Setting Achievable Goals Following a Miscarriage

Hello, everyone.

So, I lost about 70 lbs using MFP between 2016 and 2017, maintained through 2018, and then at the beginning of 2019 I moved to another state. The move was rough, that place was rough, and I ended up regaining thirty pounds over about seven months. (Whoof. I know.) My husband and I then moved to South Korea, which was exciting and my plan was to re-lose the weight after I moved. However, we got here and found out that I was pregnant, so I put those plans on hold for the pregnancy.

Yesterday, I had a miscarriage. My first. It was (it is) awful, and my husband and I are both a mess. But I also know my anxiety and depression-prone self, and I don't want to sink into a bottomless tub of ice cream and my all-to-comfy couch for the next several months. That won't bring my child back, and it will only add pain and frustration for myself and my husband. So I think what I need to do now is to cry, but also set some achievable goals and look at the future. I really do hope that there will be another baby someday, and I would really like to be healthy and at my goal weight when I find out that baby is on the way. At the same time, I don't want to focus so much on the future, that I don't process the emotions and stuff that I am going through right now.

. . . So . . . I would really appreciate any advice, encouragement, experiences, or thoughts that anyone has to offer. Thanks in advance. :)


  • Sadie2PointOh
    Sadie2PointOh Posts: 34 Member
    I'm very sorry for your loss.
    Miscarriages are tough. I commend you for even bringing the subject up since, for some unknown reason it's such a hush-hush topic despite being fairly common.

    As for advice, I don't really have any. I think you summed up what you would like in terms of achievable goals when you said this:

    " I really do hope that there will be another baby someday, and I would really like to be healthy and at my goal weight when I find out that baby is on the way. "

    Again, I'm very sorry for your loss.
  • Duck_Puddle
    Duck_Puddle Posts: 3,237 Member
    I’m so very sorry. I had a miscarriage a few years ago and the loss is incomparable (for me).

    My advise
    -take care of yourself physically. Allow yourself to heal. That includes proper care for any medical procedures you may have needed, allowing your body to heal and reset your hormones and restore lost blood. Do your best to give your body good fuel and if you can-try to lean towards iron-rich foods (I was anemic for a spell after mine). It’s really easy to get down and depressed and think “why bother” so just do your best. Some days will be better than others.

    -allow yourself to process the loss. Grieve in whatever way you need to. No one can tell you what feelings you should and shouldn’t have. Don’t try to force yourself to “get over it”. You will process it in your own time. If, after a time, you find it disruptive in your day to day life, or you’re concerned - seek some kind of counseling. You can also do that now-or seek out a support group if you think it might be helpful (particularly if you’re somewhat isolated from a strong family/friend support network in your current location).

    -be kind to yourself. You’re going through a significant physical and emotional trauma. It’s ok to give yourself a break as you work through it. This is one of the many times that I have de-prioritized my weight loss efforts over the years and I have no regrets in having done so. That doesn’t mean a wild free for all every day-but sometimes you just don’t have the mental energy needed to fix a salad to fit your calories when you’ve spent so much on other things. You will find your balance. Wherever it happens to be-be kind to yourself.

    -you will get through this. There will be tears, and probably more than a few bad days - but you will come out the other side. Even on the darkest days, know that you will get through this.
  • cask16
    cask16 Posts: 196 Member
    I’m so sorry for your experience, it really is so hard and I think your positive attitude is amazing.

    While bearing in mind what others have said about making sure you take the time to heal properly, I found that really throwing myself into health and exercise stuff helped distract me and keep me focused on positive things for me.

    For me this meant googling healthy recipes, meal planning and posting on here as well as taking up an exercise routine (I did jilllian
    Michaels dvds but maybe see how you’re feeling as hey can be a bit intense).

    Basically it was investing in myself a while and in an obessive enough way to keep me distracted.

    Keep your chin up xxx
  • missysippy930
    missysippy930 Posts: 2,577 Member
    It doesn’t make it easier, but, it is very common. I had fertility problems and several miscarriages. It is truly devastating. My sympathy to you and your husband for your loss. I did have a successful pregnancy that resulted in my lovely daughter.
    Take care of yourself. Being at a healthy weight is important for you, and your baby’s health, so your plan to get to a healthy weight, is a good idea. Never give up ❤️
  • LyndaBSS
    LyndaBSS Posts: 6,964 Member
    edited September 2019
    Welcome back to the community! <3

    I'm very sorry for your loss. I hope that you and your husband are able to find a sense of peace soon. Sending you a gentle hug and wishing I could mend your broken heart. 💝
  • mtsprout
    mtsprout Posts: 20 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been there, and I know how disorienting it can be to try to mourn and try to be hopeful about the future at the same time. One of my favorite ways to be active, care for myself, and process my emotions is hiking, and Korea is a wonderful place to do that! Getting outside heals the body, heart, and mind during difficult times.
  • babel95
    babel95 Posts: 44 Member
    I don’t know your level of spirituality, if any, but I personally feel that in my heart everything happens for a reason.
    When we lost our babe it definitely took me a while to remember that philosophy and when I did return to it, I was always questioning what the reasons for our loss could have been.
    Since January, my fiance are so much healthier (I’ve lost almost 50 lbs and he’s looking and feeling so much healthier). He’s back in school and I’m working towards my own career goals and I feel I can look back now and see that this wasn’t our time to be parents, it was our time to focus on ourselves and build ourselves into a healthy and happy unit that will one day get to meet a sweet sweet baby of our own 💕