Run into Jealousy?
OAS5
Posts: 376 Member
It's a weird thing with losing weight and jealousy. I'm assuming we have all run into Jealousy and sometimes people trying to sabotage weight loss.
I was the heaviest guy at work, along with another guy who was about the same size. I have lost 72-73 pounds and he is still heavy. I have gotten compliments or at least discussed my weight loss with just about everyone but this one person. He has never ever mentioned it.
I've also had people ask me to eat crappy food at work to which I say no thanks. I've had people leave chips and crappy food where I sit at work in the morning. As if BS like that was gonna work. Just a funny thing about humans. Why jealousy and sabotage? I wouldn't do that to someone.
I was the heaviest guy at work, along with another guy who was about the same size. I have lost 72-73 pounds and he is still heavy. I have gotten compliments or at least discussed my weight loss with just about everyone but this one person. He has never ever mentioned it.
I've also had people ask me to eat crappy food at work to which I say no thanks. I've had people leave chips and crappy food where I sit at work in the morning. As if BS like that was gonna work. Just a funny thing about humans. Why jealousy and sabotage? I wouldn't do that to someone.
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Unless you're going through this journey, you don't understand it. You don't know the amount of work you have to put in to doing it successfully.
Forgive the people around you. It might be ignorance, not sabotage.
As for the other guy, he might approach you at some point, he might not. He's dealing with his own weight demons.30 -
I’ve run into a lot of the same things, especially at work. I’ve lost about 120lbs & kept it off over the past 4 years & my coworkers have seen my before pics. I work in a hospital & we constantly get food bought from product reps, there’s almost always some snack or baked good out in the break room, not to mention the pot lucks we throw for just about every occasion imaginable. I rarely eat any of those things, not because I view them as “bad food” or I’m restricting myself, I just have no desire to eat those types of foods anymore. If there’s times when I want the occasional dessert or slice of pizza, I have it & move on with my day. I’ve worked hard to completely change my lifestyle & develop a healthy relationship with food but the comments about my eating or working out habits still ensue. I also get cookies, cake, donuts, etc left on my desk when I step away. Same story happens with family functions. I moved away a few years ago but I still get comments such as “Oh, I see you’re still skinny” when I come back home to visit. As if they were expecting me to gain everything back again or something. I’ll never understand it or why people can’t just be supportive, but I feel your pain!15
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Thanks guys, I knew I want the only one. It's pretty crazy.2
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The other guy might just be scared he will get a lecture from you. Sort of like how a lot of people avoid the vegan in the room because they tend to try and sell you the no-meat lifestyle (sorry if I offended anyone).16
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I lost my friend I started the journey with. I remember when I lost 50 pounds, she looked me up and down when she first saw me and was like “Well I like your hair”. That’s when I knew she wasn’t happy for me. The more attention I got, the more her love got distant. I eventually added her alone with the pounds in my category of losses. Some people want to see you do good but never better then them. It shows insecurity within them not you.27
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Nanalove2018 wrote: »I lost my friend I started the journey with. I remember when I lost 50 pounds, she looked me up and down when she first saw me and was like “Well I like your hair”. That’s when I knew she wasn’t happy for me. The more attention I got, the more her love got distant. I eventually added her alone with the pounds in my category of losses. Some people want to see you do good but never better then them. It shows insecurity within them not you.
I love this: I eventually added her alone with the pounds in my category of losses
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I have to agree with an above poster who said people don’t understand the amount of work that is put into shifting the pounds, unless they have been there themselves.
I started losing weight in February this year. I was 184lbs and at 5”5, that put me into the obese category of the BMI chart. By putting myself into a calorie deficit and making better food choices, I’ve lost 44.5 pounds so far. At first, people would praise me and tell me I was doing great. As I continued to drop the weight, the same people would offer me junk food and say things like “I think you’ve lost enough weight now...When are you going to stop?...You’re fading away to nothing...Skinny Minnie” etc. If I was seen eating something “unhealthy”, the same people would say “Should you be eating that?...You’ve been doing so well, you don’t want to put the weight on again, do you?”
I felt, and I still do feel, that I can’t win. I have a friend (who is obese) who told me I should speak to my doctor about my weight loss because “I’m losing too much”. I’m now down to 139lbs which puts me into the healthy weight range and I’d like to get down to 128lbs.
Since losing weight I feel so much healthier and stronger. I no longer have knee pain either! I’ve never felt better. I just wish that people would be more supportive. I actually get more support from strangers on MFP than my own friends and family, and that’s kinda sad. Congratulations on your weight loss 🎉20 -
Cavallaro65 wrote: »It's a weird thing with losing weight and jealousy. I'm assuming we have all run into Jealousy and sometimes people trying to sabotage weight loss.
I was the heaviest guy at work, along with another guy who was about the same size. I have lost 72-73 pounds and he is still heavy. I have gotten compliments or at least discussed my weight loss with just about everyone but this one person. He has never ever mentioned it.
I've also had people ask me to eat crappy food at work to which I say no thanks. I've had people leave chips and crappy food where I sit at work in the morning. As if BS like that was gonna work. Just a funny thing about humans. Why jealousy and sabotage? I wouldn't do that to someone.
Are you saying that the heavy person at your office is jealous, just because he hasn’t mentioned your weight loss to you? That’s quite an assumption. I never discuss any of my coworkers weight loss or gain; it’s not my business and in my opinion it’s rude to comment on acquaintances’ appearances. Doesn’t mean I’m jealous; just means that I don’t discuss those things with coworkers.
I also think it’s a little presumptuous to assume that just because people offer you work snacks, it means they are trying to sabotage you. I would need to see some more specific examples of “sabotage,” because this example you gave doesn’t suggest sabotage to me. Just politeness/friendliness.
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gallicinvasion wrote: »Cavallaro65 wrote: »It's a weird thing with losing weight and jealousy. I'm assuming we have all run into Jealousy and sometimes people trying to sabotage weight loss.
I was the heaviest guy at work, along with another guy who was about the same size. I have lost 72-73 pounds and he is still heavy. I have gotten compliments or at least discussed my weight loss with just about everyone but this one person. He has never ever mentioned it.
I've also had people ask me to eat crappy food at work to which I say no thanks. I've had people leave chips and crappy food where I sit at work in the morning. As if BS like that was gonna work. Just a funny thing about humans. Why jealousy and sabotage? I wouldn't do that to someone.
Are you saying that the heavy person at your office is jealous, just because he hasn’t mentioned your weight loss to you? That’s quite an assumption. I never discuss any of my coworkers weight loss or gain; it’s not my business and in my opinion it’s rude to comment on acquaintances’ appearances. Doesn’t mean I’m jealous; just means that I don’t discuss those things with coworkers.
I also think it’s a little presumptuous to assume that just because people offer you work snacks, it means they are trying to sabotage you. I would need to see some more specific examples of “sabotage,” because this example you gave doesn’t suggest sabotage to me. Just politeness/friendliness.
To not even mention hey good job losing weight is a bit odd. It's not 5 pounds, it's 73 pounds, especially when everyone there has talked about it.
The sabotage thing or tempting thing is more like this. Leaving food, junk food directly where I sit. You don't think that is sabotage? Or every time there are chips they say specifically to me with a smile you want these chips. Then they'll say something like I don't watch what I eat, I eat whatever I want in a very condescending way.
Find that odd?11 -
I think jealousy is natural. And it doesn’t necessarily mean you wish ill on the person. Weight can be so tied to emotional issues. Maybe the other big guy feels alone now. Who knows. Just be proud of yourself, ignore the people who aren’t being supportive and be open to the people who might take awhile to come around. You’re living your best life so you can afford to be a little gracious to those still suffering.11
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Perception is a crazy thing, it's interesting how one can feel about encounters (or lack there of in this case) based on their own personal success and obstacles. OP...maybe the guy feels its inappropriate to approach you on the topic, has social anxiety, prefers to silently use you as inspiration to build up the courage to start his own journey etc. - there are many reasons why he decided to not address you regarding your weight loss, they aren't all negative
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OP I totally agree with what you wrote.
Same thing happened to me when I lost 24 lbs.
I went to her son's graduation and she was shocked to see me, whilst everyone congratulated me, this friend never one said : well done. All she did was lifted my jacket to see how flat my stomach was. I was so flabbergasted, but that people for you. I stop sweating the small stuff and concentrate on the things that I can change.
You have done wonderful, if your co-worker approaches you about who to go about weight loss, just tell him the truth of what works for you, he could adapt someone of those and incorporate others into it as well.
Good luck and keep going.5 -
Cavallaro65 wrote: »gallicinvasion wrote: »Cavallaro65 wrote: »It's a weird thing with losing weight and jealousy. I'm assuming we have all run into Jealousy and sometimes people trying to sabotage weight loss.
I was the heaviest guy at work, along with another guy who was about the same size. I have lost 72-73 pounds and he is still heavy. I have gotten compliments or at least discussed my weight loss with just about everyone but this one person. He has never ever mentioned it.
I've also had people ask me to eat crappy food at work to which I say no thanks. I've had people leave chips and crappy food where I sit at work in the morning. As if BS like that was gonna work. Just a funny thing about humans. Why jealousy and sabotage? I wouldn't do that to someone.
Are you saying that the heavy person at your office is jealous, just because he hasn’t mentioned your weight loss to you? That’s quite an assumption. I never discuss any of my coworkers weight loss or gain; it’s not my business and in my opinion it’s rude to comment on acquaintances’ appearances. Doesn’t mean I’m jealous; just means that I don’t discuss those things with coworkers.
I also think it’s a little presumptuous to assume that just because people offer you work snacks, it means they are trying to sabotage you. I would need to see some more specific examples of “sabotage,” because this example you gave doesn’t suggest sabotage to me. Just politeness/friendliness.
To not even mention hey good job losing weight is a bit odd. It's not 5 pounds, it's 73 pounds, especially when everyone there has talked about it.
I have to agree with @gallicinvasion here, just because this person hasn't congratulated you on your personal loss, doesn't necessarily imply that they are jealous and is one heck of an assumption, even if other people have commented. People have very different views on what's acceptable conversation at work.
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About the other guy. My other guys and gals have been sometimes co-workers, sometimes family, both household and extended, and sometimes friends. The only common feature among all of them was me, talking openly about how easy it was to record my food intake with myfitnesspal. I haven't pressured anyone. Some of them were obese, some were only slightly over their ideal weight. Several of them have started their own mfp accounts, logged, learned, and done the unique struggle of improving their own lives with better health.4
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My two cents:
It sounds like you're being taunted by your co-workers. I've heard there are two ways to deal with bullies, to become friends/laugh with them, or slam them back.
Do you have a longtime toxic work environment? Maybe you should consider other employment options.
I've found it's better to say little or nothing about weight loss (difficult to do with a major loss). Talking about it can stir up feelings of being judged, etc. in other obese/overweight people.
If somebody asks, I say my doctor told me to lose weight to get my high blood pressure under control (not true). My doctor didn't tell me anything, but I do have marginally high blood pressure that I know will go down to normal once my weight goes down. So far, nobody cares about that.5 -
tinkerbellang83 wrote: »Cavallaro65 wrote: »gallicinvasion wrote: »Cavallaro65 wrote: »It's a weird thing with losing weight and jealousy. I'm assuming we have all run into Jealousy and sometimes people trying to sabotage weight loss.
I was the heaviest guy at work, along with another guy who was about the same size. I have lost 72-73 pounds and he is still heavy. I have gotten compliments or at least discussed my weight loss with just about everyone but this one person. He has never ever mentioned it.
I've also had people ask me to eat crappy food at work to which I say no thanks. I've had people leave chips and crappy food where I sit at work in the morning. As if BS like that was gonna work. Just a funny thing about humans. Why jealousy and sabotage? I wouldn't do that to someone.
Are you saying that the heavy person at your office is jealous, just because he hasn’t mentioned your weight loss to you? That’s quite an assumption. I never discuss any of my coworkers weight loss or gain; it’s not my business and in my opinion it’s rude to comment on acquaintances’ appearances. Doesn’t mean I’m jealous; just means that I don’t discuss those things with coworkers.
I also think it’s a little presumptuous to assume that just because people offer you work snacks, it means they are trying to sabotage you. I would need to see some more specific examples of “sabotage,” because this example you gave doesn’t suggest sabotage to me. Just politeness/friendliness.
To not even mention hey good job losing weight is a bit odd. It's not 5 pounds, it's 73 pounds, especially when everyone there has talked about it.
I have to agree with @gallicinvasion here, just because this person hasn't congratulated you on your personal loss, doesn't necessarily imply that they are jealous and is one heck of an assumption, even if other people have commented. People have very different views on what's acceptable conversation at work.
Where did I say I wanted a congratulations? All in saying is not too acknowledge it at all is kinda odd. I don't want adulation or about. It's just odd that everyone has said something except one person.0 -
This is probably not even relevant here, certainly doesn't sound relevant to the OP.
But in my life, I have seen a lot of people who really changed their behavior after losing weight and then blamed others' negative reactions on jealousy. For example, people who were generally kind of frumpy (whether male or female) and suddenly started dressing in a provocative way and dating a lot of people at once or cheating on their partner...partying WAY more...things like that. I think it's natural for their friends and family to have some concern in those cases - but I think especially younger people in their twenties blame it on jealousy and "haters".
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No, I haven't. I don't share anything with others. Our friends and family are already exhausted with weight loss talk and dieting dogma. They're really not interested in it at all. You can ask them. They don't care who's hiney is tiny. So if the jeans still fit we must acquit. Give them all a break. I keep everything to myself but I visit MFP every day and visit with others. I don't believe in fabricating medical conditions to justify dieting. That's a very slippery slope that can lead into disordered eating. I'll answer questions if they ask but they don't. So I keep my mouth shut. Some perceived jealousy may be imaginary thinking. I don't think anyone's really all that jealous of those who constantly struggle with weight. I'm not. I have compassion for them.4
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Guys I don't talk about losing weight everyday with people, in fact rarely and only if asked about it. I hate preachy people. Also I always tell people what worked for me probably won't work for someone else. It's kinda a plan you figure for yourself, what you like and what works for you. Kinda why I don't like following someone's plan that they made up. Dad diets either I don't like. Unless is came from a doctor I don't trust it. The plan That works for you will most likely come from within. Just my opinion.1
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Cavallaro65 wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »Cavallaro65 wrote: »gallicinvasion wrote: »Cavallaro65 wrote: »It's a weird thing with losing weight and jealousy. I'm assuming we have all run into Jealousy and sometimes people trying to sabotage weight loss.
I was the heaviest guy at work, along with another guy who was about the same size. I have lost 72-73 pounds and he is still heavy. I have gotten compliments or at least discussed my weight loss with just about everyone but this one person. He has never ever mentioned it.
I've also had people ask me to eat crappy food at work to which I say no thanks. I've had people leave chips and crappy food where I sit at work in the morning. As if BS like that was gonna work. Just a funny thing about humans. Why jealousy and sabotage? I wouldn't do that to someone.
Are you saying that the heavy person at your office is jealous, just because he hasn’t mentioned your weight loss to you? That’s quite an assumption. I never discuss any of my coworkers weight loss or gain; it’s not my business and in my opinion it’s rude to comment on acquaintances’ appearances. Doesn’t mean I’m jealous; just means that I don’t discuss those things with coworkers.
I also think it’s a little presumptuous to assume that just because people offer you work snacks, it means they are trying to sabotage you. I would need to see some more specific examples of “sabotage,” because this example you gave doesn’t suggest sabotage to me. Just politeness/friendliness.
To not even mention hey good job losing weight is a bit odd. It's not 5 pounds, it's 73 pounds, especially when everyone there has talked about it.
I have to agree with @gallicinvasion here, just because this person hasn't congratulated you on your personal loss, doesn't necessarily imply that they are jealous and is one heck of an assumption, even if other people have commented. People have very different views on what's acceptable conversation at work.
Where did I say I wanted a congratulations? All in saying is not too acknowledge it at all is kinda odd. I don't want adulation or about. It's just odd that everyone has said something except one person.
And that's where we differ, I don't think it's odd at all and I wouldn't automatically assume jealousy. I'd actually be more bothered personally about the compliments in a workplace.
Is he one of the people pushing snacks your way or are those the people who complimented you?3 -
tinkerbellang83 wrote: »Cavallaro65 wrote: »tinkerbellang83 wrote: »Cavallaro65 wrote: »gallicinvasion wrote: »Cavallaro65 wrote: »It's a weird thing with losing weight and jealousy. I'm assuming we have all run into Jealousy and sometimes people trying to sabotage weight loss.
I was the heaviest guy at work, along with another guy who was about the same size. I have lost 72-73 pounds and he is still heavy. I have gotten compliments or at least discussed my weight loss with just about everyone but this one person. He has never ever mentioned it.
I've also had people ask me to eat crappy food at work to which I say no thanks. I've had people leave chips and crappy food where I sit at work in the morning. As if BS like that was gonna work. Just a funny thing about humans. Why jealousy and sabotage? I wouldn't do that to someone.
Are you saying that the heavy person at your office is jealous, just because he hasn’t mentioned your weight loss to you? That’s quite an assumption. I never discuss any of my coworkers weight loss or gain; it’s not my business and in my opinion it’s rude to comment on acquaintances’ appearances. Doesn’t mean I’m jealous; just means that I don’t discuss those things with coworkers.
I also think it’s a little presumptuous to assume that just because people offer you work snacks, it means they are trying to sabotage you. I would need to see some more specific examples of “sabotage,” because this example you gave doesn’t suggest sabotage to me. Just politeness/friendliness.
To not even mention hey good job losing weight is a bit odd. It's not 5 pounds, it's 73 pounds, especially when everyone there has talked about it.
I have to agree with @gallicinvasion here, just because this person hasn't congratulated you on your personal loss, doesn't necessarily imply that they are jealous and is one heck of an assumption, even if other people have commented. People have very different views on what's acceptable conversation at work.
Where did I say I wanted a congratulations? All in saying is not too acknowledge it at all is kinda odd. I don't want adulation or about. It's just odd that everyone has said something except one person.
And that's where we differ, I don't think it's odd at all and I wouldn't automatically assume jealousy. I'd actually be more bothered personally about the compliments in a workplace.
Is he one of the people pushing snacks your way or are those the people who complimented you?
Actually no ironically.0 -
Cavallaro65 wrote: »Where did I say I wanted a congratulations? All in saying is not too acknowledge it at all is kinda odd. I don't want adulation or about. It's just odd that everyone has said something except one person.
No, it really isn't.
I once had a clinically obese surgery technician who started losing weight. As our relationship was the result of doing contract work once a week in facility with a 95+% women workforce, I have no doubt it was discussed amongst them all since they worked day in/day out with each other in close quarters.
I didn't know if it was intentional or not, and frankly it is not my job to speculate or gossip about the staff. Nor, honestly, did I really care one way or the other. I mean, sure, if it was disease/pathology related that would suck a lot as she was a competent tech and she would have had my sympathies, but there's nothing I can do if it was secondary to something with a poor or worse prognosis, now is there. If it was just a personal decision, good for her but completely not relevant to our work relationship. I figured if she wanted to broach the topic and let me know which one it was, she would when she was ready.
She eventually did, I told her why I waited for her to bring it up, and we had a pleasant conversation about weight loss in surgery that day as I was around 20-25 lbs overweight myself at the time. It wasn't brought up again after that. Her life, not mine; I have my hands full with my life as-is without adding in those of work acquaintances.
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I forgot to mention that I think your colleague has noticed your weight loss but the reason he hasn’t mentioned it could be due to a number of things. For example, he may feel uncomfortable talking about weight/sizes, he might think it’s rude to bring up the issue, he might not want to draw attention to himself if he’s overweight, or it could simply be because he doesn’t care. Either way, you’ve obviously done a great job in getting to where you are and you should be proud of yourself. It’s easier said than done but try and forget what others think and focus on you 😊11
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I can't be sure that I've encountered jealousy... but a couple of people who were among my closest friends seem to have stopped talking to me, and they're both people who have gained weight over the time I've lost it, and who have body image issues.
There are other reasons they might have decided to drop me. But I wouldn't be surprised if jealousy were a factor.4 -
just realized this may be jealousy when a coworker got very distant last year when I lost the weight, she just keeps gaining weight, maybe I remind her of her weight. Yep, it was hurtful but I can drop her just like I did the pounds. Very good advice!1
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Not to minimize your feelings but you are a grown person so stop seeking validation or expecting praise for your life. Most will not be happy for you because it brings up their insecurities and makes you appear higher than. The passive aggressive acts you will have to just throw in the trash. The bitter seeded comments I have directed very straight forward in response. Most people don’t really celebrate others they act so they can get their validation fix but if you come out of the box they put you in then you don’t serve them and you get the ugly comments.
Good job on losing just know most aren’t really that intrigued but a few really do want to know. Sometimes in our earnest to share we alienate and others act out. When I lost 100 lbs I got questions like what drugs did you use, you look ill etc. But losing weight was all I talked about directly or indirectly so I had to learn how to live without the praise. This applies to anything you do that changes how they met you.4
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