Feeling embarrassed!
sophielula24
Posts: 5 Member
Hi guys. Don't know if it's the right place for me to vent so sorry if not.
So basically I could not be more unfit if I tried. I've never ever been sporty or regularly active and part of that is because I am too embarrassed to go to places like the gym and feel like people are laughing at me. Any who, I find myself in a tricky position now that my daughter has started school (breakfast club) which starts at 8 and my work starts at half 8. I miss the bus that would take me and I've decided to get a second hand bike to see if I can make the journey. It's only 3 miles away and fairly flat but I have total low self confidence in myself and get really anxious at the thought of doing stuff like this. Anyway for the past 2 weeks I've been going out on my bike trying to get my endurance up and I went and got a helmet earlier today (I look like a tool but I have a family so I'm taking no risks). Just did the whole journey to work for the very first time which I found not as bad as I thought I would, was feeling really proud of myself like I achieved something for the first time in a long while and on my way back a car was stopped at the lights and they were very obviously hanging out of the window laughing at me.
I'm absolutely gutted. I'm cross. And I'm feeling like the biggest fool like I've been kidding myself. Why can't people just be nice?
So basically I could not be more unfit if I tried. I've never ever been sporty or regularly active and part of that is because I am too embarrassed to go to places like the gym and feel like people are laughing at me. Any who, I find myself in a tricky position now that my daughter has started school (breakfast club) which starts at 8 and my work starts at half 8. I miss the bus that would take me and I've decided to get a second hand bike to see if I can make the journey. It's only 3 miles away and fairly flat but I have total low self confidence in myself and get really anxious at the thought of doing stuff like this. Anyway for the past 2 weeks I've been going out on my bike trying to get my endurance up and I went and got a helmet earlier today (I look like a tool but I have a family so I'm taking no risks). Just did the whole journey to work for the very first time which I found not as bad as I thought I would, was feeling really proud of myself like I achieved something for the first time in a long while and on my way back a car was stopped at the lights and they were very obviously hanging out of the window laughing at me.
I'm absolutely gutted. I'm cross. And I'm feeling like the biggest fool like I've been kidding myself. Why can't people just be nice?
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Replies
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Congratulations on taking the first step toward healthy. If I see someone obviously overweight out trying to be active. I think good for them! Just keep doing you and go for it. The haters are gonna hate anyway. Dont let that get you down. Start logging every calorie you consume and you'll be a success story before you know it!26
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I am so sorry these so and sos behaved like that. You did achieve something and you should be proud of yourself. So DON'T give up. Hugs.16
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remember, there are more of us out here that support you than any of these little peon *kitten* haters. You keep going and stand tall! Wear some earbuds and crank the tunes!19
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meh. they are no body to you except some rude creeps. ps i felt silly the other day at the gym when to young muscle bound men were working out near me. i am over it now tho. dont let them ruin your buzz. also at my gym the regulars range from 80 years to about 18. fat, thin and in between10
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I am so sorry! I commuted on a bicycle for years, both as a pretty fit person and as an overweight person. People can be such jerks about people on bicycles. In the city where I lived, some percentage of the people acted like jerks of this kind either way, regardless of how fit I was.
Oh, and as a safety note -- if you decide to wear ear buds and crank the tunes, consider not cranking them too much. Being able to hear in traffic can be helpful from a safety point of view. (I have a family and am also risk averse! Maybe too conservative about such things?)
ANYway, people can be jerks. Wish they could all be nice. It was not about you, though. From an outside perspective, you were doing GREAT and they were acting like immature jerks with not enough to do!11 -
ignore and enjoy. The end result will be worth it. I could never understand why we dont have any large people at our gym, I guess they just ignored the mean ignorant people and enjoyed their workout til they got slim.4
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Don't be sorry, don't get upset - you are doing something wonderful and entirely for yourself. You come first, your happiness comes first, your health comes first. Deep inside you know you can do it - just be "selfish" for once and do it just because you can! Stick with MFP, let them do the necessary calculations - there are so many members out there who are a wonderful support group.10
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I'm going to take a slightly different angle here.
Worrying about other people (what they think, what they do) is a lost cause. What they think and do - you have zero control over that. What you can control is your reaction to them.
I think this is a common problem but a very big one for you. This kind of thinking is very self-destructive.
You are beautifully and wonderfully made. Start telling yourself that. No, seriously. Look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and say it. "I love you."21 -
I think they are the ones that should be embarrassed not you. What you cannot do is let people like that win. You have to fight to keep your anxieties from winning too.
I have a fairly thick mental armor but I still don't like being stared out or have people very noticeably talking about me. It happened just 2 weeks ago again.
My way of dealing with it is to hope that karma will not be a b to them. I mentally wish them a good healthy life and hope that they will be wiser in the future. Well that all happens after I think they are behaving like a horse's rear...18 -
What a bunch of jerks. Congratulations on stepping out of your comfort zone! In two weeks you've probably been passed by hundreds (thousands?) of people who all chose to not do something so stupid. Those people that passed you fit probably generally fit into 3 categories 1) those that thought NOTHING (98%) or 2) those that think good for you (1.9%) or c) I'm going to try to be cool" in front of my friends and heckle (0.1%).
Don't let the 0.1% get you down.17 -
Thanks so much for the support and kindness folks, it means a lot. I'll focus on the positive comments received on my next journey instead of the wazzocks of the world x17
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f those f'ing f-bags and ride your bike with the biggest smile you can muster. Lizzo has it right.
PS. I love biking, but I am aware that society accepts my participation in the sport. I want you to know that I accept you in the sport as well.18 -
I am very sorry this happened to you - it sounds like you are making amazing changes for yourself and that should be applauded!
I agree with the others about trying to move beyond negativity from strangers - much easier said than done, of course! Sadly I have been with my father in these types of situations - he is very vein about weight and makes it a point to comment when he sees someone overweight out exercising. I then make it a point to ask how he expects someone to get in shape if they don't make a lifestyle change. That seems to shut him up...it's like it doesn't even occur to him 1) how ignorant he sounds and 2) that someone overweight can be out exercising. Sorry, I'm getting off on my own rant here...point is, people say dumb, ignorant things...it sounds like that happened to you and I hope you won't let it discourage you!7 -
nighthawk584 wrote: »remember, there are more of us out here that support you than any of these little peon *kitten* haters. You keep going and stand tall! Wear some earbuds and crank the tunes!
Maybe not the best idea while riding. You need to be able to hear motors coming up behind you, etc.9 -
sophielula24 wrote: »I'm absolutely gutted. I'm cross. And I'm feeling like the biggest fool like I've been kidding myself. Why can't people just be nice?
They're the fools. You're doing something smart and healthy. They're just showing the world they're cruel idiots.6 -
Kudos to you for taking this huge step to better your health. You should be very proud of yourself.
There are haters everywhere. They don't mean a thing to you. They're certainly not rockin' it like you are. Forget them. 😉4 -
Lots of people are nice....but lots are total jerks! You should be so proud for conquering your fear and doing this! Do not let the jerks take your power! You alone own your power. Next time, don't look at them. Just take a deep breath and give yourself a hug for your effort! You got this!3
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I am very proud of you for taking care of yourself. There will always be cruel people in the world. You just ignore them and continue your journey to a healthier lifestyle. One day at a time.You can do this.
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I'm really overwhelmed by all the lovely comments thanks so much I feel like it's really lifted my spirits. You guys are wonderful 13
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Go you! Very proud of you! Ride that bike again, as often as you want!
Some people are not only creeps, but worse. Remember the car and stay away from them -- or take a photo of the tags.6 -
I get it...sadly most of the time we are our own worst enemy. We let others control what we do, what we think and most often how we feel about ourselves. At some point take that leap of faith and realize that it is about you and not some jerks on the street.
This is what I am trying to teach myself...
It is a shame for a woman to grow old without ever seeing the strength and beauty of which her body is capable. - Author Unknown
Go for that mode of transportation...it will only make you stronger and more beautiful. Also think of the lessons that you will be teaching your daughter. She too will want to become that strong and beautiful woman...just like her mom!
It saddens me though...I have been wanting to start riding a bike...however. I have not been on a bike in over 30 years...I am getting old and balance is not the greatest. Plus I live in a city with busy streets...I would probably get myself run over and cause several cars to crash! Who knows though...maybe I will put it on my bucket list.6 -
You should never feel like yourca fool you are turning your life around making a change and getting fitter I know it's hard not to take it to heart but you are so much better than them, rise above it and dont give up. You can do it!4
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Hurting people hurt people...they've obviously been made fun of somewhere down the line. You live once, who cares who thinks what...keep on keepin' on!!7
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Go for that mode of transportation...it will only make you stronger and more beautiful. Also think of the lessons that you will be teaching your daughter. She too will want to become that strong and beautiful woman...just like her mom!
It saddens me though...I have been wanting to start riding a bike...however. I have not been on a bike in over 30 years...I am getting old and balance is not the greatest. Plus I live in a city with busy streets...I would probably get myself run over and cause several cars to crash! Who knows though...maybe I will put it on my bucket list.[/quote]
This is the main reason I pushed myself to do it, I don't want to be an unfit mum and I really want my daughter to see her mum being healthy and not as self conscious.
As for the actual act of cycling I hear you! It's been 20 years since I was last on a bike and I'm not the most confident on the road. I'm cycling into Manchester city centre in the UK and the roads are manic at rush hour. Maybe you could pick a quieter route to get started and go early in the morning so it's quieter until you feel confident? I found doing that easier.
All the best with the bucket list!x
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jewels9140 wrote: »Hurting people hurt people...they've obviously been made fun of somewhere down the line. You live once, who cares who thinks what...keep on keepin' on!!
Please remember this when you are lean and fit and smoking. If you see those guys, don’t rub it in too hard! Lol.4 -
corinasue1143 wrote: »jewels9140 wrote: »Hurting people hurt people...they've obviously been made fun of somewhere down the line. You live once, who cares who thinks what...keep on keepin' on!!
Please remember this when you are lean and fit and smoking. If you see those guys, don’t rub it in too hard! Lol.
Haha, a girl can dream!2 -
As a fat person who cycles it happens. I have been spat at out car windows twice and had bottles thrown at me as well more than once while cycling. I have also been jeered at many times. Just ignore it all even though it is hard. I am telling you your body is going to love the early morning exercise and benefit greatly. Keep it up and don’t worry about the dickheads on the road.8
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I'm not sure if this helps but consider this.
I'll bet everything I own that those d-bags forgot about you within 5 minutes, but you're letting them live in your head rent-free. Don't let them.18 -
Well done for getting out on our bike and making steps to the healthier lifestyle. Try not let these people get to you and i know this is hard ( hell I hate the gym because I feel judged so I workout at home and run). But be proud. Dont let the opinions of these rude people effect you. You are doing a very good thing6
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sophielula24 wrote: »I'm really overwhelmed by all the lovely comments thanks so much I feel like it's really lifted my spirits. You guys are wonderful
I am a cyclist and occasionally get the odd idiot shout something out a car window at me on the road, and the best retort i find is just to smile and wave, as it doesn't give them the reaction they want and irks them. Its usually about me not using a bike lane and being on the road.
The last time someone shouted out the window at me i ended up next to them at the next set of traffic lights. I knocked on their window and asked them very politely what they had said, as i said i couldn't quiet make it out over the wind noise. cue them looking very embarrassed and going a lovely colour of red. It's almost like once they know you are a reasonable actual physical person the bluster disappears.
I should say that idiots in cars should be treated with caution as a car is always going out better than someone on a car, but keep riding and don't give a toss about any comments you get, as what you are doing it better than any crap they are.
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