doing. Maybe I did something wrong when I was pregnant to mess her up. Maybe I was wrong to have only one child. Maybe I was wrong to homeschool her. Maybe we shouldn't have moved here. Maybe I should have put her in therapy years ago. Maybe I spent too much time with her. Maybe someone else could have done better as her parent.
In my brain, I know that I have tried really hard to be a good mom but still feel the guilt that I should've been better.
I think we will all have our regrets or hindsight guilt. But parenting doesnt come with a handbook. We try our best based on good and bad experiences from our own childhood. The fact that you reflect to see what you could do better as a mom...makes you a good mom.7 -
I have a teenager and a toddler. I am trying to balance each one's needs. Some may say that having children this far apart may be nice. Truthfully, I feel guilty, because I was young with my oldest and not making much money. I couldn't provide her with the things I can now provide to my youngest. There is such a difference of how each one is raised, and sometimes it makes me feel that my oldest thinks that I give the little one more attention.4
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Ahhh Denny I love you!3
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leut_underpants wrote: »More seriously, moms, the ones of you doing things right (and tight...thanks again autocorrect) matter so, so much. My wife suffers from the mom guilt. I spend some part of my time trying to help her realize how good she is, to point her to the fantastic things she does. That would be the thing I'd give you all if I could, just the appreciation that I feel for that job when well done. :smooched:
That's very nice of you as a supporting husband. I think if moms got this kind of support more often they wouldn't carry this guilt around everyday.4 -
My child has been struggling with various things. She is in therapy and on medication and struggles to leave the house much less do things other kids her age are doing. Maybe I did something wrong when I was pregnant to mess her up. Maybe I was wrong to have only one child. Maybe I was wrong to homeschool her. Maybe we shouldn't have moved here. Maybe I should have put her in therapy years ago. Maybe I spent too much time with her. Maybe someone else could have done better as her parent.
In my brain, I know that I have tried really hard to be a good mom but still feel the guilt that I should've been better.
I dealt with this guilt for over a year while my daughter was going through therapy for depression and other issues. I was so wrapped up in my own personal problems that I didn't see the signs of her struggle. Even now, I still carry some of it but I have learned that I can't place the blame on myself. I hope your daughter over comes her issues because there's hope. I've seen it with my own daughter. Just keep loving them and supporting them through it all ❤6 -
On a lighter note:
I feel guilty for letting my teen watch caillou and teletubbies when she was younger. Those shows are terrible!4 -
I don't even wanna go there...
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Feeling guilty for working to much and then for not enough a d helping out with the finances .1
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JustKeepTryin wrote: »I don't even wanna go there...
Right there with you. I think you’re an amazing mom, though.1 -
JustKeepTryin wrote: »I don't even wanna go there...
You are a wonderful mother.. doing her best.
Being a mum is one of the toughest jobs in the world but one of the most rewarding and fulfilling. Mine are grown now and I did a pretty damn good job mostly on my own, even if I do say so myself, even if I didn't always think so at the time.
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_Maid_of_Mischief_ wrote: »I often feel guilty for alot of things. It's not easy to do it all on my own and sometimes I'm just exhausted. I hope they will always know how much I try.
My brother, sister, and I were raised by a single mother. Growing up, I took her for granted. Unfortunately, it took me having my own “step” kids to appreciate the job she did. I appreciate her so much more as an adult and try to do as much as possible for my mother as I can.
Kids may not show it that much, if at all, but when they are older and are functioning members of society, they will look back and know you loved them molded them, and put them above everything else...7 -
_Maid_of_Mischief_ wrote: »I often feel guilty for alot of things. It's not easy to do it all on my own and sometimes I'm just exhausted. I hope they will always know how much I try.
They might not realize it now, but they will.
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I feel tons of guilt for existing with a birth defect that eventually made my gyno order me not to ever even THINK about ”doing the ditty,” let alone procreation, of course. I follow doctor orders, including/especially the unreasonable/unhealthy ones, religiously, so there probably never will be a “Señor Zcb94.” I did fill the resulting hole in my heart with a fur-son since the likelihood of adopting a newborn fresh from the womb/who will appreciate Mothers’ Milk is unknown to me/seems next to nothing. That’s all good and dandy, but I can’t even care for the cat/fur-son without help. The only comfort, I guess, is that he (seems to) loves me, so that helps (though I can’t help but think that he’s confused about who his real guardian(s) is/are since I need help with my own survival, let alone his)!14
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ToniLeeAnn82 wrote: »I have a teenager and a toddler. I am trying to balance each one's needs. Some may say that having children this far apart may be nice. Truthfully, I feel guilty, because I was young with my oldest and not making much money. I couldn't provide her with the things I can now provide to my youngest. There is such a difference of how each one is raised, and sometimes it makes me feel that my oldest thinks that I give the little one more attention.
I can so relate to this. My son is 13 and my daughter is almost 2. I do feel guilty a lot that I couldn’t do the things for him that I am able to do for her now. I try to make up for it where I can. The truth is, he is a very grateful child. He never complains about it, and he adores his sister. I think as mom’s sometimes we need to remember that we do the best we can with the situation that we’re in. That money doesn’t create the love. Inspite of the differences, they were raised to the best of our abilities and end up being good kids. So, don’t beat yourself up over it!3 -
I feel tons of guilt for existing with a birth defect that eventually made my gyno order me not to ever even THINK about ”doing the ditty,” let alone procreation, of course. I follow doctor orders, including/especially the unreasonable/unhealthy ones, religiously, so there probably never will be a “Señor Zcb94.” I did fill the resulting hole in my heart with a fur-son since the likelihood of adopting a newborn fresh from the womb/who will appreciate Mothers’ Milk is unknown to me/seems next to nothing. That’s all good and dandy, but I can’t even care for the cat/fur-son without help. The only comfort, I guess, is that he loves me, so that helps (though I can’t help but think that he’s confused about who his real guardian(s) is/are since I need help with my own survival, let alone his)!
Your fur kids are lucky to have you. Think about it like this- where would they be if you didn't take them in? Maybe in a shelter or on the streets or worse. So please try not to feel badly about not being able to care for them 100% by yourself. I can bet that they are still much better off with you as their mom . They still love you even if you aren't the only one caring for them.2 -
My daughter and I both have celiac and whole I don't eat the 'gluten free' substitute foods I do let her on occasion.
Her fav mac and cheese also has a 'normal' version. Last year I bought the wrong one and fed it to her... she was so sick for about 8 hours.. not to mention the damage it does befor her little body can heal again...
I still feel horrible about it. Way to go mom....7 -
JustKeepTryin wrote: »My daughter and I both have celiac and whole I don't eat the 'gluten free' substitute foods I do let her on occasion.
Her fav mac and cheese also has a 'normal' version. Last year I bought the wrong one and fed it to her... she was so sick for about 8 hours.. not to mention the damage it does befor her little body can heal again...
I still feel horrible about it. Way to go mom.... it was an honest mistake... I'm sure every mother has a story or two like this. The other day I accidentally sprayed sunscreen into my sons eyes. I felt horrible all day. 5 -
Fur-baby-just one.100_PROOF_ wrote: »I feel tons of guilt for existing with a birth defect that eventually made my gyno order me not to ever even THINK about ”doing the ditty,” let alone procreation, of course. I follow doctor orders, including/especially the unreasonable/unhealthy ones, religiously, so there probably never will be a “Señor Zcb94.” I did fill the resulting hole in my heart with a fur-son since the likelihood of adopting a newborn fresh from the womb/who will appreciate Mothers’ Milk is unknown to me/seems next to nothing. That’s all good and dandy, but I can’t even care for the cat/fur-son without help. The only comfort, I guess, is that he loves me, so that helps (though I can’t help but think that he’s confused about who his real guardian(s) is/are since I need help with my own survival, let alone his)!
Your fur kids are lucky to have you. Think about it like this- where would they be if you didn't take them in? Maybe in a shelter or on the streets or worse. So please try not to feel badly about not being able to care for them 100% by yourself. I can bet that they are still much better off with you as their mom . They still love you even if you aren't the only one caring for them.
Actually, my bestie at the time, accompanied by a few of her own friends, rescued him and several siblings from a roadside. His four-legged mom got squished by a big, mean car just before the litter was supposed to wean, so I’d like to think that my presence heals him as much as his does me (For example, when I use furry blankets to “do bedrest” (injury treatment/recovery) in the cold, he suckles-right term?-them, as if expecting them to suddenly lactate. That said, you definitely have a valid point about us being better off together! 2 -
I feel the mom guilt often, not as much as I used to though. My first was a preemie and I had a rough C section due to pre-eclampsia. The guilt was real, probably some undiagnosed mental health issues there too. But I've moved on. Now I've got 3, and the mom guiltiest part is that I don't get outside with them often enough. I hate outside, it's hot and sweaty and there are bugs and I hate it. I don't want to raise my kids like that though. I need to do better.
I used to feel guilty about leaving them in childcare at the gym, but my 3 and 5 year olds love it now and beg to go to the gym, so not so much. I remind myself that I'm getting healthy for them, to be there for them. Choices we make about our food and eating healthy we make for them too, so they can grow up healthy.
There will always be something. Just remember you are doing the absolute best you can at this time for your children, where they are and where you are in life.2 -
leut_underpants wrote: »More seriously, moms, the ones of you doing things right (and tight...thanks again autocorrect) matter so, so much. My wife suffers from the mom guilt. I spend some part of my time trying to help her realize how good she is, to point her to the fantastic things she does. That would be the thing I'd give you all if I could, just the appreciation that I feel for that job when well done. :smooched:
I refuse to believe you are perfect, but you make it hard some days1 -
Question for the moms:
Did you feel much guilt when they were babies. Or did the guilt grow with them, as they do/know more and have more experiences under their little belts?
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