Question for the Lifers

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  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    I've been here over 6 years and use the site daily, with very few exceptions (travel).

    But like a lot of people, I am not a great MFP friend. I just don't find the "wall" feature very engaging. I have 3-4 MFP friends I've connected with on other social media and consider friends/acquaintances, but for the most part I don't notice much. With the exception of people who I've had on my friends list for years, I go through and delete anyone who is inactive for 30 days or more. It's not a big deal to me because I just don't get that close to my MFP friends.

    On the forums, I enjoy a lot of peoples' presence and appreciate their posts but I consider MFP more of a solitary thing for me. I like sharing stories/NSVs, tips & stuff like that but I'm content to just share with whatever MFP members happen to be around & reading my post or response to their post.

    I don't add most of the people who friend-request me, because it's usually w/o a message anyway and I don't recognize the members from these forums. I am more likely to add females than males, mainly because I'm married & see no point in guys who want to chat back & forth endlessly (even if it's totally normal non-flirty conversation). I don't want to message back and forth a bunch with anyone here, to be honest.
  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
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    The replies kind of hit the nail on the head...

    I guess, I don't find it discouraging in my own weight-loss/health journey. I find it discouraging to try to make new people connections with the plaguing thought, "What's the point, majority won't be active on here within a month." Kind of sad, but I'm finding to be the case.

    @LyndaBSS

    I wanted to mention,

    I didn't notice the drop, until I went through friends list and clicked on each name, over half my list would say last logged in a month ago or two months ago.

    I guess the part that got to me was some of the ones who quit had started so enthusiastic and active. I literally hovered over the remove friend option, thinking "Damn, can't believe they quit." hesitated removing for a second, but finally removed all inactives.

  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
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    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    I've been here over 6 years and use the site daily, with very few exceptions (travel).

    But like a lot of people, I am not a great MFP friend. I just don't find the "wall" feature very engaging. I have 3-4 MFP friends I've connected with on other social media and consider friends/acquaintances, but for the most part I don't notice much. With the exception of people who I've had on my friends list for years, I go through and delete anyone who is inactive for 30 days or more. It's not a big deal to me because I just don't get that close to my MFP friends.

    On the forums, I enjoy a lot of peoples' presence and appreciate their posts but I consider MFP more of a solitary thing for me. I like sharing stories/NSVs, tips & stuff like that but I'm content to just share with whatever MFP members happen to be around & reading my post or response to their post.

    I don't add most of the people who friend-request me, because it's usually w/o a message anyway and I don't recognize the members from these forums. I am more likely to add females than males, mainly because I'm married & see no point in guys who want to chat back & forth endlessly (even if it's totally normal non-flirty conversation). I don't want to message back and forth a bunch with anyone here, to be honest.

    @seltzermint555

    I don't really PM with males on here either.

    That got old the first couple of weeks on here. I'm also in a good relationship and do not need attention from men online. I get tired of the flirty messages!

  • Luke_rabbit
    Luke_rabbit Posts: 1,031 Member
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    Emmapatterson1729 wrote: »
    Annie_01 wrote: »
    pinuplove wrote: »
    I joined 8 years ago, but was largely absent for 4 of those years in the middle. I've seen a lot of people come and go, a few I regret not having a secondary way to contact. That's just how it goes. Some met their goals and moved on. But the majority of them just drift away.

    I'm a terrible MFP "friend." I rarely post and only occasionally like or comment on their stuff to remind them I'm still alive.

    There are regulars I interact with on the forums only that I consider friends (whether they know it or no :lol: ) who are not on my friends list. I'd miss them if they disappeared.

    This is why I no longer accept friend requests...I am just horrible at being a friend on this site. I also found the feed annoying when everyone was congratulating each other on being way below their calorie goal or making excuses as to why they couldn't lose or they gained weight.

    @Annie_01

    I understand the feed annoyance!

    This is part of the reason I just cut my list down! I'm already getting close to the point of not wanting to accept anymore friends request.

    I mostly kept people who get in enough calories and have open diaries.

    With a history of eating disorders, I can't watch people starve themselves; it was triggering some really bad side effects. I finally decided I have to put myself and my health before others.

    I almost sent you a friend request the other day when you mentioned the delicious vegetarian food you make! But, I've only done friend requests to people asking for friends or support and I didn't want to be weird.

    I only have 3 MFP friends + one who is actually a real life friend but isn't using the app right now. One has totally vanished, one is still logging food but not interacting anymore, and the third is a great MFP friend. I was pretty selective but still the monkeys fall off the bed.
  • Duck_Puddle
    Duck_Puddle Posts: 3,224 Member
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    I will hit 8 years in December. I’m here every day, I log all my food every day. My primary reason for being here is to log my food and exercise so that’s always my priority.

    The people on my FL are mostly a whole lot that I have added after interacting in a mutually interesting way. Many of these people are also here very day (or close) and we talk about all kinds of things. Most of us are just going about the day to day business of life while fitting in “health” and fitness in various capacities. Many of us have traveled to participate in events (races) together or other meetups. Most of us have been through a lot of “life” in our time here and the support of this community has been something not only to help us through that “life” event but also keep us engaged in remaining focused on health and fitness.

    97% of my mfp interactions and involvement is on my wall or my friends’ walls. It is nothing like the forums. Nobody wants to know if carbs are bad. Nobody is asking for weight loss advice. Some do keto, some don’t. Some are lifters. Some are runners. Some do their own thing in private and I have no idea (don’t really care either).

    My FL also has a few serial restarters. And a few who have gone. A few that have come back after more than a year.

    I don’t add a lot of people from the forums who are “add me” “need accountability” “let’s motivate each other” because none of those are my vibe. I don’t post “burned xxxx calories running xxx pace for xxxx time” and hope people comment “great burn”. I post run reports with pics of the sunsets I see, the cake icing decorating bag that was on the track and my disappointment that there were no cupcakes, I talk about my interactions with the skin-suit tailor, squirrels that laugh at me when I trip over an acorn, and the rabid bobcat/mini-dog that turned out to be a landscaping rock. My friends do the same.

    I think it’s a matter of finding your tribe.

    That maybe doesn’t answer your question. I don’t have a lot of dropouts because I don’t add a lot of people who are on day 1/2/3 looking for other people to motivate them. I expect that a large number of people who start using mfp will drop their efforts fairly early on. I don’t think that’s any different than anything else.

    I add people with common interests and communication styles and we have a nice group.
  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
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    Duck_Puddle wrote: »
    I will hit 8 years in December. I’m here every day, I log all my food every day. My primary reason for being here is to log my food and exercise so that’s always my priority.

    The people on my FL are mostly a whole lot that I have added after interacting in a mutually interesting way. Many of these people are also here very day (or close) and we talk about all kinds of things. Most of us are just going about the day to day business of life while fitting in “health” and fitness in various capacities. Many of us have traveled to participate in events (races) together or other meetups. Most of us have been through a lot of “life” in our time here and the support of this community has been something not only to help us through that “life” event but also keep us engaged in remaining focused on health and fitness.

    97% of my mfp interactions and involvement is on my wall or my friends’ walls. It is nothing like the forums. Nobody wants to know if carbs are bad. Nobody is asking for weight loss advice. Some do keto, some don’t. Some are lifters. Some are runners. Some do their own thing in private and I have no idea (don’t really care either).

    My FL also has a few serial restarters. And a few who have gone. A few that have come back after more than a year.

    I don’t add a lot of people from the forums who are “add me” “need accountability” “let’s motivate each other” because none of those are my vibe. I don’t post “burned xxxx calories running xxx pace for xxxx time” and hope people comment “great burn”. I post run reports with pics of the sunsets I see, the cake icing decorating bag that was on the track and my disappointment that there were no cupcakes, I talk about my interactions with the skin-suit tailor, squirrels that laugh at me when I trip over an acorn, and the rabid bobcat/mini-dog that turned out to be a landscaping rock. My friends do the same.

    I think it’s a matter of finding your tribe.

    That maybe doesn’t answer your question. I don’t have a lot of dropouts because I don’t add a lot of people who are on day 1/2/3 looking for other people to motivate them. I expect that a large number of people who start using mfp will drop their efforts fairly early on. I don’t think that’s any different than anything else.

    I add people with common interests and communication styles and we have a nice group.

    @Duck_Puddle

    This sounds a lot like my friends list, I got going now!! Just day to day chat, with some health discussions. I did cut some attention needy people too, always seem to be after ego strokes or likes.

    @boldknee

    I'm not vegetarian anymore, but still eat a lot of vegetarian foods and dishes. Open for adds from people who are active on here, logging, open diaries to friends, and active on feed. I love talking food!! And vegetarian dishes are some of my favorite foods.
  • cbihatt
    cbihatt Posts: 319 Member
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    Interesting replies. I have been an off and on MFP user for a few years. I have never added a friend and I don’t plan to do so. I do enjoy some of the forums, but I feel like it’s too much work to try to keep up with what other people are doing. It’s enough to just focus on myself.

    In truth, I am not big on social media at all. I don’t have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, or any other similar app. That stuff just does not appeal to me.
  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
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    cbihatt wrote: »
    Interesting replies. I have been an off and on MFP user for a few years. I have never added a friend and I don’t plan to do so. I do enjoy some of the forums, but I feel like it’s too much work to try to keep up with what other people are doing. It’s enough to just focus on myself.

    In truth, I am not big on social media at all. I don’t have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, or any other similar app. That stuff just does not appeal to me.

    @cbihatt

    Me neither. I don't have any social media accounts either. This is as close to socializing online as I get.

    I opened a Facebook just to try and get references for a job the other day, but it will be deactivated tomorrow, lol.

    I'm not very social in real life. I choose not to be. In the past, friends always came with drama.
  • liftorgohome
    liftorgohome Posts: 25,455 Member
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    People come and go and it all depends on their work and social life. Others may not be able to come on here due to work/internet issues. Everyone is busy. I enjoy the games and socializing with people but also focus on the fitness perspective. A lot of good people here if you get to know them. Just my two cents worth.
  • LivingtheLeanDream
    LivingtheLeanDream Posts: 13,345 Member
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    Many people on my friends list have came and gone over the years I've been here, that's how it goes I suppose - can't say I've given it much thought, I enjoy the interaction but its not for everyone.
  • RelCanonical
    RelCanonical Posts: 3,882 Member
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    I've been on MFP for about 6 years, with a gap in between. When I came back, I intentionally decided to not add people to my friends list. I wanted to see how it would be just focusing on myself and only being held accountable by myself. I kind of enjoyed it. I made friends on here anyway but they just have to deal with no being "MFP Official" lol.
  • doingthisforme16
    doingthisforme16 Posts: 36 Member
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    Emmapatterson1729 wrote: »
    Been on here for about 3 months. I just cleaned off friends list for the first time. Around 100 cut, most inactive for over a month.

    Question is: does anyone who's been on here a long time find it discouraging how many come and go, or ever discouraged by how many start and quit after being active and gungho for first couple of weeks?

    Or is it something you just become used to?

    I think people coming and going is just symptomatic of the Internet in general and even our broader culture that chases "instant gratification."

    That being said, I've found some great friends on MFP. These friends / myself have been able to support and encourage each other.
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
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    RelCanonical wrote: »
    I've been on MFP for about 6 years, with a gap in between. When I came back, I intentionally decided to not add people to my friends list. I wanted to see how it would be just focusing on myself and only being held accountable by myself. I kind of enjoyed it. I made friends on here anyway but they just have to deal with no being "MFP Official" lol.

    It means nothing if it's not MFP official. :laugh:


    I've been around since 2012, although not active on the forums for the first year, and then slowly started stepping my toes into the forums. I started adding friends at that time (2013) and many have come and gone. I regularly delete people who have been inactive for a long period of time, although there are a few I just can't bring myself to remove. As in real life, people come and go, and that is often because their priorities shift over time. I do wonder about them, and some I even worry about. At the end of the day, there is nothing I can do about it, and ultimately I am here for me.

    I am like @pinuplove and tend to be a sucky MFP friend, so I rarely add people.
  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
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    Thanks for replies! It's interesting to get others' perspectives on the social aspect.

    I've been on and off since the app came out. Always a new profile, user name, etc. I honestly never in all the years realized there's a community and feed. At one point I synced contacts (but it was just one sister).

    I would click diary, log, and get off. So the social aspect is totally new to me, and it is a completely different experience.

    I enjoy it most days!

    Thanks again, for all the responses!!

  • Mccmack
    Mccmack Posts: 195 Member
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    I'm back on MFP after being off for about a year. I lost 60 pounds and then gained back 40 in the time I was off MFP. In the time I was off, my favorite friend defriended me. It bummed me out. She was a good friend. I watched her lose about 60 pounds and change her profession, her outlook and her life. I had several friends do similar things in the time was logging on MFP. Watching people go through their journey is fun. But the thing that will ultimately keep me on MFP has to come from me. If I don't track my eating, I have never been able to control my weight. So, it is all a part of my journey. I don't believe there is a difference between losing weight and maintaining in that it requires the same discipline to do both. Right now, I'm not pursuing friends because I need to make me a believer at this time. But if I do get back to pursuing friends it will be for the joy of seeing people making positive changes in their lives.
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,464 Member
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    Thanks for the reminder to delete inactive friends :D I have a few very wonderful friends I interact with occasionally but most I never hear from. I've been on here 5+years and generally have a friends list of about 150. I know very few. I tend to get a lot of adds whenever I post about my successes. I used to reject requests that didn't include an introduction, then I learned that not all app platforms allow that option. So I accept, most people never respond if I do message them, then when they fall off I delete them so as not to clutter up my list too much. If anyone wants back on, they can send me another request.

    Honestly, your MFP friends are internet avatars, not "real friends" for the most part (a few are). Don't get your feelings hurt if someone doesn't engage. Just enjoy those who do!
  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
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    Mccmack wrote: »
    I'm back on MFP after being off for about a year. I lost 60 pounds and then gained back 40 in the time I was off MFP. In the time I was off, my favorite friend defriended me. It bummed me out. She was a good friend. I watched her lose about 60 pounds and change her profession, her outlook and her life. I had several friends do similar things in the time was logging on MFP. Watching people go through their journey is fun. But the thing that will ultimately keep me on MFP has to come from me. If I don't track my eating, I have never been able to control my weight. So, it is all a part of my journey. I don't believe there is a difference between losing weight and maintaining in that it requires the same discipline to do both. Right now, I'm not pursuing friends because I need to make me a believer at this time. But if I do get back to pursuing friends it will be for the joy of seeing people making positive changes in their lives.

    @Mccmack

    That's my favorite part of my friends list is seeing people succeed and transform. Already seen amazing transformations, weightloss and the self confidence that comes with it.

    Talking people into not giving up when they're ready to throw in the towel and quit, suggesting a few tips, and then seeing them thrive is very fulfilling!

    I usually quit MFP when I hit my goal, I maintain for years, get injured to point of being immobile, gain and end up back on MFP to assess calorie intake, log, and lose again. (It's a cycle I've been on for years).

    I just can't seem to start calorie deficit after injury without seeing it on here in black and white.

    Thanks for replying!





  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
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    lorrpb wrote: »
    Thanks for the reminder to delete inactive friends :D I have a few very wonderful friends I interact with occasionally but most I never hear from. I've been on here 5+years and generally have a friends list of about 150. I know very few. I tend to get a lot of adds whenever I post about my successes. I used to reject requests that didn't include an introduction, then I learned that not all app platforms allow that option. So I accept, most people never respond if I do message them, then when they fall off I delete them so as not to clutter up my list too much. If anyone wants back on, they can send me another request.

    Honestly, your MFP friends are internet avatars, not "real friends" for the most part (a few are). Don't get your feelings hurt if someone doesn't engage. Just enjoy those who do!


    @lorrpb

    That's a good point, would always accept lost friends back if they came back.

    I don't really get my feelings hurt from friends list or messaging (general forums are another story). I do think it's a little sad seeing so many give up.

    The inactives, you never know if they continue in real life trying to lose with a different app or different approach. But some who started at the same time, similar goals, who were very active on here, loved the app, just disappear... You kind of know they gave up.

    Also seen a few just bluntly say they give up and quit, then never log on again...

    What can I say, I am a hormonal, over-emotional female combined with being a mother-hen type who wants to fix and save everyone, LoL.

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