Sad lady
Replies
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I've lost almost 70 lbs. I still suffer from extreme social anxiety regardless of how I look now. Please don't judge people, you have no idea what they are going through in their lives.24
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psychod787 wrote: »Once, when I was a work in an office with a long row of cubicles, a co-worker poked her head in to tell me that there was cake in the break room. After she left, I poked my head out to watch her walk up the row of cubicles. My co-worker did not stop to tell anyone else about the cake. I had to ask myself, why did this woman think I was the one who would want to know about cake.
This was a moment of clarity for me. Like another time when I stopped to think about the meaning of the fact that I could not tie my shoes and breathe at the same time. Or when I realized I was a little shorter than baseball player Dustin Pedroia (5'9") and a little heavier than David Ortiz (6'3" 230 lbs).
Watch people eat - who eats the pizza and baked goods; who does not?
If your point is that "skinny" people do not eat pizza and baked goods you are very mistaken.
I THINK the big difference is many "skinny" people will put down the bag of M&M's. I have watched my brother in law. 6'4" 160 soaking wet, pick up a big bag of candy. Have a couple and put it down. N=1 here, but I have trouble stopping. Just my observation.
I have seen some "skinny" people hoover down a large bag of M&Ms. I have even known really thin people who struggled to gain weight. The world is an interesting place.7 -
Why can't OP just feel bad for the person??? Why does this have to be a condemnation of her?
The OP started a thread. If she had felt bad for the person privately no one would know it happened. I also do not see this as condemnation but if the topic is going to be discussed certainly some negative reactions are warranted.
The question is what about the woman deserved to be pitied? The OP has inferred that her statements were lies and that she was ashamed of being overweight/food choices. Is that appropriate or a product of projected bias?
I just saw it as an observation. I've been in a similar situation and had similar thoughts. Doesn't mean I was judging the person as inferior or less than.6 -
Why can't OP just feel bad for the person??? Why does this have to be a condemnation of her?
She didn't just feel bad for the person. She came back here to gossip. I would assume so we could all feel superior and pity her together.
If a coworker came into my office and told me that while grabbing their Insta-worthy healthy breakfast out of the fridge they saw one of our obese coworkers in the break room reheating a giant plate of fried food and joking about it to hide their shame, isn't it sad, I would tell them to mind their own damn business and ask them if they wanted anything when I ran out to McD's later to get some Chicken Nuggets. Then I would go tell the obese coworker that the color of her outfit today looks amaze-balls on her and ask her how her day is going.38 -
OK, I didn't take it that way at all. Guess I'll be on my way.
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psychod787 wrote: »Once, when I was a work in an office with a long row of cubicles, a co-worker poked her head in to tell me that there was cake in the break room. After she left, I poked my head out to watch her walk up the row of cubicles. My co-worker did not stop to tell anyone else about the cake. I had to ask myself, why did this woman think I was the one who would want to know about cake.
This was a moment of clarity for me. Like another time when I stopped to think about the meaning of the fact that I could not tie my shoes and breathe at the same time. Or when I realized I was a little shorter than baseball player Dustin Pedroia (5'9") and a little heavier than David Ortiz (6'3" 230 lbs).
Watch people eat - who eats the pizza and baked goods; who does not?
If your point is that "skinny" people do not eat pizza and baked goods you are very mistaken.
I THINK the big difference is many "skinny" people will put down the bag of M&M's. I have watched my brother in law. 6'4" 160 soaking wet, pick up a big bag of candy. Have a couple and put it down. N=1 here, but I have trouble stopping. Just my observation.
I have seen some "skinny" people hoover down a large bag of M&Ms. I have even known really thin people who struggled to gain weight. The world is an interesting place.
True,but what we dont see is if they compensate later.4 -
Why does she feel the need to announce that.
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OK, I didn't take it that way at all. Guess I'll be on my way.
You don't have to leave or anything, but you did ask the question
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OK, I didn't take it that way at all. Guess I'll be on my way.
You don't have to leave or anything, but you did ask the question
I know. But if my interpretation is dramatically different than everyone else's, which is seems to be, then that says something. Either this is a losing battle, or my interpretation is wrong. Either way, this probably isn't the thread for me.7 -
OP, whatever your reasoning for posting this I can’t imagine. I will say this though, try to put yourself in this person’s place as a topic on an Internet forum.20
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psychod787 wrote: »
I’m talking about the woman in line.3 -
Why can't OP just feel bad for the person??? Why does this have to be a condemnation of her?
The OP started a thread. If she had felt bad for the person privately no one would know it happened. I also do not see this as condemnation but if the topic is going to be discussed certainly some negative reactions are warranted.
The question is what about the woman deserved to be pitied? The OP has inferred that her statements were lies and that she was ashamed of being overweight/food choices. Is that appropriate or a product of projected bias?
I just saw it as an observation. I've been in a similar situation and had similar thoughts. Doesn't mean I was judging the person as inferior or less than.
I tend to mind my own business but if it grabbed my attention and if I surmised the woman was unhappy I probably would have just mentally hoped she find her path soon and gave it no further thought. I wouldn't broadcast my possibly erroneous conclusions to the world.
Also, assuming the woman was covering her shame she is covering it because of things like this thread. People "observing" other people and drawing conclusions based on a single meal. People should just be allowed to eat their food.17 -
psychod787 wrote: »psychod787 wrote: »Once, when I was a work in an office with a long row of cubicles, a co-worker poked her head in to tell me that there was cake in the break room. After she left, I poked my head out to watch her walk up the row of cubicles. My co-worker did not stop to tell anyone else about the cake. I had to ask myself, why did this woman think I was the one who would want to know about cake.
This was a moment of clarity for me. Like another time when I stopped to think about the meaning of the fact that I could not tie my shoes and breathe at the same time. Or when I realized I was a little shorter than baseball player Dustin Pedroia (5'9") and a little heavier than David Ortiz (6'3" 230 lbs).
Watch people eat - who eats the pizza and baked goods; who does not?
If your point is that "skinny" people do not eat pizza and baked goods you are very mistaken.
I THINK the big difference is many "skinny" people will put down the bag of M&M's. I have watched my brother in law. 6'4" 160 soaking wet, pick up a big bag of candy. Have a couple and put it down. N=1 here, but I have trouble stopping. Just my observation.
I have seen some "skinny" people hoover down a large bag of M&Ms. I have even known really thin people who struggled to gain weight. The world is an interesting place.
True,but what we dont see is if they compensate later.
Oh I know. This is why you can't judge someone based on a single action or meal. I know some people with some ridiculously high TDEEs. One of them in particular you would not really guess based on his slow methodical mannerisms but the guy is never still. He is one of the few people that I know that eats a Standard American Diet and his weight has been in a 10 pound range for 20 years. Granted he is about 10 pounds above his healthy goal range which makes him overweight (according to his doctor) but I would still count that as a win.3 -
cushman5279 wrote: »I was in the cafe' this morning at work getting my GBOMB breakfast
There is this woman at the breakfast buffet bar, she's quite obese and she's loading up her tray with everything under the sun... all of the breakfast foods, baked, fried, tots, wedges, pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast.. you name it. The whole time she is laughing sarcastically and loudly saying to the cook behind the counter "I don't eat healthy and I don't care either!" But you could tell that she really does care and was trying to hide her shame with a joke and with being sarcastic. I felt bad for her.
This is patronizing and uncalled for.
If I say that I pity you right now for being so insecure you need to comment on how strangers eat, does that make you feel good about yourself?
Because that stranger could have easily been me, and your pity feels disgusting and demeaning.
The comment had nothing to do with you and yet you still feel badly
Shocking! It's almost like I have a decades long history of dealing with others people's feelings about my weight or something. Almost like I spent most of my life with no self esteem because of how people treat fat girls.
One of the determining factors in my poor eating habits for much of my teens and 20's was defiantly eating high calorie, greasy foods while people gave me pitying stares. I refused to eat a salad and give them what they wanted: some sick narrative of the "fat dieting girl" they could use to indulge their superiority complexes.
If I was gonna be stared at anyway then by god, I was going to eat what I wanted and enjoy it.31 -
why be so judgey? its not your plate, not your body. you have no idea what other decisions (food or otherwise) that she has made.
as my grandma would say .... 'mind ya own business child'17 -
cushman5279 wrote: »I was in the cafe' this morning at work getting my GBOMB breakfast
There is this woman at the breakfast buffet bar, she's quite obese and she's loading up her tray with everything under the sun... all of the breakfast foods, baked, fried, tots, wedges, pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast.. you name it. The whole time she is laughing sarcastically and loudly saying to the cook behind the counter "I don't eat healthy and I don't care either!" But you could tell that she really does care and was trying to hide her shame with a joke and with being sarcastic. I felt bad for her.
This is patronizing and uncalled for.
If I say that I pity you right now for being so insecure you need to comment on how strangers eat, does that make you feel good about yourself?
Because that stranger could have easily been me, and your pity feels disgusting and demeaning.
The comment had nothing to do with you and yet you still feel badly
Its almost like I have a many years long history of dealing with others people's feelings about my weight or something.
A very long time ago my boss staged a fat intervention for me. I don't think I was the most uncomfortable person in attendance. As I recall 2 of the women looked mortified it was happening and were ready to gain super powers and fly out of there.
He (the boss) should be happy. A couple of decades later and I am about 30 pounds lighter than I was on that day. Yay! It worked!!20 -
psychod787 wrote: »Once, when I was a work in an office with a long row of cubicles, a co-worker poked her head in to tell me that there was cake in the break room. After she left, I poked my head out to watch her walk up the row of cubicles. My co-worker did not stop to tell anyone else about the cake. I had to ask myself, why did this woman think I was the one who would want to know about cake.
This was a moment of clarity for me. Like another time when I stopped to think about the meaning of the fact that I could not tie my shoes and breathe at the same time. Or when I realized I was a little shorter than baseball player Dustin Pedroia (5'9") and a little heavier than David Ortiz (6'3" 230 lbs).
Watch people eat - who eats the pizza and baked goods; who does not?
If your point is that "skinny" people do not eat pizza and baked goods you are very mistaken.
I THINK the big difference is many "skinny" people will put down the bag of M&M's. I have watched my brother in law. 6'4" 160 soaking wet, pick up a big bag of candy. Have a couple and put it down. N=1 here, but I have trouble stopping. Just my observation.
my husband is 137 pounds. the *kitten*. 5'7. out-eats me EVERY day of the week. doesnt gain a single freaking pound. all the baked goods and treats i made over the last week when he was home - he single handedly ate. i had a few bites, but not much.
your theory is JUDGEMENTAL AND FLAWED8 -
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I get it. The patron made a statement, and although we may not know exactly what the woman was thinking or feeling, the observer could sense it @cushman5279 - I don't think the intent was to Shame, but to Share with the group (us) her feelings about the situation. It made @cushman5279 feel bad. I felt bad for this woman too.
The food choices we make impact us physically - everyday (it also impacts our families). I was doing reading about morbid obesity (my best friend suffers aliments, plus my weight was climbing upwards until last year - it's a death sentence). I do have great empathy for those who are obese, trying or not to lose the weight - its hard to be morbidly obese without health complications....eventually the grim reaper will come to call prematurely. Should all obese people be trying to lose weight, yes - they probably should, for the sake of themselves, and quality of living.
The National Institutes of Health report that morbid obesity may considerably reduce life expectancy and is associated with an increased risk of developing conditions or diseases such as:
Diabetes
Joint Problems
High Cholesterol
Sleep Apnea
Gallstones
Cancer
Hernias
Coronary Artery Disease
Skin Infections
Respiratory Problems
Stroke
Hypertension
I'm glad we are all here on our journey together, but we should try to be a bit nicer to each other. I've lost about 40 lbs and I"m STILL Obese, I have another 20 to to go until I'm just "overweight". This is a very very long road. @cushman5279 keep coming back - everyone else too. I guess that's all I have to say about that.....
Fat people are very, very tired of hearing how we make other people feel bad.
I, for one, am tired of being made responsible for everyone else's emotions about MY body. You chose to feel bad all on your own. I know the health risks, we all do. We don't need a kindergarten lesson on it.
If you want people to be nicer to each other, it starts with understanding that actually being nice, and protesting that your very unkind actions should be considered nice, are two totally different things.34 -
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cushman5279 wrote: »I was in the cafe' this morning at work getting my GBOMB breakfast
There is this woman at the breakfast buffet bar, she's quite obese and she's loading up her tray with everything under the sun... all of the breakfast foods, baked, fried, tots, wedges, pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast.. you name it. The whole time she is laughing sarcastically and loudly saying to the cook behind the counter "I don't eat healthy and I don't care either!" But you could tell that she really does care and was trying to hide her shame with a joke and with being sarcastic. I felt bad for her.
This is patronizing and uncalled for.
If I say that I pity you right now for being so insecure you need to comment on how strangers eat, does that make you feel good about yourself?
Because that stranger could have easily been me, and your pity feels disgusting and demeaning.
The comment had nothing to do with you and yet you still feel badly
Shocking! It's almost like I have a decades long history of dealing with others people's feelings about my weight or something. Almost like I spent most of my life with no self esteem because of how people treat fat girls.
One of the determining factors in my poor eating habits for much of my teens and 20's was defiantly eating high calorie, greasy foods while people gave me pitying stares. I refused to eat a salad and give them what they wanted: some sick narrative of the "fat dieting girl" they could use to indulge their superiority complexes.
If I was gonna be stared at anyway then by god, I was going to eat what I wanted and enjoy it.
"If I was gonna be stared at anyway then by god, I was going to eat what I wanted and enjoy it.
If I do not like the teacher I will not do the homework, getting a bad grade will really show that teacher[/quote]
Yes. This is the correct response to someone revealing a lifetime of bullying and mental health issues. Congratulations you won the conversation.22 -
As stated.. "think"... N=1 OBSERVATION... not scientific data... and I said "I"....... flawed... all observational data is flawed... judgemental? Really? I said "many" not all....😉callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »psychod787 wrote: »Once, when I was a work in an office with a long row of cubicles, a co-worker poked her head in to tell me that there was cake in the break room. After she left, I poked my head out to watch her walk up the row of cubicles. My co-worker did not stop to tell anyone else about the cake. I had to ask myself, why did this woman think I was the one who would want to know about cake.
This was a moment of clarity for me. Like another time when I stopped to think about the meaning of the fact that I could not tie my shoes and breathe at the same time. Or when I realized I was a little shorter than baseball player Dustin Pedroia (5'9") and a little heavier than David Ortiz (6'3" 230 lbs).
Watch people eat - who eats the pizza and baked goods; who does not?
If your point is that "skinny" people do not eat pizza and baked goods you are very mistaken.
I THINK the big difference is many "skinny" people will put down the bag of M&M's. I have watched my brother in law. 6'4" 160 soaking wet, pick up a big bag of candy. Have a couple and put it down. N=1 here, but I have trouble stopping. Just my observation.
my husband is 137 pounds. the *kitten*. 5'7. out-eats me EVERY day of the week. doesnt gain a single freaking pound. all the baked goods and treats i made over the last week when he was home - he single handedly ate. i had a few bites, but not much.
your theory is JUDGEMENTAL AND FLAWED3 -
psychod787 wrote: »
As stated.. "think"... N=1 OBSERVATION... not scientific data... and I said "I"....... flawed... all observational data is flawed... judgemental? Really? I said "many" not all....😉callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »psychod787 wrote: »Once, when I was a work in an office with a long row of cubicles, a co-worker poked her head in to tell me that there was cake in the break room. After she left, I poked my head out to watch her walk up the row of cubicles. My co-worker did not stop to tell anyone else about the cake. I had to ask myself, why did this woman think I was the one who would want to know about cake.
This was a moment of clarity for me. Like another time when I stopped to think about the meaning of the fact that I could not tie my shoes and breathe at the same time. Or when I realized I was a little shorter than baseball player Dustin Pedroia (5'9") and a little heavier than David Ortiz (6'3" 230 lbs).
Watch people eat - who eats the pizza and baked goods; who does not?
If your point is that "skinny" people do not eat pizza and baked goods you are very mistaken.
I THINK the big difference is many "skinny" people will put down the bag of M&M's. I have watched my brother in law. 6'4" 160 soaking wet, pick up a big bag of candy. Have a couple and put it down. N=1 here, but I have trouble stopping. Just my observation.
my husband is 137 pounds. the *kitten*. 5'7. out-eats me EVERY day of the week. doesnt gain a single freaking pound. all the baked goods and treats i made over the last week when he was home - he single handedly ate. i had a few bites, but not much.
your theory is JUDGEMENTAL AND FLAWED
I'm going to start all my comments with a "trigger" warning and build a safe space for people who accidently read them..7 -
I notice what people eat to learn a lesson, unhealthy weight comes from unhealthy habits. I am no different from anyone else. I notice things. You walk around with your eyes shut.
In case you did not notice, I was writing about my self
Do you follow the people around for their entire day? If not, you are not really learning anything about their habits. Food choices in snapshots of time can be very misleading. Plus, when it comes to food it only really matters that a person eat an appropriate number of calories. The type of food only matters for overall nutrition.13 -
I notice what people eat to learn a lesson, unhealthy weight comes from unhealthy habits. I am no different from anyone else. I notice things. You walk around with your eyes shut.
In case you did not notice, I was writing about my self
Do you follow the people around for their entire day? If not, you are not really learning anything about their habits. Food choices in snapshots of time can be very misleading. Plus, when it comes to food it only really matters that a person eat an appropriate number of calories. The type of food only matters for overall nutrition.
Actually.... I kinda have.... creepy kitten as it might have been.3 -
psychod787 wrote: »
I notice what people eat to learn a lesson, unhealthy weight comes from unhealthy habits. I am no different from anyone else. I notice things. You walk around with your eyes shut.
In case you did not notice, I was writing about my self
Do you follow the people around for their entire day? If not, you are not really learning anything about their habits. Food choices in snapshots of time can be very misleading. Plus, when it comes to food it only really matters that a person eat an appropriate number of calories. The type of food only matters for overall nutrition.
Actually.... I kinda have.... creepy kitten as it might have been.
Stop skulking about in the hedges!1 -
edited for brevity and emphasisI get it. The patron made a statement, and although we may not know exactly what the woman was thinking or feeling, the observer could sense it @cushman5279 - I don't think the intent was to Shame, but to Share with the group (us) her feelings about the situation. It made @cushman5279 feel bad. I felt bad for this woman too.
The food choices we make impact us physically - everyday (it also impacts our families). I was doing reading about morbid obesity (my best friend suffers aliments, plus my weight was climbing upwards until last year - it's a death sentence). I do have great empathy for those who are obese, trying or not to lose the weight - its hard to be morbidly obese without health complications....eventually the grim reaper will come to call prematurely. Should all obese people be trying to lose weight, yes - they probably should, for the sake of themselves, and quality of living.
I'm glad we are all here on our journey together, but we should try to be a bit nicer to each other. I've lost about 40 lbs and I"m STILL Obese, I have another 20 to to go until I'm just "overweight". This is a very very long road. @cushman5279 keep coming back - everyone else too. I guess that's all I have to say about that.....
No one, the op included, is a mind reader. It isn't uncommon for me to go into my favorite coffee shop and for one of the baristas (who know me) to say, "oh what's wrong?!" when nothing is wrong. They're basing their assumptions off of what they see, not what's actually in my head. Likewise, I'm going to get next to nothing out of therapy unless I tell my therapist what is going on because, despite the fact that she knows me better than anyone, she can't actually read my mind.
Despite this lack of mindreading, what people are able to do is figure out if what someone else said was rude, offensive, or judgy. You don't have to intend to be judgmental (among various other things to actually say something judgmental. I can say something ageist without actually meaning to be ageist.
I would argue that saying something judgmental about some random person that you haven't actually interacted with is incompatible with being "nicer to each other". It isn't actually lifting someone up to detail the various foods that they've eaten while contrasting it with your apparently healthy breakfast.11 -
OK, I didn't take it that way at all. Guess I'll be on my way.
You don't have to leave or anything, but you did ask the question
I know. But if my interpretation is dramatically different than everyone else's, which is seems to be, then that says something. Either this is a losing battle, or my interpretation is wrong. Either way, this probably isn't the thread for me.
If your interpretation is different than everyone else's, maybe you are on to something.2
This discussion has been closed.
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