Cat calls while working out
Replies
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Tacklewasher wrote: »A cat call is not the same as a "hi." when i run i appreciate a "good morning." i do not appreciate a whistle. one acknowledges me as a person. one objectifies me.
I have to admit that I often won't even say Hi to a single woman out running unless I recognize her. I often run alone and don't want to come off as a creeper. If I'm running with my wife, I'm a bit friendlier.
tbh, most runners in my area are just head nodders. no creepiness there
i appreciate the "morning" or a nod because that means they saw me. be it an assault of some sort, or i trip and bonk my head, someone can say i saw her on my run about this time at this location. and it's sorta the runner's "namaste"-the runner in me recognizes the runner in you5 -
My husband is the same (not running, but in other social situations). Last night he complimented our waitress on her friendly demeanor. After she left her said he likes it when I'm with him because he can say things like that without it seeming creepy. As a big, scruffy, somewhat imposing-looking guy, he's aware and sensitive to how his words and actions might make another person feel, regardless of their good intent.Tacklewasher wrote: »A cat call is not the same as a "hi." when i run i appreciate a "good morning." i do not appreciate a whistle. one acknowledges me as a person. one objectifies me.
I have to admit that I often won't even say Hi to a single woman out running unless I recognize her. I often run alone and don't want to come off as a creeper. If I'm running with my wife, I'm a bit friendlier.
This. The world needs more of it.3 -
My husband is the same (not running, but in other social situations). Last night he complimented our waitress on her friendly demeanor. After she left her said he likes it when I'm with him because he can say things like that without it seeming creepy. As a big, scruffy, somewhat imposing-looking guy, he's aware and sensitive to how his words and actions might make another person feel, regardless of their good intent.Tacklewasher wrote: »A cat call is not the same as a "hi." when i run i appreciate a "good morning." i do not appreciate a whistle. one acknowledges me as a person. one objectifies me.
I have to admit that I often won't even say Hi to a single woman out running unless I recognize her. I often run alone and don't want to come off as a creeper. If I'm running with my wife, I'm a bit friendlier.
This. The world needs more of it.
He's pretty ok
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I'll even take a good morning! I get them from homeless people, from old people, from middle aged and young...I am all about being friendly.
What he did wasn't friendly, it was sexual...and made me feel like an object not worthy of common sense or courtesy.10 -
My husband is the same (not running, but in other social situations). Last night he complimented our waitress on her friendly demeanor. After she left her said he likes it when I'm with him because he can say things like that without it seeming creepy. As a big, scruffy, somewhat imposing-looking guy, he's aware and sensitive to how his words and actions might make another person feel, regardless of their good intent.Tacklewasher wrote: »A cat call is not the same as a "hi." when i run i appreciate a "good morning." i do not appreciate a whistle. one acknowledges me as a person. one objectifies me.
I have to admit that I often won't even say Hi to a single woman out running unless I recognize her. I often run alone and don't want to come off as a creeper. If I'm running with my wife, I'm a bit friendlier.
This. The world needs more of it.
He's pretty ok
Except for his choice in women...... 5 -
I don't think there is any one way "right" way to feel about this. If you were flattered, then you were. If you were grossed about by it, then you were. If it made you feel anything, then it is valid feeling. No one can tell you what you should feel about this situation.
You might get less attention if you cover up but you really are allowed to wear what you like and you are comfortable in. People can be jerks and cross boundaries for sure no matter what you are wearing.
I'd be flattered but I know that's not a popular opinion and by no means how you should feel.3 -
Tacklewasher wrote: »
My husband is the same (not running, but in other social situations). Last night he complimented our waitress on her friendly demeanor. After she left her said he likes it when I'm with him because he can say things like that without it seeming creepy. As a big, scruffy, somewhat imposing-looking guy, he's aware and sensitive to how his words and actions might make another person feel, regardless of their good intent.Tacklewasher wrote: »A cat call is not the same as a "hi." when i run i appreciate a "good morning." i do not appreciate a whistle. one acknowledges me as a person. one objectifies me.
I have to admit that I often won't even say Hi to a single woman out running unless I recognize her. I often run alone and don't want to come off as a creeper. If I'm running with my wife, I'm a bit friendlier.
This. The world needs more of it.
He's pretty ok
Except for his choice in women......
He only had to choose right once
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I don't think there is any one way "right" way to feel about this. If you were flattered, then you were. If you were grossed about by it, then you were. If it made you feel anything, then it is valid feeling. No one can tell you what you should feel about this situation.
You might get less attention if you cover up but you really are allowed to wear what you like and you are comfortable in. People can be jerks and cross boundaries for sure no matter what you are wearing.
I'd be flattered but I know that's not a popular opinion and by no means how you should feel.
This...and that's my final word too...
Seeing as this community is clearly as toxic as others I have experienced recently on the internets...given that most of you are all unwilling to accept an open opinion...I think I'll just stick to the food and exercise logging portion of this site...so I'll leave you to it...13 -
I don't think there is any one way "right" way to feel about this. If you were flattered, then you were. If you were grossed about by it, then you were. If it made you feel anything, then it is valid feeling. No one can tell you what you should feel about this situation.
You might get less attention if you cover up but you really are allowed to wear what you like and you are comfortable in. People can be jerks and cross boundaries for sure no matter what you are wearing.
I'd be flattered but I know that's not a popular opinion and by no means how you should feel.
This...and that's my final word too...
Seeing as this community is clearly as toxic as others I have experienced recently on the internets...given that most of you are all unwilling to accept an open opinion...I think I'll just stick to the food and exercise logging portion of this site...so I'll leave you to it...
Not seeing anything toxic here, just honest, open, much-needed discussion about a sensitive topic.
We accept your right to a differing opinion, but most of us (especially the women here) just don't agree with what yours happens to be. That's not toxic, that's honest. And if you are unwilling or unable to further discuss this in good faith and perhaps learn more about how these actions negatively affect most women, avoiding threads like these are likely your best option.17 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »I don't think there is any one way "right" way to feel about this. If you were flattered, then you were. If you were grossed about by it, then you were. If it made you feel anything, then it is valid feeling. No one can tell you what you should feel about this situation.
You might get less attention if you cover up but you really are allowed to wear what you like and you are comfortable in. People can be jerks and cross boundaries for sure no matter what you are wearing.
I'd be flattered but I know that's not a popular opinion and by no means how you should feel.
This...and that's my final word too...
Seeing as this community is clearly as toxic as others I have experienced recently on the internets...given that most of you are all unwilling to accept an open opinion...I think I'll just stick to the food and exercise logging portion of this site...so I'll leave you to it...
Not seeing anything toxic here, just honest, open, much-needed discussion about a sensitive topic.
We accept your right to a differing opinion, but most of us (especially the women here) just don't agree with what yours happens to be. That's not toxic, that's honest. And if you are unwilling or unable to further discuss this in good faith and perhaps learn more about how these actions negatively affect most women, avoiding threads like these are likely your best option.
^^This^^ and thank you.4 -
Jumping back in this thread. I've noticed that my Hellos or Good Mornings seem to get a response back about 75% of the time, now that I have lost almost 60 lbs. It was around around 25% when I was 60 lbs heavier...(maybe because I was miserable and gave off that vibe)? or were they just shallow and looked down on me?1
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Tacklewasher wrote: »A cat call is not the same as a "hi." when i run i appreciate a "good morning." i do not appreciate a whistle. one acknowledges me as a person. one objectifies me.
I have to admit that I often won't even say Hi to a single woman out running unless I recognize her. I often run alone and don't want to come off as a creeper. If I'm running with my wife, I'm a bit friendlier.
I will say hi if I am in the mood to say it regardless of gender. Refraining because it is a woman would make me feel like I am treating her differently which would seem creepy to me. An innocent 'hello' is always innocent. There is a young girl that walks our neighborhood that I avoid engaging because I strongly suspect she has some anxieties possibly from being highly introverted. She avoids making any type of eye contact with anyone, she has on 2 occasions walked by my yard with me less than 6 feet away and only looked forward, and the one time I did say hi when I was out with my dog she was uncomfortable and awkward although she liked my dog. I pay attention to these types of things because I never want to make someone feel ill-at-ease if I can avoid it.
Ear buds (if I see them) and headphones to me are an international sign of I don't want to talk so I respect that unless the other person engages. If I am in the neighborhood I will just wave at those people if I am out in public I might nod.5 -
I don't think there is any one way "right" way to feel about this. If you were flattered, then you were. If you were grossed about by it, then you were. If it made you feel anything, then it is valid feeling. No one can tell you what you should feel about this situation.
You might get less attention if you cover up but you really are allowed to wear what you like and you are comfortable in. People can be jerks and cross boundaries for sure no matter what you are wearing.
I'd be flattered but I know that's not a popular opinion and by no means how you should feel.
This...and that's my final word too...
Seeing as this community is clearly as toxic as others I have experienced recently on the internets...given that most of you are all unwilling to accept an open opinion...I think I'll just stick to the food and exercise logging portion of this site...so I'll leave you to it...
If you think everywhere you visit is toxic it kind of says something about you more than us doesn't it?14 -
I don't think there is any one way "right" way to feel about this. If you were flattered, then you were. If you were grossed about by it, then you were. If it made you feel anything, then it is valid feeling. No one can tell you what you should feel about this situation.
You might get less attention if you cover up but you really are allowed to wear what you like and you are comfortable in. People can be jerks and cross boundaries for sure no matter what you are wearing.
I'd be flattered but I know that's not a popular opinion and by no means how you should feel.
This...and that's my final word too...
Seeing as this community is clearly as toxic as others I have experienced recently on the internets...given that most of you are all unwilling to accept an open opinion...I think I'll just stick to the food and exercise logging portion of this site...so I'll leave you to it...
Seems weird to think you're so entitled to an opinion that when others tell you they disagree, they're the ones that are toxic...
Regardless of how someone decides to take a compliment, I believe deep down, next to none of the people who do catcall honestly believe they're being flattering to the person they're catcalling.11 -
Cat-calling aside for a moment, I think that a lot of the incentive to acknowledge strangers may depend on where you live.
Case in point:
I was born and raised in a big city. Although I knew the names of some of my neighbours and would wave or say hi in passing, that's as far as it was commonly extended.
Two decades ago, we moved away to a small town.
I remember being out weeding my front lawn that first spring and a guy - a complete stranger - drove past me down my little street and waved. This big city girl turned around to see who he was actually waving at, because it surely couldn't have been me! LOL.
I soon learned that this was very common here. People wave to each other like this all the time. People out walking always say hi in passing and sometimes stop for a quick conversation. Pleasantries are exchanged, dogs are patted. Even joggers with headphones or people on bikes will wave and smile.
But even given this open-minded approach, cat-calling a woman would be as unacceptable here as it would be anywhere else.10 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »Cat-calling aside for a moment, I think that a lot of the incentive to acknowledge strangers may depend on where you live.
Case in point:
I was born and raised in a big city. Although I knew the names of some of my neighbours and would wave or say hi in passing, that's as far as it was commonly extended.
Two decades ago, we moved away to a small town.
I remember being out weeding my front lawn that first spring and a guy - a complete stranger - drove past me down my little street and waved. This big city girl turned around to see who he was actually waving at, because it surely couldn't have been me! LOL.
I soon learned that this was very common here. People wave to each other like this all the time. People out walking always say hi in passing and sometimes stop for a quick conversation. Pleasantries are exchanged, dogs are patted. Even joggers with headphones or people on bikes will wave and smile.
But even given this open-minded approach, cat-calling a woman would be as unacceptable here as it would be anywhere else.
Working in a small town, I know exactly what you mean. The only thing I didn't like is everyone knew everyone's business and gossiped about it. Drove me insane! Back in the big city now.0 -
I don't think there is any one way "right" way to feel about this. If you were flattered, then you were. If you were grossed about by it, then you were. If it made you feel anything, then it is valid feeling. No one can tell you what you should feel about this situation.
You might get less attention if you cover up but you really are allowed to wear what you like and you are comfortable in. People can be jerks and cross boundaries for sure no matter what you are wearing.
I'd be flattered but I know that's not a popular opinion and by no means how you should feel.
This...and that's my final word too...
Seeing as this community is clearly as toxic as others I have experienced recently on the internets...given that most of you are all unwilling to accept an open opinion...I think I'll just stick to the food and exercise logging portion of this site...so I'll leave you to it...
Dude, you made your entrance into this conversation calling everyone a "bunch of cottonwool wrapped prissies", and we are the toxic ones? There is an old saying: "if you enter a room and think everyone else is a (insert choice word here), then you're probably the one who is the (insert choice word here)". If everywhere you go you are finding people to be "toxic", perhaps a internal reflection on the way you are interacting with people in these environments is in order.19 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »Cat-calling aside for a moment, I think that a lot of the incentive to acknowledge strangers may depend on where you live.
Case in point:
I was born and raised in a big city. Although I knew the names of some of my neighbours and would wave or say hi in passing, that's as far as it was commonly extended.
Two decades ago, we moved away to a small town.
I remember being out weeding my front lawn that first spring and a guy - a complete stranger - drove past me down my little street and waved. This big city girl turned around to see who he was actually waving at, because it surely couldn't have been me! LOL.
I soon learned that this was very common here. People wave to each other like this all the time. People out walking always say hi in passing and sometimes stop for a quick conversation. Pleasantries are exchanged, dogs are patted. Even joggers with headphones or people on bikes will wave and smile.
But even given this open-minded approach, cat-calling a woman would be as unacceptable here as it would be anywhere else.
Personality type can play a role too. Some people are more naturally charismatic than others and it has a disarming effect on most strangers wherever they are. I wouldn't know this personally because I am gruff... very gruff.
I would always be hesitant to comment on a woman's appearance and unless it was one of the really rare exceptions I wouldn't do it with a woman who is a stranger to me. An exception might be telling a woman she looks nice at her wedding.1 -
So a woman gets catcalled, posts online to vent and say it upset her.
A bunch of women agree that we don't like catcalling, we have a low opinion of the perps, and we wish it would stop.
Several men agree.
But we also get:
It's your own fault you get upset because you should enjoy it.
You're oppressing men by complaining about catcalling.
It's your own fault for allowing flirt threads and trash TV to exist.
Even though catcallers know most women don't like it, and do it regardless of that, we should think of them as jolly nice chaps.
Did I miss anything?17 -
nighthawk584 wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »Cat-calling aside for a moment, I think that a lot of the incentive to acknowledge strangers may depend on where you live.
Case in point:
I was born and raised in a big city. Although I knew the names of some of my neighbours and would wave or say hi in passing, that's as far as it was commonly extended.
Two decades ago, we moved away to a small town.
I remember being out weeding my front lawn that first spring and a guy - a complete stranger - drove past me down my little street and waved. This big city girl turned around to see who he was actually waving at, because it surely couldn't have been me! LOL.
I soon learned that this was very common here. People wave to each other like this all the time. People out walking always say hi in passing and sometimes stop for a quick conversation. Pleasantries are exchanged, dogs are patted. Even joggers with headphones or people on bikes will wave and smile.
But even given this open-minded approach, cat-calling a woman would be as unacceptable here as it would be anywhere else.
Working in a small town, I know exactly what you mean. The only thing I didn't like is everyone knew everyone's business and gossiped about it. Drove me insane! Back in the big city now.
I haven't found that to be much of an issue here. I guess my town isn't *that* small.
We know the names of all our neighbours, their kids names, even their pets names. If someone on our little crescent puts their house up for sale, we know where they're going and why, because we talk to them all the time. But that's about it. Sure, there was the lady up the street who kicked her husband out and then moved her boyfriend in a few weeks later, which definitely sparked conversation for a bit. Or the family across the road that left their teenage daughter home alone one weekend and had a 'sleepover with a few friends' turn into dozens of kids showing up and thousands of dollars damage done in the fifteen or so minutes before the police arrived.
But there's also the family around the corner who had their house burn down last year. They all got out safely, but literally with only the shirts on their backs. All the neighbours rallied to help them in any way possible. One neighbour had a basement apartment that was furnished and vacant so they immediately had a place to stay. Others dropped by with clothes and toiletries. They even lost their car which was in the attached garage, so they got lots of offers of rides to-and-from wherever they needed to go until the insurance money kicked in. I took their cat in for a week until they got settled, another neighbour took their dog.
They decided to rebuild the house from the ground up - a process which took almost a year. They are now back in their home, and it's beautiful. One of the first things they did was throw a bbq celebration that everyone around went to.
Tl;dr? Yeah, small towns can be a pain. But they can also be a treasure.
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glovepuppet wrote: »So a woman gets catcalled, posts online to vent and say it upset her.
A bunch of women agree that we don't like catcalling, we have a low opinion of the perps, and we wish it would stop.
Several men agree.
But we also get:
It's your own fault you get upset because you should enjoy it.
You're oppressing men by complaining about catcalling.
It's your own fault for allowing flirt threads and trash TV to exist.
Even though catcallers know most women don't like it, and do it regardless of that, we should think of them as jolly nice chaps.
Did I miss anything?
Yes, you forgot the part that even though a woman should be able to wear whatever she wants, it's best that she doesn't.
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we're still waiting for the usual, "if he was young and hot you'd like it! Snobs!!"0
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glovepuppet wrote: »we're still waiting for the usual, "if he was young and hot you'd like it! Snobs!!"
Incel logic at it's finest.
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On the bright side, at least the OP is better informed about how she should have felt now that those dudes have explained it to her.5
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@trbp72 I may perhaps be the only person/female on here that kinda agrees with you.
I don't like it if people yell "hey I wanna *kitten* you" or something crass like that at me, but I don't mind it if someone just pays a compliment, or even just a wolf whistle.
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Cahgetsfit wrote: »@trbp72 I may perhaps be the only person/female on here that kinda agrees with you.
I don't like it if people yell "hey I wanna *kitten* you" or something crass like that at me, but I don't mind it if someone just pays a compliment, or even just a wolf whistle.
That’s a personal preference and where you are comfortable. And there’s nothing wrong with your perspective and preference. There’s also nothing wrong with taking it as a compliment. There’s also nothing wrong with being offended or feeling objectified. Everyone can have viewpoints.
I think more of the issue is with telling someone they shouldn’t feel one of these ways from the actions of cat calling, or making the poster feel like her feelings are not valid or acceptable—that she should let it go and feel flattered about it. The issue is a woman saying, “I was catcalled and I didn’t like it Bc it made me feel bad” and the reaction being that it’s her fault or she’s wrong...she’s allowed to feel that way. We should all try to understand it—and maybe understand that different people have different boundaries. That we might want to reflect on the actions of cat calling a bit more and the people it can potentially hurt. Not all women, but there are a lot of women that feel unsafe, hurt, or just dislike it—and they deserve to be heard and be allowed to have those feelings. To understand that many times whistling at a woman like this can have the opposite effect of what is intended.8 -
Cahgetsfit wrote: »@trbp72 I may perhaps be the only person/female on here that kinda agrees with you.
I don't like it if people yell "hey I wanna *kitten* you" or something crass like that at me, but I don't mind it if someone just pays a compliment, or even just a wolf whistle.
That’s a personal preference and where you are comfortable. And there’s nothing wrong with your perspective and preference. There’s also nothing wrong with taking it as a compliment. There’s also nothing wrong with being offended or feeling objectified. Everyone can have viewpoints.
I think more of the issue is with telling someone they shouldn’t feel one of these ways from the actions of cat calling, or making the poster feel like her feelings are not valid or acceptable—that she should let it go and feel flattered about it. The issue is a woman saying, “I was catcalled and I didn’t like it Bc it made me feel bad” and the reaction being that it’s her fault or she’s wrong...she’s allowed to feel that way. We should all try to understand it—and maybe understand that different people have different boundaries. That we might want to reflect on the actions of cat calling a bit more and the people it can potentially hurt. Not all women, but there are a lot of women that feel unsafe, hurt, or just dislike it—and they deserve to be heard and be allowed to have those feelings. To understand that many times whistling at a woman like this can have the opposite effect of what is intended.
Great post!
To the bolded: The issue, as I see it, lies not in whatever the guy's intended effect was, but why he felt it was his place (or right) to do it at all.5 -
maureenseel1984 wrote: »Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.
Flattered or ashamed? He's rude. His problems are not your problems.
Most catcalls are probably not going to turn into crime, but that's the only thing I would worry about. There are some nuts out there. Do what you want, dress the way you want, be happy and healthy, but I would just watch my back and be aware of my surroundings. Don't let somebody else ruin your day.2 -
https://www.runnersworld.com/training/a18848270/running-while-female/ I suggest reading this article.3
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Anecdotal, of course, but... If men genuinely believe that catcallers are something I'd enjoy, why is it I've had them when I'm alone or with my children, but never when I'm with a man or a large dog? And why have I been catcalled more often by men in pack than solo men? And why have I almost never been catcalled in bustling, public areas? One could almost believe that they know what they're doing isn't cool and that they're actually quite cowardly.15
This discussion has been closed.
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