Loving, but critical husband
Replies
-
Men, in particular, love solving problems. That's just the nature of most men. Am I stereotyping? I was slim when I married a man I knew wasn't attracted to heavy women. As with your guy, that doesn't mean he's not a wonderful husband. He loves solving problems, which can be annoying sometimes.
I lost weight after my babies because I was nursing and didn't increase calories. I eat mostly keto, and I haven't measured calories lately, but, at 67, I think I'm too old to lose weight on a 1500 calorie plan, especially if I ate back exercise calories. I'm where I want to be and maintaining, and my husband's happy. I walk and jog, but I'm convinced muscle burns fat. I don't want to drive 12 miles to a gym, so I exercise at home. I use a Beach Body program, Chalean Extreme, that takes 35-45 minutes a day and only uses dumbbells (or stretch bands) and body weight. I haven't regretted my decision to purchase the Bowflex SelecTech dumbbells (they easily adjust from 5 lb. to 52.5 lb.) and a stand to hold them. They're an investment, so, if you want to go that direction, tell your husband he can use them, too.
Enjoy your baby and your husband. When you have a lot of blessings, you have to expect a few problems. God uses problems to keep us humble, and encourage us to look to Him for answers. May you find the answers you need. God bless you!7 -
FarmerCarla wrote: »Men, in particular, love solving problems. That's just the nature of most men. Am I stereotyping?
Yes. As you acknowledge it isn't true for all men and, indeed, some men are just kittenholes. Even married ones. Plenty of stories posted in the past 20+ years to the Internets (and even here, in these forums) from women whose relationships suffered, or even ended, just because their husbands no longer found them sexually attractive due to weight gain.
Of course, the OP hasn't raised the issue so therefore to the only person whom matters - her - he isn't in this category and therefore quite possibly as you postulate.
2 -
1. when i talk to my girlfriends about a problem i have, they will generally be sympathetic and supportive. when i talk to my husband, he will generally try to come up with solutions. usually i just want sympathy. if i needed a solution, i would ask, but he doesn't think that way. not stereotyping, but it is not an uncommon scenario in men-women communications.
2. the best exercise you can do is the exercise you will enjoy and stick with. if it raises your heart rate and feels good, then do it! even if it doesn't burn as many calories as other exercises, it will burn some, and likely also raise your metabolism and mood. whether it's a walk around the block or dancing in the living room with your baby, if it's fun then do it.
3. with pregnancy and labour and those sleep-deprived first few months of motherhood, your body has been through A LOT in this past year. pay it back with kindness and appreciation. you are awesome.2 -
I've battled that 20+ on and off most of my adult life, and my husband, who is also not terribly fit, has had occasion to say some stupid things, too. He thinks he is being supportive, tough love, honest with me without realizing he is being hurtful, demeaning and just pissing me off. My advise is to focus on your happiness, not your weight. Ride your bike, take baby for walks, find ways to stay in motion (baby exercising is FUN and a great way to bond/play with your child). That combined with a sensible meal plan and the weight will go down. BUT, you seem a perfect candidate to remind that you should probably focus on do you like what you see in the mirror rather than what the scale tells you. AND talk to him about what days he will need to do daddy duty so you can get to the gym/go out by yourself and get a little me time fit in, too.2
-
There are a lot of reasonable comments here. The only thing I will add is that you don't need to go outside, much less in the heat, to lose weight. As others have said, and you probably already know, diet is the biggest factor for weight loss and exercise is more for health plus a little extra calorie buffer. Working outside in the heat can actually lead to dehydration and heat stress which is dangerous. Sweating is not directly correlated to effort or calorie burn. So just keep doing your thing on the bike inside or whatever you want to do.5
-
You need to do what feels right for YOUR body - there are too many people out there who think their advice is the correct advice. My suggestion is to possibly speak to your doc and a nutritionist as weight loss has been proven to be 80% (or more) what you are eating and how much. Find the right combination of healthier proteins, fats and carbs, and the right portion, nail all that, THEN work on your physical activity. Most importantly, IGNORE your husband, be patient and consistent, and ignore your scale (for the most part).2
-
I like how you're maintaining your sense of humor. It is funny. You don't have to sweat your rear end off to lose weight. I think it is smart to use a stationary bike..it is inside..near your baby..you can always do it, because the weather doesn't matter. I'm sure. he actually thinks he's helping you. Women are tough strong creatures ..and I admire anyone who has a baby and gets the weight off while caring for a young new life. You're incredible!!!
mmm maybe we should pack 60 pounds on your hubby and tell him to go outside and sweat that off and show us how its done.
3 -
I had "the talk" with my partner very early on in our relationship about how I like to be supported in weight loss and more importantly what not to say. Ever since he's been perfect as he understands about how my mind works and if I binge do not say anything lol, just help eat/remove the biscuits once I'm in the regret mode (not before).
BTW exercycles are a saving grace for us baby mummas.4 -
I’m so glad I decided to post here. I was hesitant because I was worried everyone would bash my husband. I was pleasantly surprised that most of you respected me by respecting my husband, so thank you for that! He’s a little rough around the edges and can’t always put into words what he means, but he sure does love me (and shows it!).
Anyway, thank you all for the support! You have resolidified that YES I am on the right track and my plans are good. I’m already losing weight! And gosh 1500 calories is so much more doable than the 1200 I used to be on. And yeah having the bike means I can workout WHENEVER. And in the AC means I can go longer. I just burned 260 right before I wrote this
I’m working out most every day which is fantastic! I can cook healthy dinners, clean up, get the kids to bed and not have to run off to the gym. I’m happy! 17 -
Looks like you are on the right track with the healthier meals and an exercise regimen with which you can stick. Ever thought about doing a few squats and lunges or taking stairs(if you have any) two at a time while holding your baby? Building muscle burns fat. Owning the muscle you just made burns fat. Slow and steady wins the healthier living race.3
-
No stairs but I will start incorporating some muscle building exercises soon. I’m going to start working on my arms with some dumbbells first I think. I figured I’d start making my bike a “brainless” habit for a few weeks so as not to overload myself with too many changes at once. I know losing weight and keeping it off is a lot mental, so I’m trying to create habits little by little, rather than burning out on a performance ( for myself and my perfectionist ways ).7
-
Tell him to also get on the scale and join you on your journey. In my experience.....a lot of men get daddy bellies without realizing it 1
-
We have similar stats! I’m 29, 5”5 and have a 7 month old baby who is also teething. My main form of exercise is also using an exercise bike. By creating a calorie deficit, doing some walking and using the exercise bike, I’ve managed to shed around 36lbs in 16 weeks. Using the exercise bike has definitely helped me tone up a bit. It’s difficult to find time to exercise when you have a baby but I think you’re doing just fine, so keep at it and let any negative talk go in one ear and out the other 😊
I forgot to add that my starting weight was 184lbs, 3 months postpartum, and I’m now at 147lbs.4 -
Sis, throw the whole husband out.11
-
Your head's in a great place. You go, girl! 😎3
-
SteroidalLolita wrote: »Sis, throw the whole husband out.
Girl, I am not your sis. You can take your negativity elsewhere. I won't even stoop to defend my husband because I don't have to explain myself to you. Bye Felicia!11 -
We have similar stats! I’m 29, 5”5 and have a 7 month old baby who is also teething. My main form of exercise is also using an exercise bike. By creating a calorie deficit, doing some walking and using the exercise bike, I’ve managed to shed around 36lbs in 16 weeks. Using the exercise bike has definitely helped me tone up a bit. It’s difficult to find time to exercise when you have a baby but I think you’re doing just fine, so keep at it and let any negative talk go in one ear and out the other 😊
I forgot to add that my starting weight was 184lbs, 3 months postpartum, and I’m now at 147lbs.
Btw, meant to tell you - YOU GO GIRL!!! Proud of you
2 -
Gosh I cant believe these posts like this. There is another one on here farther down of a guy criticising his wife's looks and weight. Shallow men who themselves are most likely no where near a Greek God themselves.
My wife is fairly overweight. And I have NEVER criticized her about her weight. Is her I love not the container she comes in. Do I wish she were slimmer ? Yes but only because it would be more beneficial for her health. But Ive never loved her any less because she is overweight.
People sure can be dumbasses I guess
7 -
mojavemtbr wrote: »Gosh I cant believe these posts like this. There is another one on here farther down of a guy criticising his wife's looks and weight. Shallow men who themselves are most likely no where near a Greek God themselves.
My wife is fairly overweight. And I have NEVER criticized her about her weight. Is her I love not the container she comes in. Do I wish she were slimmer ? Yes but only because it would be more beneficial for her health. But Ive never loved her any less because she is overweight.
People sure can be dumbasses I guess
Oh goodness. Where do I start? Seeing as the reason I started this thread has gone off the tracks (but really, it’s ok, I’ve gotten the reassurance I needed), I’m going to take a moment to say a few things on the subject that has derailed this whole thread, and maybe in the process enlighten some of y’all:
My husband, though he doesn’t always choose his words wisely, has never ever ever equated that he loves me any less or values me any less because I have gained some pounds over the years.
My husband is very honest, something that at first was foreign to me because although I come from a loving family, they have lied and covered up numerous things over the years that had they been revealed would have brought us closer. Point being, honesty in my marriage has made both room for us to grow closer together, as well as individual growth.
Speaking of growth, God did not put me with someone exactly like me. He put me with someone who would challenge me. And believe me when I tell you I challenge him. My husband has taught me a lot about self discipline and doing the right thing even if it’s hard. I have taught him loads on being softer, gentler, and more understanding. But, news flash - we are ALL a WORK IN PROGRESS. Every day is a challenge to implement those things we have learned and are learning and sometimes we fall short!
My husband is not just defined by his flaws, which in this case is his inability to ALWAYS communicate clearly and kindly.
This man some of you are chastising is the same man who walks into the kitchen as I’m cooking, pulls me close for a hug, gives me a kiss and says “thank you for all you do for this family”
It’s the same man who stepped in when my daughter was five years old and her dad stepped out. She now calls him daddy and she is “his girl” as he always says.
It’s the same man who goes out of his way to make sure my mom and dad are taken care of when they are in need financially or physically need help with something around the house.
It’s the same man who comes to me before making any decisions for our family and will only continue with my blessing.
It’s the same man who has taken on the full financial burden so that I can stay home and fulfill my dream of raising our babies.
It’s the same man who has worked hard to give me the things I want (last week, new appliances even though he reallllly wanted a new TV lol).
It’s the same man who cared for me so lovingly and tenderly after my c-section, checking my incision, keeping up with my meds schedule, wrapping me with my support band, and reassuring me when I cried about the state of my body in the aftermath.
The same man who told me how he didn’t think he could possibly love me any more than he already did, but then I went through what I did to give him a child, and now his love for me has just reached a whole new level.
He just told me tonight of another friend of his getting a divorce. I say another because it seems it happens every other week. It saddens me that so many people out there think when they or others hit turbulence that it’s time to get out, or that that person is a “bad seed”. I think when you hit turbulence it’s an opportunity to grow!! For both people involved!
So yes, I will tell my husband that I know he means well but this is a journey I have to do on my own and if I want his advice I will ask. And I will tell him that so we both can grow.
I hope somebody out there gets something positive out of this. No person is perfect, which means no marriage is perfect. Marriage is just two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other. And sometimes that refusal to give up gets passionate and words are said in haste, but God didn’t create marriage so you could sit back on your haunches and never grow, He created marriage so you’d have a lifelong person with which to perfect His greatest commandment - TO LOVE.
Anyway...I’m out!17 -
southrnchic479 wrote: »mojavemtbr wrote: »Gosh I cant believe these posts like this. There is another one on here farther down of a guy criticising his wife's looks and weight. Shallow men who themselves are most likely no where near a Greek God themselves.
My wife is fairly overweight. And I have NEVER criticized her about her weight. Is her I love not the container she comes in. Do I wish she were slimmer ? Yes but only because it would be more beneficial for her health. But Ive never loved her any less because she is overweight.
People sure can be dumbasses I guess
Oh goodness. Where do I start? Seeing as the reason I started this thread has gone off the tracks (but really, it’s ok, I’ve gotten the reassurance I needed), I’m going to take a moment to say a few things on the subject that has derailed this whole thread, and maybe in the process enlighten some of y’all:
My husband, though he doesn’t always choose his words wisely, has never ever ever equated that he loves me any less or values me any less because I have gained some pounds over the years.
My husband is very honest, something that at first was foreign to me because although I come from a loving family, they have lied and covered up numerous things over the years that had they been revealed would have brought us closer. Point being, honesty in my marriage has made both room for us to grow closer together, as well as individual growth.
Speaking of growth, God did not put me with someone exactly like me. He put me with someone who would challenge me. And believe me when I tell you I challenge him. My husband has taught me a lot about self discipline and doing the right thing even if it’s hard. I have taught him loads on being softer, gentler, and more understanding. But, news flash - we are ALL a WORK IN PROGRESS. Every day is a challenge to implement those things we have learned and are learning and sometimes we fall short!
My husband is not just defined by his flaws, which in this case is his inability to ALWAYS communicate clearly and kindly.
This man some of you are chastising is the same man who walks into the kitchen as I’m cooking, pulls me close for a hug, gives me a kiss and says “thank you for all you do for this family”
It’s the same man who stepped in when my daughter was five years old and her dad stepped out. She now calls him daddy and she is “his girl” as he always says.
It’s the same man who goes out of his way to make sure my mom and dad are taken care of when they are in need financially or physically need help with something around the house.
It’s the same man who comes to me before making any decisions for our family and will only continue with my blessing.
It’s the same man who has taken on the full financial burden so that I can stay home and fulfill my dream of raising our babies.
It’s the same man who has worked hard to give me the things I want (last week, new appliances even though he reallllly wanted a new TV lol).
It’s the same man who cared for me so lovingly and tenderly after my c-section, checking my incision, keeping up with my meds schedule, wrapping me with my support band, and reassuring me when I cried about the state of my body in the aftermath.
The same man who told me how he didn’t think he could possibly love me any more than he already did, but then I went through what I did to give him a child, and now his love for me has just reached a whole new level.
He just told me tonight of another friend of his getting a divorce. I say another because it seems it happens every other week. It saddens me that so many people out there think when they or others hit turbulence that it’s time to get out, or that that person is a “bad seed”. I think when you hit turbulence it’s an opportunity to grow!! For both people involved!
So yes, I will tell my husband that I know he means well but this is a journey I have to do on my own and if I want his advice I will ask. And I will tell him that so we both can grow.
I hope somebody out there gets something positive out of this. No person is perfect, which means no marriage is perfect. Marriage is just two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other. And sometimes that refusal to give up gets passionate and words are said in haste, but God didn’t create marriage so you could sit back on your haunches and never grow, He created marriage so you’d have a lifelong person with which to perfect His greatest commandment - TO LOVE.
Anyway...I’m out!
BRAVO!! Very well said!4
Categories
- 1.5M All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 387.2K Introduce Yourself
- 42.7K Getting Started
- 258.4K Health and Weight Loss
- 174.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.1K Recipes
- 231.8K Fitness and Exercise
- 316 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.4K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.1K Motivation and Support
- 7.4K Challenges
- 1.2K Debate Club
- 96.1K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 2.1K MyFitnessPal Information
- 20 News and Announcements
- 568 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 1.5K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions