Need some advice. ..concerning my 2 year old...

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  • h82bfat
    h82bfat Posts: 77
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    I'm going to take a different approach from many who recommend what I see as "tough love".

    Let's not forget children are people just like you and I. Everyday I do things I do not want to do. There are healthy foods I do not like and do not eat and there are also times I have downed entire bags of junk knowing fully aware it is bad for me. Even though I have knowledge and desire to eat right, I often have difficulty doing so. To expect a two-year-old to willingly exceed our actions is unrealistic. There is noting wrong with your daughter wanting to only eat what appeals to her most.

    However, as parents we have the responsibility to provide proper nutrition. A healthy diet is achieved by eating a balanced diet which, by definition, eating various kind of food. The flip-side is that NOT eating is also unhealthy. Going to bed hungry is not what we want our kids to learn how to do! It's far too easy to lay down the law, making your kid feel discouraged and powerless. If this is a power of the wills, upping the ante does not seem to be to be a good solution.

    As parents it is often hard to look past enforcing behavior. I am never more proud when my kids are out in public, charming and obedient. (And when my friend's kids push the envelope...so much the better!) But ultimately, my goal is not to simply regulate their actions but to teach them how to make good decisions. Chucking the nuggets in the trash might help break a bad habit, but it does nothing to help your daughter begin to learn how to make the right choices.

    So what's the solution? Perhaps it's slowly weaning off nuggets. We went from Mac n' Cheeze from several times a week to once every few weeks. Talk about what is healthy and what is not, being clear your change in direction is not an arbitrary decision. Perhaps it's an "eat this then that". Serve up a small portion of nuggets and veggies. She can get a taste of what she likes but not have any more until she eats something else. My kids do really well with most fruit...we're still working on veggies. However, I'd make certain you have other comfort food on hand that she can have. Even when nuggets are not on the menu, work to prevent her from going to bed hungry.

    The greater the variety in her diet is not only exposes your daughter to a better balance of nutrients, it is ultimately a happier way to live, giving her access to a greater number of foods to enjoy. It's a long road, take it one step (err...bite) at a time.
  • godblessourhome
    godblessourhome Posts: 3,892 Member
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    it sounds like her 'hunger' hurts your heart more than it hurts her belly. :)

    as a parent, we want to help our children make good choices but at 2, she is not equipped to make healthy ones yet. that is why she needs you. she is making choices based on what she knows tastes good instead of meeting nutritional requirements. you need to help her make better choices.

    let her choose what she wears to supper (do you want to change shirts or wear what you have on?), what she eats off of (do you want to eat on the red plate or the blue plate? do you want a sippy cup or plastic coffee cup with a straw?), where her food is (do you want your broccoli on your plate or in a separate bowl?) and how much she eats (would you like 3 bites of grilled chicken or 5 bites? would you like 2 slices of peaches or 4?), but some things are not for her to decide (whether she eats chicken nuggets or the food you and your husband are eating). choices are important so she feels she has some control, but it only extends so far. 'do you think we should have a bowl of popcorn or some grapes as dessert?'

    it is okay to tell her 'chicken nuggets is not a choice that is available right now. we eat chicken nuggets only on saturday. you helped decide what plate to use, so it's mom and dad's turn to make this decision. would you like 3 bites of grilled chicken or 5 bites?' only give two choices, either of which you'd be happy with, but give lots of them. if she's not eating her food, you can give her the choice 'would you like me to feed you or can you feed yourself?'

    are you happy with her going to bed hungry? i don't think you are, so don't give that as a choice. would you be happy if she ate 3 bites of chicken? yes. would it be better if she ate 5 bites? probably, but she gets to have some control too. i guarantee that she will start with the least amount possible. that is okay; you set the outline of 2 choices, both that you would be happy with. let her know that even though she has to eat it, she doesn't have to like it. that's okay too. 'you can choose to try this with an open mind or with a frown on your face. which do you think you will do tonight?'

    'you can eat 3 pieces of xyz or 5 pieces, which do you prefer?' is ahealthy way of equipping our kids to make bigger, lifelong decisions and develop confidence in their decision-making skills. i highly recommend 'love and logic' for more suggestions on how to give raise children with choices without breaking a sweat.

    oh, and invest in some juice plus gummies. they help introduce 17 different fruits and vegetables into her diet without eating the real food. they are awesome!
  • atomdraco
    atomdraco Posts: 1,083 Member
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    Funny you suggest that...the other night told her that if she ate a bite of her grilled chicken that mommy made, he would have a party for her with ballons....streamers...cake...and even a pony!!!! She wouldn't budge....

    I think she wouldn't budge because she already learned that you will. :-)

    Wow, that is really tough, especially if you've give up enough time and she's already figured out you.

    Each child is so different too. Something works for one kid may not work for others. My 3 yr old is big into want to be superman. For example if he won't eat vegi, we'll let him know he will lose some of his super power; if he didn't want to drink his milk, we'll squeeze his arm and tell him his bones are getting soft. I guess you just have to keep trying and hoping something will work for your daughter.

    We also did the "if you are not eating now, you don't get anything". When he cried later before bed, we will tell him only thing you can do it drinking water. Sometimes I offers only eat a few pieces of fruits, but he don't get to choose what he wanted. But one thing is that we try not to budge.

    All I can say, keep trying, and good luck. I feel for your pain.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,576 Member
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    Stay at home dad and almost fell into the same pattern. Don't cave. I took the advice of putting food out on the table and denying my daughter what she wanted. She cried and an begged, but I didn't cave. When she finally went to eat, I smiled at her and sat down and ate with her.
    Since then it's not been a problem eating.
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
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    oh, and invest in some juice plus gummies. they help introduce 17 different fruits and vegetables into her diet without eating the real food. they are awesome!

    While this may help in meeting vitamin requirements this is teaching no good lesson about eating real, healthy food. That will not add 17 different fruits and vegetables into their diet - it will teach them that if you don't like the 17 different fruit and vegetables you can just eat candy because they are "healthy" and just as good. :noway:
  • emmabeckemeyer1
    emmabeckemeyer1 Posts: 298 Member
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    My children know that what I make is what they have to eat for dinner.
    At two years old I would serve our daughter her meal and if she said she was done or wants down then she could. I would put her meal in the fridge and if she said she was hungry I would get the meal out of the fridge. This would continue until the next meal.
    Example: serve lunch...refuses to eat it...put it in the fridge...she says she is hungry, get out lunch from fridge.....refuses....ask again get out the lunch again.....eats some......serve dinner....put it in fridge
    I only needed to do that for a couple weeks and now my daughters are GREAT eaters!!!
  • jalysons
    jalysons Posts: 73 Member
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    Hi,

    What about giving her bites off your plate. My 2 year old twins will eat a lot of things off my plate that they would never eat on their own. In the past week they have had some of my tunafish sandwich and hard boiled eggs. If it was no there plate I would have heard "no like this".

    I am trying to do this on transitioning things in. Also, they do not really like chicken and sandwiches but will eat cheese and crackers, lentil chili. Its all a crap shoot though because they might eat something one day and not the next. I want to bang my head against the wall many day :)
  • jalysons
    jalysons Posts: 73 Member
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    Hi,

    What about giving her bites off your plate. My 2 year old twins will eat a lot of things off my plate that they would never eat on their own. In the past week they have had some of my tunafish sandwich and hard boiled eggs. If it was no there plate I would have heard "no like this".

    I am trying to do this on transitioning things in. Also, they do not really like chicken and sandwiches but will eat cheese and crackers, lentil chili. Its all a crap shoot though because they might eat something one day and not the next. I want to bang my head against the wall many day :)
  • spacecase76
    spacecase76 Posts: 673 Member
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    Okay, so personally I think this is being taken to extremes. Most pediatricians will tell you that as long as she is healthy and growing right along with the charts not to stress over it. If you feel she's not getting enough vitamins then you can give her a daily multivitamin.

    I agree, and I also want to add to try to start offering / bribing her to try different foods, but don't stress over it. **TO ME** it isn't a battle that I would choose to pick. She will eventually try other things, you might try some of the other suggestions, like letting her help prepare, or maybe pick out a special veggie from the market, or...something, but, at 2 -- it's not a battle I would fight.

    (BTW, Mom to a 17 year old, 12 year old, and 3.5 year old)
  • kiku76
    kiku76 Posts: 352 Member
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    I worked in childcare for over 10 years, and I can tell you truthfully what is going on here is a battle of wills. She's learned that if she waits long enough you will cave and give her what she wants.

    No doubt that when she looks at you with big sad eyes saying her belly hurts that you must feel like the worst mom in the world....but you need to tell yourself you are NOT hurting her by wanting her to eat healthy foods. Her belly is hurting because she is being stubborn by not eating what you have put in front of her - not because you're a bad mom. You have to remind yourself of this, because those sad eyes can reduce you to mush.

    I promise you this...when she gets hungry enough, she WILL eat something besides chicken nuggets (so long as the nuggets aren't being offered.) If you took them totally out of the house and didn't buy any more for at least a month, she will eventually start to discover other foods that she likes.

    Also, this may take a while, so you have to be strong and determined. Children sometimes need to try something new up to 20 times before they will accept it. So its a tough road but very very worth it.

    You would be doing her a huge favour to NOT serve her chicken nuggets again. She's at an age where she is learning habits that will last a life time. Instilling good eating habits now will definitely help her through her whole life - even if she doesn't like it right now.

    Stay strong girl. :flowerforyou:

    I agree with this. She will not starve herself. At night when she tells you her tummy hurts, offer the same thing you offered for dinner. Keep offering it. she will eventually eat. or she will go to bed hungry, but it will most likely be the last time she does it. right now she knows mommy will eventually give in to her. she needs to learn that you mean business and won't let her have her nuggets.

    It wil be hard, but I will say from experience, she will outgrow the pickiness. DD is 3.5 and was a super picky eater. She only ate soups for the longest time. I wasn't too concerned, it had meat and veggies. but she refused to try anything new.
    Now at 3.5 she's still picky, but has learned that she needs to take at least one bite of something before refusing it. If she absolutel doesnt like it, I dont force her. I just try the food again at a later time. she's slowly eating more veggies this way.

    and yes, she has gone to bed without dinner before
  • leosmom1220
    leosmom1220 Posts: 10 Member
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    My two year old is the same way with hot dogs. But I started letting him help me with the meal planning and eating with big people plates, cups and utensils and it has gotten a lot better. He still asks dlfor the hot dog out of routine but then I say do you wanna help mama make supper and then dinner goes as normal with him eating what we make. I was always taught by my grandfather that you have to try to make it some sort of game to a young Childs mind if you want the kind of cooperation you expect.
  • TS65
    TS65 Posts: 1,024 Member
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    I worked in childcare for over 10 years, and I can tell you truthfully what is going on here is a battle of wills. She's learned that if she waits long enough you will cave and give her what she wants.

    No doubt that when she looks at you with big sad eyes saying her belly hurts that you must feel like the worst mom in the world....but you need to tell yourself you are NOT hurting her by wanting her to eat healthy foods. Her belly is hurting because she is being stubborn by not eating what you have put in front of her - not because you're a bad mom. You have to remind yourself of this, because those sad eyes can reduce you to mush.

    I promise you this...when she gets hungry enough, she WILL eat something besides chicken nuggets (so long as the nuggets aren't being offered.) If you took them totally out of the house and didn't buy any more for at least a month, she will eventually start to discover other foods that she likes.

    Also, this may take a while, so you have to be strong and determined. Children sometimes need to try something new up to 20 times before they will accept it. So its a tough road but very very worth it.

    You would be doing her a huge favour to NOT serve her chicken nuggets again. She's at an age where she is learning habits that will last a life time. Instilling good eating habits now will definitely help her through her whole life - even if she doesn't like it right now.

    Stay strong girl. :flowerforyou:

    This! Be the mom. Be strong.
  • godblessourhome
    godblessourhome Posts: 3,892 Member
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    oh, and invest in some juice plus gummies. they help introduce 17 different fruits and vegetables into her diet without eating the real food. they are awesome!

    While this may help in meeting vitamin requirements this is teaching no good lesson about eating real, healthy food. That will not add 17 different fruits and vegetables into their diet - it will teach them that if you don't like the 17 different fruit and vegetables you can just eat candy because they are "healthy" and just as good. :noway:

    you may choose to believe that, but that was not my, or several friends', experience with them. because they eat the gummy of 17 real fruits and vegetables (dehydrated and crushed in a non-sugar pectin), they acquired a taste for the real thing without eating the real thing (especially important if texture is an issue). introducing kale and broccoli and spinach was made much easier because they had already 'tasted' them before.
  • CaptainMFP
    CaptainMFP Posts: 440 Member
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    We are having a very similar problem with our two year old. He would rather drink his calories than eat them. We were having a battle of wills and he was winning as he knew I would eventually give in. Sounds like your little one has you figured. out. Finally, after talking with a developmental specialists she said he will only go to bed hungry so many times. He WILL learn to eat what is offered. So for the past week and a half we have said you can sit in the chair and eat or you can sit in the other chair, no tv, no toys, just sitting and even more important for him, no milk. IT HAS WORKED. He has only not eaten one night. Now there were tantrums the first three days, but he did come around. He has eaten broccoli, chicken, fish, rice, hotdog, potatoes, etc. Does he eat everything on his plate, no, but he is eating.
    You have to remain strong and even keeled about. (I found the more I got worked up the more he objected). You have to remember, she will not starve. Let her go to bed hungry, I bet she will eat the next night.
    I do like the reward system for eating as I don't want food tied to anything other than food and sustaining our bodies. Down the road I don't want him thinking if he holds out on something that eventually I will give him a reward for doing it. Slippery slope in my opinion.
    Whatever you decide, Good Luck!
    Angela

    I want to second what my wife has said here. Let me add that children of this age are very good at figuring out hunger. The developmental specialist we worked with was emphatic that sending them to bed hungry a couple of times is NOT cruel, and she works with many special needs kids. (Our son is severely hearing impaired.) In the end, these types of situations are not about the food; they are about control. If you remove the control/confrontation element, you will eventually win. Again, in our case it was (1) take away the problem items (e.g. milk before or during dinner) and (2) present a clear choice. We did not object to him not eating, but we made the consequences of his choice clear. As soon as he realized he couldn't play us or get an emotional rise from us by not eating he gave in and chose to eat what was served. He's also given in (a bit) to the competition that motivates my 4-yo...he's so anxious to "beat daddy" by finishing his veggies first that he gobbles them down...the 2-yo is starting to pick up on that too as he watches his brother interact with me.

    Be careful with the stick-to-your guns advice...it may work but it may also backfire...this is not really about food. If you remove the confrontation and dispassionately force her to choose eat or not I think you'll do better.
  • MamaKatel
    MamaKatel Posts: 180
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    lol, I have the opposite problem. I can't get my 2 year old to eat chicken nuggets for the life of me. I can't get him to eat ANY meat what so ever.
  • spacecase76
    spacecase76 Posts: 673 Member
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    'do you think we should have a bowl of popcorn or some grapes as dessert?'


    PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not give a 2 year old popcorn!! The APA says 4! If you give her grapes, make sure they are cut in half and she is supervised when eating them. These are both MAJOR choking hazards!
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,311 Member
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    My son was very fussy. You have to just not cave. You will have BATTLES. I have been screamed at, bitten, kicked, but you are the parent. If my son really won't eat, I let him have a banana and some brown toast or a yoghurt.

    My nephew was the same, my sister caved, and at 12 he has real food issues. You don't need to be draconian, just make her try one new thing a day. It takes something like 18 tastes to like something new, so just keep going.
  • mamax5
    mamax5 Posts: 414 Member
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    My son is a little like that, but with fish sticks! He's 3 and eats pb&j's, fishsticks, mac and cheese. Now the good thing is he'll eat eggs, cottage cheese and just about every fruit there is. He recently discovered that he likes turkey sandwhiches with mustard on wheat. He will try things, but just spits it out. With him it feels like a phase.
  • astovey
    astovey Posts: 578 Member
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    tell her the store ran out? :flowerforyou:
  • eamconnor
    eamconnor Posts: 130 Member
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    As a child, I loved the cream of wheat my mother served for breakfast every morning. However, some days, I just wasn't in the mood and left the bowl mostly uneaten. My mother had no problem with this; however, she did let me know that what I didn't eat for breakfast would be served to me again, this time cold from the refrigerator, when I returned home for lunch. Occasionally, I went back to school after a lunch of cold cream of wheat. It didn't happen often, but there were no surprises -- my mother was very clear about what would happen if I didn't eat my breakfast, and she stuck to it. I still love cream of wheat and admire my mother's resolve.

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