How to get over being sad and lonely
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The grass is always greener. I hear from my married friends how they would love to be single and here I am dying to be married.
I think it’s good advice to be more active and just get out there even if it is by myself. Online dating has been such a nightmare between all the married men, men just looking for hookups and various other weird things (boy do I have stories) that maybe I should take a break for a while. I also like the idea of getting a dog, I may do that.
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that's true, like with anything - you have to put in the effortI do feel you have to put yourself out there to date. That whole saying of not trying to find love, just letting it find you doesn’t work imo.
I’m single also and all of my friends are married. If I just sat around and waited for something to magically happen, it probably never would. In the past when I have done that, I have gone years without a date. Go out and be social.
searching online can be tunnel visioned if there's limited opportunities (I don't know how it is in other countries though)
I think the more ways a person has to meet people the better. Most people I know who are married now met their partner online. Some people are still opposed to it which is silly imo. How many men actually approach women in a grocery store or other random place? It certainly doesn’t happen to me.3 -
fastfoodietofitcutie wrote: »The grass is always greener. I hear from my married friends how they would love to be single and here I am dying to be married.
I think it’s good advice to be more active and just get out there even if it is by myself. Online dating has been such a nightmare between all the married men, men just looking for hookups and various other weird things (boy do I have stories) that maybe I should take a break for a while. I also like the idea of getting a dog, I may do that.
I have experienced this also. Many people on dating apps are not actually single, just mad at their partner or whatever. That happens IRL too though.
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I’d start by seeking friends with similar interests to get you back out there and to give you a network of support. That being said, it’s not easy just to go out there and make friends either!
I met my boyfriend of the past 4 years by being introduced by friends...so that’s what worked for me!0 -
fastfoodietofitcutie wrote: »The grass is always greener. I hear from my married friends how they would love to be single and here I am dying to be married.
we only want what we want until its ours, then we want something else.
"wanting" to be married isn't anything bad, but what if it's not what you "need"
maybe you just "need" to be happy instead, and if so, that's something you may be able to find without worrying about a marriage at all5 -
Being that I feel the same way I wish I had an answer for that . . . I think what helps me is that while I do feel sad and lonely more that I would like to admit it comes in waves so I accept that. I am 50, single with grown children 1 out of the house 1 undecided and a cat. I talk to my cat probably too much. Sometimes I make it a point to actually talk to people when I am out or at least make some eye contact and get a smile - at least then I am not so sad because I know I can be social. Part of my problem is I generally don't care for women as friends, not sure why and hope to address that soon.
Dating is very different now, I recently met a nice enough man, but two days in he sent me kissing emoji in a text and I just wasn't feeling it. Can I get to not only know you a little and maybe like you before we address the physical - I could be overacting but I did what I was comfortable with, told him this was not the right time for me. Sad and lonely is not desperate, we may not know what we want but we do know what we don't want.
Maybe try just doing little things that are outside of your comfort zone, I mean like talking to a stranger (in the right context) and having a conversation about anything. It's a small thing but I find those are days when I am not so sad and lonely.
I also feel things happen when it is the right time for them to happen so we have to practice a little to be ready
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Once, for a giggle, I created the most outrageously honest dating profile imaginable, expecting it to put men off. I listed my most annoying faults, my most entitled expectations, and made zero effort to seem attractive. It was the absolute opposite of what you'd usually do, and I expected to get hate mail. Instead, I got slightly fewer responses, but from men I was actually more compatible with. Two of them were in my life for a few years, one of them (a catch by most people's standards) wanted the whole happily ever after deal with me, but I wasn't ready to give up single life at that point. It turned out that sugar coating my bad self wasn't worth the effort.
I'm not necessarily suggesting you do exactly what I did, but rather that you not be afraid to try something different. Don't shy away from saying what you want and don't want.5 -
There's plenty more to life than pumping out babies & having a family (norm cast upon us by society)5
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It's funny that people think being married means that you are no longer lonely. It took me four marriages to get it right.( sometimes you have to kiss alot of frogs to find your " king" !!!) Lol ! I hear so many horror stories about online dating that kinda make me glad that I'm 50 and so over that dating trap. You have to do what's best for your dating journey. Even if it means not dating at all. I think alot of people get caught up in this whole not being alone preconceptions. That they fall victim to dating anyone..( even if that person is the pond scum off the bottom of someone's boat.) Most people don't enjoy their own company so they tend to spend time with anyone that happens across their paths. Do not fall for that misfortune!!! Enjoy yourself...your journeys...even if you spend them alone...Be true to thine own self !!!!!1
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Eurgh! The horror of watching someone you care about doing this time and time againqueen4evr125 wrote: »It's funny that people think being married means that you are no longer lonely. It took me four marriages to get it right.( sometimes you have to kiss alot of frogs to find your " king" !!!) Lol ! I hear so many horror stories about online dating that kinda make me glad that I'm 50 and so over that dating trap. You have to do what's best for your dating journey. Even if it means not dating at all. I think alot of people get caught up in this whole not being alone preconceptions. That they fall victim to dating anyone..( even if that person is the pond scum off the bottom of someone's boat.) Most people don't enjoy their own company so they tend to spend time with anyone that happens across their paths. Do not fall for that misfortune!!! Enjoy yourself...your journeys...even if you spend them alone...Be true to thine own self !!!!!
I think learning to live with your own company first will help prevent falling into that trap.
And I think the expectation that a partner will fix your life is an unfair burden to put on them.0 -
I recently got out of a relationship and it's so hard being alone. I had closed myself off completely for a few years. I opened myself back up and got crushed. It's very hard to not get past it. All the guys I meet seem to be players. I know not all men are like that. But I just have a hard time finding love.3
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tinkerhellraiser wrote: »you could buy a really nice car with all the money u save not having kids
also u can have as many cats as you want, like no one will tell you “that’s too many cats”
Except when you age and then they refer to you as "the crazy old cat lady". 😁🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱0 -
tinkerhellraiser wrote: »you could buy a really nice car with all the money u save not having kids
also u can have as many cats as you want, like no one will tell you “that’s too many cats”
Except when you age and then they refer to you as "the crazy old cat lady". 😁🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱
Exactly! No one wants to be the old crazy cat lady!
I already have the really nice car. 😉1 -
amyjsparkles wrote: »I recently got out of a relationship and it's so hard being alone. I had closed myself off completely for a few years. I opened myself back up and got crushed. It's very hard to not get past it. All the guys I meet seem to be players. I know not all men are like that. But I just have a hard time finding love.
I’m sorry your relationship ended. I know how extremely painful it can be. I’ve been through two awful break ups in the past year and a half and it really sucks. The sad thing is that they weren’t really great relationships to begin with. I just sometimes feel that all the decent guys are already taken because I keep running into such immature guys. It’s amazing to me how many guys there are in their 40’s who don’t have their lives together.
Sorry, I don’t have any words of wisdom for you other than to not give up.
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fastfoodietofitcutie wrote: »tinkerhellraiser wrote: »you could buy a really nice car with all the money u save not having kids
also u can have as many cats as you want, like no one will tell you “that’s too many cats”
Except when you age and then they refer to you as "the crazy old cat lady". 😁🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱
Exactly! No one wants to be the old crazy cat lady!
I already have the really nice car. 😉
I beg your pardon! 😁3 -
People say “learn to love yourself first and love will follow”
I am not people. Girlll, shotgun approach. The more you put yourself out there, the more you increase your chances. And if you meet some duds along the way, at least take something from that experience to make yourself better. We can learn a little something from everyone, especially when dating. Like, for example, it’s important that you never admit that you pour milk on your ice cream or clip your toenails into the couch or don’t dust the fan blades. These are things you might not otherwise know to keep secret if not for a bad date somewhere in your recent past 🤷🏼♀️2 -
caco_ethes wrote: »[ Like, for example, it’s important that you never admit that you pour milk on your ice cream or clip your toenails into the couch or don’t dust the fan blades.
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Just spotted this discussion forum and it has struck a chord.
To cut a long story short, in the space of 2yrs my life emotionally/mentally, has gone from being on a real high when I met my now ex-wife, to an all time low. The breakdown of the relationship affected me so badly, I even landed in prison for 3 weeks on remand and now have a criminal record.
Glad to say that recovery is progressing and is involving Counselling/Therapy.
However, the feelings of pain, real despair, depression and extreme loneliness are all familiar to me. Even contemplated taking my own life, I was that low.
Feeling better about oneself physically is helping.
Music(pop/rock/soul) plays a big part in my life. So many songs with lyrics that really hit deep and stir so many memories. Try to now avoid listening to sad songs about heartache etc but still the occasional one gets through the guard. Motown from the golden era of 60’s & 70’s really capture it all.
The need to improve physically has given me some focus to try and restore self-belief, confidence, esteem etc and get my ‘Mojo’ back.
It’s hard being alone/single. Everywhere I look I seem to see men & women enjoying life and I ask myself, what’s the matter with me?
To all those out there who like me, have suffered or are suffering, hang in there.
Naveed (London, UK)6
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