How to get over being sad and lonely

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24

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  • fastfoodietofitcutie
    fastfoodietofitcutie Posts: 522 Member
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    The grass is always greener. I hear from my married friends how they would love to be single and here I am dying to be married.

    I think it’s good advice to be more active and just get out there even if it is by myself. Online dating has been such a nightmare between all the married men, men just looking for hookups and various other weird things (boy do I have stories) that maybe I should take a break for a while. I also like the idea of getting a dog, I may do that.

  • nooshi713
    nooshi713 Posts: 4,877 Member
    edited July 2019
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    1sphere wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    I do feel you have to put yourself out there to date. That whole saying of not trying to find love, just letting it find you doesn’t work imo.

    I’m single also and all of my friends are married. If I just sat around and waited for something to magically happen, it probably never would. In the past when I have done that, I have gone years without a date. Go out and be social.
    that's true, like with anything - you have to put in the effort

    searching online can be tunnel visioned if there's limited opportunities (I don't know how it is in other countries though)

    I think the more ways a person has to meet people the better. Most people I know who are married now met their partner online. Some people are still opposed to it which is silly imo. How many men actually approach women in a grocery store or other random place? It certainly doesn’t happen to me.
  • nooshi713
    nooshi713 Posts: 4,877 Member
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    fastfoodietofitcutie wrote: »
    The grass is always greener. I hear from my married friends how they would love to be single and here I am dying to be married.

    I think it’s good advice to be more active and just get out there even if it is by myself. Online dating has been such a nightmare between all the married men, men just looking for hookups and various other weird things (boy do I have stories) that maybe I should take a break for a while. I also like the idea of getting a dog, I may do that.

    I have experienced this also. Many people on dating apps are not actually single, just mad at their partner or whatever. That happens IRL too though.
  • lg013
    lg013 Posts: 215 Member
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    I’d start by seeking friends with similar interests to get you back out there and to give you a network of support. That being said, it’s not easy just to go out there and make friends either!

    I met my boyfriend of the past 4 years by being introduced by friends...so that’s what worked for me!
  • Adc7225
    Adc7225 Posts: 1,318 Member
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    Being that I feel the same way I wish I had an answer for that . . . I think what helps me is that while I do feel sad and lonely more that I would like to admit it comes in waves so I accept that. I am 50, single with grown children 1 out of the house 1 undecided and a cat. I talk to my cat probably too much. Sometimes I make it a point to actually talk to people when I am out or at least make some eye contact and get a smile - at least then I am not so sad because I know I can be social. Part of my problem is I generally don't care for women as friends, not sure why and hope to address that soon.
    Dating is very different now, I recently met a nice enough man, but two days in he sent me kissing emoji in a text and I just wasn't feeling it. Can I get to not only know you a little and maybe like you before we address the physical - I could be overacting but I did what I was comfortable with, told him this was not the right time for me. Sad and lonely is not desperate, we may not know what we want but we do know what we don't want.
    Maybe try just doing little things that are outside of your comfort zone, I mean like talking to a stranger (in the right context) and having a conversation about anything. It's a small thing but I find those are days when I am not so sad and lonely.

    I also feel things happen when it is the right time for them to happen so we have to practice a little to be ready :)
  • queen4evr125
    queen4evr125 Posts: 20 Member
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    It's funny that people think being married means that you are no longer lonely. It took me four marriages to get it right.( sometimes you have to kiss alot of frogs to find your " king" !!!) Lol ! I hear so many horror stories about online dating that kinda make me glad that I'm 50 and so over that dating trap. You have to do what's best for your dating journey. Even if it means not dating at all. I think alot of people get caught up in this whole not being alone preconceptions. That they fall victim to dating anyone..( even if that person is the pond scum off the bottom of someone's boat.) Most people don't enjoy their own company so they tend to spend time with anyone that happens across their paths. Do not fall for that misfortune!!! Enjoy yourself...your journeys...even if you spend them alone...Be true to thine own self !!!!!
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,713 Member
    edited July 2019
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    queen4evr125 wrote: »
    It's funny that people think being married means that you are no longer lonely. It took me four marriages to get it right.( sometimes you have to kiss alot of frogs to find your " king" !!!) Lol ! I hear so many horror stories about online dating that kinda make me glad that I'm 50 and so over that dating trap. You have to do what's best for your dating journey. Even if it means not dating at all. I think alot of people get caught up in this whole not being alone preconceptions. That they fall victim to dating anyone..( even if that person is the pond scum off the bottom of someone's boat.) Most people don't enjoy their own company so they tend to spend time with anyone that happens across their paths. Do not fall for that misfortune!!! Enjoy yourself...your journeys...even if you spend them alone...Be true to thine own self !!!!!
    Eurgh! The horror of watching someone you care about doing this time and time again

    I think learning to live with your own company first will help prevent falling into that trap.
    And I think the expectation that a partner will fix your life is an unfair burden to put on them.
  • amyjsparkles
    amyjsparkles Posts: 6,165 Member
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    I recently got out of a relationship and it's so hard being alone. I had closed myself off completely for a few years. I opened myself back up and got crushed. It's very hard to not get past it. All the guys I meet seem to be players. I know not all men are like that. But I just have a hard time finding love.
  • LyndaBSS
    LyndaBSS Posts: 6,964 Member
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    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    you could buy a really nice car with all the money u save not having kids

    also u can have as many cats as you want, like no one will tell you “that’s too many cats”

    Except when you age and then they refer to you as "the crazy old cat lady". 😁🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱
  • fastfoodietofitcutie
    fastfoodietofitcutie Posts: 522 Member
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    LyndaBSS wrote: »
    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    you could buy a really nice car with all the money u save not having kids

    also u can have as many cats as you want, like no one will tell you “that’s too many cats”

    Except when you age and then they refer to you as "the crazy old cat lady". 😁🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱

    Exactly! No one wants to be the old crazy cat lady!

    I already have the really nice car. 😉
  • fastfoodietofitcutie
    fastfoodietofitcutie Posts: 522 Member
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    amyjsparkles wrote: »
    I recently got out of a relationship and it's so hard being alone. I had closed myself off completely for a few years. I opened myself back up and got crushed. It's very hard to not get past it. All the guys I meet seem to be players. I know not all men are like that. But I just have a hard time finding love.

    I’m sorry your relationship ended. I know how extremely painful it can be. I’ve been through two awful break ups in the past year and a half and it really sucks. The sad thing is that they weren’t really great relationships to begin with. I just sometimes feel that all the decent guys are already taken because I keep running into such immature guys. It’s amazing to me how many guys there are in their 40’s who don’t have their lives together.

    Sorry, I don’t have any words of wisdom for you other than to not give up.
  • your_future_ex_wife
    your_future_ex_wife Posts: 4,278 Member
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    fastfoodietofitcutie wrote: »
    LyndaBSS wrote: »
    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    you could buy a really nice car with all the money u save not having kids

    also u can have as many cats as you want, like no one will tell you “that’s too many cats”

    Except when you age and then they refer to you as "the crazy old cat lady". 😁🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱

    Exactly! No one wants to be the old crazy cat lady!

    I already have the really nice car. 😉

    I beg your pardon! 😁
  • caco_ethes
    caco_ethes Posts: 11,962 Member
    edited July 2019
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    People say “learn to love yourself first and love will follow”

    I am not people. Girlll, shotgun approach. The more you put yourself out there, the more you increase your chances. And if you meet some duds along the way, at least take something from that experience to make yourself better. We can learn a little something from everyone, especially when dating. Like, for example, it’s important that you never admit that you pour milk on your ice cream or clip your toenails into the couch or don’t dust the fan blades. These are things you might not otherwise know to keep secret if not for a bad date somewhere in your recent past 🤷🏼‍♀️
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,492 Member
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    caco_ethes wrote: »
    [ Like, for example, it’s important that you never admit that you pour milk on your ice cream or clip your toenails into the couch or don’t dust the fan blades.


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