Diet help - Trouble with in-laws

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KissPig
KissPig Posts: 32 Member
in Food and Nutrition
Once a week we go over to my in-laws house. They aren't really that old but they are pretty isolated and set in their ways so it's good that we make it over there to spend time with them. We usually go mid week or on a Friday evening so we can have our Saturdays free for us, date nights or meet ups with friends. When we visit either my Mother in law prepares persian food, which is high carb and high fat (and impossible to track as I have no idea what she puts in it) or we get take out (I mean KFC, Pizza, Chinese food, nothing healthy or low cal).

I am currently carb cycling so find these meals so difficult as it is impossible for me to track accurately. I've tried bringing my own food over there but the rest of the family thinks this is rude, they feel I should just eat what has been prepared or what has been ordered and will frequently gang up on me if they feel I'm not eating enough. My husband is pretty good about telling the others to leave me alone but every now and then he joins in.

Am I being rude? What's the solution here? I've reached a plateau so I really don't want to be indulging in very high calorie food (that I don't enjoy) on a weekly basis...
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Replies

  • sianquin
    sianquin Posts: 86 Member
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    Sometimes changing your diet up can help with a plateau and one meal isn't a huge deal in the grand scheme of things. Chow mien from the Chinese isn't too bad and I usually do that in these situations or if we get chippy I will get a fish and pick off most of the batter. Another option is to eat before you go then just have a very small portion.
  • sgt1372
    sgt1372 Posts: 3,977 Member
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    Be true to yourself.

    Some find it hard not to submit to group pressure. I am not one of them and find it pretty easy to tell others to STFU w/o any delicacy or tact whatsoever because I really don't care what others think, not even family members.

    Others are much better at doing this than I am w/o pissing others off. Hopefully you are one of these people but however you do it, you need to be true to yourself and make others respect your rt to choose what & how you eat and live your life.

    Good luck!
  • KissPig
    KissPig Posts: 32 Member
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    Bringing a meal is difficult as they are not big fans of western food (unless it's junky take out) and to be honest I think they would be more offended by my bringing dinner for everyone every week. They'd feel like I was trying to force them to eat the way I want.

    Yes, I have discussed with them and my husband has discussed it with them. He's supportive of me but they seem to be offended every time. He will tell them before I arrive to eat without me that I'm bringing my own food but when I arrive my mother in law will reheat a plate for me and be offended when I tell her I brought my own food. Hubs tells them to back off and tells me to ignore them but I do feel bad.
  • apullum
    apullum Posts: 4,838 Member
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    Are there any specific health issues you’re trying to address? I’ve found that while family may not care about weight loss for vanity’s sake, they understand weight loss for the sake of health. Several obesity related diseases run in my family, so they accepted my “weird” eating habits when I explained it in terms of trying to prevent diabetes, heart disease, etc.
  • LyndaBSS
    LyndaBSS Posts: 6,964 Member
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    Just allow yourself extra calories once a week to eat even a small plate over there?
  • KissPig
    KissPig Posts: 32 Member
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    @apullum Hubs also has weight to lose, when he does join in he says he does so because he 'feels bad for me', personally I think he does it because he knows he should be eating better :smirk:

    Generally he's very supportive, but we all have slips sometimes :wink:
  • RelCanonical
    RelCanonical Posts: 3,882 Member
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    LyndaBSS wrote: »
    Just allow yourself extra calories once a week to eat even a small plate over there?

    Yeah, this may be your best bet if they just keep pushing it and you don't want to offend them until they get used to it. I have pizza with my parents on Saturday and I do an extra cardio workout just to burn some calories so I don't hit a surplus on that day.
  • sardelsa
    sardelsa Posts: 9,812 Member
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    Can you fit a bit of the food into your day? Maybe pick some lower calorie items or have only a small portion. Save up calories that day? Or maybe after dinner try to get everyone out for a walk or something to keep active. I typically eat with family on weekends, when in a deficit I will refuse dessert or something really high calorie unless I really love it. I also do some extra exercise and save up calories so I have a lot of flexibility for small indulgences that seem to creep in on weekends.
  • Fuzzipeg
    Fuzzipeg Posts: 2,298 Member
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    I developed food sensitivities and when attending a nephews wedding I asked for an empty plate and took my own food with me. that way I knew I would be safer than eating food someone else provided. I'm sorry you are being made to feel other. I'm sorry I do not know Persian foods. Is there one specific ingredient which can't be replaced with another that you could "need" to avoid? One of my sensitivities is to preservatives, paraben. My problem was it does not have to be put on food labels and it also in some medications. I have no idea if that idea might be helpful, its in many branded sauces and similar premade things going under the heading, in our supermarket, as, ingredients.

    If carb cycling is one high carb one low carb day, if that is not being too simplistic could you not have two high carb days side by side once a week followed by two low if you follow. Not ideal but might be possible.

    Thinking of logging it all. Can you find a recipe for the most extravagant version of what is placed before you and take it from there, I'm sure you could say your appetite is less than it was, particularly as a result of this heat, come winter you could say you have learned to eat less. I know estimating spoonsful is not easy but it might be less stressful.

    All the best, I hope you are able to resolve your issues. it is kind of them to want to feed you when you visit.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,897 Member
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    KissPig wrote: »
    Once a week we go over to my in-laws house. They aren't really that old but they are pretty isolated and set in their ways so it's good that we make it over there to spend time with them. We usually go mid week or on a Friday evening so we can have our Saturdays free for us, date nights or meet ups with friends. When we visit either my Mother in law prepares persian food, which is high carb and high fat (and impossible to track as I have no idea what she puts in it) or we get take out (I mean KFC, Pizza, Chinese food, nothing healthy or low cal).

    I am currently carb cycling so find these meals so difficult as it is impossible for me to track accurately. I've tried bringing my own food over there but the rest of the family thinks this is rude, they feel I should just eat what has been prepared or what has been ordered and will frequently gang up on me if they feel I'm not eating enough. My husband is pretty good about telling the others to leave me alone but every now and then he joins in.

    Am I being rude? What's the solution here? I've reached a plateau so I really don't want to be indulging in very high calorie food (that I don't enjoy) on a weekly basis...

    What about planning for your high carb day to be the day you visit?

    Sure, you won't be able to log exactly, but unless you have a medical issue, it should be close enough.

    If you do have a medical issue, that's all you need to say to justify bringing your own food.
  • FrostysHouse
    FrostysHouse Posts: 20 Member
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    What about splitting the difference? Have a small portion of whatever's being served, or have a lighter breakfast/lunch to give you more leeway for dinner. You could also take a dish to share that fits your plan and fill your plate mostly with that.

    When I think of Persian food, I think of grilled meats, stews with meat and vegetables, yogurt, and fresh herbs. I know there's plenty of butter, rice, and bread, too, but if you chose mostly from the first list and supplemented with your own salad, say, you could do pretty well.
  • idabentley
    idabentley Posts: 59 Member
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    Sabrina Ghayour is my go to Persian cook she has at least four books out. I usually turn to her vegetarian one called Bazaar, you could get mum in law or yourself a copy and ask her if you can cook some of the recipes together. You can alter the recipes, for example I often do her Roast Vegetable Bastilla but leave out the pastry. Left overs can be eaten cold as a salad. Then you can log the ingredients. You bond with your mother in law and learn to cook a different cuisine. All the best.
  • RelCanonical
    RelCanonical Posts: 3,882 Member
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    stricklee11 wrote: »
    This will be an unpopular opinion but... Maybe eat the food but in small quantities? Do they have any vegetable dishes or salads as part of the meal? You could focus on eating those.

    In some cultures, it is incredibly rude to not accept food offered to you by the host. Especially since this seems to be a family dinner/lunch type of thing. I know for me, when I go over to my mother's house once a week, I choose to either not eat or limit the amount of calories I consume during the day because I know I will need to eat when I get there. I simply take smaller quantities. Same if I were to go to my aunt's house as it would be considered an insult to refuse. Oftentimes, they will meet you in the middle and prepare dishes lower in calories for you as a gesture of good faith.

    Also, you'd be surprised at how many ethnic dishes have been entered by users on MFP. Ask your husband for the name of the dish and do a search.

    She mentions they're offended by smaller portions too.

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