Cat calls while working out
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Runner's World did an article about a year ago called 'Running while Female' - about the hazards of women when they run/walk outside. It's scary, it's horrible - and it's very real. Women get harassed, both verbally and physically. A woman running in DC was murdered last summer by a stalker. I run in my neighborhood - always in well populated areas. How nice it must feel to be a guy and not have to worry about this - it's a constant worry/fear for women.....and it sucks......
I wouldn't run without my four legged bodyguard. Not long ago, a group of men in a van tried to abduct a female cyclist, not that far from where I live, and I live in what I consider a safe area. I've had catcallers turn nasty on me. It's just too tiring to be constantly on guard.9 -
Has the world gone mad?! How have we come to a position where "Swiping Left/Right" for approval or whatever the hell goes on in the world of online dating is acceptable when that is clearly based on the objectification of the still (possibly exaggerated/fake) images of the man/woman you "fancy" and yet when a real person who you could interact with on a personal level whistles at you in the street they are instantly demonised as a rapist or something?!
Given that on this particular occasion you cannot clarify whether he was being complimentary or being a jerk...perhaps it's time we stopped being such cottonwool wrapped prissies and got back into the real world where people talk to each other by moving their mouths up and down in each others company and make opinions on each other based on actual feelings gained during those interactions...instead of kneejerk/gutwrench assumptions being made.
I appreciate he may have been an asshat...but he may well not have been...all I'm saying is...no matter how you dress or what you look like...that doesn't give anyone the right to do anything...but all this hatred because society is making you think that everyone you meet is a rapist/pedophile or something of that ilk is just nonsense...most people are honest, decent, easy-going types that will help you, exchange pleasantries with you or at the very least be civil and say "hello" as a gesture of friendly acknowledgement as they pass you in the street...THIS IS NORMAL LIFE...
Being afraid of every single human being you encounter as you go through your life is what's wrong here...remember that the next time you order an UBER without a second thought...26 -
maureenseel1984 wrote: »I think that we also need to give me A LITTLE credit here. I'm not some dumb person who can't tell the difference between a cat call and someone genuinely being thoughtful. Might I add this creeper was WHITE...?! Implying I'm racist and/or violent because a dirty old man whistled at me SUGGESTIVELY while I was trying to enjoy my walk? Not. Ok.
You're a goddess. ❤2 -
Ignore! The problems with them and poor upbringing....not you!
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Has the world gone mad?! How have we come to a position where "Swiping Left/Right" for approval or whatever the hell goes on in the world of online dating is acceptable when that is clearly based on the objectification of the still (possibly exaggerated/fake) images of the man/woman you "fancy" and yet when a real person who you could interact with on a personal level whistles at you in the street they are instantly demonised as a rapist or something?!
Given that on this particular occasion you cannot clarify whether he was being complimentary or being a jerk...perhaps it's time we stopped being such cottonwool wrapped prissies and got back into the real world where people talk to each other by moving their mouths up and down in each others company and make opinions on each other based on actual feelings gained during those interactions...instead of kneejerk/gutwrench assumptions being made.
I appreciate he may have been an asshat...but he may well not have been...all I'm saying is...no matter how you dress or what you look like...that doesn't give anyone the right to do anything...but all this hatred because society is making you think that everyone you meet is a rapist/pedophile or something of that ilk is just nonsense...most people are honest, decent, easy-going types that will help you, exchange pleasantries with you or at the very least be civil and say "hello" as a gesture of friendly acknowledgement as they pass you in the street...THIS IS NORMAL LIFE...
Being afraid of every single human being you encounter as you go through your life is what's wrong here...remember that the next time you order an UBER without a second thought...
That's very easy to say if you're a man who has never been sexually assaulted. Conservative estimates put the number of women who have been at about a fifth. We have every reason to be concerned.
We're literally taught it in schools, advised by police, to stay aware of our surroundings, cross the road if we see a man on an isolated street, avoid being alone in isolated or badly lit areas, carry rape alarms, etc.
Lots of us have never swiped right, don't use Uber, only date in public places.
And, let's be clear, men don't catcall because they think it's going to end in marriage. It's not on a par with a "good morning" and a friendly nod. Decent guys know that lone women are often intimidated and are rarely flattered. It's about what the man wants. It's about him thinking voicing his opinion on her booty is more important than her right to a peaceful day.17 -
Has the world gone mad?! How have we come to a position where "Swiping Left/Right" for approval or whatever the hell goes on in the world of online dating is acceptable when that is clearly based on the objectification of the still (possibly exaggerated/fake) images of the man/woman you "fancy" and yet when a real person who you could interact with on a personal level whistles at you in the street they are instantly demonised as a rapist or something?!
Given that on this particular occasion you cannot clarify whether he was being complimentary or being a jerk...perhaps it's time we stopped being such cottonwool wrapped prissies and got back into the real world where people talk to each other by moving their mouths up and down in each others company and make opinions on each other based on actual feelings gained during those interactions...instead of kneejerk/gutwrench assumptions being made.
I appreciate he may have been an asshat...but he may well not have been...all I'm saying is...no matter how you dress or what you look like...that doesn't give anyone the right to do anything...but all this hatred because society is making you think that everyone you meet is a rapist/pedophile or something of that ilk is just nonsense...most people are honest, decent, easy-going types that will help you, exchange pleasantries with you or at the very least be civil and say "hello" as a gesture of friendly acknowledgement as they pass you in the street...THIS IS NORMAL LIFE...
Being afraid of every single human being you encounter as you go through your life is what's wrong here...remember that the next time you order an UBER without a second thought...
You need to "put the shoe on the other foot".
Being aware of your surroundings is a good thing for women AND men. As a woman, age 63, I have endured much and still feel the 'sting', it affects you for life. Most of the time you can push it to the back but then something triggers those memories/feelings, like an unwanted catcall or rude intrusive remark. One out of every three women have been assaulted in one way or another. It's a sad state of affairs. I don't feel comfortable going for a walk along the river levee, which was built for walking, because I don't have a walking partner. Don't get me wrong, I am not easily intimidated or a weak fearful fem fatale, but I am more than aware that I do not have the strength of a man. That is the bottom line, am I safe at this moment? Sad isn't it?
Walk a mile in my shoes.11 -
Has the world gone mad?! How have we come to a position where "Swiping Left/Right" for approval or whatever the hell goes on in the world of online dating is acceptable when that is clearly based on the objectification of the still (possibly exaggerated/fake) images of the man/woman you "fancy" and yet when a real person who you could interact with on a personal level whistles at you in the street they are instantly demonised as a rapist or something?!
Given that on this particular occasion you cannot clarify whether he was being complimentary or being a jerk...perhaps it's time we stopped being such cottonwool wrapped prissies and got back into the real world where people talk to each other by moving their mouths up and down in each others company and make opinions on each other based on actual feelings gained during those interactions...instead of kneejerk/gutwrench assumptions being made.
I appreciate he may have been an asshat...but he may well not have been...all I'm saying is...no matter how you dress or what you look like...that doesn't give anyone the right to do anything...but all this hatred because society is making you think that everyone you meet is a rapist/pedophile or something of that ilk is just nonsense...most people are honest, decent, easy-going types that will help you, exchange pleasantries with you or at the very least be civil and say "hello" as a gesture of friendly acknowledgement as they pass you in the street...THIS IS NORMAL LIFE...
Being afraid of every single human being you encounter as you go through your life is what's wrong here...remember that the next time you order an UBER without a second thought...
You need to "put the shoe on the other foot".
Being aware of your surroundings is a good thing for women AND men. As a woman, age 63, I have endured much and still feel the 'sting', it affects you for life. Most of the time you can push it to the back but then something triggers those memories/feelings, like an unwanted catcall or rude intrusive remark. One out of every three women have been assaulted in one way or another. It's a sad state of affairs. I don't feel comfortable going for a walk along the river levee, which was built for walking, because I don't have a walking partner. Don't get me wrong, I am not easily intimidated or a weak fearful fem fatale, but I am more than aware that I do not have the strength of a man. That is the bottom line, am I safe at this moment? Sad isn't it?
Walk a mile in my shoes.
Amen!1 -
Has the world gone mad?! How have we come to a position where "Swiping Left/Right" for approval or whatever the hell goes on in the world of online dating is acceptable when that is clearly based on the objectification of the still (possibly exaggerated/fake) images of the man/woman you "fancy" and yet when a real person who you could interact with on a personal level whistles at you in the street they are instantly demonised as a rapist or something?!
Given that on this particular occasion you cannot clarify whether he was being complimentary or being a jerk...perhaps it's time we stopped being such cottonwool wrapped prissies and got back into the real world where people talk to each other by moving their mouths up and down in each others company and make opinions on each other based on actual feelings gained during those interactions...instead of kneejerk/gutwrench assumptions being made.
I appreciate he may have been an asshat...but he may well not have been...all I'm saying is...no matter how you dress or what you look like...that doesn't give anyone the right to do anything...but all this hatred because society is making you think that everyone you meet is a rapist/pedophile or something of that ilk is just nonsense...most people are honest, decent, easy-going types that will help you, exchange pleasantries with you or at the very least be civil and say "hello" as a gesture of friendly acknowledgement as they pass you in the street...THIS IS NORMAL LIFE...
Being afraid of every single human being you encounter as you go through your life is what's wrong here...remember that the next time you order an UBER without a second thought...
Yeah, the world has gone mad to an extent. This actually requires a more nuanced reply than what would be in keeping with the topic here, but to keep it short, context is everything. The OP is not wailing and crying for legislation and posting hatred towards men at all. She stated very clearly that the incident made her feel creeped out.
We have news flashes in my area at least once a week of women jogging, walking, getting home from work alone and being groped, flashed, followed and sometimes raped. It is no longer rare. It's a massive problem and it needs to be addressed.
Even the jogger I posted the link about a bit back..she ran the guy down and restrained him, by herself. When calling out to passersby for someone to call the police while she held him, she was ignored. By men and women. It was only when fumbling to get her own phone out that he got away. So a confirmed case, man and woman on the ground struggling, and her calls for help are ignored.
Maybe we ought to quit ignoring the problem, don't you think? "Suck it up Nancy" doesn't quite work for women who have genuine reason to be fearful for their safety.
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If you consider yourself a decent guy who happens to catcall, your reaction to this conversation won't be to tell us we're being unfair on men. If you consider yourself a decent guy who happens to catcall, your reaction will be to realise the upset your behaviour is probably causing and stop. That's literally all we want from you. If you think that's unreasonable, you're not the good guy you think you are. Decent men don't knowingly cause distress to women who are just getting on with their day.15
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QFTglovepuppet wrote: »If you consider yourself a decent guy who happens to catcall, your reaction to this conversation won't be to tell us we're being unfair on men. If you consider yourself a decent guy who happens to catcall, your reaction will be to realise the upset your behaviour is probably causing and stop. That's literally all we want from you. If you think that's unreasonable, you're not the good guy you think you are. Decent men don't knowingly cause distress to women who are just getting on with their day.
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a cat call is NOT complimentary.
Given that on this particular occasion you cannot clarify whether he was being complimentary or being a jerk...
i'm not a prissy. i'm not easily offended. i never worry about being politically correct. and i repeat for the y chromosomes that don't seem to understand:
A CAT CALL IS NOT A COMPLIMENT. they are an invasion of space and security.12 -
Has the world gone mad?! How have we come to a position where "Swiping Left/Right" for approval or whatever the hell goes on in the world of online dating is acceptable when that is clearly based on the objectification of the still (possibly exaggerated/fake) images of the man/woman you "fancy" and yet when a real person who you could interact with on a personal level whistles at you in the street they are instantly demonised as a rapist or something?!
Given that on this particular occasion you cannot clarify whether he was being complimentary or being a jerk...perhaps it's time we stopped being such cottonwool wrapped prissies and got back into the real world where people talk to each other by moving their mouths up and down in each others company and make opinions on each other based on actual feelings gained during those interactions...instead of kneejerk/gutwrench assumptions being made.
I appreciate he may have been an asshat...but he may well not have been...all I'm saying is...no matter how you dress or what you look like...that doesn't give anyone the right to do anything...but all this hatred because society is making you think that everyone you meet is a rapist/pedophile or something of that ilk is just nonsense...most people are honest, decent, easy-going types that will help you, exchange pleasantries with you or at the very least be civil and say "hello" as a gesture of friendly acknowledgement as they pass you in the street...THIS IS NORMAL LIFE...
Being afraid of every single human being you encounter as you go through your life is what's wrong here...remember that the next time you order an UBER without a second thought...
Do. Better. Than. This.
We live in a world world where more than 1 in 3 women is a victim of sexual assault or domestic violence in their lifetime. That does not include any of the other sexual harassment or just general bullcrap that women have to go through on a regular basis. We live in a world where it is not uncommon for women to be murdered by strangers for turning down their advances. So sorry if it upsets your feelings that men can't catcall anymore. Tough luck.
Nobody made a judgement about what type of person the guy who did this was. Maybe he is a children's cancer surgeon, but in this moment, what he did was a bad thing. Catcalling is never appropriate or okay. It's never for anyone else's benefit. It's always a selfish act done for one's own gratification that does not take into consideration how it would affect the intended target of it at all. Women have all ranges of reaction to catcalling, from flattery, to downright fear and terror (usually informed by trauma they have had to go through). None of those reactions are wrong and they are all entitled to whichever one they choose. But the person doing the catcalling has no idea which reaction the target of it will have. So it's always a crappy thing to do. Always.19 -
Any person has the right to their feelings when they are subject to harrassment.
Harassment is defined as being any form of unwanted attention, it is usually thought of a negative but doesn't have to be. For example if I tell my colleague her hair looks nice today, that's quite a nice compliment. If I say that every day for a year, that rapidly gets weird and creepy.
It is harassment regardless of the intention of the person, even if in their head it is a compliment. It isn't.
It makes me so furious that people are told to modify their behaviour to avoid this, rather than the people who do it being called out for the disrespectful anti-social jerks that they are.8 -
While I'm sure we can all agree there are lots of angles to the wider discussion that could be held around cat calling. I'm not sure why people have decided to turn this into a battle of the genders when this was just a thread about someone's negative experience and them trying to make sense of it. It's not cool for people to turn someone looking for advice and support into a flame war.
I'm sorry you had a negative experience. Some people can be jerks and not appreciate how their actions can affect others. I say ignore the *kitten* and keep doing what you're doing.4 -
Has the world gone mad?! How have we come to a position where "Swiping Left/Right" for approval or whatever the hell goes on in the world of online dating is acceptable when that is clearly based on the objectification of the still (possibly exaggerated/fake) images of the man/woman you "fancy" and yet when a real person who you could interact with on a personal level whistles at you in the street they are instantly demonised as a rapist or something?!
Given that on this particular occasion you cannot clarify whether he was being complimentary or being a jerk...perhaps it's time we stopped being such cottonwool wrapped prissies and got back into the real world where people talk to each other by moving their mouths up and down in each others company and make opinions on each other based on actual feelings gained during those interactions...instead of kneejerk/gutwrench assumptions being made.
I appreciate he may have been an asshat...but he may well not have been...all I'm saying is...no matter how you dress or what you look like...that doesn't give anyone the right to do anything...but all this hatred because society is making you think that everyone you meet is a rapist/pedophile or something of that ilk is just nonsense...most people are honest, decent, easy-going types that will help you, exchange pleasantries with you or at the very least be civil and say "hello" as a gesture of friendly acknowledgement as they pass you in the street...THIS IS NORMAL LIFE...
Being afraid of every single human being you encounter as you go through your life is what's wrong here...remember that the next time you order an UBER without a second thought...
Oh wow... Dude it has less to do with me being afraid of being attacked and more to do with feeling like a piece of meat... But thanks.
And who the eff cares if he was trying to be "complimentary"!? Is it really a man's right to assess if my body is up to par...? It's not his body to comment on!10 -
A little credit? How about all the credit?maureenseel1984 wrote: »I think that we also need to give me A LITTLE credit here. I'm not some dumb person who can't tell the difference between a cat call and someone genuinely being thoughtful. Might I add this creeper was WHITE...?! Implying I'm racist and/or violent because a dirty old man whistled at me SUGGESTIVELY while I was trying to enjoy my walk? Not. Ok.
You endured an indecent bit of behavior, you called it out and were honest about your feelings, and you did it all in a very mature manner. Props to you, seriously.
You keep doing what you're doing for a healthy and safe (and hopefully very content) life. There will always be those who will try to get under your skin. You don't have to let them.
Some folks might argue this, but I truly believe there are still an awful lot of good men and women in this world, of all persuasions. Stick with them.
Agreed and I'm married to one of those awesome men. He was also a bit worried about it... As there ARE flashers (aggressive ones) who pop up from time to time. I'm also a runner and usually bring my dog with me for security... But it was so hot I knew it wouldn't be good for her.2 -
maureenseel1984 wrote: »Has the world gone mad?! How have we come to a position where "Swiping Left/Right" for approval or whatever the hell goes on in the world of online dating is acceptable when that is clearly based on the objectification of the still (possibly exaggerated/fake) images of the man/woman you "fancy" and yet when a real person who you could interact with on a personal level whistles at you in the street they are instantly demonised as a rapist or something?!
Given that on this particular occasion you cannot clarify whether he was being complimentary or being a jerk...perhaps it's time we stopped being such cottonwool wrapped prissies and got back into the real world where people talk to each other by moving their mouths up and down in each others company and make opinions on each other based on actual feelings gained during those interactions...instead of kneejerk/gutwrench assumptions being made.
I appreciate he may have been an asshat...but he may well not have been...all I'm saying is...no matter how you dress or what you look like...that doesn't give anyone the right to do anything...but all this hatred because society is making you think that everyone you meet is a rapist/pedophile or something of that ilk is just nonsense...most people are honest, decent, easy-going types that will help you, exchange pleasantries with you or at the very least be civil and say "hello" as a gesture of friendly acknowledgement as they pass you in the street...THIS IS NORMAL LIFE...
Being afraid of every single human being you encounter as you go through your life is what's wrong here...remember that the next time you order an UBER without a second thought...
Oh wow... Dude it has less to do with me being afraid of being attacked and more to do with feeling like a piece of meat... But thanks.
And who the eff cares if he was trying to be "complimentary"!? Is it really a man's right to assess if my body is up to par...? It's not his body to comment on!
Truth! She didn’t ask for his opinion about her body—so how about not giving it.4 -
maureenseel1984 wrote: »
A little credit? How about all the credit?maureenseel1984 wrote: »I think that we also need to give me A LITTLE credit here. I'm not some dumb person who can't tell the difference between a cat call and someone genuinely being thoughtful. Might I add this creeper was WHITE...?! Implying I'm racist and/or violent because a dirty old man whistled at me SUGGESTIVELY while I was trying to enjoy my walk? Not. Ok.
You endured an indecent bit of behavior, you called it out and were honest about your feelings, and you did it all in a very mature manner. Props to you, seriously.
You keep doing what you're doing for a healthy and safe (and hopefully very content) life. There will always be those who will try to get under your skin. You don't have to let them.
Some folks might argue this, but I truly believe there are still an awful lot of good men and women in this world, of all persuasions. Stick with them.
Agreed and I'm married to one of those awesome men. He was also a bit worried about it... As there ARE flashers (aggressive ones) who pop up from time to time. I'm also a runner and usually bring my dog with me for security... But it was so hot I knew it wouldn't be good for her.
All in all, at the end of the day I'll just say I'm glad the rudeness was all you had to put up with. I hope things stay peaceful for you going forward. 2 -
maureenseel1984 wrote: »Has the world gone mad?! How have we come to a position where "Swiping Left/Right" for approval or whatever the hell goes on in the world of online dating is acceptable when that is clearly based on the objectification of the still (possibly exaggerated/fake) images of the man/woman you "fancy" and yet when a real person who you could interact with on a personal level whistles at you in the street they are instantly demonised as a rapist or something?!
Given that on this particular occasion you cannot clarify whether he was being complimentary or being a jerk...perhaps it's time we stopped being such cottonwool wrapped prissies and got back into the real world where people talk to each other by moving their mouths up and down in each others company and make opinions on each other based on actual feelings gained during those interactions...instead of kneejerk/gutwrench assumptions being made.
I appreciate he may have been an asshat...but he may well not have been...all I'm saying is...no matter how you dress or what you look like...that doesn't give anyone the right to do anything...but all this hatred because society is making you think that everyone you meet is a rapist/pedophile or something of that ilk is just nonsense...most people are honest, decent, easy-going types that will help you, exchange pleasantries with you or at the very least be civil and say "hello" as a gesture of friendly acknowledgement as they pass you in the street...THIS IS NORMAL LIFE...
Being afraid of every single human being you encounter as you go through your life is what's wrong here...remember that the next time you order an UBER without a second thought...
Oh wow... Dude it has less to do with me being afraid of being attacked and more to do with feeling like a piece of meat... But thanks.
And who the eff cares if he was trying to be "complimentary"!? Is it really a man's right to assess if my body is up to par...? It's not his body to comment on!
Truth! She didn’t ask for his opinion about her body—so how about not giving it.
I have 3 daughters, and there have been public....incidents..over men offering unsolicited comments. It never escalated to violence, but....things waaay beyond catcalls and such. Several times while the girls were still minors - mid teens. In my own "guy kind of way" I get it, really do.1 -
Agreed. There's one individual in our neighborhood who has run after and threatened and flashed women...on the one hand, he does have a cognitive delay/deficit of some kind...on the other, he actually stalked women to their houses then paced back and forth in front of their houses while..amusing himself if you get my drift.
Fortunately he doesn't seem to like my dogs and is deterred by men. We also haven't seen him for a good bit so I am hoping he go the help he needed.3
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