Bigger is better ?
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rheddmobile wrote: »RunnerGirl238 wrote: »Also, curve ball: anyone who says they aren’t into looks is lying. We are mammals. 100% of us are into looks;however, the looks we are attracted to differ greatly. Bigger will be better for some and not others.
I knew a guy several years ago who was catfished by a girl in a chatroom where I was a moderator, which was devoted to a particular online game. This happened much earlier in the history of the internet when the average internet user was less sophisticated and there wasn’t even a word for cat-fishing yet. The girl stole a bunch of photos from a model’s personal page and emailed them to the guy at regular intervals claiming they were her. They chatted round the clock. He said were In love; he believed they were soulmates. Eventually things progressed to the point that he wanted to meet face to face. She freaked out and ghosted him. However, she eventually returned and agreed to a visit; he flew cross country to meet her. It turned out her reluctance to meet was due to her having severe facial and spinal deformities. He dropped into the chatroom to share the truth and explode about how he had been duped and he couldn’t believe he had been so stupid. He wanted to know if we could ban her from the service.
We didn’t hear from either one of them for a while after that. When we did hear from them again, they were married. It took him all of two days to come around and realize he understood and forgave her reasons for concealing her true appearance and that it didn’t matter to him, because she was still the person whose words he had fallen in love with.
True story. Really! Not a Lifetime movie.
Almost everyone is into looks as a first impression; however, some people are able to look beyond them, given sufficient motivation. Personally I don’t think I could ever look beyond severe facial deformities, but a lot of people with them are in relationships and married, and I don’t think it’s because they managed to find the one in a million person who is attracted to their specific condition. It’s because they found someone who is attracted to the rest of them.
So falling for someone you are attracted is not ok but falling for someone who lies to you for months and steals someone else’s personage is? Interesting.
I will say, if I am at a party speaking to a person I will probably be more interested in their conversation and intelligence. However, in order for...progression...I would most definitely have t be attracted to them.
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CanesGalactica wrote: »RunnerGirl238 wrote: »Hahahaha so not a popular opinion, huh? Why the disagreement? I’m interested. Biology usually dictates this stuff. We search for suitable partners based on really chemical and biological reactions and that is connected to what we see. Debate time: let’s go!
I will own my disagree for the sake of your curiosity.
I disagree with you because in EVERY relationship I have had, it was never once dictated by what they looked like. Their personality or humor is what drew me into their presence (sometimes to my detriment). I have not been one to be gravitated to a person's looks and maybe that's because I think so poorly of myself that physical traits don't play into my attraction factor at all.
Now do I notice things I find admirable or attractive (in general) on people on the street? Sure, but that doesn't persuade or encourage me to engage them in conversation or even give them the time of day.
I get that I might be an outlier, though. I dunno.
So you're telling me there's a chance ???1 -
Have to admit I had to have the whole package, personality and physical attraction are just as important as each other and there’s nothing wrong with that!
I’ve been out with guys that are big and small, unattractive to me but had a great chemistry with me, mr. Universe loves lookiny at himself more than me, some loud some quiet shy or confident intelligent or numb as a fish to figure out what I wanted .. you have to meet a lot of people to find your balance of perfection, don’t waste time on f you’re not sure then end it right away and move on, just be available incase the right one comes along 👍1 -
RunnerGirl238 wrote: »Hahahaha so not a popular opinion, huh? Why the disagreement? I’m interested. Biology usually dictates this stuff. We search for suitable partners based on really chemical and biological reactions and that is connected to what we see. Debate time: let’s go!
Initially, and naturally people are attracted to beautiful things, and people. I think the point people are making is that- it takes more than looks to keep someone
There’s been times where I thought someone was highly attractive until they talked.
Then there’s been times when I thought ew hell no, never... until I got to know him. All of a sudden he’s so sexy because his cute lil mannerisms, the way he walks into a room, his ambition. I think it’s possible to be blinded by love when you fall for someone.
I have boundaries and there’s physical traits I can’t look past even if I tried though.2 -
Motorsheen wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »RunnerGirl238 wrote: »Hahahaha so not a popular opinion, huh? Why the disagreement? I’m interested. Biology usually dictates this stuff. We search for suitable partners based on really chemical and biological reactions and that is connected to what we see. Debate time: let’s go!
I will own my disagree for the sake of your curiosity.
I disagree with you because in EVERY relationship I have had, it was never once dictated by what they looked like. Their personality or humor is what drew me into their presence (sometimes to my detriment). I have not been one to be gravitated to a person's looks and maybe that's because I think so poorly of myself that physical traits don't play into my attraction factor at all.
Now do I notice things I find admirable or attractive (in general) on people on the street? Sure, but that doesn't persuade or encourage me to engage them in conversation or even give them the time of day.
I get that I might be an outlier, though. I dunno.
So you're telling me there's a chance ???
I have never stated otherwise.
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I'm going to play some Devils advocate here for a second...
Is there really any difference in liking someone based on their looks and liking someone because they are funny?
I mean funny is not a virtue, nor some type of ethic... A complete jerk or smart *kitten* can be "funny" and most often are...3 -
mi_nina_lola wrote: »mi_nina_lola wrote: »in reply to OP : i've been married for 31 years to the same man who is 6'3" with a swimmer build. i've dated men before him who were super buff, heavy, skinny , shorter, taller, less handsome, more handsome, less intelligent, more intelligent!
the bottom line is though - personality, the ability to make me laugh, manners, intelligence, compassion, and a generous heart are more of a turn on to me than looks. when you get to be my age, looks are superficial. what's critical never fades imho.
*oh and he has an accent. that was the golden key - oops
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Hmmm....an accent you say....i have a tinge of a swedish accent and im also a mixture of every good/bad trait a man can have
Your accent is not Swedish. You can’t fool a Swede!
with all due respect beautiful - you are so not a swede
Actually I’m half Swedish. My mom is from Goteborg, I have been to Sweden, and I just spoke to my cousin today so I know the Swedish accent.
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mi_nina_lola wrote: »mi_nina_lola wrote: »in reply to OP : i've been married for 31 years to the same man who is 6'3" with a swimmer build. i've dated men before him who were super buff, heavy, skinny , shorter, taller, less handsome, more handsome, less intelligent, more intelligent!
the bottom line is though - personality, the ability to make me laugh, manners, intelligence, compassion, and a generous heart are more of a turn on to me than looks. when you get to be my age, looks are superficial. what's critical never fades imho.
*oh and he has an accent. that was the golden key - oops *
Hmmm....an accent you say....i have a tinge of a swedish accent and im also a mixture of every good/bad trait a man can have
Your accent is not Swedish. You can’t fool a Swede!
with all due respect beautiful - you are so not a swede
Actually I’m half Swedish. My mom is from Goteborg, I have been to Sweden, and I just spoke to my cousin today so I know the Swedish accent.
Her comment confused me. I don’t understand why she said that.1 -
mi_nina_lola wrote: »mi_nina_lola wrote: »in reply to OP : i've been married for 31 years to the same man who is 6'3" with a swimmer build. i've dated men before him who were super buff, heavy, skinny , shorter, taller, less handsome, more handsome, less intelligent, more intelligent!
the bottom line is though - personality, the ability to make me laugh, manners, intelligence, compassion, and a generous heart are more of a turn on to me than looks. when you get to be my age, looks are superficial. what's critical never fades imho.
*oh and he has an accent. that was the golden key - oops *
Hmmm....an accent you say....i have a tinge of a swedish accent and im also a mixture of every good/bad trait a man can have
Your accent is not Swedish. You can’t fool a Swede!
with all due respect beautiful - you are so not a swede
Actually I’m half Swedish. My mom is from Goteborg, I have been to Sweden, and I just spoke to my cousin today so I know the Swedish accent.
i never would have guessed it ! my apologies for thinking otherwise
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mi_nina_lola wrote: »mi_nina_lola wrote: »mi_nina_lola wrote: »in reply to OP : i've been married for 31 years to the same man who is 6'3" with a swimmer build. i've dated men before him who were super buff, heavy, skinny , shorter, taller, less handsome, more handsome, less intelligent, more intelligent!
the bottom line is though - personality, the ability to make me laugh, manners, intelligence, compassion, and a generous heart are more of a turn on to me than looks. when you get to be my age, looks are superficial. what's critical never fades imho.
*oh and he has an accent. that was the golden key - oops *
Hmmm....an accent you say....i have a tinge of a swedish accent and im also a mixture of every good/bad trait a man can have
Your accent is not Swedish. You can’t fool a Swede!
with all due respect beautiful - you are so not a swede
Actually I’m half Swedish. My mom is from Goteborg, I have been to Sweden, and I just spoke to my cousin today so I know the Swedish accent.
i never would have guessed it ! my apologies for thinking otherwise
No problem. My other half confuses people. But, I represent both sides!
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RunnerGirl238 wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »RunnerGirl238 wrote: »Also, curve ball: anyone who says they aren’t into looks is lying. We are mammals. 100% of us are into looks;however, the looks we are attracted to differ greatly. Bigger will be better for some and not others.
I knew a guy several years ago who was catfished by a girl in a chatroom where I was a moderator, which was devoted to a particular online game. This happened much earlier in the history of the internet when the average internet user was less sophisticated and there wasn’t even a word for cat-fishing yet. The girl stole a bunch of photos from a model’s personal page and emailed them to the guy at regular intervals claiming they were her. They chatted round the clock. He said were In love; he believed they were soulmates. Eventually things progressed to the point that he wanted to meet face to face. She freaked out and ghosted him. However, she eventually returned and agreed to a visit; he flew cross country to meet her. It turned out her reluctance to meet was due to her having severe facial and spinal deformities. He dropped into the chatroom to share the truth and explode about how he had been duped and he couldn’t believe he had been so stupid. He wanted to know if we could ban her from the service.
We didn’t hear from either one of them for a while after that. When we did hear from them again, they were married. It took him all of two days to come around and realize he understood and forgave her reasons for concealing her true appearance and that it didn’t matter to him, because she was still the person whose words he had fallen in love with.
True story. Really! Not a Lifetime movie.
Almost everyone is into looks as a first impression; however, some people are able to look beyond them, given sufficient motivation. Personally I don’t think I could ever look beyond severe facial deformities, but a lot of people with them are in relationships and married, and I don’t think it’s because they managed to find the one in a million person who is attracted to their specific condition. It’s because they found someone who is attracted to the rest of them.
So falling for someone you are attracted is not ok but falling for someone who lies to you for months and steals someone else’s personage is? Interesting.
I will say, if I am at a party speaking to a person I will probably be more interested in their conversation and intelligence. However, in order for...progression...I would most definitely have t be attracted to them.
I’m relating a story about people being attracted to others despite a lack of physical attraction, to rebut your specific point about all people who say they aren’t into looks being liars. It happens to be a true story, and as a true story it doesn’t have a moral, it’s just a thing that happened. It’s not my business to say whether or not it’s “okay” for someone to fall for someone else.1 -
DarrenGreens10 wrote: »Good
Good reply’s I’m not trolling and I don’t discuss the gym most bodybuilders have no personality I’m much more imaginative and have many interest I never discuss gym doesn’t excite me I love lifting heavy and as a result from lifting I gained some muscle big deal.
My hands are big and extremely wide thick my fingers etc. when I shake hands people comment on it
But
my point is I’ve tried and tried chatting with women doing most the conversation as some just again are very bland in reply’s no excitement however some have clicked but from what I notice just actually being a bigger guy seems somewhat of a turn of even if your personality is amazing or whatever
main sites are tinder pof so probably why it hadn’t worked out the best lol
It seems to me, next time you know a relationship isn’t working out, ask the woman why. Ask whether she finds you too big and whether it bothers her. Maybe you won’t get any insights, but once everything is headed downhill, what have you got to lose? Just be polite in the way you ask, so she doesn’t think you’re demanding something from her.1 -
While there has been a lot of thoughtful and insightful responses to this quesfion.....i still think its an easy call. If you are talking with someone and they dont find themselves attracted to you, either you arent that interesting, or they arent. Being big to me is no big deal, just like being small is no big deal, being a minority is no big deal, being rich or poor is no big deal etc......but there are always going to be people that judge on the superficial. Hell, i do it myself sometimes. But after the initial judgement if nothing changes about that person good or bad after learning more about them, then its all about them as a person. I actually used to look at bodybuilder types as lazy. Having spent the majority of my life in a gym training for a sport i thought anybody who trains just for aesthetics and not for skills was a goof. After becoming fiends with some bodybuilders, and more so power lifters, i changed my mind. Im not a female, but i promise you, if someone can change my mind then thats a big deal.5
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Agreed^ also, we all have a thing that is particular to us. I see talk of “mannerisms” and other superficial qualities- which, suffice it to say, are superficial even if we want to say they aren’t. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel attracted and attractive to someone. However, it is the big stuff- intelligence, compassion, kindness to waiters and service people, humor, confidence...BUT that is still something one is ATTRACTED TO, thus attraction is important. The inner connection transforms that outer and that outer shell then appears like the hot stuff for you.
And that is ok.3 -
I've found that there have been people who, at first glance, I thought were jaw-droppingly gorgeous became very unattractive to me once an unsavoury personality was revealed.
It hasn't worked for me in reverse, though. I've never met someone where there was zero initial physical attraction who went to "hot" once I got to know how wonderful they were. They went to "I'd really like to be friends with you" but never "I want to jump your bones".2 -
Thing is I’ve really tried like I’ve text someone and just felt like I had to do all the work like for example
I see you’ve had your haircut looks beautiful how’s your day been nothing sexual nothing about me and the reply’s very bland thanks it’s been ok.
That type of reply just no sunshine very dull cloudy response almost depressing to even chat to no hey great thank you oh I’m glad you like it would love your hands through it how has your day been ?
you know something simple like this^. but I get the same reply’s 80 of the time even if I had some cheekiness banter in
Is this our generation or what is going on do they expect some guy like famous actor footballer when they work in McDonald’s.
no harm working in McDonald’s but act like that don’t expect a man with money to buy you of your feet you know...0 -
DarrenGreens10 wrote: »Thing is I’ve really tried like I’ve text someone and just felt like I had to do all the work like for example
I see you’ve had your haircut looks beautiful how’s your day been nothing sexual nothing about me and the reply’s very bland thanks it’s been ok.
That type of reply just no sunshine very dull cloudy response almost depressing to even chat to no hey great thank you oh I’m glad you like it would love your hands through it how has your day been ?
you know something simple like this^. but I get the same reply’s 80 of the time even if I had some cheekiness banter in
Is this our generation or what is going on do they expect some guy like famous actor footballer when they work in McDonald’s.
no harm working in McDonald’s but act like that don’t expect a man with money to buy you of your feet you know...
Maybe they're just not into you?
That's how I act half the time if people keep messaging me and I'm not into them. It gets tiring to reply to endless messages and seem "kind" all the time. But people also get pissed off if you say no thanks these days too.4 -
mi_nina_lola wrote: »in reply to OP : i've been married for 31 years to the same man who is 6'3" with a swimmer build. i've dated men before him who were super buff, heavy, skinny , shorter, taller, less handsome, more handsome, less intelligent, more intelligent!
the bottom line is though - personality, the ability to make me laugh, manners, intelligence, compassion, and a generous heart are more of a turn on to me than looks. when you get to be my age, looks are superficial. what's critical never fades imho.
*oh and he has an accent. that was the golden key - oops *
Thank you! what she said......find a girl that thinks like her and you'll be set for more than 30 years!! Just live, be honest, be compassionate and make people feel comfortable around you. That would be a good start.0 -
IDK, I'm a short dude. 5'5.5 , we count that partial inches when we are short.
I don't think I've been turned down by a woman for being short. I typically am not attracted to women taller than me, though I did take a girl that was 5'11 to prom back in my high school days. It's probably more about how you carry yourself than how big you are. I'm short but I have broad shoulders and big hands, arms and a wide back. I've had a few women say that me being short wasn't a problem because I'm confident, definitely built like a man (outside of height), and I'm not putting off a beta-male vibe. It's key to balance being manly and not be a total *kitten* and not be a wussy.
Plus my wife likes being able steal my clothes even though they are big on her at least lengthwise they are wearable.
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