How do you nicely tell your partner to lose weight?
Replies
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Hmm I’m not sure. I see a lot of mismatched couples around here.....7
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You don’t. They make their own decisions.29
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I don't think there's a nice way to tell someone to lose weight, especially your significant other.
Also..I've seen plenty of couples where one is fit and the other is not. I don't know, probably because they love eachother for who they are.15 -
Attraction rather than promotion. Just lead by example and if the conversation does come up then approach it with a concern for their health And well being ie:make sure they know you love them and you’re not say “there’s no excuse for a man to be under 6ft tall, HIT THE GYM FATA$$” haha seriously tho lol4
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That person surely knows they need to lose weight. They look in the mirror each day. Not a surprise. What you can do is be supportive, and make changes to your eating or working out. If they want to change, they hafta do it on their own timing.8
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Just frame some unflattering photos and hang them on the walls. Nicely. It worked on me.
Or you could try leading by example and extending invitations to exercise together.7 -
I always wondered how men/women encouraged their significant other to eat healthy and workout... it’s rare that you see a couple where one is fit and the other is not ...
You don't...
When I started, the eating part was pretty easy because I'm the primary cook in the house...so she ate whatever I prepared. I started exercising regularly and eventually joined a gym to get back into the weight room a few months later. My wife decided on her own to join me because she could see the results I was getting.
That said, it wasn't particularly hard for her...or me. At one time we were both pretty lean and fit and were both competitive athletes who just let things slip once we started working "real" jobs and started a family. It was pretty easy to get back on the wagon once we decided to just get started.8 -
That’s a super cute story. I thought I’d ask because a close friend of mine bf told her he wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore because she let herself “go.” In a way I respect his honesty but in another way I see it as being mean and rude. I thought that would light her fire to make her start working out with me but it only made things worse. 😞0
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That’s so hurtful. It would make me want to hide. And when I felt well enough to actually take care of myself it would be without him.That’s a super cute story. I thought I’d ask because a close friend of mine bf told her he wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore because she let herself “go.” In a way I respect his honesty but in another way I see it as being mean and rude. I thought that would light her fire to make her start working out with me but it only made things worse. 😞
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You don't "nicely" tell anyone else to lose weight, and don't think that "I don't care about your looks, I only care about your health," is nice because every fat/overweight person has heard it all before. If your friend's bf is no longer attracted to her it's good that he told her, but as a motivator for her to lose weight, I suspect it would have the opposite effect. If one really wants to help someone else make any kind of change, find out if they want to make the change, then ask THEM what would help. My husband goes to water aerobics with me when he absolutely hates the water, but he knows I'm intimidated to go alone. He also keeps his snack foods out of the house, and he eats whatever healthy food I decide we are eating without complaint (at least not to my face, lol).5
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I always wondered how men/women encouraged their significant other to eat healthy and workout... it’s rare that you see a couple where one is fit and the other is not ...
Apparently, I don't live in your area. I see many couples or families where one adult is trim (like my husband) and the other adult is not (like me).
It's one thing to be concerned about your partner's health and wellbeing. It's another entirely to want them to lose weight.3 -
That’s a super cute story. I thought I’d ask because a close friend of mine bf told her he wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore because she let herself “go.” In a way I respect his honesty but in another way I see it as being mean and rude. I thought that would light her fire to make her start working out with me but it only made things worse. 😞
It was mean and rude. Period. She's better off without him. I would've dumped his *kitten* in a New York minute and I'm not even from New York. 😠6 -
That’s a super cute story. I thought I’d ask because a close friend of mine bf told her he wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore because she let herself “go.” In a way I respect his honesty but in another way I see it as being mean and rude. I thought that would light her fire to make her start working out with me but it only made things worse. 😞
So - I'll play along with this one. YOU DON'T! I'd seriously question other aspects of their relationship if he felt like this was an alright statement. It hits rather close to home for me, my ex told me the same thing. I'd gained about 15 lbs since I married him and therefore it was all my fault. Keep in mind, I'm 5'8" and the most I've ever weighed was 156. He told me that it was best for our relationship if he was brutally honest - really, he was just brutal. He told me that I wouldn't look so old if I'd get myself into better shape. Both statements coming from a guy with a potbelly that was 5'7" and weighed 195.
It goes to so much more than just her appearance. Turned out my husband used it as an excuse to justify cheating on me with every 20 yo he could con into it. I busted my butt, stressed and lost it quickly - soon as I did - it was in some other aspect that I just didn't measure up....the 'brutal honesty' never ended and it's nothing more than an excuse to emotionally abuse someone.
About 4 months after that statement, I caught him with a 19 yo that he'd had on the side for a year.........and immediately filed. My life has been 100,000 times better since then. Looking back, I should've filed the second he started telling me that he needed to be brutally honest about anything.23 -
your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
That’s so hurtful. It would make me want to hide. And when I felt well enough to actually take care of myself it would be without him.That’s a super cute story. I thought I’d ask because a close friend of mine bf told her he wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore because she let herself “go.” In a way I respect his honesty but in another way I see it as being mean and rude. I thought that would light her fire to make her start working out with me but it only made things worse. 😞
Just curious on this - yeah it’s f’d up thing to say - so in Lieu of saying it - if that’s how he’s truly feeling, should he just break it off ?? But then what if she ask why - should he be brutally honest or just make something up? To spare hard feelings “it’s not you it’s me” thing
If he’s feeling this way then he prolly truly doesn’t love her anyway right - cause if you love someone you take the good and bad right ? Or what we perceive as bad - not all perceive being overweight as bad ..
Anyway - I find this topic interesting- where’s @1sphere - what are your thoughts homie3 -
your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
That’s so hurtful. It would make me want to hide. And when I felt well enough to actually take care of myself it would be without him.That’s a super cute story. I thought I’d ask because a close friend of mine bf told her he wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore because she let herself “go.” In a way I respect his honesty but in another way I see it as being mean and rude. I thought that would light her fire to make her start working out with me but it only made things worse. 😞
Just curious on this - yeah it’s f’d up thing to say - so in Lieu of saying it - if that’s how he’s truly feeling, should he just break it off ?? But then what if she ask why - should he be brutally honest or just make something up? To spare hard feelings “it’s not you it’s me” thing
If he’s feeling this way then he prolly truly doesn’t love her anyway right - cause if you love someone you take the good and bad right ? Or what we perceive as bad - not all perceive being overweight as bad ..
Anyway - I find this topic interesting- where’s @1sphere - what are your thoughts homie
Depends on the nature of the relationship I guess.0 -
I always wondered how men/women encouraged their significant other to eat healthy and workout... it’s rare that you see a couple where one is fit and the other is not ...
Not true at all, I see plenty of mismatched physically shaped couples in life in general.That’s a super cute story. I thought I’d ask because a close friend of mine bf told her he wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore because she let herself “go.” In a way I respect his honesty but in another way I see it as being mean and rude. I thought that would light her fire to make her start working out with me but it only made things worse. 😞
Nothing mean about being upfront and honest. I've been in this position before on both sides. The relationship is dead, they need to part ways.
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How do you nicely tell your partner to lose weight?
I dont think you can "nicely" "tell" someone to lose weight, or many other physical critiques (get a nose/boob etc job, gain weight, fix your teeth, change your hair, whatever)I always wondered how men/women encouraged their significant other to eat healthy and workout... it’s rare that you see a couple where one is fit and the other is not ...
I think it can be encouraging to lead by example. When I see anybody make good choices or achieve nice results it encourages me to try harder.4 -
It's a touchy subject and hard to approach in a nice way; just try and be as tactful as possible if it truly is a concern for the others health. There are always various reasons but it's sad when people only focus on the superficial aspects.
I have been trying to get my bf on the bandwagon for awhile due to health concerns (type 1 diabetes & high blood pressure) but it is completely up to them to make the change. Takes a toll in regards to seeing them not taking any initiative for their health.1 -
You don't. You tell him/her that you care about them & remind them having an annual physical is important.2
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Thank you for all the feedback. I am actually screenshotting these comments and sending them to her because EVERYONE has said the one key thing I’ve believed for so long ... HE DOESN’T LOVE HER! Keep the opinions coming 🙌🏾2
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I always wondered how men/women encouraged their significant other to eat healthy and workout... it’s rare that you see a couple where one is fit and the other is not ...
well I guess it's bc being fit is what got them together in the first place, they met at the gym maybe, or they were struggling with the way they looked and encouraged each other to improve bc no one is patient enough to get along with someone who isn't fit and try to change them1 -
Thank you for all the feedback. I am actually screenshotting these comments and sending them to her because EVERYONE has said the one key thing I’ve believed for so long ... HE DOESN’T LOVE HER! Keep the opinions coming 🙌🏾
Won't she be really embarrassed knowing you've shared her very personal situation with complete strangers? I'm sorry but I think that's a supremely poor decision.11 -
That’s a super cute story. I thought I’d ask because a close friend of mine bf told her he wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore because she let herself “go.” In a way I respect his honesty but in another way I see it as being mean and rude. I thought that would light her fire to make her start working out with me but it only made things worse. 😞
It would make me want to punch him out
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you simply dont2
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@LiftingSpirits you gotta take on this ?0
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I don't think you can force someone to do something they simply do not want to do. So unless your SO expresses interest in losing weight, there is nothing you can say or do to force a change. Just as gaining weight is a choice and requires a commitment to relative inactivity & over-eating (which is really easy to make), losing weight and getting in shape is a choice that requires a commitment (difficult under any circumstances). Often people who choose a fitness lifestyle gravitate together and people who do not gravitate together, but those interests do not always hold over time.
If you are that latter position, all you can do is be the best you you can be and pursue a healthy, fitness-oriented lifestyle for its own sake. If your partner rejects that lifestyle that's just the way it is. You each have the chance to choose what is most important to you - the relationship or pursuing a different relationship perhaps with a more compatible person. It's a hard choice. Many times, the choices we have to make are.
Incidentally, being kind and honest or not is a kind of a choice too.2 -
Considering that the individual is your friend and not your significant other, scheduling a "girls outing" to a facility like the attached might trigger her to want to change her eating habits and inculcate exercise.
https://youtu.be/lKdQ4GY5zSY
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@LyndaBSS considering that you have no idea who she is is the best part about it. If a complete stranger who knows no parties involved there can be no bias. When you’re truly friends with someone you know what would embarrass them and what would not. She’s fine with it but thanks for your concern 🙄4
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Never mind the weight loss, seems to me this girl has more on her plate to think about and commit to than diet and exercise. There’s plenty of time to lose weight, but not a lot of time to live life at your fullest potential, clock starts at the first hour of life.
What I mean is, is she even overweight? Or just not thin enough for some people. Does she even WANT to lose weight? Or are people just trying to make this plan work for her. Lastly, is this the biggest problem her partner and you can find in her? Because it sounds as though she is being pushed from both ends, not just to lose weight, but also to be your fitness buddy? If she’s content with herself, why can’t that be okay?
As for the question, that’s sort of like asking “How do you stab the one you’re supposed to love and respect with a dull knife without it hurting?”. There’s no nice way of telling someone they should lose weight. In fact, there’s really no valid reason to, aside from suffering from a cold hard case of narcissistic personality disorder. Maybe even more because that takes a lot of balls.
Those in healthy relationships where one has/faces weight-related health issues, their partner don’t tell them to “lose weight”. Weight loss is not a fix a flat or a cure-all. Normally, the concern is for the seriousness of the issues, themselves. As for that type of discussion, nothing a decent amount of common sense, trust, compassion and a healthy dose of tact can’t relay effectively.
A person’s mental/emotional health is as equally important as physical well-being (not appearance) and there’s a great divide between expressing a genuine concern for co-morbidities, and commanding a more attractive partner. The differences are like night and day, as are the conditions in which a person is left afterward. As for helping her lose weight, I’d help her love herself, first.
As for her, I’d get started living today. Start by pulling that metaphorical knife out my back and getting rid of that horse’s *kitten* of a partner, easiest and fastest 100 lbs she’d ever lose.4 -
I don’t think it’s weird at all. Everyone has their own type and love isn’t superficial for me.
Now if it were the point that he was having health issues I’d explain to him he needs to do something so we can keep him around as long as possible.6
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