Torn... thoughts?

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XLNC1981
XLNC1981 Posts: 114 Member
in Food and Nutrition
Ok, don’t want to sound borderline obsessive here but I’ve been in calorie deficit daily for over 3 weeks without fail and I’m proud of that fact.

Me and moderation don’t mix so I’ve left out all the naughties altogether to include sweet treats and booze. The end goal is to get to my destination quicker. Stay with me...

Today we are cutting cake for my sons birthday, it’s a fresh cream cake and I’m being egged on to make an exception and indulge... only calories left for dinner too as I had made my mind up that I wouldn’t.

It’s stupid but.... do I or don’t I?

Wisdom please... (no harsh critics neither) 😳

Replies

  • apullum
    apullum Posts: 4,838 Member
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    I think there are a few things to consider here:
    - It's your son's birthday. Are you going to feel left out of the celebration if you don't eat cake? Is your son going to be upset if you don't join in? I personally do not feel that it's worth missing out on important family celebrations.
    - Do you want cake, or are other people pressuring you to eat things you don't want?
    - Are you being overly restrictive in your usual diet? You say that you want to "get to your destination quicker," which makes me worried that you might be undereating.

    It is presumably one slice of cake on one day. Going over your calories on one day is going to make zero difference in your long term progress. It would only be a problem if you don't feel that you can stop with just the amount of cake you wanted to eat, or if you let that become multiple days of going over your calories.
  • DancingMoosie
    DancingMoosie Posts: 8,613 Member
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    Can you make room in your calories for a piece? Can you eat maintenance for one day? If you know having a piece will be a trigger, then you can politely turn it down. Only you are in control of your behavior, and you know yourself best.
  • XLNC1981
    XLNC1981 Posts: 114 Member
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    Wisdom - it’s like a breath of air!! Really helps...

    I think more than anything, 1, I worry that I might want more perhaps tomorrow (as if to think the damage is done) and 2, guilt when I’m onto a good thing!

    But ultimately end goals are just that goals... and I should ease up occasionally!

    I guess I’ll decide at that moment and post back as to what I chose to do!

    Most appreciative of the shared thoughts. Really x
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
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    Life doesn't stop because you have chosen to lose weight. If you don't start learning to incorporate calorie management into you life now what are you going to do when you get to goal an you have to manage your weight for the rest of your life?

    You also can't worry about always getting it right. You will make mistakes but that is part of living life too, isn't it? If eating the cake unleashes a monster you will get it back under control and learn from the experience. No lasting harm will be done as long as you do not quit for any reason.
  • nuzziek
    nuzziek Posts: 69 Member
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    This might be an unpopular opinion, but I wouldn't have the cake. Make sure you enjoy the celebration (don't pout about missing out on the cake). It will be a good example to your son that you have a goal and a plan that you're sticking to. If you can handle a piece in moderation without falling off the train, that's another story, but for me it also made sense to completely cut out sweets and alcohol. It was so much easier losing weight totally avoiding those things. Every one is different.
  • Shortgirlrunning
    Shortgirlrunning Posts: 1,020 Member
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    You should do what you are comfortable with. Can you have just one piece and then go back to your plan without a problem? If yes, then sure have a piece guilt free and move on.

    But if there’s a good chance that one piece will turn into multiple pieces or lead you to go totally off track with your diet then skip the cake.

    Nobody will enjoy the party less if you don’t have cake. That’s an absolutely ridiculous thought. And yes, you have to do this in a way that you can do forever but that doesn’t mean that three weeks on you have to start adding back in things that are triggering for you. That’s something that’s probably better done after you’ve been at this a lot longer. So you skip cake this year because you are new at this, doesn’t mean you have to skip cake every year the rest of your life. It means you are making the choice that’s best for you where you are now.

    Personally, I would advise to not eat the cake. But again I think you just have to be really honest with yourself about how this choice will effect you.
  • lalalacroix
    lalalacroix Posts: 834 Member
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    My decision would be based solely upon the quality of the cake. If it's fresh, rich and decadent then hells yes I'm gonna eat it. If it's one of the grocery store bought, dry, overly sweet cakes then it's just not worth the calories for me.
  • DancingMoosie
    DancingMoosie Posts: 8,613 Member
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    I had a boyfriend who didn't eat sweets when cutting. At all. Even when given baked goods for his birthday. Life didn't end, the treats just didn't fit his goals and he wasn't tempted. My hubs gave up alcohol, sugar sodas(cokes), and smoking. He hangs out with friends who still smoke and drink, and his favorite restaurant has coke. He has no trouble still hanging out with his friends(not drinking or smoking) and only having a Coke zero. It's just priorities and what fits YOUR goals.
  • cupcakesandproteinshakes
    cupcakesandproteinshakes Posts: 1,092 Member
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    In your situation I would have a small slice. I’m one for moderation and flexibility and it’s just one day, one piece of cake.

    Celebrations and holidays come up all the time and we all need to work out our own way to be present at them. There’s no right or wrong way.
  • dewd2
    dewd2 Posts: 2,449 Member
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    A couple comments... First, why does everyone seem to be so hung up on hitting daily goals? Why not work to hit weekly goals? Or even monthly? Then when you go over on a day it's not such a big deal. You can make up for it over the next couple days (or longer). The weight will still come off.

    Second, I suggest you figure out your issue with food. Losing control to sweets and booze is not good. Eliminating sweets is very hard and too easy to 'fall off the wagon' (alcohol is addictive and I'm all for eliminating that if you can't moderate - sugar is not). Maybe it is time to see a professional and get the counseling you need to thrive.

    I say eat the cake. Your son only has so many special events in his life. Enjoy them all.

    Good luck.
  • nooshi713
    nooshi713 Posts: 4,877 Member
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    You could eat at maintenance making room for one piece of cake. Whatever you decide is fine though.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 32,266 Member
    edited November 2019
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    Personally, I had a rule during weight loss that I wasn't going to do anything to lose weight that I wasn't willing to do permanently in order to stay at a healthy weight, except for a sensibly moderate calorie deficit. This was in service of my goal to use the weight loss process as a learning experience, to learn how to balance calories, nutrition, tastiness, satiation, social connection, celebration, activity, etc., in a healthy, life-long way.

    Everyone does these things differently, so different rules for different folks. I'm now about to head into year 5 of maintenance, still at a healthy weight (BMI 22), so this approach worked well for me.

    As some others have suggested, one of the tools I use is "calorie banking": Eating a little less often, in order to eat more occasionally. This is almost the same as balancing by week or month, also a good approach for many, but (while losing) it tended to get me in trouble if I ate materially above goal one day, then tried to "make up for it" after. That reduction, if non-trivial, on top of my routine deficit, was likely to induce compensatory over-eating later. Not so, if I banked the calories before the event. (I get that your son's birthday is today, so advance changes aren't possible, other than maybe eating lighter in other ways today.)

    Another perspective: Look at the math, decide whether it's worth it. For example, let's say you estimate a slice of the cake at 400-600 calories (I just made that up: estimate the actual cake ;) , though I don't think that's a profound lowball estimate). Let's say your current weight loss rate target is a pound of loss per week. That implies that you're eating an estimated 500 calories daily below your maintenance calories. So, if you eat the cake, you delay reaching goal weight by something in the range of a day, plus or minus a few hours. Is that worth it, either to have the cake (tastiness-wise), or to join in your son's birthday celebration today? If so, eat the cake. If not, don't.

    The thought process for more cake tomorrow (since you mention temptation) is the same math, but I materially different context. I'm thinking I personally would vote "worth it" today, and "not worth it" tomorrow, but that's me, not you.

    If you do eat the cake, you may see a small scale jump tomorrow from extra carbs/sugar: Your body holds about 3g of water per gram of carbs above your typical amount. It's only water weight, not fat, and will drop off in a couple of days back at your usual routine, so it's not worth worrying about.

    Best wishes, and a hearty "Happy Birthday!" to your son.
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
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    Adding to what @AnnPT77 said my personal way of viewing it is an 80/20 system. I eat around 80 percent of my food with an eye on nutrition and around 20 percent for treats. This is not something I calculate it is just a mindset. I am sure there are weeks it has been 95/5 and weeks it has been 40/60 when on vacation or something.

    It is an easy way for me to live my life now and it is the plan with which I plan to use going into maintenance.
  • extra_medium
    extra_medium Posts: 1,525 Member
    edited November 2019
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    I think your overall goal should be to learn to indulge once in a while without going off the deep end. The "all or nothing" attitude only gets you in trouble in the long run. I've watched my Dad yo-yo my entire life because he can't shake that outlook.
  • apullum
    apullum Posts: 4,838 Member
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    XLNC1981 wrote: »
    Cheers Ann and to you all for your thoughts. Completely agree the ‘all or nothing’ method meets obstacles like today which have to be negotiated. Won’t be having any cake tomorrow and it’s onwards I go... learning curve in hand.

    I think that's a good approach. I'm glad you enjoyed your cake during the celebration and were able to have just the amount you wanted. You aren't obligated to eat more of it unless you want to and can fit it into your goals--otherwise, just move on as usual. Hope to see you on the maintenance board soon!

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