Baffling concerned from family members.

I just smile and say " thanks for your concern but I will continue losing weight til I feel its enough"

yeah.. when i started to lose weight, it came off pretty quick and lots of people, some i wasn't even that close to, were asking if i was ill. Um.. NO.. they now tell me im thin enough.. but i still have 20 more pounds to go to get to my goal weight.. as the madagascar penquins say "smile and wave boys, smile and wave!)...
karylee

had my first comment like this Wednesday night...ran into someone I hadn't seen in 4 months and she saw me and went "wow you've lost a lot of weight..." (then, in a hushed voice..."are you sick?") Uh...No. And the thing is, I'm not "skinny." I'm about 5 pounds into a healthy BMI/weight range...just average, not tiny...

Yep, I understand completely :-)

My husband says, I hope you are not going to go to thin or waste away.

I just say be proud that I am taking a little control and want to look and feel better.

I think there is so much about eating disorders in the media, from obesity to anorexia, that those around you do worry when you start to make visible changes.

Keep doing what you are doing that makes you happy, if you are happy then those around you will eventually notice your happiness

That's tough. If they are TRULY concerned for your health (and not people who are jealous over your success and new look), I'd simply say. "Healthy body fat percentage for me is x, I'm still at x+. I'm doing things the right and safe way. But I love that you care about me enough to be concerned. Thank you for caring."

See if that doesn't help.

:hugs:

God bless!

I get that all the time from my family. When I first started losing weight my mother freaked out at a family BBQ and said that "starving myself" was not the way to lose weight because I opted to have fresh fruit as a side with my burger instead of baked beans and potato salad.

It's hard when the people you love don't support you the most, because they're the people you need the most support from. I've done a little research on what to do about this kind of thing and found that most people act this way mostly because they don't want things to change between you and them. It may not be consciously, but they feel that because your making a change in your diet you might also be changing yourself and therefore the dynamic of the relationship that you currently have with them.

Just keep letting people know that you like the changes your making, it makes you feel good. They'll come around, hopefully - if they really want to see you happy.

I think the norm is to be overweight nowadays. Also, if someone's always seen you as overweight and you start losing weight, you can look so different to them they start to think something's wrong. It's just funny to me that people will freely tell other people they are losing too much weight but when people start get to the point of being severely overweight or obese, no one really feels the need to have concern.

Maybe you should show them a BMI chart and indicate where you are on that and where your goal is. If they have that visual aide that shows your goal is still well within healthy for you then maybe they won't worry as much. Might help them to see where they are on that chart also to give them a better perspective. :flowerforyou:

This. I think that just saying, oh I'm working to get to a healthy range, thanks for your concern, or something similar is not going to alleviate their concerns. Many people do have a skewed vision of weight these days, so they might still think you're getting too thin. Showing them what is considered a healthy range for you could alleviate their concerns. It's obviously good to have people concerned about you, but they need to be shown that you are being healthy so that they can stop badgering you.

Funny how people assume sickness rather than health, hey? Certainly goes to show how upside-down things have become. I usually respond with something along the lines of, "No, I feel better than I ever have!"

what's your current BMI and hip-waist ratio? What sort of clothing size are you wearing?

If you honestly feel your answers to these questions are that they are in the healthy ranges, then clearly your family's concern is ill founded, and you don't have too much to worry about.

We often recognise that, as we lose weight, we have to get our heads round our new body shape. This can take some getting used to for us, as we come to terms with who this new, healthier, often happier person is. It stands to reason that those who love us have to make some adjustments to their sense of who we are too. Perhaps this is what your family is reflecting?

I think these days a lot of people actually DON'T know what a healthy weight looks like- especially if many/most friends and acquaintances are overweight. We all compare ourselves with those we spend time with- women are probably worse for this. I know when I worked at a place where most people were overweight I put on quite a bit of weight because I felt comparatively better about myself and my mental 'weight thermostat' shifted over time. Its only when something happens like meeting new people/changing job/a friend losing loads of weight, that you get jolted back out of your comfort zone. Do you think your success if making them look more critically at themselves? I agree with the idea of showing them the BMI chart- for both your benefit and theirs!

^^This. I usually laugh when I get the "concern"...because I know that it's not real concern. No one said anything to me when I was fat about my weight. In fact, I was perpetually sick and STILL no one said anything. I had blood sugar issues and STILL no one said anything. It wasn't until I changed my lifestyle around to include one to two hours of vigorous activity 5 times a week and started eating a Paleo style diet---when my entire life changed. That's when I started getting the absolute worst of the "concern" about my weight. It was and is ridiculous. I'm currently 107 pounds. For my height and bone frame, I could get all the way down to 95 pounds and still be in the healthy BMI range. I have NO intention of doing that (currently trying to build more muscle and lose a little fat percentage).

I am convinced that people see me and look at their own habits and health. Especially my former "eating buddies."
Instead of living on so many medications and struggling, I am vibrantly healthy and off of all of my former medications. I run, dance, lift weights, and Zumba every chance that I get. I can play with my kids like a kid, and I feel better than I can ever remember feeling. I can wear pants that I bought at 18 years old. (I'm 32.)

So, when I get the comments, I laugh---then: flex a bicep at them or start talking about my latest leg press weight or my goal to run a full marathon by September 2012 or (most recently) talk about how my Zumba instructors have been talking to me about maybe getting certified if I can get comfortable enough on stage to lead.

I love that: "smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave." It's a great response. I can't say I've ever had that problem, but maybe, "That's so sweet of you to care about my health. Thank you! How's YOUR health these days?" Switch the subject to them and get them talking about themselves.

I think the norm is to be overweight nowadays. Also, if someone's always seen you as overweight and you start losing weight, you can look so different to them they start to think something's wrong. It's just funny to me that people will freely tell other people they are losing too much weight but when people start get to the point of being severely overweight or obese, no one really feels the need to have concern.

I agree.

It's like that saying, "birds of a feather flock together" - people tend to stick with people that are similar to them. I remember reading that overweight people tend to have overweight friends - and I've seen it as well. Same thing with couples. It becomes 'normal' behaviour in that group. In this day of age, and in general, more and more people are becoming obese, hence it isbecoming the 'norm', as you said.

Also it is funny how people are quick to notice if you are losing weight, but not the other way round. I reckon it's because it's still a sensitive 'touchy' taboo subject, to point out to someone that they are gaining/have gained a lot of weight is considered 'rude'. Fat = unattractiveness, in society.

Whereas as slim = attractive, it seems to be a way of 'knocking someone down a peg or two' - giving people cart blanche to say what they like. It's like, 'well your slim and attractive, you don't need support/compliments/morale boost - you're fine as you are'.

Odd huh? :huh: