Need some advice. ..concerning my 2 year old...
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Thank you ALL for your sound words of wisdom and experiences...
Bottom line is, I have to toughen up and not give in. While it's gonna be hard, It's time to get past this phase.
Again!! Thanks for all the advice!!!!0 -
Thank you ALL for your sound words of wisdom and experiences...
Bottom line is, I have to toughen up and not give in. While it's gonna be hard, It's time to get past this phase.
Again!! Thanks for all the advice!!!!
You'll do great!!!! And good luck
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My son is almost two and is the same way. He usually goes to bed hungry. We will give him a sippy cup with milk but after that, nothing. It doesn't matter how many times you give it to him, he's still won't eat it. If you try and make him try it, give him a bite, whatever, he will gag. It's crazy. I can get him to eat a handful of things but anything else, he flat out won't eat and we don't give him anything else.0
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Have them often but not every meal or every day.
I had real problems with my son's eating habits; it was a real battle between us. It was one I wish I had won, however I realized I was getting "too" angry over this and it was taking my own issues with food, which I had not conquered either, out on him.
So, if I could have kept my discipline better controlled I should have continued but I felt I was not able so then I took hands off with it... better to let him make some eating mistakes and then find his own way out of it... then to inject all kinds of anger and fear into his psyche with regard to eating.
Granted he was much older than your child. Today he is 24 and still is a picky eater and eats quite a bit of fast food... but he is making better choices more and more often and does not have near the weight problem I have had.0 -
I am no expert/mother, though I did recently watch an interesting documentary called 'Fast Food Baby'. It focused on three families with toddlers that just ate junk food, two of them were absolutely atrocious and it was all down to the parents being completely clueless, but one was in a situation similar to yours. The child would scream and throw his plate on the floor if he was given anything but the rubbish food that he wanted.
During the program, they took the toddler to a special play centre for similar children, where they taught the children to play games involving food and explore different kinds to make it fun. This was in England, and I don't know if anything like that exists near you, but turning the food in to a fun activity with the child had a really positive impact.0 -
I have no input, but I feel for you.0
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As a mother of two - aged four and 6 - the only and best advice is the advice you already know - that you have to not give in to her.
It's hard, and you will feel like a horrible person, but it will be worth it. You are the adult, you are in charge - she needs to see that this is the case for any changes to happen.
YOU CAN DO THIS!
yes, this^^^. remembering that you are the adult...not her.
good luck with this -- and yes, it will eventually pass and she will be eating what's for dinner with her Mommy and Daddy.0 -
I give my kids the option of eating what we are having or nothing. For snack time they can have the healthy option I'm giving them...apple, string cheese etc or nothing. If they are really hungry, they'll eat the good stuff.
Your daughter is definitely learning that if she annoys you enough that she is going to get what she wants.0 -
It's definitely the age. I have a very picky-eating 4-year-old who eats chicken nuggets 4-5 days a week for at least one meal. I do have to be sneaky with getting other veggies and fruits into her, though. I brought this up to my pediatrican who said that it is totally normal for the age and that as long as they are growing normally and hitting all of their developmental milestones, not to worry. I know it feels "not normal" when they eat this way, but I think it's a fact of life for mommies of toddlers. Give her a multi vitamin and keep offering her the good stuff. As she gets older. most likely she'll start to want to try new things. This is just my experience...hope it helps to put your mind at ease. Good luck!
i had a niece who only ate plain white rice for 6 months, then moved on to plain noodles, if you tried to put any sauces or anything she wouldnt eat, she's a perfectly healthy 13 yr old now and her pediatrician said the same thing as long as she's growing and hitting her milestones thats how toddlers are. but i would give vitamins. luckily my 3 yr olds arent that picky, they are picky but will eat most of what i give them... but they do hace their days... hang in there
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It's definitely the age. I have a very picky-eating 4-year-old who eats chicken nuggets 4-5 days a week for at least one meal. I do have to be sneaky with getting other veggies and fruits into her, though. I brought this up to my pediatrican who said that it is totally normal for the age and that as long as they are growing normally and hitting all of their developmental milestones, not to worry. I know it feels "not normal" when they eat this way, but I think it's a fact of life for mommies of toddlers. Give her a multi vitamin and keep offering her the good stuff. As she gets older. most likely she'll start to want to try new things. This is just my experience...hope it helps to put your mind at ease. Good luck!
This is so true. My son - now 29 years old - favored graham crackers and grape juice for about 3 months. After the 1st month, I took him to the pediatrician, who said it was quite normal for toddlers to start showing food preferences as a way of controlling their world. And it would change so not to fret. Sure enough, I continued to offer other foods and when he was ready, he started eating other foods.0 -
Good luck! I had the opposite problem with my daughter since age 4 she'll devour her veggies and poke at her meat. She didn't do too bad at 2-3 she ate mostly what was put in front of her. But now its a struggle to get her to eat meat. I find plant proteins to offer her instead. If she doesn't want beef(usually the one she turns her nose up to or picks around) I let her eat beans. I keep canned ones on hand for this purpose.
She'd eat a plate of broccoli before touching a hamburger or meatball for so long. She does like chicken for the most part. She's had her share of nuggets but now isn't so into them since she found out they are made mostly of non chicken things. Of course your daughter's age will not understand that.
With her meat aversion she is also somewhat averted to most breads. She has her favorite and is slowly warming up to potatoes in form of baked potato. She does not like mashed potatoes or corn. ODD because most kids I know that is what consists of the "vegetables" when they aren't even really(potatoes) or barely considered vegetables(corn). I don't judge but it really has a lot to do with how we feed them their first foods.
I agree they will not starve in one night. Offer the dinner or they wait for breakfast to eat something else. A healthy child won't starve themselves. ARe you sure her tummy hurting is hunger? Eliminate allergen foods and slowly introduce them. Does she eat grains okay? My 8 year old complains of a tummy ache and shows me her bloated tummy anytime she eats pasta with wheat gluten or mac and cheese. If I use gluten free noodles she doesn't have a tummy ache as much.0 -
I worked in childcare for over 10 years, and I can tell you truthfully what is going on here is a battle of wills. She's learned that if she waits long enough you will cave and give her what she wants.
No doubt that when she looks at you with big sad eyes saying her belly hurts that you must feel like the worst mom in the world....but you need to tell yourself you are NOT hurting her by wanting her to eat healthy foods. Her belly is hurting because she is being stubborn by not eating what you have put in front of her - not because you're a bad mom. You have to remind yourself of this, because those sad eyes can reduce you to mush.
I promise you this...when she gets hungry enough, she WILL eat something besides chicken nuggets (so long as the nuggets aren't being offered.) If you took them totally out of the house and didn't buy any more for at least a month, she will eventually start to discover other foods that she likes.
Also, this may take a while, so you have to be strong and determined. Children sometimes need to try something new up to 20 times before they will accept it. So its a tough road but very very worth it.
You would be doing her a huge favour to NOT serve her chicken nuggets again. She's at an age where she is learning habits that will last a life time. Instilling good eating habits now will definitely help her through her whole life - even if she doesn't like it right now.
Stay strong girl. :flowerforyou:
i couldn't agree more! giving in can unfortunately lead to things like my husband's brother. 24 years old and he will eat nothing but meat and bread. an occasional potato and maybe corn. not exaggerating. i shutter thinking about what his health must be like. what his health will be like in 10, 20 or 30 years.0 -
I worked in childcare for over 10 years, and I can tell you truthfully what is going on here is a battle of wills. She's learned that if she waits long enough you will cave and give her what she wants.
No doubt that when she looks at you with big sad eyes saying her belly hurts that you must feel like the worst mom in the world....but you need to tell yourself you are NOT hurting her by wanting her to eat healthy foods. Her belly is hurting because she is being stubborn by not eating what you have put in front of her - not because you're a bad mom. You have to remind yourself of this, because those sad eyes can reduce you to mush.
I promise you this...when she gets hungry enough, she WILL eat something besides chicken nuggets (so long as the nuggets aren't being offered.) If you took them totally out of the house and didn't buy any more for at least a month, she will eventually start to discover other foods that she likes.
Also, this may take a while, so you have to be strong and determined. Children sometimes need to try something new up to 20 times before they will accept it. So its a tough road but very very worth it.
You would be doing her a huge favour to NOT serve her chicken nuggets again. She's at an age where she is learning habits that will last a life time. Instilling good eating habits now will definitely help her through her whole life - even if she doesn't like it right now.
Stay strong girl. :flowerforyou:
I agree with this completely. You just have to tough it out and not cave. She knows how to get what she wants, and you give it to her every time! Of course that is all she is going to eat!
When she is hungry enough she will eat what you give her. I think getting rid of chicken nuggets completely is a great idea. Throw them out, and when she asks for them, tell her you don't have any. You will be telling the truth, and will have nothing to feel guilty about.
Yeah, she'll cry, and throw a fit, and guilt you as much as a 2 year old can... but YOU are the adult, and you need to act like it! She needs to know that you are the one running the show, not her. You can do it!
Yes, I third this idea. My nephew is 14 yrs old now and nearly the only thing he will eat is cereal & junk food. He has been like this since he was about 4 years old. He nearly always refuses to eat meals if someone is watching him. His parents have had him to a counselor, nutritionist and sadly not much has worked. Your daughter is in the formative years. Get her to eat right now and head off eating problems in later years.0 -
My son wanted peanut butter for every meal for years. Years. Just because he wanted it didn't mean he got it. I was ok giving him peanut butter for lunch and even breakfast, but not for dinner. I showed him what was for dinner and asked if he was going to eat with us that night. If he said no, he wanted pb, then he went to his room until we were done with dinner and wasn't allowed a snack before bed. If he decided to eat, he had to eat one bite for every year of his age, for each item on his plate. He went to bed hungry many times, but he knew it was his choice. Giving him the choice removed the battle. Even though he was thin, the doctor was fine with my strategy, and he didn't miss more than 2 meals a week.
If she tells your her belly hurts, just remind her it was her choice to not eat dinner. Maybe your husband could put her to bed when she's hungry if he's better with the sad eyes than you. Stick to your guns mom, she will be fine.0 -
I have an 8year old son and I truly believe he is the most stubborn child on the planet.!!:huh:
When he was 1yrs old he went through a really bad patch with refusing to eat anything lumpy (after a very horrible sickness bug). The health visitors told me he would not starve himself or go hungry and that it was a battle of wills.
So I stuck to my guns and boy he stuck to his !! End result is that he DID start to lose weight and the health visitor was shocked and kinda had no other words of wisdom for me (helpful - NOT!!).:noway: I had to go right back to the beginning with him and it was a long hard process to start enjoying meal times together again.
It took a few years - YES YEARS ..........................but eventually he started to get the idea that I wasn't gonna give in. It is still really hard sometimes and even now we have underlying food issues but it is 90% better than it was.
The biggest thing I learned was that if my son refused to eat the food I dished up (that he has eaten before and I know he likes) then I would simply remain calm and point out there is nothing else so eat up or you'll be hungry.Getting angry & frustrated will not work. I still offered him pudding as food should NEVER be used to punish your child (example; if you don't finish your dinner you won't get pudding). I made sure his puddings were healthy and so even if he only ate something like a yoghurt or piece of fruit at dinner time, it was better than skipping a meal completely.
On the other hand if I was serving him something he has never tried before I will ALWAYS have something on standby as it can take kids 9or more goes at trying a new food before they can really tell if they like/dislike it. Even if he tried only 1 or 2 mouthfuls of the 'new' food, I would praise him like mad and then offer the alternative. Making him feel secure that its OK not to like the same things as other people. We are all different after all. That way he is not scared of something new on his plate.
It is a hard slog but definately be consistent. I wouldn't go so far as to NEVER offer her Chicken Nuggets again but if you do giver her nuggets - make them yourself or buy 100% breast fillet nuggets so that she is having the best quality nugget etc. Make it a special treat for her.
Well, sorry if I have rambled on, but this is a topic I feel strongly about and know first hand that with perseverance it WILL get better.
:bigsmile:0 -
I agree with the folks who have suggested the "tough love" or "be a parent" approach. Stop giving in to a 2 year old. If you don't fix this issue now, imagine what will happen when your 2 year old gets older and smarter and more stubborn. It will only get worse.
"Mommy, buy me that $150 purse. If you don't, I'm not budging. I'll stay here all day and night and I'll find my own way home."
"Mommy, I'm not going to eat unless you let me smoke pot. Remember those chicken nugget days. You know I am stubborn and can hold out if I need to. You will give in, Mommy. You always have."
dream up your own examples.0 -
I just want to say that if you are strong and don't offer the nuggets, keep them out of the house she will eat because she'll get hungry. I don't agree with others that they will "grow out of it", some kids do grow out of it, but my brothers are 22 and still eat a steady diet of spaghettios, chicken nuggets, fish sticks, and oreos like they did when they were 5. They have added a few other foods in, but one of them mostly survives on chicken nuggets, ice cream, and red bull. It is easier to change her habits while she is still under your "rule"!0
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I worked in childcare for over 10 years, and I can tell you truthfully what is going on here is a battle of wills. She's learned that if she waits long enough you will cave and give her what she wants.
No doubt that when she looks at you with big sad eyes saying her belly hurts that you must feel like the worst mom in the world....but you need to tell yourself you are NOT hurting her by wanting her to eat healthy foods. Her belly is hurting because she is being stubborn by not eating what you have put in front of her - not because you're a bad mom. You have to remind yourself of this, because those sad eyes can reduce you to mush.
I promise you this...when she gets hungry enough, she WILL eat something besides chicken nuggets (so long as the nuggets aren't being offered.) If you took them totally out of the house and didn't buy any more for at least a month, she will eventually start to discover other foods that she likes.
Also, this may take a while, so you have to be strong and determined. Children sometimes need to try something new up to 20 times before they will accept it. So its a tough road but very very worth it.
You would be doing her a huge favour to NOT serve her chicken nuggets again. She's at an age where she is learning habits that will last a life time. Instilling good eating habits now will definitely help her through her whole life - even if she doesn't like it right now.
Stay strong girl. :flowerforyou:
I agree with this post almost completely. Childhood eating problems are extremely distressing for the parents. I'd like to add a couple of suggestions to consider:
Children's taste buds change and develop at 2ish. Your child may be finding the new flavours distressing. Keep persisting - as mentioned above, she'll need to taste food lots of times to accept it.
Your own stress is a possible trigger for her to refuse foods. Be relaxed and take time at the table. Don't rush!
Try playing games with food. Get her to touch the food in different ways. Reward her (with praise not food!) for small steps such as putting her hands in to spaghetti or licking a banana.
She gets a lot of attention by refusing food. Try to give attention to positive behaviours such as eating nicely and not make a fuss about her bad behaviours.
Are you still spoon feeding her? You may like to try letting her have more control by giving her the cutlery to feed herself. Or encourage her to use her hands.
Put tasty treats, like grapes or chopped veg on the table every meal and model the behaviour you want from her (i.e. take a few healthy treats while your eating)
The only point I'd disagree with is to remove her staple foods immediately. It may be easier for you to let her have a few (only) nuggets so that she can eat something. Make sure you don't let her eat those without trying other things.
Do you have other children? If so you can praise them for eating 'adventurously' to show what you are after. You could invite friends over, perhaps?
Always try to ignore her playing up over food unless she throws a tantrum in which case I suggest a timeout.
You will need to stick at this and be very consistent. Any small victory needs to be celebrated
Good Luck!0 -
I make my own chicken nuggets, and let my child help make them. Cut the chicken into bite sized peices, let her roll them in the seasoned bread crumbs, then saute them in a bit of oil. Then she isn't getting something unhealthy, she is interested because she helped make them, and we both win!0
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Been there! I've done both - I've caved and let my toddler eat something that she loves repeatedly (chocolate soymilk) and I've let her go to bed hungry, after I told her she would, when she refused dinner. I know you might feel guilty when she says she has a belly ache, but perhaps just tell her that if she eats (XYZ - the healthy option), her belly would feel better. I hate to say it, but these 2 years olds are total manipulators. Mine will tell me several times a day about all sorts of imaginary aches and pains - "Mommy my toe hurts, I need a cookie." lol. My pediatrician told me that she will not starve; she will eat when she's truly hungry.0
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