When you realize it may not be entirely your fault

:noway:
ok, i am not a finger pointer. that being said, while reading your post i thought YOU didnt drive to the donut store and buy donuts - YOU didnt pick up McD's and set yourself up in front of the tv - YOU didnt buy the chips and chocolate! OMG! I am sorry, but if i wanted a bag of chips at the store i was told NO. my parents found other ways to keep me in line - they gave me dicipline and structure, not treats and goodies to keep my mouth full so i would be quiet! OR they would give me a healthy alternative like fruit or nuts.
i am pretty ticked that she would even say 'its your fault'. yes, you had the need for something. she didnt know what it was so she gave you food, not caring about the reprocussions. :noway: :noway: :noway:
i do think it is good that you now have an understanding as to why you might feel like you need food to avoid stress but sweet, this is not your fault.

The upside is that you are now old enough to make your own decisions and turn this thing around yourself. The fact that you were nurtured with food should give you exciting new insights into your eating habits so that you can take control of this monster.

Consider how you feel when you want to eat. Learn what your eating triggers are and when you get them.

For example, when got on Jenny Craig I was told to never eat anyplace except for the kitchen table. Thinking this was ridiculous, I complied but noticed that I wanted to eat every time I sat down to watch television. The desire to do this was overwhelming. I figured out that I just needed something that was crunchy and began eating carrot, celery and green pepper sticks instead of chips.

The upside is that you are now old enough to make your own decisions and turn this thing around yourself. The fact that you were nurtured with food should give you exciting new insights into your eating habits so that you can take control of this monster.

Consider how you feel when you want to eat. Learn what your eating triggers are and when you get them.

For example, when got on Jenny Craig I was told to never eat anyplace except for the kitchen table. Thinking this was ridiculous, I complied but noticed that I wanted to eat every time I sat down to watch television. The desire to do this was overwhelming. I figured out that I just needed something that was crunchy and began eating carrot, celery and green pepper sticks instead of chips.

good point..now that you have a better understanding....use that to get started on a new you...
no more excuses...
good luck

I agree with the above members here quoted

your fault or my fault or mum's fault or Captain Crunch'es fault...it does not matter who is at fault for spilling the milk...
wipe it up and pour a new glass

I agree. And for example my mom's friend wouldn't let her only child eat candy, cake, or any treats. And so my friend learned to pig out when her mom wasn't around because she was restricting her, and now she has gained more weight. So it can go either way, giving kids too many treats and depriving them. Balance!

I don't think anyone is placing blame here. Sometimes, for us food addicts, understanding WHY something is an automatic, programmed response in us can actually end the battle, or help us understand why there is a battle and give us proper ammo to fight it. I think it's great that Mom admitted her part in setting this up - now there can be a level of understanding here and a better ability to tackle the problem. It's really hard to tackle a problem or solve it when you don't know what the problem is, just the symptoms. In addictive eating issues, addressing just the symptoms is actually generally counter-productive. Once you understand the root and address it, the issue resolves pretty easily.

your fault or my fault or mum's fault or Captain Crunch'es fault...it does not matter who is at fault for spilling the milk...
wipe it up and pour a new glass

:laugh: :laugh: hmmm, the captain is getting around the boards today

your fault or my fault or mum's fault or Captain Crunch'es fault...it does not matter who is at fault for spilling the milk...
wipe it up and pour a new glass

Once again, agree with Dave. Many people have issues/bad relationships with food, but we all have the power to do something about it. The fact that you've identified the trigger, and maybe a reason, will hopefully help you move forward now. Don't let it hold you back any longer!

Sorry to hear your mom feels bad about it, but it won't help anyone by placing blame. Your mom has probably already been over it many times in her head about what she could have done differently to see you hurt less by these poor relationships, but the fact is, things are the way they are now. Make your mom proud and show her that YOU have the power to undo the damage and that you don't blame her.

Best of luck to you!

M

Excellent post as always:flowerforyou: I too agree with Dave & myastyme as well.:drinker:

FC

for me, it was more of slap in the face to have spent years and years trying to figure out my motivations behind emotional and complusive binge eating and gorging to the point of barfing. i'm not laying blame, i'm trying to unpeal the onion of myself and discovered a layer that may have some bearing on why i am the way i am today. it is absolutely impossible for me to move forward on my journey with out exploreing my past issues with food. for me it is not simply "eat less fatso".

for those who are emotional eaters, i hope they are goign through a similar process of reflection and self analysis... how can you fix it when you don't even know what the problem is?

as for Dave, my self worth is fragile, and if you pride your self on being harsh and blunt that's fine, but i don't fall into the "serious, dedicated and commited" members catergory, so please be more gentle with your remarks. thanks!

Ellelit~I am glad that you have finally started to put the pieces together with your love affair with food. It is difficult I understand, and that being said, we are a new generation of children who don't abuse, myself personally I was an abused kid who had a stepfather who beat the hell out of us, and I always heard I was fat,but was made to eat everything on my plate. I am not that adult. I have heard several different culpruts in your story, and I can only begin to feel the pain you have inside.

And now in defense of those who may sound harsh to you, would someone holding you and lying in bed with you to analyze this deeper help you, or would it help you if those of us who are feeling a bit stronger reaching down grabbing you and pulling you along with us help you? We all have our demons, balls and chains, rough patches, awful self images creeping just behind our eyes in the mirror.....I personally take that ugly in my life and beat the heck out of it during my workout.......even screaming GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! while I do it..................be strong, you can be fragile, but honey take control........TAKE CONTROL and when you come here, please take something from all of us......we are here for you.

:flowerforyou:

Well said SassieBritches. We're all here to support, and we're willing to pull if we have to!

M

for me, it was more of slap in the face to have spent years and years trying to figure out my motivations behind emotional and complusive binge eating and gorging to the point of barfing. i'm not laying blame, i'm trying to unpeal the onion of myself and discovered a layer that may have some bearing on why i am the way i am today. it is absolutely impossible for me to move forward on my journey with out exploreing my past issues with food. for me it is not simply "eat less fatso".

for those who are emotional eaters, i hope they are goign through a similar process of reflection and self analysis... how can you fix it when you don't even know what the problem is?

as for Dave, my self worth is fragile, and if you pride your self on being harsh and blunt that's fine, but i don't fall into the "serious, dedicated and commited" members catergory, so please be more gentle with your remarks. thanks!

Personally I didn't see any cruel posts Lindsay I wonder if perhaps you're feeling a bit vulnerable after speaking to your Mother? I think when someone posts a thread then others will pop on and share their thoughts on it, we have seen you struggle for a very long time here. You openly share your thoughts, so we openly try and push you a bit as Sassie shared to help you move forward along with us.

Would you rather be left behind and have noone post on your threads? I've heard other share they don't understand why posters say what they say on their threads....I feel if someone begins one then it is open for others to respond too. In a helpful manner, this is not a lovefest here on MFP...it is serious business, it's our LIFE Hon, it's gaining back our HEALTH, OUR LIFE and Our Self Esteeem!!

I think that's why you are reading various posts now on MFP that may sound different than in the past, many many many new members have joined and the City of MFP is a changing that's simply what happens on sites that grow. Growth and Change is GOOD!!!!!

Change is not always comfy but it's a very good thing here, if we all wanted to be patted on the back for eating a box of GS cookies, or a pizza then what message does that send the person that's being patted on the back? If someone did that to me, I think I would see it as permission to continue my current behavior.:noway:

I think some do come here to post to gain permission so they can be relieved of guilt, somethings we simply MUST do on our own to grow from. I don't coddle members here, I cheer them on, I welcome them, I share my insights I have gained on my journey but I don't coddle, why? Because I think the rest of the world and other groups are out their for that. Does that make me mean? No I think it shows that I am serious and I know how vital it is to lose the weight to get healthy. Hon, our bodies can only take so much abuse before they give out in any number of ways. I see you post and share success then I see you come back and share your struggles and the cycle continues. I am not meaning to sound harsh nor do I think I am being harsh. I simply am making it very clear that this site has many members from all over the world from varoius backgrounds, all of come from different life situations such as Britches © shared.

I think the peeling back of the onion to search within yourself is vital to finding out what your issues are for binging and avoiding the real issues are what holds us back.

I am sorry you feel folks on this thread have been harsh but you did share alot and you used a question in your topic line so folks responded. I am on the outside looking in Hon and I simply don't see a mean post here. I know at times I have in the past thought the world was out to get me but then I realized it was me that was causing myself harm staying stuck.

Like you shared just the other night, the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and over again when they never worked the first handful of times.

I wish there was some way you could seek out a professional (we could all benefit at times from one), this is simply not the place to pull apart deep stuff (what I mean by that is there are not professional here to deal with it, we don't have trained therapists to help someone work through deep issues, but I do think this is a great place to share struggles a bit), we will cheer you on, stand with you, pick you up when you fall as long as you are willing to take the steps to move forward, we are all willing to do that with EVERYONE here that wishes to walk the healthy journey.:flowerforyou:

Hon, I have been able to find Pro-Bona therapists in the past when I was working, some very awesome ones (I was working but had no insurance or was not making enough to pay them fully but they allowed me to pay what I could instead), I think perhaps it might be something that is available in your area as well? I do realize you live in Canada so things might be a bit different there. I'm not saying you need to go because I'm not a professional but I do think this site might not be the proper place to expect to figure out all the past demons we each have.

I love this site as an addition to my gym bunny friends:flowerforyou: , a couple Professionals, friends, I seriously don't know what I would do or if I could even have come this far without a therapist to bounce off things. I think there is alarge difference in folks that have 20 lbs to lose and 200lbs to lose. For various reasons we continued to gain and allowed it to happen, I simply don't believe it has a thing to do with Food! It has to do with how we cope with our issues beneath it all or more so how WE DON"T cope with them.

Whew, sorry...another novel.:blushing:

I care what happens to you Lindsay and I wonder if you come back and read this later today or even tomorrow is you might see some of it differently? I know I sometimes read a post then I reread it later and I'm blown away how different I see it then.

We can be supportive for one another but we cannot carry one another fully in life, it's simply not fair to expect that of our friends here or anywhere, we all have our own battles to get through as Britches © shared.

Whew hope this makes sense after typing it all:flowerforyou:

FC

My mom binge eats, and we always had tons of food available. In my house growing up a "bowl of icecream" was at least 6 heaping scoops, and I would always have icecream AND popcorn after school (I'm talking the gross chemical butter kinds, that we would put MORE butter on after popping it). My parents tried to put me on weight watchers and other diet plans from the time I was 8 until I moved out of their house (while keeping all of the bad stuff readily available and at a height where I could reach it...good luck telling an overweight 8 year old that they can't eat the Oreos), but nobody would EVER say that my weight issues were anyone's fault but my own.

I learned the bad habits from them, yes. Would I blame them for my weight now? Nope. I know you didn't say you blame your mother, just that she said it was her fault, but it's sad that she feels that way.

I quite agree FC. I've been here a couple of weeks now and whilst I've had great support, I've also noticed great divides. There are so many people her, from so many walks of life, our views are bound to differ. So long as we can be civil and even friendly to one another, surely we should welcome this different views? If you take someone's advice, great. If not, also great. It's all about your own journey. I think there are three problems: 1. As I said, there are multiple differing opinions on the boards. 2. What is posted online cannot always be read in the way it was intended. 3. We're placing our bodies under a change. I'm grouchy as a result of a lack of caffiene and I can't comfort eat anymore- I'm sure I'm not the only one a little touchy as a result of a major unheaval to my diet. We're all in this together and we need to stop fighting and start supporting one another, and accepting that the support may be more like that teacher in school who pushed you had and you sometimes disliked because of it, but you got your A. Rather than the teacher who let you make excuses for homework and you always liked- until you got a poor grade!

WOWZA...Rose you get IT!! Only a few weeks here and YOU GET IT GIRL!!!:happy: Great post Chick!! Great Post!

Bringing in the special jeweled butterfly for you Hon


Oh yea and to add to the sugar, caffeine withdrawels add the chicks all going thru PMS many at the same time...:ohwell: :sad: :laugh: :laugh: Add all that up with no faces only words it can be confusing at times how something is meant.:drinker:

FC