what do you think if your spouse/so said to you:

please understand i'm not taking internet advice and using it as rock solid decisions here.. just that comment really stuck out. (oh and the emphasis was that he didn't sleep with ALL of them.. ) I just needed a moment to vent and I'd heard/read in the past that the one accusing can often be the one that has already done it.

if interested...

the back story is that my husband is emotionally and verbally abusive ( oh and he tries financially). I've researched it and printed and higlighted it to show him when he's in his good moments. he's actually said to me that as long as he doesn't hit me its not abuse. he is selfish and if the world does not revolve around him and his health and his needs then he has temper tantrums. The average time span is a week to 10 days for a regular tantrum and about once a month for the week long nit pick tantrum which has been this week.

he will not go for counseling because it costs money and he thinks if he ignores the issues they go away so he won't even look for a low cost or free one even though we can afford a regular fee. He spends money like no tomorrow and everything is HIS... because he paid for it. Yet I'm the one thats worked 2 or 3 jobs ( in the past, only 1 now) and never had any money to show for it. When he was in charge of bills we almost lost our previous apartment twice as well as got behind on all the bills.

when he nearly died in November I was willing to work on the marriage again and tried. I ignored the snippy attitude because he was frustrated. He's lost his sight ( all reversible) over the last 3 months and has cataract surgery monday morning to restore it partially until the bleeding can be cleared up to restore it fully. Because of this I do EVERYTHING. I work, i clean, when home DS is all mine ( which is fine with me) but DH complains and gets nasty when things aren't done the way he wants. All he does is sit in the recliner and watch tv. I've watched him nearly die thru his own lack of care with diabetes ( he's non compliant and thinks he's fooled all the dr's when he's fooled no one).. and the truth is I'm still watching him die.. he was just back in the hospital last month for sepsis again. I'm expected to jump at his slightest need and he feels the need to have to remind me to do things. I can live on my own just fine .. and I have. I don't ask him for anything because he never gives anything back to anyone. He takes and takes and takes and then gets mad when its not fast enough. Then turns around and tells lies about me to his family when i stand up for myself.

I've talked to him ( calmly and rationally with all the right ways) to get it thru to him that I'm exhausted and drained and frustrated too. I'm brushed aside and told I don't understand what its like for him. His parents have heard how he talks to me and have on numerous occasions have tried to calmly talk to him about how thats not how a marriage works, my best friend has tried several times but he does not want to hear it. He is never wrong there is an excuse for everything. He's not taken responsibility for anything ever. I've dealt with several issues that I needed the support of my husband.. and been brushed aside for everyone else. I've been telling him for 5 years that he needs to understand that I'm not going to be there when he's ready to make time for me. Bear in mind this temper tantrum behavior is a normal for him and not something that has only developed since his heart attack in November.

I've been advised by countless people to take a break or move on.. friends as well as professional counselors ( that was an interesting conversation) and my view was that I took vows and to me thats not to be taken lightly and i tried. I've tried different ways to get thru to him and I've told him how he can best support me in bad times or how I need XYZ during times of stress or arguments with him. Never ever once has any boundry or request been acted on. Everything is his way.. no excuses and my ways are wrong so he tells me how I'm supposed to be. last night was too much and I just got tired of the constant battles. Not to mention I see him doing it to our son who is only 4 and DH thinks that DS should be a stepford child who only gets told something once and can do it perfectly and do it immediately when told.