Sad lady
BoxerBrawler
Posts: 2,032 Member
I was in the cafe' this morning at work getting my GBOMB breakfast 
There is this woman at the breakfast buffet bar, she's quite obese and she's loading up her tray with everything under the sun... all of the breakfast foods, baked, fried, tots, wedges, pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast.. you name it. The whole time she is laughing sarcastically and loudly saying to the cook behind the counter "I don't eat healthy and I don't care either!" But you could tell that she really does care and was trying to hide her shame with a joke and with being sarcastic. I felt bad for her.
There is this woman at the breakfast buffet bar, she's quite obese and she's loading up her tray with everything under the sun... all of the breakfast foods, baked, fried, tots, wedges, pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast.. you name it. The whole time she is laughing sarcastically and loudly saying to the cook behind the counter "I don't eat healthy and I don't care either!" But you could tell that she really does care and was trying to hide her shame with a joke and with being sarcastic. I felt bad for her.
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cushman5279 wrote: »I was in the cafe' this morning at work getting my GBOMB breakfast
There is this woman at the breakfast buffet bar, she's quite obese and she's loading up her tray with everything under the sun... all of the breakfast foods, baked, fried, tots, wedges, pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast.. you name it. The whole time she is laughing sarcastically and loudly saying to the cook behind the counter "I don't eat healthy and I don't care either!" But you could tell that she really does care and was trying to hide her shame with a joke and with being sarcastic. I felt bad for her.
I try not to read into those situations. I have no idea what a day, week, or month of her life looks like. She might have been previously heavier and she is making progress towards a goal.30 -
Without knowing her, I can't say whether she's hurting or not. I hope she lives her best life. 💙25
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This post seems so...I mean I guess it's one of the better examples of shaming people for the food they eat online that I've seen in a while. Never mind that this person might not be ashamed of what she's eating, could be joking for some other reason, could be unhappy (or happy) for a wide range of reasons that you aren't privy to, etc.cushman5279 wrote: »I was in the cafe' this morning at work getting my GBOMB breakfast
There is this woman at the breakfast buffet bar, she's quite obese and she's loading up her tray with everything under the sun... all of the breakfast foods, baked, fried, tots, wedges, pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast.. you name it. The whole time she is laughing sarcastically and loudly saying to the cook behind the counter "I don't eat healthy and I don't care either!" But you could tell that she really does care and was trying to hide her shame with a joke and with being sarcastic. I felt bad for her.33 -
Unfortunately its people like you and your judgement that deters people from going to the gym or make a change. Is your life so devoid of happiness that you are projecting unhappiness on this complete stranger?? Eat your breakfast and worry about yourself.41
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I didn't shame her at all, and I don't demonize foods. Eat whatever... you could just tell by her demeanor that she'd given up. At least for today.4
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cushman5279 wrote: »I didn't shame her at all, and I don't demonize foods. Eat whatever... you could just tell by her demeanor that she'd given up. At least for today.
I guess my question for you is, why did you feel the need to post about this person? What are you hoping comes of it?41 -
cushman5279 wrote: »I didn't shame her at all, and I don't demonize foods. Eat whatever... you could just tell by her demeanor that she'd given up. At least for today.
I guess my question for you is, why did you feel the need to post about this person? What are you hoping comes of it?
Yeah I was wondering about that too. The OP mentioned the food she was eating as if it were a judgment. She is a random stranger with a life that we know nothing about.
There have been meals I have eaten while losing that people would probably be pitying me.20 -
cushman5279 wrote: »I didn't shame her at all, and I don't demonize foods. Eat whatever... you could just tell by her demeanor that she'd given up. At least for today.
Maybe you didn't shame her to her face, but you still shamed her. If not to shame her, what was the point of your post? Maybe she was "joking" about it with the cook because she saw the way you were looking at her.17 -
Because other people in the world have an impact on us when we interact with them...because not all those interactions are positive...because why should OP feel compelled to bottle up inside how it made her feel to observe the world and it's people today????11
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tcunbeliever wrote: »Because other people in the world have an impact on us when we interact with them...because not all those interactions are positive...because why should OP feel compelled to bottle up inside how it made her feel to observe the world and it's people today????
She's free to share but not also immune from the responses she gets.
Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all.30 -
cushman5279 wrote: »I was in the cafe' this morning at work getting my GBOMB breakfast
There is this woman at the breakfast buffet bar, she's quite obese and she's loading up her tray with everything under the sun... all of the breakfast foods, baked, fried, tots, wedges, pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast.. you name it. The whole time she is laughing sarcastically and loudly saying to the cook behind the counter "I don't eat healthy and I don't care either!" But you could tell that she really does care and was trying to hide her shame with a joke and with being sarcastic. I felt bad for her.
This is patronizing and uncalled for.
If I say that I pity you right now for being so insecure you need to comment on how strangers eat, does that make you feel good about yourself?
Because that stranger could have easily been me, and your pity feels disgusting and demeaning.31 -
tcunbeliever wrote: »Because other people in the world have an impact on us when we interact with them...because not all those interactions are positive...because why should OP feel compelled to bottle up inside how it made her feel to observe the world and it's people today????
So if I have a random encounter with a total stranger and fail to detail it on the internet I have bottled something inside?
She didn't just observe. She made inferences and then pitied her.26 -
cushman5279 wrote: »I was in the cafe' this morning at work getting my GBOMB breakfast
There is this woman at the breakfast buffet bar, she's quite obese and she's loading up her tray with everything under the sun... all of the breakfast foods, baked, fried, tots, wedges, pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast.. you name it. The whole time she is laughing sarcastically and loudly saying to the cook behind the counter "I don't eat healthy and I don't care either!" But you could tell that she really does care and was trying to hide her shame with a joke and with being sarcastic. I felt bad for her.
This is patronizing and uncalled for.
If I say that I pity you right now for being so insecure you need to comment on how strangers eat, does that make you feel good about yourself?
Because that stranger could have easily been me, and your pity feels disgusting and demeaning.
That stranger could have been me too even after I've lost 95 pounds!16 -
If I were at a buffet my plate would also be loaded up with everything under the sun; I like to get my money's worth. It doesn't mean that I (or anyone else at a buffet) eat like that all the time. You don't know what this woman's typical diet is like or what kind of progress she may or may not have made with weight loss already. And you have no way of knowing that her joke was just a way to "hide her shame." Focus on your own plate.17
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Also want to point out that fat people are not under any obligation to be trying to lose weight. It's no one's concern/business if she is just enjoying her breakfast or has "given up".31
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Once, when I was a work in an office with a long row of cubicles, a co-worker poked her head in to tell me that there was cake in the break room. After she left, I poked my head out to watch her walk up the row of cubicles. My co-worker did not stop to tell anyone else about the cake. I had to ask myself, why did this woman think I was the one who would want to know about cake.
This was a moment of clarity for me. Like another time when I stopped to think about the meaning of the fact that I could not tie my shoes and breathe at the same time. Or when I realized I was a little shorter than baseball player Dustin Pedroia (5'9") and a little heavier than David Ortiz (6'3" 230 lbs).
Watch people eat - who eats the pizza and baked goods; who does not?
If your point is that "skinny" people do not eat pizza and baked goods you are very mistaken.30 -
Once, when I was a work in an office with a long row of cubicles, a co-worker poked her head in to tell me that there was cake in the break room. After she left, I poked my head out to watch her walk up the row of cubicles. My co-worker did not stop to tell anyone else about the cake. I had to ask myself, why did this woman think I was the one who would want to know about cake.
This was a moment of clarity for me. Like another time when I stopped to think about the meaning of the fact that I could not tie my shoes and breathe at the same time. Or when I realized I was a little shorter than baseball player Dustin Pedroia (5'9") and a little heavier than David Ortiz (6'3" 230 lbs).
Watch people eat - who eats the pizza and baked goods; who does not?
I will literally never turn down free pizza or cake. I eat pizza once a week and eat "baked goods" regularly. My BMI is 22 and I've been in maintenance for 2 years. So what conclusions are people supposed to draw?22 -
[/quote]
If your point is that "skinny" people do not eat pizza and baked goods you are very mistaken. [/quote]
Point in fact! Everyone in my office is thinner than me, and they are all eating pizza RIGHT NOW!! I am eating the lunch I prepared on the weekend.19 -
Once, when I was a work in an office with a long row of cubicles, a co-worker poked her head in to tell me that there was cake in the break room. After she left, I poked my head out to watch her walk up the row of cubicles. My co-worker did not stop to tell anyone else about the cake. I had to ask myself, why did this woman think I was the one who would want to know about cake.
This was a moment of clarity for me. Like another time when I stopped to think about the meaning of the fact that I could not tie my shoes and breathe at the same time. Or when I realized I was a little shorter than baseball player Dustin Pedroia (5'9") and a little heavier than David Ortiz (6'3" 230 lbs).
Watch people eat - who eats the pizza and baked goods; who does not?
At my work, people always tell me first when there's pizza or baked goods because they know how much joy I get out of a delicious treat. I have a BMI of 20 - NOT that it matters at all. My body, my choices, my consequences to deal with. Why would you watch what other people eat instead of just worrying about yourself? Let them eat cake (or a delicious breakfast buffet).11 -
I get it. The patron made a statement, and although we may not know exactly what the woman was thinking or feeling, the observer could sense it @cushman5279 - I don't think the intent was to Shame, but to Share with the group (us) her feelings about the situation. It made @cushman5279 feel bad. I felt bad for this woman too.
The food choices we make impact us physically - everyday (it also impacts our families). I was doing reading about morbid obesity (my best friend suffers aliments, plus my weight was climbing upwards until last year - it's a death sentence). I do have great empathy for those who are obese, trying or not to lose the weight - its hard to be morbidly obese without health complications....eventually the grim reaper will come to call prematurely. Should all obese people be trying to lose weight, yes - they probably should, for the sake of themselves, and quality of living.
The National Institutes of Health report that morbid obesity may considerably reduce life expectancy and is associated with an increased risk of developing conditions or diseases such as:
Diabetes
Joint Problems
High Cholesterol
Sleep Apnea
Gallstones
Cancer
Hernias
Coronary Artery Disease
Skin Infections
Respiratory Problems
Stroke
Hypertension
I'm glad we are all here on our journey together, but we should try to be a bit nicer to each other. I've lost about 40 lbs and I"m STILL Obese, I have another 20 to to go until I'm just "overweight". This is a very very long road. @cushman5279 keep coming back - everyone else too. I guess that's all I have to say about that.....
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Her life, her business. She has to answer for what she does... not you...11
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Once, when I was a work in an office with a long row of cubicles, a co-worker poked her head in to tell me that there was cake in the break room. After she left, I poked my head out to watch her walk up the row of cubicles. My co-worker did not stop to tell anyone else about the cake. I had to ask myself, why did this woman think I was the one who would want to know about cake.
This was a moment of clarity for me. Like another time when I stopped to think about the meaning of the fact that I could not tie my shoes and breathe at the same time. Or when I realized I was a little shorter than baseball player Dustin Pedroia (5'9") and a little heavier than David Ortiz (6'3" 230 lbs).
Watch people eat - who eats the pizza and baked goods; who does not?
If your point is that "skinny" people do not eat pizza and baked goods you are very mistaken.
I THINK the big difference is many "skinny" people will put down the bag of M&M's. I have watched my brother in law. 6'4" 160 soaking wet, pick up a big bag of candy. Have a couple and put it down. N=1 here, but I have trouble stopping. Just my observation.4 -
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Why can't OP just feel bad for the person??? Why does this have to be a condemnation of her?21
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tcunbeliever wrote: »Because other people in the world have an impact on us when we interact with them...because not all those interactions are positive...because why should OP feel compelled to bottle up inside how it made her feel to observe the world and it's people today????
I don't know that watching someone without that person responding to you in any way is the same as interacting with someone. That said, what you wrote is just as true for those of us who telling the OP that what she did was shaming, patronising, and uncalled for.2 -
Why can't OP just feel bad for the person??? Why does this have to be a condemnation of her?
The OP started a thread. If she had felt bad for the person privately no one would know it happened. I also do not see this as condemnation but if the topic is going to be discussed certainly some negative reactions are warranted.
The question is what about the woman deserved to be pitied? The OP has inferred that her statements were lies and that she was ashamed of being overweight/food choices. Is that appropriate or a product of projected bias?
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Once, when I was a work in an office with a long row of cubicles, a co-worker poked her head in to tell me that there was cake in the break room. After she left, I poked my head out to watch her walk up the row of cubicles. My co-worker did not stop to tell anyone else about the cake. I had to ask myself, why did this woman think I was the one who would want to know about cake.
This was a moment of clarity for me. Like another time when I stopped to think about the meaning of the fact that I could not tie my shoes and breathe at the same time. Or when I realized I was a little shorter than baseball player Dustin Pedroia (5'9") and a little heavier than David Ortiz (6'3" 230 lbs).
Watch people eat - who eats the pizza and baked goods; who does not?
I will literally never turn down free pizza or cake. I eat pizza once a week and eat "baked goods" regularly. My BMI is 22 and I've been in maintenance for 2 years. So what conclusions are people supposed to draw?
exactly...if anything I am MORE likely to grab free pizza or cake in the office now, because it's a treat I don't eat all the time whereas those things used to be so commonplace for me that I wouldn't even bother. Pastries are much more appealing to me when I can have one for free and not a box of them in my kitchen. Not to mention how much I felt judged when eating a lot of sweets/rich things in front of people when I was much heavier.8
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