When you realize it may not be entirely your fault

for me, it was more of slap in the face to have spent years and years trying to figure out my motivations behind emotional and complusive binge eating and gorging to the point of barfing. i'm not laying blame, i'm trying to unpeal the onion of myself and discovered a layer that may have some bearing on why i am the way i am today. it is absolutely impossible for me to move forward on my journey with out exploreing my past issues with food. for me it is not simply "eat less fatso".

for those who are emotional eaters, i hope they are goign through a similar process of reflection and self analysis... how can you fix it when you don't even know what the problem is?

as for Dave, my self worth is fragile, and if you pride your self on being harsh and blunt that's fine, but i don't fall into the "serious, dedicated and commited" members catergory, so please be more gentle with your remarks. thanks!

Ellelit~I am glad that you have finally started to put the pieces together with your love affair with food. It is difficult I understand, and that being said, we are a new generation of children who don't abuse, myself personally I was an abused kid who had a stepfather who beat the hell out of us, and I always heard I was fat,but was made to eat everything on my plate. I am not that adult. I have heard several different culpruts in your story, and I can only begin to feel the pain you have inside.

And now in defense of those who may sound harsh to you, would someone holding you and lying in bed with you to analyze this deeper help you, or would it help you if those of us who are feeling a bit stronger reaching down grabbing you and pulling you along with us help you? We all have our demons, balls and chains, rough patches, awful self images creeping just behind our eyes in the mirror.....I personally take that ugly in my life and beat the heck out of it during my workout.......even screaming GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! while I do it..................be strong, you can be fragile, but honey take control........TAKE CONTROL and when you come here, please take something from all of us......we are here for you.

:flowerforyou:

Well said SassieBritches. We're all here to support, and we're willing to pull if we have to!

M

for me, it was more of slap in the face to have spent years and years trying to figure out my motivations behind emotional and complusive binge eating and gorging to the point of barfing. i'm not laying blame, i'm trying to unpeal the onion of myself and discovered a layer that may have some bearing on why i am the way i am today. it is absolutely impossible for me to move forward on my journey with out exploreing my past issues with food. for me it is not simply "eat less fatso".

for those who are emotional eaters, i hope they are goign through a similar process of reflection and self analysis... how can you fix it when you don't even know what the problem is?

as for Dave, my self worth is fragile, and if you pride your self on being harsh and blunt that's fine, but i don't fall into the "serious, dedicated and commited" members catergory, so please be more gentle with your remarks. thanks!

Personally I didn't see any cruel posts Lindsay I wonder if perhaps you're feeling a bit vulnerable after speaking to your Mother? I think when someone posts a thread then others will pop on and share their thoughts on it, we have seen you struggle for a very long time here. You openly share your thoughts, so we openly try and push you a bit as Sassie shared to help you move forward along with us.

Would you rather be left behind and have noone post on your threads? I've heard other share they don't understand why posters say what they say on their threads....I feel if someone begins one then it is open for others to respond too. In a helpful manner, this is not a lovefest here on MFP...it is serious business, it's our LIFE Hon, it's gaining back our HEALTH, OUR LIFE and Our Self Esteeem!!

I think that's why you are reading various posts now on MFP that may sound different than in the past, many many many new members have joined and the City of MFP is a changing that's simply what happens on sites that grow. Growth and Change is GOOD!!!!!

Change is not always comfy but it's a very good thing here, if we all wanted to be patted on the back for eating a box of GS cookies, or a pizza then what message does that send the person that's being patted on the back? If someone did that to me, I think I would see it as permission to continue my current behavior.:noway:

I think some do come here to post to gain permission so they can be relieved of guilt, somethings we simply MUST do on our own to grow from. I don't coddle members here, I cheer them on, I welcome them, I share my insights I have gained on my journey but I don't coddle, why? Because I think the rest of the world and other groups are out their for that. Does that make me mean? No I think it shows that I am serious and I know how vital it is to lose the weight to get healthy. Hon, our bodies can only take so much abuse before they give out in any number of ways. I see you post and share success then I see you come back and share your struggles and the cycle continues. I am not meaning to sound harsh nor do I think I am being harsh. I simply am making it very clear that this site has many members from all over the world from varoius backgrounds, all of come from different life situations such as Britches © shared.

I think the peeling back of the onion to search within yourself is vital to finding out what your issues are for binging and avoiding the real issues are what holds us back.

I am sorry you feel folks on this thread have been harsh but you did share alot and you used a question in your topic line so folks responded. I am on the outside looking in Hon and I simply don't see a mean post here. I know at times I have in the past thought the world was out to get me but then I realized it was me that was causing myself harm staying stuck.

Like you shared just the other night, the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and over again when they never worked the first handful of times.

I wish there was some way you could seek out a professional (we could all benefit at times from one), this is simply not the place to pull apart deep stuff (what I mean by that is there are not professional here to deal with it, we don't have trained therapists to help someone work through deep issues, but I do think this is a great place to share struggles a bit), we will cheer you on, stand with you, pick you up when you fall as long as you are willing to take the steps to move forward, we are all willing to do that with EVERYONE here that wishes to walk the healthy journey.:flowerforyou:

Hon, I have been able to find Pro-Bona therapists in the past when I was working, some very awesome ones (I was working but had no insurance or was not making enough to pay them fully but they allowed me to pay what I could instead), I think perhaps it might be something that is available in your area as well? I do realize you live in Canada so things might be a bit different there. I'm not saying you need to go because I'm not a professional but I do think this site might not be the proper place to expect to figure out all the past demons we each have.

I love this site as an addition to my gym bunny friends:flowerforyou: , a couple Professionals, friends, I seriously don't know what I would do or if I could even have come this far without a therapist to bounce off things. I think there is alarge difference in folks that have 20 lbs to lose and 200lbs to lose. For various reasons we continued to gain and allowed it to happen, I simply don't believe it has a thing to do with Food! It has to do with how we cope with our issues beneath it all or more so how WE DON"T cope with them.

Whew, sorry...another novel.:blushing:

I care what happens to you Lindsay and I wonder if you come back and read this later today or even tomorrow is you might see some of it differently? I know I sometimes read a post then I reread it later and I'm blown away how different I see it then.

We can be supportive for one another but we cannot carry one another fully in life, it's simply not fair to expect that of our friends here or anywhere, we all have our own battles to get through as Britches © shared.

Whew hope this makes sense after typing it all:flowerforyou:

FC

My mom binge eats, and we always had tons of food available. In my house growing up a "bowl of icecream" was at least 6 heaping scoops, and I would always have icecream AND popcorn after school (I'm talking the gross chemical butter kinds, that we would put MORE butter on after popping it). My parents tried to put me on weight watchers and other diet plans from the time I was 8 until I moved out of their house (while keeping all of the bad stuff readily available and at a height where I could reach it...good luck telling an overweight 8 year old that they can't eat the Oreos), but nobody would EVER say that my weight issues were anyone's fault but my own.

I learned the bad habits from them, yes. Would I blame them for my weight now? Nope. I know you didn't say you blame your mother, just that she said it was her fault, but it's sad that she feels that way.

I quite agree FC. I've been here a couple of weeks now and whilst I've had great support, I've also noticed great divides. There are so many people her, from so many walks of life, our views are bound to differ. So long as we can be civil and even friendly to one another, surely we should welcome this different views? If you take someone's advice, great. If not, also great. It's all about your own journey. I think there are three problems: 1. As I said, there are multiple differing opinions on the boards. 2. What is posted online cannot always be read in the way it was intended. 3. We're placing our bodies under a change. I'm grouchy as a result of a lack of caffiene and I can't comfort eat anymore- I'm sure I'm not the only one a little touchy as a result of a major unheaval to my diet. We're all in this together and we need to stop fighting and start supporting one another, and accepting that the support may be more like that teacher in school who pushed you had and you sometimes disliked because of it, but you got your A. Rather than the teacher who let you make excuses for homework and you always liked- until you got a poor grade!

WOWZA...Rose you get IT!! Only a few weeks here and YOU GET IT GIRL!!!:happy: Great post Chick!! Great Post!

Bringing in the special jeweled butterfly for you Hon


Oh yea and to add to the sugar, caffeine withdrawels add the chicks all going thru PMS many at the same time...:ohwell: :sad: :laugh: :laugh: Add all that up with no faces only words it can be confusing at times how something is meant.:drinker:

FC

Since food addiction has been clumped with other addictions on MFP, I was thinking of this differently.

Many people get their first sip of beer from their dads. Should they use that to continue drinking heavily way into adulthood?

Many people are molested as children. Will their future sex victims take it as a good reason for their current crimes?

Many people were spanked or abused in their past. Does that give them the right to continue the cycle?

No. We all have our pasts/histories that have helped us become the people we are now.
When I was 10, my neighbor and I stole cigarettes out of her dad's car and smoked for the first time. I quit 2 years ago, but I don't think I'd even think of her if I were diagnosed with lung cancer down the road.

Take what you know, store it in your heart and brain, and work hard at bettering your life! We're all rooting for you!

I quite agree FC. I've been here a couple of weeks now and whilst I've had great support, I've also noticed great divides. There are so many people her, from so many walks of life, our views are bound to differ. So long as we can be civil and even friendly to one another, surely we should welcome this different views? If you take someone's advice, great. If not, also great. It's all about your own journey. I think there are three problems: 1. As I said, there are multiple differing opinions on the boards. 2. What is posted online cannot always be read in the way it was intended. 3. We're placing our bodies under a change. I'm grouchy as a result of a lack of caffiene and I can't comfort eat anymore- I'm sure I'm not the only one a little touchy as a result of a major unheaval to my diet. We're all in this together and we need to stop fighting and start supporting one another, and accepting that the support may be more like that teacher in school who pushed you had and you sometimes disliked because of it, but you got your A. Rather than the teacher who let you make excuses for homework and you always liked- until you got a poor grade!

WOWZA...Rose you get IT!! Only a few weeks here and YOU GET IT GIRL!!!:happy: Great post Chick!! Great Post!

Bringing in the special jeweled butterfly for you Hon


Oh yea and to add to the sugar, caffeine withdrawels add the chicks all going thru PMS many at the same time...:ohwell: :sad: :laugh: :laugh: Add all that up with no faces only words it can be confusing at times how something is meant.:drinker:

FC

FC,

I just have to say, You rock my socks off!:bigsmile: :drinker:

Every post is inspirational but REAL, and obviously you have come a very long way in your journey and are making the world a better place.

Thanks Michelle what a very cool compliment:drinker: :happy:

My mum says its my dad's fault because from such a young age (3) he told me I better not eat too much or I'll end up fat like my mommy. he would measure me weekly and listen outside the bathroom door to make sure I wasn't "cheating" ie vomiting up the giant meal I had eaten. My dad obvously believed that my weight problems (which I didn't have until highschool) was because my mother wouldn't make me work out.

I think everyone tries their best for their children, and screws them up in special and individual ways. Adolensence is when we try to figure out what we think is right despite which paths our parents have lead us down. Life is all about screwing up and trying again. How else do we learn who we are?

I quite agree FC. I've been here a couple of weeks now and whilst I've had great support, I've also noticed great divides. There are so many people her, from so many walks of life, our views are bound to differ. So long as we can be civil and even friendly to one another, surely we should welcome this different views? If you take someone's advice, great. If not, also great. It's all about your own journey. I think there are three problems: 1. As I said, there are multiple differing opinions on the boards. 2. What is posted online cannot always be read in the way it was intended. 3. We're placing our bodies under a change. I'm grouchy as a result of a lack of caffiene and I can't comfort eat anymore- I'm sure I'm not the only one a little touchy as a result of a major unheaval to my diet. We're all in this together and we need to stop fighting and start supporting one another, and accepting that the support may be more like that teacher in school who pushed you had and you sometimes disliked because of it, but you got your A. Rather than the teacher who let you make excuses for homework and you always liked- until you got a poor grade!

WOWZA...Rose you get IT!! Only a few weeks here and YOU GET IT GIRL!!!:happy: Great post Chick!! Great Post!

Bringing in the special jeweled butterfly for you Hon


Oh yea and to add to the sugar, caffeine withdrawels add the chicks all going thru PMS many at the same time...:ohwell: :sad: :laugh: :laugh: Add all that up with no faces only words it can be confusing at times how something is meant.:drinker:

FC

Oh wow! A jewlled butterfly! For me? You just made my day FC, thank you :bigsmile: