Need some advice. ..concerning my 2 year old...

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  • emergencytennis
    emergencytennis Posts: 864 Member
    I'm still getting over the idea of being a 2 year old in a house with fish sticks, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, cheese-its etc. as dining options. I did not have such an experience. Nor did I, as far as I know, have the experience of dictating to my parents what I was going to eat, I think it was the other way round. I definitely went through the I *won't* eat it phase (known as my entire childhood, I believe) but maybe that was because I didn't have the option of living on french fries which I'm sure I would have eaten 24-7 had someone introduced this as a possibliity. Those things were known as occasional treats. Like at a fair. Like every several months, if that.

    Stop feeding your kids junk. Stop eating junk. There will be tons of other things to fight about, but at least everyone will be healthier and without lifelong weight issues.

    Don't judge.
  • Robyn4444
    Robyn4444 Posts: 8 Member
    Well...that's a lot of ideas. I hope that you can find something that works for your family. Good luck with it all.
  • kr3851
    kr3851 Posts: 994 Member
    I think at two, she's pretty young to be reasoned with. I'm not saying you can't reason with her, but it will be difficult. If she'll only eat nuggets, it could be a problem. If she WANTS nuggets along with other things on her plate, I'd let her be. Keep serving her up other foods along with her nuggets - maybe try reducing the number of nuggets you serve her so she'll have to eat more off her plate. Haha I'm doing the same thing myself with chocolate - I know it's not the best for me, but I still want it! I'm trying to eat a bigger variety of foods, and eat my veggies before I eat chocolate, but it's still hard. AND I'M 28 YEARS OLD.

    As kids, we were always offered a wide range of foods. We were encouraged to finish what was on our plate, and what we didn't finish was put in the fridge with some plastic wrap on it and we could eat it later on if we were still hungry. I was a terribly slow eater so I got 20 minutes to finish, and soon learned to eat a bit quicker so that I wasn't still hungry when my plate was taken away.

    Kids all have food issues. Sometimes when you're a kid, the only thing you can control is what goes in your mouth. Just get her involved in the preparation of the food and talk about how yummy everything is.

    And please remember she's only 2....
  • sweetsarahj
    sweetsarahj Posts: 701 Member
    Oh geez, what a nightmare. Good luck to you :)

    I am not a mom, but I am a former chef and do have a sugesstion.... perhaps getting her involved in the meal preperation would help. My experience with kids is that sometimes they can be scared of something becaue they don't understand it. I wonder if making it 'fun' somehow would help.

    I just thought of that scene from "A Christmas Story" ..... "Show mummy how the piggys eat!"

    LOL, good luck.


    SOmehow I thought I was writing about a 5 year old.... not a 2 year old.... obvy getting her involved in the food prep would make life super difficult LOL.... and perhaps the whole family would end up eating chicken nuggets.... LOL

    That being said, my beautiful niece is 21 months and already seems to be trying to 'control' situations around her .... scary!

    Again, good luck!
  • naturallykat
    naturallykat Posts: 118 Member
    I have done the "I'm not gonna give into you" thing...but when it comes time to put her to bed and she puts her head down on my shoulder and says "Mommy, my belly hurts", I cower and we head down to the kitchen for her to eat something that SHE likes.

    Some great suggestions on here but I really do think it boils down to her having control over you. You know that for safety's sake and for her health you have to have the final say. Resolve to deal with it firmly now; nuggets are out of the house and off the menu, and she is served a portion of what the rest of the family are having. If she refuses to eat until her belly hurts, let her know that she has a choice of X food or no food - simple.

    Once you have regained control nuggets can come back as a once weekly treat - but if she starts throwing her weight around again, she gets once chance to change or in the bin they go.

    Sweetsarahj's point is also good - get her involved in making fun food. Pizzas with smiley faces made from pepper slices, olives etc, lots of recipe ideas from Jamie oliver and Sainsburys' websites.

    Best of luck :)
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    I have been in with the "you need to be the parent and say no" camp, BUT it's bollocks that a child won't starve themselves. Two members of my direct family (not my children) have quite literally starved themselves in a battle of wills over food. To the point they have been seriously ill, malnourished with digestive problems and under paediatric nutritionists. All because they would ONLY eat a couple of things. Some children will eat once they are hungry, but not all. By no means all.
  • beccyleigh
    beccyleigh Posts: 846 Member
    She's incapable of being manipulative.


    ???Do you have children? Toddlers are totally manipulative & will try it on given half the chance. Fact.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    I have been in with the "you need to be the parent and say no" camp, BUT it's bollocks that a child won't starve themselves. Two members of my direct family (not my children) have quite literally starved themselves in a battle of wills over food. To the point they have been seriously ill, malnourished with digestive problems and under paediatric nutritionists. All because they would ONLY eat a couple of things. Some children will eat once they are hungry, but not all. By no means all.

    Not every parenting technique works with every child, that's one of the reasons there are so many books and no manuals. Do you hold out and refuse food for days on end, no, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t try something different. It sounds like she’ll eat fine for the other meals, this issue is just at dinner. The great thing about parenting is that if one method of addressing a situation doesn’t work you can always change streams and try something else. In my house, we try something for a week, if it’s not resolved in a week it’s not the solution.
  • anbegley
    anbegley Posts: 163 Member
    She's incapable of being manipulative.


    ???Do you have children? Toddlers are totally manipulative & will try it on given half the chance. Fact.

    AMEN! I read that and thought there was no way she has children. My husband practically choked when I told him about that post.

    If awards were given for manipulation, my two year old would have his room covered in blue ribbons.

    In the end, whatever you decide stick with it. Just like when they were babies, they need consistency and boundries.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    I figure if my son never says to me as a teenager "you're the worst mom ever, I hate you, you've completely ruined my life" at least 10 times I will not have done my job.
  • PanteraGirl
    PanteraGirl Posts: 566 Member
    Again, she's TWO! She's incapable of being manipulative.

    Not sure where those educators got the their information, but manipulation is amongst the first negative behaviors a toddler learns. Toddlers are human sponges.....they soak up everything they see and hear. Give them some credit...they are way smarter than you think!
  • PanteraGirl
    PanteraGirl Posts: 566 Member
    I figure if my son never says to me as a teenager "you're the worst mom ever, I hate you, you've completely ruined my life" at least 10 times I will not have done my job.

    Agreed!!!!
  • MayBaby87
    MayBaby87 Posts: 2
    I don't want to upset anyone but for everyone who says to give in and they will grow out of it- bad idea. Its not about the chicken nuggets; she has figured out that she can get what she wants and have things her way if she just waits. It will eventually stop with the chicken nuggets but then it will turn into something else most likely not food related. I have a 4 year old and luckily I can get her to eat just about anything and has been that way the whole time. Her thing that she had to have was a pacifier. I eventually just threw them all way. She watched me and threw a fit but she got over it real quick. She figured out that she could talk better without it. She also learned that Mom means business and when I say no I mean no. But the 2 year old I am a nanny for is starting to do the same thing. All she really wants to eat is pasta. I make other things for breakfast and lunch. I offer her other alternatives that are not what she really wants. If she doesn't eat she will go hungry until she eats one of the things I have offered. She is two SHE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS YET. Sorry if I have offended anyone but I truly believe in making sure that kids know that parents are the boss and what they say goes. If they don't respect you they won't respect other adults and that would keep me up at night.
  • crikee15
    crikee15 Posts: 155 Member
    I worked in childcare for over 10 years, and I can tell you truthfully what is going on here is a battle of wills. She's learned that if she waits long enough you will cave and give her what she wants.

    No doubt that when she looks at you with big sad eyes saying her belly hurts that you must feel like the worst mom in the world....but you need to tell yourself you are NOT hurting her by wanting her to eat healthy foods. Her belly is hurting because she is being stubborn by not eating what you have put in front of her - not because you're a bad mom. You have to remind yourself of this, because those sad eyes can reduce you to mush.

    I promise you this...when she gets hungry enough, she WILL eat something besides chicken nuggets (so long as the nuggets aren't being offered.) If you took them totally out of the house and didn't buy any more for at least a month, she will eventually start to discover other foods that she likes.

    Also, this may take a while, so you have to be strong and determined. Children sometimes need to try something new up to 20 times before they will accept it. So its a tough road but very very worth it.

    You would be doing her a huge favour to NOT serve her chicken nuggets again. She's at an age where she is learning habits that will last a life time. Instilling good eating habits now will definitely help her through her whole life - even if she doesn't like it right now.

    Stay strong girl. :flowerforyou:

    As an educator, I completely agree and must interject here that the behaviors she learns now are habits that she will carry on through the rest of her life, even and especially into the classroom. If she is capable of manipulation at this early an age (and yes, toddlers are DEFINITELY capable of manipulation), I'm scared of what she will do 10 years from now if her behavior isn't redirected. We (my coworkers and I) know a 14 year old whose mother let him eat whatever he wanted (which happened to be only chicken nuggets) and so he only ate those until he was 12. At 12, he added pizza and celery to his diet, and now at 14 he is overweight and his skin is a very odd gray color. The most alarming part of this story is that his mother does not appear to notice or be concerned by it. It is sad and distressing to a teacher to sit in a meeting with those types of parents and listen to them defend the behaviors of their children, which have by this point developed into evading assignments and responsibilities that are appropriate to their age, and have delayed their emotional development by trying to protect their children from ever feeling a moment of disappointment. On a more personal level, I can tell you that I am so thankful that my own mother made me eat things that I wouldn't have picked because it allowed my palate to develop a taste for a variety of foods, especially vegetables. Did I get mad at her at the time? Of course. But am I grateful now as an adult? You bet.
  • k4evans1
    k4evans1 Posts: 145 Member
    The more you cave, the harder it will be the next time. You have taught her that if she cries, she gets what she wants. You have taught her this over and over and over again. This has gone on for a long time so it's going to be 1000x harder to break than it would have been if you only caved 1 or 2 times. Don't have them in the house and then you can't cave. This is going to get a lot worse before it gets better but you have to stay strong.
  • beccyleigh
    beccyleigh Posts: 846 Member
    so how is the op getting on? what method did you adopt? inquiring parental minds want to know :tongue:
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