Why do some people find love so effortlessly while others struggle?

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Mrs says she chased me until I caught her.

Maybe that's a universal principle.

caco_ethes wrote: »

Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »

caco_ethes wrote: »

I think its luck, time, chance, and not looking for it too hard

I’ve always found the “knock’em up on the first date and hope for the best” approach worked best for me.

Gonna give this a whirl

With someone else or are you looking for my kik? 😆

SaraJ429 wrote: »

Why do you think some people find true love and their partners so easily while others wait years to find it and endure so much heartbreak? Is it pure dumb luck?

I’ve (30F) always found relationships/hook-ups somewhat easily but that’s probably because I’m outgoing and conventionally attractive. I found true love and a potential life partner at 19 but he unexpectedly passed away from a heart defect in 2012, a few weeks before he closed in on a house and I was set to move in. My next LTR was outwardly perfect but actually really abusive - we lived together and were engaged but I was finally brave enough to walk away in summer 2017. Had boyfriends since then but nothing too serious or memorable.

Needless to say I’ve endured a lot of heartbreak. I’ve feel like I’ve been addressing it as best as can be. I’ve built a really great life for myself and at 30, I feel like I’m in a place where I’m actually OK being single and really know what I want in a partner. Not willing to settle! Met some really great men lately and I do currently have a new boyfriend who seems really great. It’s still so new but I do really care for and appreciate him and it seems mutual.

I sometimes do wonder why some people around me, like my mom, sister and some friends, found good partners so young and without any effort. It’s literally like they walked into a happy relationship and lifelong commitment without every really trying. My sister has been with her boyfriend since 18 no she’s 24 now. My mom has been happily married since age 23. A lot of my friends are married to their high school or college loves. Meanwhile, I have other friends who can barely even get a text back and have been on the singles market for years. A few have never even been in an LTR. They struggle to find good partners and it makes me pretty sad to see this.

There is no real difference in these friends (male and female) in attractiveness or awesomeness. They’re all equal in my eyes. And I’m not wondering this to be bitter - I’m generally just curious. I also know no one is susceptible to breakup up or divorce. Is it just dumb luck? It be like that sometimes?

So many factors to take into account.. some people are more attractive, some people push others away without realizing it, some people have a higher percentage of single people in their area.
I know a guy who is pissed at women due to a divorce. He wants another relationship but everything out of his mouth about women is hateful. Yeah if you think all women are after your money no one will date you dude.

Anyway.

I wonder how many people will never meet the person that would be best for them because they live half a world apart. They will never meet. I wonder if that is my fate. Alone forever because I was born in the wrong place

LyndaBSS wrote: »

I know one of my brothers has a soul mate. The others don't. They probably would argue that they do. But they don't.

I am truly sorry for the loss of your husband. He sounds like an amazing mate.

As for the comment above though, how do you feel sure of this? I'm just curious.

I don't necessarily believe in "soul mates" personally, but I think sometimes it is hard for others to gauge the closeness and emotional connection between two people. I think a lot of people looked at me and my ex husband as "goals" for a close relationship and happy marriage, because we were so similar in personality and seemed great as we played off each other in social situations. But now that I'm with my second husband, I understand a lot more about love, passion, closeness and deeply caring for another person. I didn't have that before. I think to most outsiders, my first marriage seemed "like soulmates" and they would think my current marriage wasn't as strong. They would be wrong.

Not arguing - you probably know a lot about your brothers' marriages. But I am just thinking about this.

I think that love survives if your values align and if you allow each other to grow and change. There is no place for mind games or jealousy or selfishness.

I've been one of the few it seems having bad luck with relationships. My last gf was just crazy. Walked away from that one. I have high standards so won't settle for just anyone either. Been on dating sites too but no one is alive on those it seems. Went on a date last year, date went great and she even told me she had a good time and thanked me for taking her. Then ghosted me and gave me the most bizarre reason ever why she thought we weren't a good match. I pick the weird ones ugh. Meh whatever. I'm liking being single now. Less drama and can save money.

You'll find someone when you're ready to find them. Fear and/or finding the dating/searching process uncomfortable comes across to others. People pick up on those cues and it can lead to more missed opportunities. Stop looking. Don't let the left brain know what the right brain is doing. It's a push/pull process that attracts someone to you like a magnet. Some inwardly don't want to get married and they have to be willing to admit that. Then out of the clear blue sky it when you're completely relaxed...there's love on your doorstep. You don't have to go around the world to find them. They're right there under your nose, two doors down.

Life is even more complicated than it felt when I was fresh out of high school which is too many years to mention. I saw my parents stick through the ups and downs but they stayed together til the end. I've watched my sister do the same. Their life has never been the bed of roses you'd think it was to stay together 54 years. But she has certainly taken the vows seriously, through sickness and in health. I see a couple young people(my dds' friends) searching frantically for their life partner because they're 30ish; they end up acting too fast, expecting much more than they get and being betrayed.

I don't know know what the answer is. I met dh in my early 20's, after being one of those 'gotta find somebody quick' type of people because what I wanted most out of life was a family. I had such a crush on him that I thought was that everlasting love and I overlooked so many potential issues. We separated for about 12 years or so, only to move back in together 18 months ago. We live separate lives, but not. We're housemates, I guess you'd say. I'm not happy but it is what it is.

My best advice for anyone in this situation? Live life the way YOU want to live; get involved with activities you like; if true love comes knocking at your door, certainly don't slam it shut but do check through that hidey-hole and make sure before you make a commitment. AND if you do find someone worthy of a life together, remember it takes compromise and respect, along with love and $Ex.

I don't know that they do. As a general observation, I see a lot of "fake it 'till you make it" and forcing the issue as to not be alone. I've also observed a lot of issues where high school sweet hearts and "young love" are concerned...they are often very different people at 30 than they were at 18 or 19.

My high school sweet heart and I are still friends and still talk...we were very much in love when we were younger, or at least thought as much, and it certainly felt very real at the time...we're both 46 now and have talked about what a disaster it ultimately would have been if we had stayed together...we're just worlds apart different people than we were back then. I frankly see it a lot with many of the younger people in my office.

It also probably depends a lot on one's station in life. When I was in the military I had no interest in "finding love" or starting a family or anything like that. For one, I was just having fun...for two, I had seen what the military and deployments and being shipped off to war did to families around me and I didn't want any part of that...I'm sure that came across to the women I dated and likely pushed away any number of possible long term relationships. The flip side of that is that some people can want it so bad that it pushes people away too.

I met my now wife when I was in college in my mid to late 20s. I wasn't at all "looking". I worked in a package liquor store and she was just a really good looking lady that would come in regularly to get her craft beer and we would chat and flirt a little...thought about asking her out, but never did...I would also run into her occasionally at the gym, and we'd say hi and chat a bit, but I didn't want to be that creeper guy.

I ended up moving across town to be closer to the university and started working at the package store near the university that was run by the same people. I figured I'd likely never see her again and missed my chance there...but a couple weeks later, who walks into my store? That pretty lady. It turns out that she moved across town about the same time I did. It took awhile, but a friend of mine who also worked at the store asked me when I was going to actually ask her out...I told him I thought it was weird hitting on a customer. Turns out she had been showing up to some of his house parties hoping I would be in attendance. Finally pulled the trigger, and the rest became history...though we didn't know that at the time.