I'm 47 and have struggled with my weight since I was a teen, hitting highs of around 160-170 lb. (I'm 5'5") or so when I was 18 or 19, and I'm really doing some soul searching. My goal weight is around 125-130. I've been there a few times, and I always feel and look fantastic at that weight. However.... I've never been at that weight for more than a few months at a time, and it's usually taken some pretty on point calorie counting and diet adherence to get there. I feel like I've spent the last thirty years trying to achieve and maintain it. I really hate to even think this because it feels like giving up on achieving my best self ... but maybe that's just an unrealistic goal for me? With a more moderate amount of effort, I maintain in the 142-145 range, and that feels ok on me, though not as good as 130ish. More than 145 definitely starts feeling pretty bad on my body. I keep feeling like I really should be able to achieve and maintain 130 if I could just cut out the extra eating when I'm not hungry, which I've tried to do for a long time and failed at ... but maybe I should just give up? But then I worry that maybe it's striving for that lower weight which has kept me from getting even heavier than I am.... Maybe if I set my target as maintaining my current weight of 142, my brain would take that as license to eat even more...
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Why not try maintaining a slightly higher weight for say six months to a year, then see about slowly going back down if you think it's worth it? Weight cycling can be hard on the body, so that'd probably be better than losing and gaining 25 pounds over and over.
I'm only 5ft 2 and I got to 125 but it was a struggle to stay there, I'm finding its easier and natural for me to maintain 130-132, and it hasn't even meant any difference to how my clothes fit either. I also get a lot of friends and family telling me I looked to gaunt at 125.
As others have said, recomp is probably the best way forward - muscle takes up less room than fat
I agree with this completely. I'm a shade under 5'3 and got to 127 but felt like I was scraping and struggling and always hungry - vs maintaining fairly effortlessly (if I'm not a dumb *kitten*) at 130-135. It's just not worth being miserable to see a number on the scale.
I'd love to shift that maintenance range to 125 - 130, but not at the price of being crabby-hungry
If you aren't happy with what you see in the mirror, what difference does it make what the scale says?
Maybe the best option here is some kind of new goal. Something not based on the scale. Measurements? Clothing size? Not eating when you're not hungry? Logging daily? Exercise goals?
It sounds like you are frustrated and that's understandable when you constantly fail to meet a goal. But really, your weight is somewhat out of your control. One day of extra salt and the water retention can push you out of goal. There are so many variables that go into the scale on any single day. Maybe some goals that are more within your realm of control and yet still leading you where you want to go would be good positive progress.
You don't have to quit, you can change the goals and still strive for the result you seek in the mirror without making the scale part of the equation.
This is going to vary too much person-to-person. I've (almost obsessively) tracked my observed TDEE for more than two years and the quarter-to-quarter variance is never more than 2.5% (~60 calories/day for me) and that doesn't even align with winter/summer splits. My eating habits and intentional exercise are static throughout the year but I am "more active" from late spring-early fall with activities I don't count as intentional exercise; grass mowing, other yard work, golf, going for leisurely walks, and generally being out and about more visiting the zoo or amusement parks. My TDEE data shows no correlation for this excess activity (or lack thereof), and certainly not enough to account for a 5 lb gain over a season (3500 cal/lb x 5 lb / 90 days = 200 calories/day). If I gain 5 lbs of winter/holiday weight it's because I've failed to keep myself accountable with how much I'm eating. Now, if the situation is as the OP described where intentional exercise is curtailed by in winter weather, one needs to compensate for that change but I don't find it an acceptable rationalization to throw up one's hands and gain 5 lbs on account of the seasons changing.
I also sympathize with the OP struggling to achieve/maintain a lower scale weight. I have endeavored to reach ~10% body fat (to justify lean bulking with a more optimal p-ratio) for well over a year, but have struggled to get below 12% by my mode of measurement. In terms of scale weight, I would need to get to roughly 167 lbs (30M 6'1"). Unfortunately, my median weight for the year is 176.6 and my low is 173.4. However, I don't ascribe to "my body prefers" the 170s, I simply have not held myself to the level of accountability and altered my eating habits requisite to reaching that point.
It does vary from person to person. Personally I don't have much of a difference between summer and winter weight. But I know people who do. And they are still being accountable with how much they are eating. If the OP knows that she is in a healthy weight and she struggles at one level in the winter but not in the summer there is nothing wrong with allowing herself to have a higher range when she knows she will be less active and a lower range when she knows she will be more active. That's not the same as saying she should gain 20 pounds every winter. If she wants to maintain a slightly higher winter maintenance range she is not failing to keep herself accountable. She is just working with her body and her schedule and her lifestyle to maintain a healthy weight. Once you are at a healthy weight, it is all just a number anyway and there is no reason to stress over 5 pounds.
I agree with everyone who said that a recomp is the way to go.
Please know that you are amazing. Your weight and size do not dictate how fantastic you are and what you're capable of doing. Also you are not alone. Winter and the holidays can derail even the most dedicated fitness enthusiasts. You are human, and you are beautiful.
It sounds to me like you have a healthy attitude and are at a good weight for your height and lifestyle. I'm a little perturbed that you doctor is telling you what you "should" weigh (based on what?), rather than supporting your healthy lifestyle and attitude now and maintaining an appropriate weight.
Thank you for your encouragement and I like to think that about myself as well. I tend to store my excess weight in my abs and doctor says if you sit down and have folds over, then you have some pounds to lose.... My doctor is basing it on the Asian American bmi chart which is slightly different from American bmi chart.
https://aadi.joslin.org/en/am-i-at-risk/asian-bmi-calculator
I think you have made some real progress here and it’s a positive thing to focus on manageable goals.
In terms of lifting and recomp in my experience it’s a very slow process so think in terms of a couple of years of consistent resistance training to see decent results. Many people seem to expect results in 90 days or whatever. For most of us in real life it’s a lot slower.
Im 5ft 8.5 and recomped for 2 and a half years at 140 pounds. It’s only now I feel like I look remotely like I lift. I’m nit saying that to put you off, just do you don’t get frustrated after your 6 months is up and then stop.