Divorced with Children?????

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NicolCook
NicolCook Posts: 489 Member
in Chit-Chat
So, lots of drama and wanted to see if it is just me being unreasonable or if I have room to be displeased. (to put it nicely)

My ex-husband and his wife carry insurance on my son. I took him to the doctor yesterday and they gave me a check for 2 copays that I have paid while visiting. They said there is no copay since the primary and secondary insurance covers all the cost. Yet my ex has been charging me to take our son to the doc. So, I confront him through a msg about it and he is furious:




This is the msg I got........
You know what, if that is how you want it fine, you will be Nicol in this house from now on. That is what (son) will call you here. (Step Mom) was trying to save your *kitten* some ****ing money, so from now on you can pay for have of the ****. But Im not going to. We had him double covered and you have to be a ***** about it and complain about paying your half of the copayment that my insurance has. I cant help that her insurance covers all of it. So as of the end of the year (son) will only have one insurance.

I Think it is right that you should still have to pay your half of the copayment. Way i see it is we are paying for everything and your getting out of paying your half. (Step Mom) was nice enough to try and take all the costs out except for your copayment. Think 17.50 is pretty cheap when he has to go to dr. I have no problem paying for half of this perscriptions.

From now on you will not have an insurance card for (son). When he needs to go to dr I will be the one taking him. Dont have to give you a card just have to carry the insuance.

Your name should not even be on that check from the dr. It is MY insuance not yours. Due to insurance reasons too I will be changing (son's) dr. He will have my dr now Just to let you know. I will be calling the dr tomorrow they should not of been able to write you a check when your nowhere on the policy to be reimbursed anything

Your not hurting any one but (son) and only (son) for being this way.


I don't mind paying to treat my son, but if there is no copay, I don't feel that I should have to pay a fee that doesn't exist. Wrong???
Been dealing with this crap for nearly 5 years now and at my wit's end. Not sure what to do next.
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Replies

  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
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    Take it up with your attorney. Sounds like your ex is being a major tool, but I don't know the backstory here.
  • candb
    candb Posts: 238
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    So he wants you to pay half the copay, which is 0. Half of 0 is 0. I don't get why he's being a toolbox.

    Yep, definitely contact your attorney.
  • ShellyMacchi
    ShellyMacchi Posts: 975 Member
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    Take it up with your attorney. Sounds like your ex is being a major tool, but I don't know the backstory here.

    absolutely this
  • My1985Freckles
    My1985Freckles Posts: 1,039 Member
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    I agree, if there is no copay why sould you pay one? That's just silly.

    My MIL is pulling this with my BIL. He is on her insurance. Had a minor surgery which was 10k, but only had to pay a 1k deductible. MIL is charging BIL the FULL 10k! That's not right! She didn't actually pay 10k. Ugh! If only we could live on a planet all by ourselves lol
  • angiemartin78
    angiemartin78 Posts: 475 Member
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    Sounds to me like your ex is an immature d*&khead and needs to get over himself. If the agreement is that you pay half, and there is no copay, then what exactly are you paying half of??? I mean really? And if you're the one that's giving the dr office the money, then most definately you should be the one that is reimbursed. I really don't understand his logic here. I do, however, have one question...Who wears the pants in his new relationship??? It seems to me that step mom could possibly be controlling everything...

    Best of luck to you honey...And feel free to add me as a friend. We can ex-hate together LOL
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,231 Member
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    My advice.....Hire an attorney and start attending co-parenting classes.

    As a side note, text messaging is the worst way to communicate long/important conversations.

    It sounds to me that the dr's office made an error and attempted to correct it.

    The reason I say to consult an attorney is each states requirements for insurance coverage is different.

    Co-parenting classes can help you effectively communicate with your ex and may (in the long run) improve your co-parenting relationship with your ex & his new/current wife.

    Honestly, it sounds like this is all a communication issue. If you can't afford an attorney, perhaps suggest to your ex and his new/current wife to attend co-parenting classes WITH you, so you ALL can be on the same page instead of arguing amoung one another.
  • RedneckWmn
    RedneckWmn Posts: 3,202 Member
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    So he wants you to pay half the co pay even if you aren't charged a co pay? That seems crazy!! He is way overreacting if you ask me!
  • cargotrailer
    cargotrailer Posts: 62 Member
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    So your upset that he was getting $17.50 from you, per Dr visit? And you think since the co-pay is $0, your portion should be $0?

    Do you think because there is no "copay" that the insurance is free? Your husband and his wife are paying the insurance premium for your son,, and your "confronting" him over a 17$ copay????

    From the fact you were paying the copay, I wil assume that it was not in the Divorce agreement that your husband pay everything..and quite sure it wasn't in there that his new wife supplement your sons insurance,, which is why the copay went to $0.
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
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    I have a contentious relationship with my ex, too... And to be honest, unless that co-pay is $100 it is not worth the schism. They are being a-holes, but you going along with it is a small price to pay.

    If the step-mom is also insuring him she is also paying for that coverage - as is your ex. You're still getting a deal, I suspect.

    Regardless, it's not worth the argument.
  • tmiqueen
    tmiqueen Posts: 254 Member
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    Definitely take it up with your attorney, or file a claim against him. He can only make you pay what the insurance doesn't, nothing more. He can't charge you for fees he THINKS you would have been charged otherwise.

    Print out the email as evidence of what he said. It'll only kick him in the butt. What he's doing is illegal and fraudulent.
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
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    I don't have kids and I'm in the UK and don't understand this insurance stuff. I'd agree your husband sounds like he's being a bit of an *kitten* about it. Isn't it a big risk too if you can't take your son to the doctor's when he's with you?
  • HappyathomeMN
    HappyathomeMN Posts: 498 Member
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    No co-pay means no payment from you!

    He does NOT get to tell you that you can't take your child to the doctor, nor does he get to arbitrarily switch doctors. And YES, you do get a copy of the insurance card.

    Talk to the courts/attorney's about this.

    The doctor's bill the insurance companies out of courtesy to you. You can take your son to the doctor, tell them that he(ex) won't give you the insurance info and they can bill him(ex) then he can fill out the insurance paperwork and try to get them to pay - after he has to pay the doctors office anyway since he is the responsible party for the coverage. This will affect his credit rating and anything else he wants to do. See how quickly his story changes then.
  • carlylily
    carlylily Posts: 6
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    If the stepmom is providing part of his insurance, then really you are just paying the stepmom back for what she is paying per month to cover your son. Sounds like $17.50 is a fair reimbursement, especially considering how much it costs to cover dependents.

    I have 3 kids and 2 exes so I've been through my share of crap. I can't say it gets any easier but hopefully, you will get stronger. It's tough being a single parent, especially when you don't get along with your ex. Good luck.
  • PokenStick
    PokenStick Posts: 204
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    Sounds like he's just trying to get some cash back from having to pay for him on the step mom's insurance. I'd pay it and not make a mountain out of a mole hill.
  • NicolCook
    NicolCook Posts: 489 Member
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    So your upset that he was getting $17.50 from you, per Dr visit? And you think since the co-pay is $0, your portion should be $0?

    Do you think because there is no "copay" that the insurance is free? Your husband and his wife are paying the insurance premium for your son,, and your "confronting" him over a 17$ copay????

    I realize he pays for it, but I can't pay a copayment that does not exist. When I took our son to the doctor yesterday they wouldn't even let me write my check. There is no bill. I didn't ask or have we ever discussed our son being on his wife's insurance, so that shouldn't reflect on me. I don't know how I am supposed to pay a bill that doesn't exist and I'm not "paying" him to take our son to the doctor.....
  • DawnWendalynn1973
    DawnWendalynn1973 Posts: 97 Member
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    Without knowing any of your history....its not needed....I would say he is definitely being unreasonable.

    Why expect someone to pay half of a charge that doesn't exist because their insurance covers it all.

    I agree with the others, speak with an attorney and the parenting classes are probably a good idea too from the sounds of it.
  • DawnWendalynn1973
    DawnWendalynn1973 Posts: 97 Member
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    So your upset that he was getting $17.50 from you, per Dr visit? And you think since the co-pay is $0, your portion should be $0?

    Do you think because there is no "copay" that the insurance is free? Your husband and his wife are paying the insurance premium for your son,, and your "confronting" him over a 17$ copay????

    Umm....don't you think they would be paying for this insurance premium regardless of if the son was on it. Why should she have to reimburse them for premiums that they would have anyway.
  • jamie78
    jamie78 Posts: 514 Member
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    No co-pay means no payment from you!

    He does NOT get to tell you that you can't take your child to the doctor, nor does he get to arbitrarily switch doctors. And YES, you do get a copy of the insurance card.

    Talk to the courts/attorney's about this.

    The doctor's bill the insurance companies out of courtesy to you. You can take your son to the doctor, tell them that he(ex) won't give you the insurance info and they can bill him(ex) then he can fill out the insurance paperwork and try to get them to pay - after he has to pay the doctors office anyway since he is the responsible party for the coverage. This will affect his credit rating and anything else he wants to do. See how quickly his story changes then.

    Sorry but that isnt at all correct. If she takes him to the DR then it will be her credit that will be messed up. Since she is the one signing him in. Been there done that!
  • PokenStick
    PokenStick Posts: 204
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    tell them that he(ex) won't give you the insurance info and they can bill him(ex)

    I'd be extremely surprised if they would agree to that without his consent.
  • Artemis_Acorn
    Artemis_Acorn Posts: 836 Member
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    It sounds like something is really eating at your ex. That's a lot of drama over what is essentially a small amount of money.

    The real issue I see is the passive-aggressive power-struggle that is dragging the child into it. It really should be about the best interests of the child - is changing doctors to prove a point in the best interest of the child? Wow.

    In any case, you have a whopper of a misunderstanding going on here - all parties should understand the rules and play by them. It is dishonest for them to claim you owe part of a co-pay (leading you to believe that there is one) when in fact there is not.

    It is generous of step-mom to put the child on her insurance, and so ungenerous to hang it over your head.

    It is WRONG to attempt to demote you from being "Mom" - to threaten you with that as some kind of punishment when they seem to be making up arbitrary rules as they go along.

    I agree with the other advice you've been given. Attorney to sort out the 'rules' and hopefully help every 'play nice'. and parenting classes to address inappropriate behavior between the parenting group. This kind of thing will tear the poor child's heart out and teach the same child nothing about healthy adult relationships except for how to mess them up.

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