Need practical tips from the pros

Two options here. 1) Get to the root of the cause of the stress. This might involve a therapist, journaling something that lets you connect with the major life changes that have happened. 2)Replace your stress eating happen with a different healthier stress habit. This one is easier said than done. Journaling is an approach. Going for walks is an approach. Even binge watching TV can be better.

Once you are out of the initial stress cycle and ready to take on the new challenge of losing the 20 lbs, pick a an activity based goal and try to meet it. Weekly goals can be easier to meet. Get outside and do something 5 days a week; garden 2 days a week, go to the gym 3 days a week, etc, or even metric based. Complete a 5K 20 pushups something. Tracking calories takes mental energy which you are short on. Find an activity that can help increase your mental energy.

If loss of control is at the root of it, meticulous calorie tracking might help, but finding other activities to exert control could be worth while; gardening, house decorating, organizing a closet. Something where you can feel in control. Start small and work up form there.

I have been there, and while I am hoping to never let it happen again I would be naive to assume it won't. Hoping for myself that these words can help you and remind myself when my next super stressful life phase hits.

I have no advice, but both my kids, post-college, moved away. The empty nest, which I was actually looking forward to, about killed me. Major sadness about no longer being a daily parent which led to weight gain. Hang in there, be kind to yourself and take each day as the precious gift it is.

PS: "hold my beer" made my day!

YadaYadaYada64 wrote: »

I lost 67 lbs I’d been carrying for most of my adult life, and had been successfully maintaining for a year. Wow, was life so much easier and fun! My new habits were so ingrained, it wasn’t even that hard. I started to think I had beaten the emotional eating monster. Then summer of 2018 said “hold my beer.” Turns out having a double mastectomy and cancer treatment, my older son moving 2000 miles away and my younger son graduating me and my husband into empty nest status had a thing or two to show me. I’ve regained 20, and even worse I feel out of control. I know I have so much to be thankful for - my now good health, loving family, happy and hard working children - and I am very thankful on a daily basis! But I am having a terrible time not soothing my stress with food! I’ll have a healthy day and then blow it late, sometimes even in the middle of the night. What are some practical things YOU do to keep from stress eating? Cuz my usual strategies ain’t workin’..

Wowzers, you did have a stressful year: I'm glad that's now in your rear-view mirror! I can relate to how you might be a little shell-shocked about how to get back on top of things, for sure.

Some years back now, I had a two year period where a bunch of things converged: My husband died at age 45, my father was blinded in an accident and at age 83 went from fully independent to assisted living (I was very engaged because I'm an only child), my mother-in-law died, my basement flooded, my already-stressful job was in a hyper-stressful phase . . . and then I was diagnosed with stage III (locally advanced) breast cancer (bilateral mastectomies, chemotherapy, radiation and years of anti-estrogen drugs followed). Jeesh!

I was lucky enough to stumble over a breast cancer survivors' rowing team, and for me that became a perfect combination of increasingly vigorous, challenging exercise, and a personal support group. It literally changed my life. While there aren't programs like this everywhere, similar things may be available separately: Finding a form of exercise that you truly enjoy (fitness/health increasing, stress decreasing), and finding a support group of people who understand what you've been through (many cancer centers offer support groups; some people think these will be all weeping and gloom, but I haven't found that to be true, even in my non-rowing breast cancer support group). An active-adults or empty-nesters meet-up group might offer a similar function.

Another suggestion I'd make is to consider whether the changes in your life create not only dislocations and disruptions, but also maybe . . . opportunities? Losing my beloved husband was wrenching, but it also gave me a chance to consider things I enjoyed that I'd (freely and willingly) let go during my married years, to focus on things we both enjoyed in the time we had available. I thought of it as kind of figuring out how to take life's lemons and make some lemonade.

I would think the "empty nest" scenario might be similar, in some ways. Are there some things you'd enjoyed earlier in life that you let slip away as family life became more absorbing? Are there things you've been intrigued by, but didn't have time for? Maybe it's time to consider making time for those in your life.

For me, the cancer experience also tended to focus my thoughts about what was really important to me, and what was simply a fully optional stressor that I was trying to keep up with just because "I was supposed to". I know it doesn't have that effect for everyone, though.

At a more nuts and bolts level, any stress-reducing strategies can help with reducing stress eating (things like creature indulgences: massages, aromatherapy bubble baths, nature walks, or whatever makes you feel physically refreshed and indulged; yoga or tai chi; meditation; for some, rededication to some spiritual practice, etc.). Also, resuming enjoyable old hobbies or exploring new ones can fill the time where over-eating is a temptation, and be a bit of a distraction by absorbing attention.

I'd also suggest that it might be worth seeing whether changes in your eating routine might help with those evening cravings, especially if you're now trying to use MFP to reduce calorie intake. Satiation is super individual, so it may take some experimentation. For me, a couple of strategies helped with evening cravings. For one, I tended to crave sweets (like candy or baked goods) late in the day. I found that making it a point to eat several daily servings of whole fruit helped reduce the cravings for less nutrient-dense, more calorie-dense sweets. (This isn't true for everyone, but I've seen some others here say the same thing.) I also found that evenings became more manageable when - bizarrely enough - I increased protein intake overall and volume of my breakfast. Different meal/snack patterns work for different people (anything from one meal a day to that 6 tiny snack-meals or all day grazing!), so it might be worth some experimenting.

For me, it worked really well to treat weight management as a sort of fun science fair project for grown ups, experimenting with what I ate, and when I ate it, to get the best balance of proper calories, satiation, tastiness, nutrition, energy level, and social connection through food. In 2015, I lost around 50 pounds, and have maintained a healthy weight for 3+ years since (after several decades of obesity, I might add).

I don't know how on-point any of this is for you, but it's what I can think of that worked for me, off the cuff.

It does take awhile, after any life-altering change, to find one's bearings and set a new course. Recognizing that, and practicing self-kindness and self-care, allowing time for regretting what's lost and finding new challenges, can also be a stress-reducer. We don't have to "fix everything" all at once. Time for reflection, and gradual adjustment, is part of the process; recognizing that can help with the stress, I think.

Wishing you much success in regaining that very important sense of mastery of your own life-course! :flowerforyou:

*Hugs* Sorry you have had so much dumped on you... and I know re-gaining is just another stressor...

Here's something you might try - just as a quick tension release - in addition to the great advice, above.

Got a hammer? Got an old piece of wood - or some stone that you don't mind breaking?

The next time you feel yourself leaning toward inhaling a bag of chips or a bucket or ice cream (yeah, been there, done that) grab that hammer and step out into the back yard.

Beat on that board, break a couple of rocks - visualize the cancer, while you are doing it. Take out your anger on some helpless piece of wood. It feels amazing, really... and you aren't hurting anything by getting your emotion out in a physical way.

Try a lot of things - hopefully, you will find one that works for you.