Not Facebook "what's on your mind" appropriate....Freedom to post here..
StarliteTara
Posts: 299 Member
in Chit-Chat
I know some people post everything on Facebook and I literally mean everything (some of my own family is guilty of this) but I need a place to vent. I've had something literally eating at me for months now that I just need to get off my chest. I don't even necessarily need anyone to respond but I think it will make me feel better to just type it out. Anyway, there may be a topic for this already as I didn't really search for it but feel free to use this as a place to vent.
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Okay so here it goes.....
I'm not usually one to hold a grudge from something but I haven't been able to let this go. My mother-in-law died a few months back (not what this post is about) but when we were at the funeral my father came up to me and said, "You look nice but you've got to stop this gaining/losing weight cycle your on or your going to end up like this" he points at the casket of my mother-in-law and says, "You don't want to leave your boys early without a mom."
First off, my mother-in-law died of cancer...nothing about her has anything to do with weight.
Secondly, I've managed to gain and lose roughly 30 lbs in the last 5-10 years and during that time when I weighed my most, I was only slightly overweight. I go to the doctor regularly like I should and my doctor has never had an issue with my weight with all my bloodwork checking out okay.
Lastly, who the heck says something like that to someone at a funeral when they are obviously grieving?
Anyway, I should mention I'd like to say much more but I'm keeping it PG. I haven't been able to tell anyone this happened especially not my husband who already has a rocky relationship with my dad anyway so I really needed to get it off my chest.
**breaths a sign of relief
If you read all this, thanks for listening. :-)14 -
Sorry to hear about your loss and that your father was inconsiderate towards you at a difficult time. If you know you're healthy then you just need to rise above it
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I'd say that was pretty ballsy and callous to use a funeral as a means to share his opinion. I'm not sure why family feel the need to comment on the weight of others and while death may be an eye-opener for some, using the deceased to push their own opinion is a load of crap.
Sorry you had to go through that. Maybe he's projecting his own unhappiness?2 -
Wtf, people can be so tactless (myself included).
I hear you, that would irk me too if someone said something like that.1 -
SheepDog26 wrote: »I'd say that was pretty ballsy and callous to use a funeral as a means to share his opinion. I'm not sure why family feel the need to comment on the weight of others and while death may be an eye-opener for some, using the deceased to push their own opinion is a load of crap.
Sorry you had to go through that. Maybe he's projecting his own unhappiness?
Who knows. I just haven't been able to let it go. I think there is a time and a place for everything and mostly that just wasn't it.
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Wtf, people can be so tactless (myself included).
I hear you, that would irk me too if someone said something like that.
I think it was more how he said it and where he chose to say it at. Also, I hate when people compliment you then turn it into something else. You look nice but...
I wore a dress which really showed the 25lbs I had lost so he could have just stopped with the compliment. Grrr...the more I talk the more it fires me up. Anyway, thanks for commenting. Your profile pic of your hair is gorgeous btw.2 -
Great place to vent!1
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Sorry to hear, that sucks. My dads always been rough on me too. Actually said a few months back when I much heavier, good thing your losing weight, I thought your belly was going to explode. Which is funny because I can run 10ks while he can't walk a flight a stairs. Some people just don't think how their words impact others I guess.1
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I don’t know how your relationship with your dad is but is he just expressing his love and concern for you, albeit in an unpleasant way? In my experience, people have all kinds of uncomfortable feelings come up at funerals and they don’t always come out in the best way.
I’m not trying to diminish how you feel or even play devil’s advocate, just wondering if it makes it easier to let the comment go if it came from a good place.3 -
caco_ethes wrote: »I don’t know how your relationship with your dad is but is he just expressing his love and concern for you, albeit in an unpleasant way? In my experience, people have all kinds of uncomfortable feelings come up at funerals and they don’t always come out in the best way.
I’m not trying to diminish how you feel or even play devil’s advocate, just wondering if it makes it easier to let the comment go if it came from a good place.
I get where you are coming from and I'm able to step back and look at it from that point of view as well. I'm sure in his mind he thought he was expressing his concern for me, just at a very bad time and in a crappy way.
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caco_ethes wrote: »I don’t know how your relationship with your dad is but is he just expressing his love and concern for you, albeit in an unpleasant way? In my experience, people have all kinds of uncomfortable feelings come up at funerals and they don’t always come out in the best way.
I’m not trying to diminish how you feel or even play devil’s advocate, just wondering if it makes it easier to let the comment go if it came from a good place.
Agree with this. Could be coming from a good place but just delivered by someone who is not comfortable and/or good at expressing love/concern.
I'm assuming you and your dad aren't very close and never have had a great relationship?
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caco_ethes wrote: »I don’t know how your relationship with your dad is but is he just expressing his love and concern for you, albeit in an unpleasant way? In my experience, people have all kinds of uncomfortable feelings come up at funerals and they don’t always come out in the best way.
I’m not trying to diminish how you feel or even play devil’s advocate, just wondering if it makes it easier to let the comment go if it came from a good place.
Agree with this. Could be coming from a good place but just delivered by someone who is not comfortable and/or good at expressing love/concern.
I'm assuming you and your dad aren't very close and never have had a great relationship?
Ummmm....that's actually a very hard question to answer but technically yes he feels we have a good relationship as he never feels he does anything wrong.
And it is possible he meant well and honestly he probably did but he made the assumption that since I wasn't the skinny girl from high school anymore that I wasn't healthy. Just think he could have found a better way to say it and at a better time.
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tinkerhellraiser wrote: »i think youre having a hard time letting it go bc you haven’t told anyone and it upset u a lot
keeping stuff bottled up, i do that too, like to the point my hair will fall out and my tummy will be sick all the time and just dark cloud in my head
maybe tell your husband and your bff and get it out irl
it’s not your job to hide anyones *kitten* behavior anyways and it sounds like it’s eatin u up
Also the image of leaving your kids motherless is quite upsetting too so maybe that is playing on your mind.1 -
tinkerhellraiser wrote: »i think youre having a hard time letting it go bc you haven’t told anyone and it upset u a lot
keeping stuff bottled up, i do that too, like to the point my hair will fall out and my tummy will be sick all the time and just dark cloud in my head
maybe tell your husband and your bff and get it out irl it’s not your job to hide anyones *kitten* behavior anyways and it sounds like it’s eatin u up
Thanks girl! I think you are exactly right! I was hoping writing it down and posting it here would make me feel better. I usually do tell my husband everything but in this case I was trying to hold together what little relationship him and my dad have left. I just didn't want to make matters worse plus at that time he had just lost his mom so it just wasn't the time. I guess I've just been holding onto it for a while now and needed it to be gone.
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TravisJHunt wrote: »Sorry to hear, that sucks. My dads always been rough on me too. Actually said a few months back when I much heavier, good thing your losing weight, I thought your belly was going to explode. Which is funny because I can run 10ks while he can't walk a flight a stairs. Some people just don't think how their words impact others I guess.
Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry you've had that experience with your dad. *Hugs
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Sometimes typing it out to a bunch of strangers and getting unbiased feedback helps - at least it does for me at times - hope you can let it go soon - good luck my friend1
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Sometimes typing it out to a bunch of strangers and getting unbiased feedback helps - at least it does for me at times - hope you can let it go soon - good luck my friend
Thank you! I'm glad you understand. Any close friend or family member I tell would blow it up more than they need too or share it with someone else...at least here I don't worry as much. Plus they do all love me so like you said their opinions would be biased. lol! Okay so they don't all love me, just 99% of them.
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