Unsuccessful transition

umbramirror · September 2019

I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the proper forum, so I aplogize but I could really use all of your help.

I was transitioning into maintenance for a few months. I started in about May/June to increase my calorie intake because I was severely restricting myself unintentionally. For some basic information, I'm 5'6", female, 30, and have my maintenance range set to 124-128 lbs. I was doing pretty well though, logging and watching my daily trends, but I noticed at some point that I was getting very linked with the number on the scale and began developing an unhealhy obsession. On top of this obsession, I was still restricting severely and overtraining (even against the advice of people close to me). I lost my menstrual cycle and believe I might be experiencing some kind of adrenal fatigue.

On September 11th, I reached my lowest weight of 123.8 lbs. That Friday, my eating plan/schedule got messed up and I was so hungry that I had a binge. Since then, I have been having multiple binges (extreme and uncontrolled) and have stopped weighing myself because I'm terrified of what the scale will show.

I have obviously gained weight these past 2 weeks. I feel larger, my clothes fit a little snugger, I have less definition in my muscles overall, and I'm less lean. How much could I have realistically gained? About 5 lbs? Maybe more? I feel so disappointed in myself and I don't want to lose all of the progress I earned... I've been at this for over a year and half. Lost over 100 lbs. I don't want to go back but I'm so demotivated by how I feel currently.

I know that I should speak with a mental health professional, but is there any advice that you could give? I need to make a new routine and shed this weight, but I don't want to go back to severe restriction because I'm afraid I'll just go back into a binge/restriction cycle.

psychod787 · September 2019

Ok, first my opinions are not always popular here, but... Here is mine. Adrenal Fatigue is not real. The fact you "lost" your period tells me a few things. First, you are probably too lean for your set range. Set range has not been proven in people completely, but we can look at the research that lends insight into it. Definitely shown in rats. Rats are a decent human proxy for studies. The question I had to ask myself is, what is keeping every once of weight off worth? If you lost 100 and start "bulking" and regain 20lbs and feel better, is that a win? It's much like someone losing 20 and regaining 4lbs. I too have had hunger,satiety, hormone issues. I lost 220lbs. Sub 10% bf at one time. I have intentional regained roughly 20 in 10 months. I am getting some recovery, but not as much as I hoped. I "think" I will end up at about 230-250lbs vs the 400 I started. That's roughly 50-65lbs of regain. For me it's worth its. I suggest you do talk to a professional, but also soul search a little... jmho... just waiting for the disagree button hits. Ahhhhhh life! Best wishes.

cmriverside · September 2019

First and foremost, get on the scale.

Then set your Goals AGAIN for the calorie amount you KNOW (since you lost all that weight, right?) will get you back up to around 128-133.

Okay, now breathe.

It was my experience that going into Maintenance is a bit of a roller coaster, so pick a number and stick there for long enough to see what happens. Two months, minimium. For a year I bounced around weight-wise, up and down about 10 pounds until I hit a good weight and comfortable amount of food and exercise to stay there. My hunger was all over the place. It's common.

Get back up to 128-133. That's where you really need to focus. Let that be your Goal Weight Range for right now - that puts you between 20-21.5 BMI. You have a doctor appointment. Good.

cupcakesandproteinshakes · September 2019

Maintenance is tough and it’s about finding a balance.

You won’t regain all that weight overnight. It will take months of consistent over eating to do that. Yr logical self knows that. Try not to panic.

Yr period stopping us a sign u r possibly too lean. So u probably do need to gain a few pounds. I would see yr doctor as well just to rule out other medical causes for the loss of period.

Transitioning to maintenance is tough for a lot of people.

It’s worth considering therapy if that’s a possibility.

psychod787 · September 2019

OP, just might want to listen part of this video. About minute 48-55.....

https://youtu.be/_Q8LSvmQ6XA

psychod787 · September 2019

Oh, last thoughts.... @cmriverside is most likely right about it taking a year for some hunger hormones to balance some. I posted some recent research on the subject in the maintainers forum.

ElizabethKalmbach · September 2019

Definitely see your doctor and get your blood tests run for all the needful vitamins/minerals/hormones. Listen to your body and find out where it's comfortable, and try not to change anything too quickly. As the previous commenter suggested, try things out for a month or two before you give them up as not working.

I don't know if this helps or not, but I'm 5'4 and my *goal weight* is 10 lbs higher than yours at 5'6. I will probably stop losing weight at around 145, though, because that's where I *feel good*. BMI charts suggest that at 5'4, I should weigh about 125, but when I had my body comp done at 145, I was already down to 18% body fat and didn't need to go further to be healthy.

If you're not comfortable with the scale because of the temptation to hyperfocus, there are a ton of ways to measure progress that do not involve the scale at all, and many of them may give you a more rounded picture of where you *should* be going.

Possibly, try focusing on sustainable habits. What can you do for yourself over a long period of time and be happy AND healthy? If you're over training, what can you do for yourself on REST DAYS that is both restful and FUN? How can you convince yourself that rest is just as important as the burn for proper health? Would more reading up on the subject help?

It's easy to hyperfocus on something like the scale because one simple number seems so easy to understand. But it's definitely oversimplified and not all there is, so branch out and learn more about yourself and about health maintenance and sports nutrition in general to give yourself more tools to work with and more things to think about.

MikePTY · September 2019

While 124 is considered a "normal" BMI for your height, it is on the low end, and just because it is normal does not always mean it is the best choice for you for mental or physical health, especially if you are showing signs for dealing with disordered eating and body image. That is not a and thing, it is just important to realize that and adjust your expectations a bit.

That you've lost so much weight is an incredibly accomplishment. It would still be an incredible accomplishment if you decided to maintain 10 pounds higher than you originally planned. You may find that that is healthier mentally and easier to maintain without binging. You can always lift weights to help recomp that weight, so it starts to slowly move from fat to muscle.

I agree with seeing a regular doctor and a menral health professional if you are able. But for right now give yourself some grace, feel proud of what you accomplished, and try to work yourself into a higher calorie intake that can be controlled without binging.

kshama2001 · September 2019

MikePTY wrote: »

While 124 is considered a "normal" BMI for your height, it is on the low end, and just because it is normal does not always mean it is the best choice for you for mental or physical health, especially if you are showing signs for dealing with disordered eating and body image. That is not a and thing, it is just important to realize that and adjust your expectations a bit.

That you've lost so much weight is an incredibly accomplishment. It would still be an incredible accomplishment if you decided to maintain 10 pounds higher than you originally planned. You may find that that is healthier mentally and easier to maintain without binging. You can always lift weights to help recomp that weight, so it starts to slowly move from fat to muscle.

I agree with seeing a regular doctor and a menral health professional if you are able. But for right now give yourself some grace, feel proud of what you accomplished, and try to work yourself into a higher calorie intake that can be controlled without binging.

Yes, @umbramirror if you lost your period while in the 120s, in addition to the other problems, 124-128 might be too low a maintenance range for you.

Do bite the bullet and get on the scale. You might want to maintain at this weight for a while until your period comes back. Of course, this decision would be best made in consultation with a medical professional.

Your body may feel yucky because of the binges. You mentioned over training - did you stop that and are now under training? If so, that could be another reason why your body does not feel good.

SummerSkier · September 2019

My suggestion is to eat at maintenance for 128 lbs for you (you lost 100 so you know what your cal level to maintain should be) for the month of Oct. Don't weigh yourself. Work out normally. Try to enjoy your new body and the energy from eating at a set level to maintain a good weight.

Why? Because in my opinion weighing yourself right now is only going to freak you out more than you already appear to be. Try to think long term. Let your body stabilize over a month of solid consistant intake. Maybe you will get your period back. I bet your clothes end up feeling back to normal within 2 weeks.

You have to "stop the cycle" and sometimes just letting go of the scale for a little while is the only way. Think of your cals over a week timeframe vs daily. If you go over by 100 or 200 one day, then just go a little under for a few days. Don't make BIG waves.

Hope this helps. I know it's not like the other advice but sometimes a different approach to get back to maintaining is needed.

steph2strong · September 2019

Look up the term "Hypothalamic amenorrhea" and see if you relate. There is lots of good advice to read through on recovery and regaining your periods. "No Period Now What" is an excellent resource and has helped many women in your condition.

Right now don't freak out. You have not done "a lot of damage" or "undone all your hard work" in 2 weeks. There is no possible way you have lost muscle mass or gained significant fat. You feel bloated and mushy because your body is used to restriction and all of a sudden you are eating much more, and likely different foods, than you are used to. I would not recommend weighing yourself because the decisions you make next should not be made based on what the scale says and knowing the number is not going to help you. The number the scale says is influenced by so many factors, like I literally have 10 lb differences between my morning weigh ins and if I weigh myself in the evening, did I magically gain 10 lbs of fat? no. The best thing you can do is stay calm and really think about what truly makes you happy. You need to find a happy balance with eating and exercise and not fall into the weight obsession, restrict and binge mentality. There is no magical number on the scale, what matters is how you feel, how happy you are, that you have energy and can perform well physically and mentally.

umbramirror · September 2019

Thank you to everyone who has responded. You have no idea how grateful I am to be reading all of this and how insightful it has been for me, as well as supportive.

For just a bit of additional background if this helps someone in the future, is that while I have been having several days of binges, I haven't changed my exercise routine at all, apart from today. My typical routine was as follows: Monday, Wednesday, Friday: 65 min heavy weight lifting [following a similar program to Stronglifts 5x5] followed by 20 min of a HIIT-like workout; Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday: 70 min vigorous calisthenthics, followed by about a 2.5 mile run. At one point, it was 3.5-4 miles but I worked to cut it down. Sunday: 3.5-4 mile run. Today was my first true rest day in about 2 1/2 months. As far as calories go, up until these past 2 weeks I was probably consuming about 1700-1900 calories daily, with a few days slightly above this.

I feel great when I exercise and stay active, but today, I simply didn't feel like doing anything. I actually stayed inside all day feeling terrible about myself, and going in and out of sleep. Reading all of your comments and listening to that one video posted by @psychod787, has given a burst of energy to reassess my situation here. I have considered that I have been at a low set point, and have noted the low energy, the fogginess of my mind, trouble sleeping, loss of period, intense hunger, irritability, etc. but decided to push past it because I was enjoying my leanness. I was feeling proud of myself, that I had somehow gotten to a size 0-00 pants, XS-S small shirts, could see rather good muscle definition despite having a small layer of fat left over from being obese. I enjoyed that I was small and could lift heavy.

Now I see that I have pushed myself too far. That I let myself fall on the other end of the spectrum in weight loss and management and it's time to bring myself back. I'm trying to reconfigure my routine as I type this, and determine what my caloric intake should be and how often and how intensely I should exercise. I don't know if I should weigh myself considering that I'll likely see a weight of about 135 lbs and I don't know if can handle that. But maybe I should, to keep myself accountable. I'm not sure, but I'm ranting now... I will read over all of your comments again and try to reorganize myself. Thank you all so much again from the bottom of my heart.

nowine4me · September 2019

My two cents (having been where you are). Do your best to just hold steady. Don’t try to lose right now, as there is a VERY good chance that restriction will continue to trigger binges and result in weight gain. Eat to (not under) maintenance for your weight right now. Let your cycle and hormones normalize.

psychod787 · September 2019

umbramirror wrote: »

Thank you to everyone who has responded. You have no idea how grateful I am to be reading all of this and how insightful it has been for me, as well as supportive.

For just a bit of additional background if this helps someone in the future, is that while I have been having several days of binges, I haven't changed my exercise routine at all, apart from today. My typical routine was as follows: Monday, Wednesday, Friday: 65 min heavy weight lifting [following a similar program to Stronglifts 5x5] followed by 20 min of a HIIT-like workout; Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday: 70 min vigorous calisthenthics, followed by about a 2.5 mile run. At one point, it was 3.5-4 miles but I worked to cut it down. Sunday: 3.5-4 mile run. Today was my first true rest day in about 2 1/2 months. As far as calories go, up until these past 2 weeks I was probably consuming about 1700-1900 calories daily, with a few days slightly above this.

I feel great when I exercise and stay active, but today, I simply didn't feel like doing anything. I actually stayed inside all day feeling terrible about myself, and going in and out of sleep. Reading all of your comments and listening to that one video posted by @psychod787, has given a burst of energy to reassess my situation here. I have considered that I have been at a low set point, and have noted the low energy, the fogginess of my mind, trouble sleeping, loss of period, intense hunger, irritability, etc. but decided to push past it because I was enjoying my leanness. I was feeling proud of myself, that I had somehow gotten to a size 0-00 pants, XS-S small shirts, could see rather good muscle definition despite having a small layer of fat left over from being obese. I enjoyed that I was small and could lift heavy.

Now I see that I have pushed myself too far. That I let myself fall on the other end of the spectrum in weight loss and management and it's time to bring myself back. I'm trying to reconfigure my routine as I type this, and determine what my caloric intake should be and how often and how intensely I should exercise. I don't know if I should weigh myself considering that I'll likely see a weight of about 135 lbs and I don't know if can handle that. But maybe I should, to keep myself accountable. I'm not sure, but I'm ranting now... I will read over all of your comments again and try to reorganize myself. Thank you all so much again from the bottom of my heart.

Give yourself a couple days for the binge water weight to ease, then weigh in. Maybe just a couple times a week. I personally had to cut back on weighing. It's hard to see the scale go up. If you are 135... 🤷‍♂️
I mean, you know how to lose, I just would advise against it for a while. @fernt21 is brilliant young lady and @nowine4me is a longtime maintainer. @cmriverside is a looonng time maintainer. You will be ok.....

https://youtu.be/wCEzoOpG1zQ

umbramirror · September 2019

nowine4me wrote: »

My two cents (having been where you are). Do your best to just hold steady. Don’t try to lose right now, as there is a VERY good chance that restriction will continue to trigger binges and result in weight gain. Eat to (not under) maintenance for your weight right now. Let your cycle and hormones normalize.

I would like to do this, but since I haven't been truly successful with maintenance I don't know that my actual maintenance calories are. For a week or two, I did try 2100, and that seemed to be going fine, but I was also more active. Now, I have a desk job and the inactivity is difficult for me, even if I do for a walk during lunch.

Also, now with all of this, I have no idea how much I weigh, so how can I know where to set my goals? Thank you for your help. I'm curious to know more about your story.

psychod787 wrote: »

Give yourself a couple days for the binge water weight to ease, then weigh in. Maybe just a couple times a week. I personally had to cut back on weighing. It's hard to see the scale go up. If you are 135... 🤷‍♂️
I mean, you know how to lose, I just would advise against it for a while. @fernt21 is brilliant young lady and @nowine4me is a longtime maintainer. @cmriverside is a looonng time maintainer. You will be ok.....

https://youtu.be/wCEzoOpG1zQ

Thank you for the song, it actually did calm me a bit. I appreciate it. I do know how to lose, that's true. This water weight is the killer. The bloat makes me feel awful. I went overboard this weekend again and I have no idea how I'm going to face going to the gym tomorrow and go to work. This water weight gain is going to be so clear. I'm so ashamed.

I am going to do that though, get back into a steady routine and let the water weight ease. This is surely going to be quite the lesson learned.

MadisonMolly2017 · September 2019

@umbramirror
The podcast Half Size Me might be of help.

She frequently has guests on. Many of them
Lost weight & gained it back in the past. She always makes the point that many of us have freaked out when we entered maintenance & the scale went up (or we gained after a trip or any number of other reasons)... so we can get into a deficit & then binge cycle which causes more & more stress & weight gain...

Hiwever, her STRONG recommendation when this happens is to maintain at that higher weight until you can “breathe” again.

Then when things have settled, you can decide when would be a good time to lose again if you want to.

Each of her guests has responded that advice would have helped them greatly in their previous weight loss efforts.

I know you will find your balance. I’m giving myself a year to figure it out. I’m beginning Month 6. Up 1-2.4 lbs (depending on the saltiness of my food) It gets easier.

PAV8888 · September 2019

Glad to see you've taken in all the info and are re-considering where you want to be. The combination of loss of period and the binging episodes and intense hunger are more than ample clues you've gone too far and that some regain is needed for your to become healthy again. This is not a bug; it is a feature!

I second that it will take a while for the hunger cues to resolve and that you may have to fight it with time in conjunction with allowing for some regain.

Rest days are beneficial, you may want to restructure your routine to better incorporate them.

Since you seem to be a bit unsure about your maintenance you can go back to generic TDEE calculators for an estimate if your own data are suspect, which they are because of extreme restriction and over-exercise!

Your exercise, even after you reduced your run distance, remains on the high end. Regardless of whether you're sedentary or not outside of exercise, on the basis of exercise alone (and of being 5ft 6" @ 130lbs) your TDEE would be north of 2600 Cal a day, which means that you are probably still under-eating as opposed to over-eating unless you regularly hitting the almost 3K Calories range.

My "sage" advice would be to take a deep breath, eat at the maintenance level of someone a good 10lbs above you absolute minimum, and get there gradually while giving yourself time for the intense hunger to reduce. And any time you look at yourself and don't see complete perfection reflect on how much better you feel and move as compared to where you were 90+ lbs ago!

umbramirror · September 2019

Everyone's advice is so helpful. I'm finding it incredibly difficult to become comfortable with the idea of maintaining with the way I feel right now. Everything in me is telling me to restrict, to get back down to where I was. It's my mind and body's first reaction to bloat and heaviness, to try to compensate with restriction. However, I know that maintaining is what has to be done, to alleviate some of this stress, to regulate some of the dysfunction that has occurred, and to stabilize my balance that has clearly been out of balance.

Today is a challenge. I went to the gym but felt awful. One positive though is that I was able to increase my lifts a bit. 😅 I feel nauseous and bloated, so I don't have much of an interest in food. Today may have to be a lighter day before I return to maintenance level calories. One of the worst side effects besides the feeling of having a fever, chills, lethargy, etc. is that all of my clothes are tight. Putting on my work clothes made me really realize the weight (no pun intended) of what I had done.

I'm trying my best to not let this destroy me. I don't like the way I feel and I don't want this to continue. My goal is to consume more calories close to maintenance (which I will calculate) and decrease my exercise just a bit. It is more difficult than I would have ever thought!

cmriverside · September 2019

psychod787 wrote: »

Oh, last thoughts.... @cmriverside is most likely right about it taking a year for some hunger hormones to balance some. I posted some recent research on the subject in the maintainers forum.

What happened to your AV image? Had me worried there for a minute, I thought you got in trouble!

*edit to say, all I was seeing was the gray bobblehead...now it's back to your other AV. Weird.

ElizabethKalmbach · September 2019

umbramirror wrote: »

Today is a challenge. I went to the gym but felt awful. One positive though is that I was able to increase my lifts a bit. 😅 I feel nauseous and bloated, so I don't have much of an interest in food. Today may have to be a lighter day before I return to maintenance level calories. One of the worst side effects besides the feeling of having a fever, chills, lethargy, etc. is that all of my clothes are tight. Putting on my work clothes made me really realize the weight (no pun intended) of what I had done.

Are you actually sick with an illness? Have you been to the doctor yet? DO track your food, DO track these symptoms, and DO tell your doctor about them if they continue for longer than a week. Really FEEL your body and write down every little thing and report ALL of it to your doctor if it continues.

I hope you feel better soon!

Unsuccessful transition

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