What Is Respect?

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KosmosKitten
KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
in Chit-Chat
Simple question, complex answers. What does respect mean to you? How do you respect yourself? How do you define respect of others. What sorts of things do other people do that you consider disrespectful (either to themselves or others) and why is that?

I realized in re-reading the replies of another thread that people have so many differing opinions on what "respect" entails and they aren't all mutually exclusive.

So come and discuss. Have some hot tea (or a buttload of booze) and discuss the intricate things that make us all tick.
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  • your_future_ex_wife
    your_future_ex_wife Posts: 4,278 Member
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    A person in my family had a mobster mentality about respect. He felt it was something you paid to someone’s face. a public show. proper etiquette with or without sincerity.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
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    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    A person in my family had a mobster mentality about respect. He felt it was something you paid to someone’s face. a public show. proper etiquette with or without sincerity.

    Different. Is it really respect without any type of sincerity behind it though? Seems kinda farcical to me.

    I have a lot of questions about this topic (like I do about extramarital relationships, apparently).
  • your_future_ex_wife
    your_future_ex_wife Posts: 4,278 Member
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    CanesGalactica wrote: »
    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    A person in my family had a mobster mentality about respect. He felt it was something you paid to someone’s face. a public show. proper etiquette with or without sincerity.

    Different. Is it really respect without any type of sincerity behind it though? Seems kinda farcical to me.

    I have a lot of questions about this topic (like I do about extramarital relationships, apparently).
    it did not seem at all like respect to me but that was his definition. 🤷‍♀️
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
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    I find chronic lateness disrespectful, it like saying your "time" is more important or valuable than mine.

    I've always thought "respect where respect is due" too, for example if you have a professional opinion, are older, younger or in a position of authority, it doesn't warrant unconditional or immediate respect beyond what I'd give to any other person.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
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    Vikka_V wrote: »
    I find chronic lateness disrespectful, it like saying your "time" is more important or valuable than mine.

    I've always thought "respect where respect is due" too, for example if you have a professional opinion, are older, younger or in a position of authority, it doesn't warrant unconditional or immediate respect beyond what I'd give to any other person.

    I agree with this assessment.

    The thread about cheating got me to thinking: is it disrespectful to cheat on your spouse? Which then led me to "what is respect, really?" How is what I do with my body in any way a disrespect to another person who has no say over what I do with myself?

    Then I got into trying to define loyalty and gave up. It's so complicated.
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,368 Member
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    I don't think I can define it but I tend to see respect in levels or degrees, like mtndewme describes.

    There's a basic level of respect for everyone by virtue of being another human being, which is probably more like common courtesy.

    A deeper level of respect for people with whom I am in a social relationship of some sort, which would include degrees of empathy and support, honouring their choices and boundaries.

    Then there's respect for authority, which could be vested in a position, or earned by someone who demonstrates knowledge and leadership. My manager gets a certain amount of my respect because of her role, but she's earned a much greater amount by being a damn fine manager.

    Self-respect? Behaving in a manner that is congruent with my moral code. Doing the right thing (whatever "right" is for that individual) even when no one is watching.

    I think respect is one of those things that tends to get defined more by its absence. We are quick to draw attention to things that are disrespectful and spend less time defining what respect is.
  • maureenkhilde
    maureenkhilde Posts: 850 Member
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    Respect needs to be earned it is not automatic. Even though it seems to me, many people think it is automatic. In my mind I link respect and trust very closely together.

    However I do agree with those who said certain positions of authority, are given respect just by being that stated position. But this still need to show they are worthy of that respect. Some show how great they truly are, others not so much.

    I try to treat others, same way I would want to be treated. And for many it works out great. But sad to say there are always some that want respect, but do not understand should be a two way street.

    People always late, or just do not show, and say oh it was today. Key to this is not to let them keep getting away with it. But then that starts the whole disrepect ball going.

    I think the phrase of you disrespected me blah, blah is way overused.
  • bojack5
    bojack5 Posts: 2,859 Member
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    Respect is much like the Supreme court's ruling on what is porn......you will know it when you see it......
  • your_future_ex_wife
    your_future_ex_wife Posts: 4,278 Member
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    bojack5 wrote: »
    Respect is much like the Supreme court's ruling on what is porn......you will know it when you see it......

    i was going to say this. weird
  • isalsayourface123
    isalsayourface123 Posts: 2,153 Member
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    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    bojack5 wrote: »
    Respect is much like the Supreme court's ruling on what is porn......you will know it when you see it......

    i was going to say this. weird

    Me too super weird
  • isalsayourface123
    isalsayourface123 Posts: 2,153 Member
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    As far as respect towards your partner...if you set up certain boundaries like being committed...then its disrespectful to break agreed upon boundaries.🤷‍♀️
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
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    isalsayourface123 wrote: »
    As far as respect towards your partner...if you set up certain boundaries like being committed...then its disrespectful to break agreed upon boundaries.🤷‍♀️

    What if boundaries were never set or agreed upon though? How is respect defined toward your partner while also maintaining self-respect?
  • your_future_ex_wife
    your_future_ex_wife Posts: 4,278 Member
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    CanesGalactica wrote: »
    isalsayourface123 wrote: »
    As far as respect towards your partner...if you set up certain boundaries like being committed...then its disrespectful to break agreed upon boundaries.🤷‍♀️

    What if boundaries were never set or agreed upon though? How is respect defined toward your partner while also maintaining self-respect?

    imo in that case it’s a conscience thing. but when in doubt talk it out
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
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    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    CanesGalactica wrote: »
    isalsayourface123 wrote: »
    As far as respect towards your partner...if you set up certain boundaries like being committed...then its disrespectful to break agreed upon boundaries.🤷‍♀️

    What if boundaries were never set or agreed upon though? How is respect defined toward your partner while also maintaining self-respect?

    imo in that case it’s a conscience thing. but when in doubt talk it out

    Well I'm screwed then. My conscious is MIA and has been for years. :laugh:
  • ghudson92
    ghudson92 Posts: 2,061 Member
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    If we are talking about respect with regards to relationships, I think this is expressed through verbal and non-verbal communication.
    In my previous relationship I was not listened to and my needs were dismissed or not met altogether. Often I was subject to manipulative and controlling behaviour. Eventually, double standards and hypocrisy led me to lose respect for him as I felt he was unreliable and untrustworthy.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
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    ghudson92 wrote: »
    If we are talking about respect with regards to relationships, I think this is expressed through verbal and non-verbal communication.
    In my previous relationship I was not listened to and my needs were dismissed or not met altogether. Often I was subject to manipulative and controlling behaviour. Eventually, double standards and hypocrisy led me to lose respect for him as I felt he was unreliable and untrustworthy.

    I meant it in all forms. A lot of times what people consider "respect" is actually "dignity", something that all humans should have a right to, unless you see other humans as non-persons. It's just that the other thread led me to question several things and gave me a lot of insight that people define that word differently.

    Respect seems to be different depending on the individual.
  • ghudson92
    ghudson92 Posts: 2,061 Member
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    CanesGalactica wrote: »
    ghudson92 wrote: »
    If we are talking about respect with regards to relationships, I think this is expressed through verbal and non-verbal communication.
    In my previous relationship I was not listened to and my needs were dismissed or not met altogether. Often I was subject to manipulative and controlling behaviour. Eventually, double standards and hypocrisy led me to lose respect for him as I felt he was unreliable and untrustworthy.

    I meant it in all forms. A lot of times what people consider "respect" is actually "dignity", something that all humans should have a right to, unless you see other humans as non-persons. It's just that the other thread led me to question several things and gave me a lot of insight that people define that word differently.

    Respect seems to be different depending on the individual.

    I would agree with your sentiment about dignity. Oftentimes I think people confuse respect with admiration too.

    I suppose on a general basis, I would propose that I respect a person based on their characteristics - e.g. if they are able to be honest, if they are trustworthy etc... This is where your above distinction comes in to play as I know I am capable of showing maturity and kindness to those who have wronged me (dignity as you termed it), yet that does not mean I respect them.

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